Ouyang Xiao sat quietly behind her, his presence so strong that she felt it was hard to breathe. She didn't understand Ouyang Xiao's intentions; she had never really known him, and now all she felt was bewilderment and helplessness.
After a moment of silence, Ouyang Xiao took a beautiful notebook from his pocket and handed it to Song Jing. He hadn't looked directly at Song Jing; the distant green mountains, the old trees, the distance… in short, those distant things were more attractive than the person in front of him. He dared not admit that he was nervous and afraid. But what was he afraid of? Song Jing would absolutely not refuse him; he had always known that. Where did his confidence come from? Shen Jichu had once questioned him: "Why do you let Song Jing do this? Make her sad, worried, and heartbroken?" He replied, "There's no reason. To be together, you have to pay a price." He had already decided that they would give up the present for a future.
"What's this?"
“The guestbook.” Ouyang Xiao finally turned to look at her, but his eyes were unfocused. He explained softly, “Shuangping already told you, right?”
Song Jing opened the notebook. It was a brand new notebook, without a single word written on it. She held the notebook; it was light, yet it felt heavy, carrying too much weight. Many words swirled in her mind, but when they reached her lips, only the question remained: "Why am I all alone?"
"I'll have someone else write it later."
"oh."
"Write down the address and stuff more clearly. Oh, and..." Ouyang Xiao tore a page from the notebook and quickly wrote down a few lines. "Here! This is my home address. Also, we have a telephone at home."
"oh."
At this moment, Song Jing didn't know what else she could say; she couldn't think of anything. She clearly had a thousand words to say. Tomorrow, she and he would graduate from this school and enter junior high. He was an excellent student, an outstanding student, and well-liked by teachers and classmates. He and she, perhaps, were about to part ways. But she realized that besides remembering his words firmly in her heart, she could do nothing else.
“Song Jing.” Ouyang Xiao suddenly became serious.
"Huh?" Song Jing couldn't help but sit up straight.
"I remember what you said."
Ouyang Xiao finished speaking, staring intently into the depths of her eyes. Those dark eyes were unfathomable, yet in that instant, Song Jing seemed to see deep, hidden within Ouyang Xiao's worries, her vulnerability, her very soul. Song Jing vowed, with her life: "I will not forget."
Ouyang Xiao breathed a sigh of relief, tucked the notebook into his pocket, and said, "Okay." He stood up and added, "Tomorrow..." His words were indistinct and quickly dissipated into the air.
Song Jing tilted her head, widened her eyes, and asked, "What?"
"nothing."
Song Jing didn't understand Ouyang Xiao's hesitation, but she found out the next day. There was a family motto: lying to others is a crime, lying to oneself is a grave crime. She started first grade at five, and her ranking fluctuated between first and fifth place throughout her education. Her grades slipped, drawing scoldings from her parents, but Song Jing had never considered the meaning of "cheating." So when the note fell from her shoulder onto her white dress, she stared blankly for a long time.
"He gave it to you, and only to you." Chu Shuangping's voice was low.
What he gave you, he gave only to you. What he gave you, he gave only to you. What he gave you, he gave only to you. What he gave you, he gave only to you…
This sentence seemed to have a life of its own, endlessly swirling in Song Jing's mind. With trembling hands, Song Jing reached for the small white crumpled paper, carefully opening it a crack. Inside, the black penmanship was like an eagle spreading its wings, powerful and vigorous. It was indeed written by Ouyang Xiao. Ouyang Xiao's handwriting was unique in this class.
My heart was pounding.
Song Jing clutched the slip of paper in her palm, her hands sweating, which dampened the paper. She had actually finished the questions and written the essay long ago. She was simply waiting for the bell to ring, to hand in her paper, and then go eat. But now she was incredibly nervous, even more nervous than when the exam papers were about to be handed back. Her gaze kept shifting; one moment she saw a small bird hopping among the branches of the tall camphor tree outside the window, the next she noticed the red mud on her toes from the morning rain. She hesitated for a moment, closed her eyes briefly, and then unfolded the three-finger-sized slip of paper.
Between 1997 and 1998, and especially in the first half of 1998, there was an exceptionally abundant rainfall over that long period. At that time, the trees on the mountains were lush and green, and even when the rivers rose, the water remained clear and transparent. Only when there was a torrential downpour and the water rose from afar would it turn yellow, mixed with withered branches and leaves, and large fish—which, of course, required considerable effort to catch.
