Qiu Su's eyelashes trembled, and she simply closed her eyes. Some things won't stop happening just because you don't face them. Strangely, when they did happen, she didn't feel the heart-wrenching pain she had expected. Could it be that her feelings for him weren't actually that intense? For the first time, Qiu Su began to doubt her own heart.
"Susu, she might not live much longer. At first, I thought that letting her live in the Pei family and giving her conditions that others couldn't enjoy was doing her a favor. But it seems I also gave her something she shouldn't have. Xiaoqing said that I raised her for five years, but treated her coldly and inconsistently for those five years. It wasn't doing her a favor; it was torturing her. I made that clear to her before, but since then, her health seems to be deteriorating day by day. A few days ago, I asked her about her wish, and she said that she would be satisfied if she could spend a few days with me properly. I..."
Qiu Su frowned and moved away. "I know, do whatever you want."
"You're still angry." Pei Yuan smiled and leaned closer again. "You should know my heart."
"I don't know!" Qiu Su shook off Pei Yuan's arm that was clinging to her, sat up with her back to him, swallowed the words that were about to rush to her throat, and smiled self-deprecatingly, "How would I know other people's hearts? Zhu Yuan is a good girl, and she has spent so much time with you. If you want to, it would be perfectly reasonable for you to give her an explanation."
Are you angry?
"No." Qiu Su put on her shoes, put on her cotton cloak, and got out of bed. She turned around and smiled, "Why would I be angry? This is a good thing. Which powerful family doesn't have three wives and four concubines? I thought you were too busy to handle anything, but I didn't expect you to still have time to think about love affairs. It seems you're living a pretty good life."
"Is that what you think?" Pei Yuan frowned.
“Yes.” Qiu Su tightened her cloak. “You’re going to be the emperor someday, right? Three palaces, six courtyards, and seventy-two concubines—sooner or later, there will be a harem waiting for your favor. Why should I hold you back now? Besides, we’re mutually attracted. Oh, what title do you plan to give her? Consort Li? Consort Xian? Or Empress?”
Pei Yuan frowned, and even his lips were pressed tightly into a line.
"Don't worry, I will give birth to the child you want. Of course, if he doesn't live to be born, there's nothing I can do." Qiu Su lowered her head and patted her belly, then chuckled twice and said, "He is indeed noble. Will you make him the crown prince?"
Pei Yuan's temple twitched. He pursed his lips, closed his eyes briefly, raised his hand to rub his forehead, and let out a long breath before calming his tone and asking, "When did you come up with this idea?"
"When?" Qiu Su looked around blankly. Falling in love first meant certain defeat. When she made excuses to follow him back to the capital, she wasn't just gambling with his heart, she was gambling with her life.
How could she not come? Zhou Tong was one of her father's men; perhaps he had planned it from the moment Pei Yuan came up the mountain, ensuring she would have a son and grandson, and then naturally raise an army. He Xu was also one of her father's men; he not only didn't stop her but also helped plan the wedding. They might all be doing it for her own good, but she knew that deep down, clearing the Ji family's name was the most important thing to them. She carried this heavy responsibility on her shoulders simply because she was a descendant of the Ji family.
She was afraid! Even though she had been pampered since childhood, she was still afraid! She had heard about the Ji family in the city when she was very young. No one told her that she was a descendant of the Ji family, but when she was a mischievous child, she played hide-and-seek with He Zhuo and sneaked into He Xu's room. In a corner of the closet, in a plain, coarse cloth bundle, she found a letter written in blood on a piece of brocade. The blood had congealed into a dark purple color, but she could smell a strong stench of blood. For some reason, even though she was so young and had never seen anything like it before, a scene of slaughter appeared in her mind. Blood was everywhere, flowing down the ditches and filling the entire courtyard. She seemed to be soaking in a pool of blood, and even her vision was red.
