J'ai passé mon bras autour de la taille fine de l'homme fort

Chapitre 110

I slightly turned my head, indicating my avoidance of the question. Her gaze, however, followed me indifferently, with an unusual calmness that seemed detached from the situation. She uttered a single word: "Pain."

In my silence, she turned to look up with that forced smile and continued, “This is all the feeling my marriage with Li Wei has given me… You all say that this will make my life complete, but what I feel is a pain even deeper than cutting my wrists or limbs…” As she said this, she looked back at me and whispered, “Huaiji, I am incomplete now.”

I could no longer hold back, and two tears welled up in my eyes. I knelt down in front of her bed. All the hard shell of reason and etiquette that had been maintained for more than twenty years was shattered by her words. I completely collapsed, unable to hide anything anymore, and burst into tears, letting my fragile heart, which had been wrapped up in layers, be completely exposed to her eyes.

Even as a child, I had never shed so many tears, no matter the oppression and bullying I suffered. But at this moment, the tears flowed like a burst dam; I couldn't control them, nor did I want to. I simply let these warm liquids wash away my shame and release my pain with my sobs. ^^

I bowed my head and wept, unable to see the princess's expression at that moment. She remained silent, neither crying nor offering any words of comfort. After a while, she sat up, leaned over me, and embraced me with her arms, pressing her cheek against my forehead like a mother embracing her child.

Maintaining this gentle posture, she whispered, "It's all in the past, we're still together."

xxx

I compromised with myself and stopped thinking about how to leave her, even though I knew it was inevitable and would happen sooner or later.

We remained the same as before. When she painted bamboo in ink, I would offer my critique; when she played the harp, I would test the sound with my flute; when it rained, I would hold an umbrella for her; when it was windy, I would drape a coat over her shoulders… It seemed that nothing had changed. However, we both consciously avoided spending time together at night, carefully avoided physical contact, and refrained from mentioning the painful memories that had happened between us, fearing that those memories would be like unhealed wounds, bleeding at the slightest touch.

The day after the princess and her consort consummated their marriage, it is said that the Empress Dowager was overjoyed and prepared to go to the palace to report the good news to the Emperor and Empress. However, Li Wei flew into a rage and vehemently opposed his mother informing anyone in the palace. Lady Yang had never seen him so angry before, and was taken aback by his outburst, so she did not report the matter. Later, she tried to subtly persuade the princess to accept her husband again, but the princess remained cold and indifferent. Lady Yang had no choice but to return dejectedly. She probably paid extra attention to the princess and me afterward, and seeing that we were able to maintain proper decorum, she did not cause further trouble. She only brought up the matter of taking a concubine again, urging the prince consort to take Yun Guo'er as his wife. Li Wei complied and quickly took Yun Guo'er into his household. After taking a concubine, Li Wei lived a normal life except for occasionally sleeping with Yun Guo'er. He continued to devote himself to studying calligraphy and painting. Although Yun Guo'er lived a life of luxury with servants, she showed little joy as a newlywed. However, she remained respectful to the princess and served her mistress with the utmost courtesy. The people in the princess's residence maintained a calm facade on the surface, but each of them was preoccupied with their own worries as they continued to live there for the time being.

In November, Jiaqingzi married Cui Bai as scheduled. Before leaving the princess's residence, Jiaqingzi knelt before the princess, weeping bitterly. The princess comforted her with a smile: "Don't make this a joyous occasion like a farewell. You can still come back to see me often after you get married; it's not like we'll never see each other again."

The other maids also tried to comfort her, and it took a while before Jiaqingzi stopped crying. The princess had someone touch up Jiaqingzi's makeup, then took her hand and looked at it carefully from left to right. After thinking for a moment, she moved her left hand to her right wrist and pushed a white jade bracelet that she had worn for many years onto Jiaqingzi's wrist along the hands they were holding.

Jiaqingzi was startled and declined repeatedly, eager to return the jade bracelet to the princess. The princess held her hand and said, "The dowry I gave you was all prepared by others. I've been thinking of giving you a gift, but I can't find anything good. I've worn this bracelet for several years, so if you take it with you, it will feel like I'm still by your side."

Jiaqingzi accepted the gift and bowed in gratitude again with tears in her eyes. The princess took her hand in hers, examined her carefully for a long time, and finally sighed with emotion: "Speaking of which, almost none of the women around me from childhood to adulthood have lived happily. But you have married a good husband, so you will be different from us... There is no need for polite words. As long as you and Cui Bai live a good life together, that is enough to thank me."