The campus is filled with Northeast pine and sycamore trees. When it rains and the wind blows, a thick layer of leaves falls. Outside the cafeteria, there is a green bamboo grove, interspersed with a pomegranate tree in full bloom. When the rain falls, the petals absorb a lot of moisture, making them bright and elegant like ink paintings.
No one knows what Song Jing did when spring arrived. Here, in spring, new bamboo shoots grow. Girls with someone they like would carve the name of their beloved onto the newly grown bamboo with their fingernails, and the bamboo would remember that love for a lifetime. On a deserted night, Song Jing secretly carved Ouyang Xiao's name onto a bamboo stalk. Fingernails cannot penetrate the "marrow" of the bamboo, so they wouldn't harm or hinder its healthy growth—it just made the carved bamboo look a little unsightly.
Song Jing stood in the bamboo grove for a while. Noon had just begun, but the people who had gathered in the grove had already returned to their classrooms, leaving Song Jing alone. She couldn't find the bamboo grove where she had carved her inscription; she had searched back and forth many times but couldn't find it. Today was the last day.
She still hasn't found it.
It's getting late.
Inside the classroom, a large group of students surrounded the teacher, comparing answers. Ouyang Xiao stood with her hands in her pockets, staring blankly out the window. Her expression held a hint of loneliness and isolation. Song Jing walked in, only to be stopped by Li Yueling. Li Yueling had been studying very diligently for the past few months, and after finishing her exam that morning, she happily held Song Jing's hand.
"Ah Jing, tell me carefully, what were your answers to those reading comprehension questions?" Li Yueling asked anxiously.
"Didn't you know?" Although he didn't like the feeling of having to think about the answers after an exam affecting his mood, he mentioned it casually because the other person was Li Yueling. But what's going on now?
"Wrong, wrong!"
"What?" Song Jing vaguely realized what it meant, but on the surface he remained calm.
"The answer—" Li Yueling became anxious and stomped her foot heavily, "Why aren't you worried at all?"
Song Jing paused for a moment, then said, "There's no use in rushing. Let's focus on doing well on the math exam this afternoon." As she said this, her eyes couldn't help but drift towards Ouyang Xiao. Her answer was actually copied from his later; she was wrong, so was his too… How could he, so proud, possibly stand this?
Much later, Ouyang Xiao asked her, "Song, do you ever regret it? If it weren't for me, you would have gone to a top junior high school in the city long ago, and you wouldn't have had so many painful experiences later on."
Song Jing thought about it very seriously, and then she thought about it again. She realized that for the first and only time in her life she had "cheated"—although she accepted the punishment and failed the exam, she felt no remorse whatsoever. Because it was Ouyang Xiao, she hesitated for a moment—that hesitation made her regretful, so she changed her answer and obediently accepted the consequences.
"I have no regrets," she replied to Ouyang Xiao.
"But I regret it so much." Ouyang Xiao knelt in front of her and hugged her. "If it weren't for me... if it weren't for me... if it weren't for me..." He kept repeating this one sentence. But in the end, he didn't finish the sentence, because there are no "ifs" in this world, and time cannot be reversed.
The afternoon exam passed quietly. Song Jing packed her things and took them to the classroom. The dormitory doors were locked. The teacher only said that the results would be available in a week. Those who passed would be notified individually, and those who were not notified could simply report to the rural junior high school.
The graduation party had already been held on June 1st. Song Jing was in charge of the riddles and brain teasers, while Ouyang Xiao was in charge of the overall planning and coordination of the party—which was really just the schedule and the order of the singing and performances. Many years later, Song Jing still remembered that when faced with a simple question like "What kind of cloth can't be cut?", Ouyang Xiao casually replied, "What gets dirtier the more you wash it?" She never imagined that Ouyang Xiao would laugh at her.
At the party, Song Jing sang "How Wonderful the Campus Is," which prompted the teacher to have the whole class sing "Ode to Green Leaves." Afterwards, Ouyang Xiao sang "Auld Lang Syne," and Song Jing couldn't quite remember what else happened in between. She only vaguely knew that day was extremely happy, and the atmosphere of sadness seemed to have never existed. Whether you're seventeen, the average thirteen, or ten like Song Jing, no one would find "goodbye" a terrifying word. Anyway, you'd see each other again at another school soon. Most people thought this way, so compared to that, Song Jing's own wild thoughts weren't very important.