That day, she hid in the closet and cried for a long time. When He Zhuo came into the room to look for her, she didn't dare to make a sound. She didn't come out until everyone who was looking for her had gone to the back mountain. She carefully put the things in the closet back in place and ran down the mountain. She ran too fast and fell, rolling down the mountain path. She was bedridden for half a year after that fracture, and her personality became tough on the outside but weak on the inside.
If she weren't a descendant of the Ji family, would he still have married her? Perhaps she would have died at his hands on their very first night. These were questions she had considered long ago, but she had deliberately postponed thinking about them until now. This thought was like a thorn, already planted in her heart, and once it surfaced, it made her tremble all over.
Qiu Su looked at the flickering candlelight, then blankly lifted her foot to walk out, but Pei Yuan grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"How could you have such thoughts?" Pei Yuan's gaze was too complicated, and Qiu Su looked away as soon as they met. She didn't want to delve into his feelings. If they were true, that would be best; if they were false, how many hearts could she bear to be hurt? She guessed that at most, it was only half true and half false.
Qiu Su brushed Pei Yuan's hand away, blinked and tried her best to calm down, then curled the corners of her lips and said, "I have something to discuss with Huang Tao."
"What do you take us for?" Pei Yuan persisted, grabbing her hand again.
"What do you see in our marriage?" Pei Yuan took her hand and touched her swollen belly. "We have our child here. What do you see him as? A pawn? He's my son!"
Qiu Su narrowed her eyes, looked at Pei Yuan and smiled, "What if I'm carrying a daughter? If you can't find a man from the Ji family, do you need me to go to the battlefield and raise an army?"
Pei Yuan tightened his grip on her arm, but did not object.
"What if I don't agree to let you marry Zhu Yuan?"
Pei Yuan opened his mouth, but Qiu Su covered it with her hand.
"Don't even mention agreeing to me, you won't agree. She's so beautiful, and she's about to die. If I don't agree, it seems like it would be against all reason." Qiu Su smiled alluringly. "Besides, maybe if you marry her, her illness will be cured, hehe."
"Susu?!"
"No." Qiu Su looked at his hand gripping her arm. "I'm petty, really. I'm not good at dealing with people, and I don't know how to think of others. I don't know how you got my mother-in-law to accept me, but I'm doing well in the Pei family, thank you. I was just hoping that if you really were... but you're not. Third Prince, are you willing to give up that throne?"
"Don't feel like you owe me anything, you don't. The Ji family has many sons and daughters for generations, often going through several generations without producing a single daughter. Once a daughter is born, she will inevitably enter the palace as a concubine. It's what I deserve, this is what I'm supposed to suffer."
"Qiu Su!" Pei Yuan glared at her and shouted angrily, "What have you been thinking?"
Qiu Su shook her head. "I don't know, I don't know either. I'll feel better if you let me tell you. Actually, I'm quite stingy. Magistrate Qin took so much silver from me, and I'm still planning to get it back sometime. I'm not as noble as you think. If I'm like this with silver, what about people? Sigh, I don't even know what I'm thinking. In the future, you should spend more time with Zhu Yuan. You don't need to hide it from me."
"I……"
Qiu Su shook her head, closed her eyes for a moment, and then took Pei Yuan's hand and threw herself into his arms. Pei Yuan was overjoyed, but the next moment he felt the person in his arms slip down. Pei Yuan hurriedly picked her up and urgently asked Huang Tao to call Qi Xiu over.
Qiu Su was fine, she just suddenly felt a little dizzy, and then, in a fit of excitement, her mind went blank and she collapsed. Now, as someone carried her to bed, she was still somewhat conscious and tried to tell the person next to her to be quiet, but she couldn't utter a word.
Pei Yuan's eyes were red, not just from worry, but mostly from anger. He looked at the pale-lipped woman on the bed, unable to scold or hit her. He hadn't told her anything, precisely because he didn't want her to overthink things and harm her health. Unexpectedly, his silence only fueled her wilder imaginations. Did she think she was the sun or the moon? Did the world stop turning without someone named Qiu Su? She really thought too highly of herself.