As the auspicious hour approached, Jiaqingzi had to leave. She bid farewell to the princess one last time and walked out step by step. The princess couldn't help but rise and walk to the courtyard to see her off. Just as Jiaqingzi was about to leave the palace, the princess suddenly called out to her again.

Jiaqingzi stopped and turned back to inquire, "Princess?"

The princess's warm gaze swept over the eyes and brows of the maid who had served her for many years. She smiled and gently gave her final words of advice: "You must be happy."

After Jiaqingzi left, she turned back to her room, and the tears she had been holding back for so long immediately spilled out, sliding down behind the bride's back where she couldn't see them.

xxx

After Jiaqingzi got married, the princess seemed even more lonely and became more and more dependent on me. She needed me to be by her side all the time. Even if I left for a moment, her eyes would follow me, and her face would be filled with a sense of loss.

During the day, I tried my best to stay by her side, granting all her requests and making sure she wasn't unhappy because of me. I cherished every moment we spent together, because I knew that this seemingly peaceful time was like a glass cup, which could be shattered at any moment, especially after I met Sima Guang.

I had originally thought that the day after we met, he would ask the Emperor to order me to be expelled from the Princess's residence and exiled to some remote and desolate place. Yet, I still enjoyed a month of peace, which I find quite surprising in retrospect. However, I soon learned the reason behind it.

This month, the princess took me to the palace. When we paid our respects to the emperor in the Funing Hall, the emperor carefully considered his words and mentioned to the princess that he was planning to transfer me back to the palace: "The eunuch in charge of the Tianzhang Pavilion is getting old and is applying for retirement. I think the eunuchs in the front and back provinces are either too busy with multiple positions to be transferred, or they are too incompetent to be in charge of managing imperial documents. After thinking it over, Huaiji seems to be a suitable candidate..."

As soon as he mentioned this, the princess opened her eyes wide and asked directly, "Father, do you want to transfer Huaiji away from your side?"

The emperor was quite embarrassed and hesitated before saying, "That's not the case... It's just that we can't find a suitable person..."

"If Father can't find one, then let your daughter find one," the princess said immediately. "I know a few eunuchs who are both literate and have plenty of free time. I can make a list for Father to choose from."

The Emperor remained silent for a long time. Seeing this, the Empress sighed and spoke frankly to the Princess: "Huirou, things have come to this point, we will no longer hide anything from you. A month ago, Sima Guang, the Assistant Censor, learned of Huaiji's return and submitted a memorial requesting your father not to reverse his previous order to demote him. Your father ignored it, so he, along with Yang Tian, Gong Dingchen, and other officials, successively submitted memorials requesting Huaiji's demotion. Your father has remained silent, and yesterday Sima Guang submitted another memorial, this time with particularly strong wording, and he even mentioned you..."

The Empress paused, then turned to look at the Emperor, her eyes seeking instructions. The Emperor understood her meaning, so he summoned Ren Shouzhong and whispered a few words of instruction. Ren Shouzhong then went to the desk, took out a saw, and then came over and gave the saw to the princess.

The princess unfolded the scroll and glanced at it, her anger rising. She threw the scroll to the ground and said indignantly, "This Sima Guang is so rude and arrogant, yet Father doesn't punish him?"

The emperor and empress exchanged a glance but remained silent. I picked up the scroll, first unfolded it to confirm Sima Guang's signature, and then read through the text from beginning to end.

Sima Guang begins by recounting the matters previously raised that were not accepted, then directly targets the princess and the current emperor: "I have heard that a father who loves his son teaches him righteousness and does not allow him to stray into evil. The princess was born in the deep palace and is still young. She has not received the strict guidance of a wet nurse and does not know the principles of right and wrong. I suggest that Your Majesty guide her with virtue and restrain her with propriety. Select virtuous and prudent elders to serve by your side and teach her day and night, guiding her towards good ways. If she takes advantage of Your Majesty's favor and makes unreasonable demands, you should restrain her and not grant her every request. Only then will the way of loving-kindness be fully realized."

He directly criticized the princess for being arrogant, willful, and unreasonable, while also subtly criticizing the current emperor for his poor upbringing and excessive indulgence of his daughter. Later, he brought up my previous demotion, using even harsher language, saying that my "crimes were numerous and deserved severe punishment." He further stated, "Your Majesty pardoned me and banished me to a distant land. The discussions among people, both inside and outside the capital, had just subsided when, after only a few months, you have ordered my recall. The roads are filled with noise and the gossip is frightening; this is hardly the way to cultivate the princess's dignified bearing or to demonstrate Your Majesty's righteous teachings."