As I was thinking, most of the people in the classroom had left.
Ouyang Xiao was still sitting in her seat when Li Yueling came over and asked, "A-Jing, when are you leaving? You have a lot of stuff, do you want to take a tricycle back? I have 50 cents left, but you don't have any left?"
Song Jing stared at Ouyang Xiao for a moment before snapping out of her daze. She hesitated for a moment before replying, "I still have one dollar and thirty cents, but... something happened at home. Will my brother come to pick me up?"
"Your brother? I've never heard you mention him before."
“My uncle’s son is much older than me and is already in high school,” Song Jing explained.
Ouyang Xiao tidied up the books and wrapped them in his coat, then seemed to remember something, loosened his coat, and stood straight in front of the table.
Li Yueling glanced back, then pulled Song Jing aside to a corner: "You and him... how are things going?"
"W-what's wrong?" Song Jing was always a beat slow to react in this regard.
Li Yueling frowned and said, "He must be going to study in the city. You...you're already planning to end things before you've even started?"
When Li Yueling asked her this, Song Jing also became confused: "I...I don't know either." She still remembered what Ouyang Xiao said. She understood that he wanted her to remember what she had said before, but saying and doing are not the same thing.
“A-Jing…” Li Yueling’s expression was solemn as she looked at her with concern. “Go say goodbye and don’t think about it anymore.”
“I…” Song Jing’s previously bewildered eyes suddenly cleared. “I’m not going.”
“You…” Li Yueling’s lips twitched, but she didn’t know what to say. Finally, she forcefully shoved away Song Jing’s hand that she had been holding. “I really don’t want to care about you!”
Song Jing opened her mouth to apologize, when a deep baritone voice suddenly came from the doorway: "Excuse me, is this Class 2, Grade 6? Is Ouyang Xiao in this class?"
Ouyang Xiao had already stood up: "Dad, you're here." His tone was indifferent, but his expression carried a hint of anger. Song Jing looked at him with concern. Ouyang Xiao, however, seemed to completely ignore Song Jing, brushing past her shoulder and walking towards the handsome man whose age was difficult to discern.
Song Jing didn't look over there; she was looking at the books Ouyang Xiao had placed on the table. She walked over, and Li Yueling followed, asking, "What's wrong?" Ouyang Xiao and his father were standing in the doorway, unaware of what was happening. Song Jing pulled a red thread from her pocket and neatly tied the stack of books into a knot.
Ouyang Xiao and his father were no longer at the door.
Li Yueling said, "He went to his office."
Song Jing nodded, picked up the bag containing the blankets, and said, "Let's go, my brother must be here."
Chapter Five
Updated: 2008-04-19 10:24:00 Words: 0
Li Yueling said, "Don't worry, we can still write letters even if we're apart. Besides writing letters, you can also come to my house to play. We have a telephone, so you can call me... What if I go somewhere else and don't have time to let you know? Don't you know how to ask my parents? My address, my phone number, so don't worry, we will really be together forever. As long as we have the will, nothing is impossible!"
Looking at Li Yueling, Song Jing suddenly felt like crying, and so she actually shed tears.
Gao Jin asked, "Ouyang Xiao, this isn't what liking someone is! Liking someone means being together, making promises, vows, providing a sense of security, and so on. What kind of liking is this?!"
Ouyang Xiao simply replied, "Gao Jin, I want to be with her forever. This separation is for a longer reunion, for being together forever. Yes! You're right, liking someone means being together. Song Jing is by my side, I keep her in my heart, and Song Jing will keep me in her heart too. We're together."
We've separated, but our hearts are together.
This is a fact that Ouyang Xiao and Song Jing have always firmly believed.
***
On the first day of school, Song Jing didn't go to register; instead, she stood on the bulletin board looking for Ouyang Xiao's name.
She knew Ouyang Xiao wouldn't appear, but the grief was so heavy it was suffocating her. She needed an outlet—at least to truly feel that Ouyang Xiao had indeed disappeared from her life before she could be at peace.