Pei Yuan clenched his fist and gestured twice to the side of her head, but was interrupted by Huang Tao's sharp voice.
"Young master, what are you trying to do? Miss has fainted and you're still hitting her!"
Huang Tao pushed Pei Yuan, who was squatting at the head of the bed, away and said with her eyes half-closed, "Although this isn't Qingfeng Village, we can't let people bully us like this. That flower lantern comes and angers Miss every time, and you even hit her. If you don't like it, I'll take Miss back to Pingcheng."
Pei Yuan angrily pushed Huang Tao away, "What are you yelling about! Let her rest!"
"Hmph, they won't even let her speak. Let me tell you, from now on, keep our young lady away from that lantern. If she talks nonsense again, I'm a former bandit, and if I scratch her face, don't blame me for being too lenient!"
Pei Yuan frowned. "Lu Qing? What did she say?"
"Go ask her!" Huang Tao pushed Pei Yuan aside and took over the headboard, then turned to Qi Xiu, who was stroking his beard and not in a hurry at all, and said, "You'd better hurry up, Miss isn't alone."
Qi Xiu carefully felt Qiu Su's pulse, glancing at Pei Yuan who was staring at her. He then put Qiu Su's hand under the covers and got up with a smile.
"How is it?"
"Heartache, haha, heartache. Son-in-law, please coax her well and don't upset the pregnant woman. She's already six months pregnant, how can you possibly hold a grudge against her and her baby?"
He wanted to live a good life, but how could he know that she had so many uncertainties and so little sense of security? But then again, he didn't seem to have done many things that made her feel completely at ease.
Pei Yuan looked at Huang Tao with slight displeasure, coughed, and said, "What, aren't you leaving yet?"
"I need to keep an eye on Miss, so you don't make me angry again."
Pei Yuan looked unwell, very unwell. Qi Xiu coughed dramatically, then winked at Huang Tao, pointing outside and saying, "Huang Tao, come with me to brew the medicine."
"The young lady said she tries to avoid taking medicine whenever possible."
"Huh? You little rascal! Are you the doctor or am I the doctor?"
"I'm not a doll... Hey, what are you doing?" Huang Tao backed away, slapping Pei Yuan's hand that was grabbing her collar, and said angrily, "The young master just bullies our young lady. He doesn't come home during the day and comes back late at night! He must be out partying! And he's got so many romantic entanglements. How could our young lady have fallen for you? What's so great about the prime minister's son? He's only higher than ordinary people because of his family's influence. There was even a prince who pursued our young lady!"
Pei Yuan opened the door, then paused in his act of throwing people out. "Which prince?"
"Anyway, she's a big shot!" Huang Tao stood up, leaning against the door, tiptoeing to reduce the pressure of the collar on her neck, and coughed a few times, saying, "My young lady, cough cough, is a beauty in Pingcheng."
"Hmph, that's the truth!" Pei Yuan threw her into the yard without any politeness, leaned against the door with his arms crossed, watched her get up, and snorted, "Speaking of being bullied, what are you doing as a lackey? You don't even know how to stand up for your master when he's being bullied. Huang Tao, it's a shame that Su Su praised you for being smart."
“You said it yourself!” Huang Tao narrowed her eyes. “Don’t say I don’t know the rules.”
Pei Yuan curled the corners of his lips, stepped aside to let Qi Xiu out, kicked the door shut, and went into the inner room.
Qiu Su had been awake for a while, but kept her eyes closed and didn't say anything. Pei Yuan sat quietly for a while, made an extremely ugly face at Qiu Su, left a candle, and then climbed back into bed and hugged her to sleep.
Author's Note: Let me catch my breath. Everyone's celebrating tomorrow, so... um, no updates for now!