At the end of his memorial, he reiterated his attitude and demands: "Your Majesty, I am truly indignant and regretful. I humbly beseech Your Majesty to consider my foolish loyalty and to stop the previous order, so that the people will not point fingers and think it is an overreaction that would damage Your Majesty's virtue. This is no small matter."

The Lonely City (The Princess Who Fell in Love with a Eunuch) Long smoke and setting sun, the lonely city, lingering affection

Chapter word count: 2807 Update time: 09-07-05 10:43

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(2651 words)

I returned the scabbard to Ren Shouzhong, then stood up, straightened my clothes, and silently thanked the Emperor. If Sima Guang had been in charge, I should probably have been executed by slow slicing. However, the Emperor did not heed the censors' request and instead promoted me to the position of an official in the Tianzhang Pavilion. This was a great favor he bestowed upon me out of affection for Sima Guang, although his purpose in doing so was also to separate me from the princess.

The princess hurried over, stopping me from expressing my gratitude. "No!" she frowned and shook her head, clearly interpreting my thanks to the Emperor as acceptance of his arrangements. Turning to her father, she said, "These officials never attend to important matters, only focusing on the women of the palace, gossiping about such trivial things. It's utterly boring. Father, don't pay them any attention. Let them chatter for a few days, and once they get bored, this matter will pass. If you give in to them this time, they'll become even more arrogant, and who knows what trivial matters they'll use to bother you next time!"

The Emperor shook his head and said, “I originally intended to ignore them and wait for them to back down on their own, but they have become more and more aggressive and are pressing us harder and harder… Because Huaiji is a court official and you are the Emperor’s daughter, your status is extraordinary. The officials have cited various reasons from our ancestral family laws for preventing eunuchs from interfering in our affairs to persuade me not to let you continue to associate with each other…”

The princess sneered upon hearing this: "There are so many eunuchs in the palace, and they all serve the special family members. Are they all going to invoke ancestral laws to expel all the eunuchs from the palace?"

The Emperor sighed heavily: "Although there are many eunuchs in the palace, none of them have caused as much controversy as you!"

The princess was startled, turned to look at me, her cheeks flushed slightly, and silently lowered her eyes.

The Empress, observing this, slowly approached, took the princess's hand, and led her to sit beside her. She then spoke gently, saying, "The officials who previously offered advice may not actually want Huaiji dead. However, seeing him return to the princess's residence and resume his duties, they feel particularly indignant that their previous remonstrances were ignored, and that His Majesty still favors you and acts according to your wishes. They fear that if this precedent is set, His Majesty will find it difficult to accept honest advice in the future, and the eunuchs will become increasingly arrogant, leading to even greater trouble. Therefore, they are determined to separate you this time. If His Majesty doesn't give them an explanation, they will certainly pursue the matter relentlessly. Now, your father has come up with this method, allowing Huaiji to return to the palace and work in the library. This shows acceptance of the officials' opinions while also protecting Huaiji's safety—a win-win situation..."

“But how is that any different from exiling Huaiji to Xijing?” the princess interrupted the queen, saying, “He has left me and no longer works in the palace, so we can never see each other again… No matter how many cities or how many walls separate us, the result is the same—I will never see him again!”

The Empress remained silent, while the Emperor pondered for a moment, then offered words of comfort: "You may not be unable to meet again. You might have a chance to see him when you return to the palace, or perhaps during the New Year celebrations..."

"During the New Year celebrations, across thousands of mountains and rivers, amidst crowds of people, can we only exchange a distant glance?" The princess immediately retorted, coldly wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye. She gazed at her father and said, "Even if the censors didn't force me, Father, you must have wanted to separate me from Huaiji. This gradual estrangement, as you envisioned, is a strategy you decided to adopt after careful consideration."

The Emperor was furious. He swept the cups and goblets off the table and rebuked the princess, saying, "For the sake of a mere court official, you have disregarded your status and repeatedly acted inappropriately, completely forgetting your parents' situation, your husband's dignity, the reputation of the imperial clan, and your own honor! Sima Guang criticized you for 'not being strict with your tutor and not understanding the principles of gain and loss,' and now it seems he was absolutely right! The whole world is waiting to hear your scandal and laugh at you, yet you still show no remorse, no sense of propriety, and stubbornly defy public opinion. You are so ignorant of the ways of the world, you have truly failed the virtuous teachings you received from childhood!"

Even after hearing this, the Emperor's anger did not subside. He raised his arm and pointed directly at me, then said to the princess, "Look at the person you are so willing to defy the world to protect. He is just a court official, a eunuch, a man who cannot be called a man! Your husband loves and respects you so much, yet you disdain him and are so attached to this person. Don't you find it ridiculous?"