Zhen Liang held the umbrella over Song Jing's head.
At 10:34 a.m., on September 1st, the sun was so bright that it felt like you could be stung if you looked up.
Song Jing had already looked at the bulletin board listing the names of over three hundred students three times. Her eyes were wide open, her lips stubbornly pursed, and then she would stubbornly start over again. Beads of sweat glistened on her forehead and the tip of her nose, but she seemed oblivious and indifferent.
As soon as Zhen Liang entered the school, she saw Song Jing. Almost immediately, she sighed heavily, walked over and stood behind Song Jing, but did not say a word.
“Ouyang Xiao went to No. 8 Middle School.” She stared at the vibrant red flowers blooming on the hill behind the bulletin board.
"Hmm." Song Jing remained unmoved.
"Ouyang Xiao went to No. 8 Middle School!!" Zhen Liang raised her voice.
"Okay." Song Jing turned around, her lips twitching slightly before she managed a faint smile. "I understand."
Zhen Liang gasped in astonishment: "That's it?!"
Song Jing smiled genuinely, though sadness still lingered in her eyes, her gaze suddenly burning brightly. She nodded slightly and said, "Thank you. I'm going to report for duty now." Passing Zhen Liang, Song Jing slowly headed towards the teaching office.
"Hey! That's not what I meant! Jing! Jing!" After calling out a few times, Zhen Liang bit her lip, stomped her foot, and angrily turned her head away. After a while, she whispered to the air, "I want to apologize to you!" After saying that, she smiled, thinking to herself, "How ugly!" She opened the umbrella a little bit, only to find the sunlight even more dazzling.
Song Jing got into Class 1, but she's in Class 3. We probably won't have a chance to talk much anymore!
Zhen Liang thought for a moment, then covered herself with the umbrella and moved towards the dormitory area.
Who can control the future? Fate was never in her own hands; she lived her life as everyone else did, accepting whatever came her way. So, even if they met again, they would only nod and smile as a greeting before passing by. All those things—about them, about the hurt, the jealousy, the guilt, and everything else—gradually faded away with time.
This year may have been ordinary, or it may have been extraordinary.
Song Jing lost a close friend, Li Yueling.
Ouyang Xiao made a close friend, Gao Jin.
Li Yueling planned to transfer schools in the second semester of her first year of junior high. Her father went to work in the city and achieved some success, so he decided to move the family there as well. During that year, Song Jing first served as a small group leader, then became a full-fledged class representative, and now she is a well-loved labor committee member. She is hardworking, assertive, but also innocent and adorable; surprisingly, many love letters frequently appear in her drawer. However, she doesn't care at all.
Li Yueling told Song Jing about her intention to transfer schools. Song Jing was silent at first, then grabbed her hand and said, "That's great! You can go directly to a school in the city, and once you get to high school, your chances of getting into university will be even higher."
Li Yueling, however, was worried about Song Jing. Despite her seemingly glamorous life throughout the year, only she knew the hardships she endured. In the middle of the night, that person would suddenly appear in her dreams, and Song Jing would wake up sobbing, then spend the entire night in a daze, unable to sleep. Their school was very basic; the dormitories were all shared by two people, and Li Yueling naturally shared a bed with Song Jing. No one knew these things better than her.
At first, Song Jing didn't seem to notice anything amiss. She attended classes as usual, and as usual, rushed to the front of the line after class to grab several lunchboxes for everyone, waiting for the teacher to call their class to the cafeteria. After a few days, Song Jing's behavior became strange. She used to be inseparable from Li Yueling, but now she often went about her own business, ignoring even when Li Yueling called her. Eventually, Song Jing stopped talking to Li Yueling altogether.
That day, Li Yueling cornered Song Jing against a wall and forcibly dragged her to the edge of the cliff behind the school. The rural junior high school was located on a mountaintop, accessible by a main road lined with tall, large chinaberry trees that bloomed with small clusters of purple flowers in spring, their fragrance refreshing. On the back mountain, black rocks stood in rows, interspersed with wild peach trees, their pink and white petals fluttering in the April blossoms. Li Yueling made Song Jing sit on a rock under a peach tree, while Song Jing stood with her hands on her hips, looking down angrily.
What have you been doing lately?
Song Jing was silent for a moment. Just when Li Yueling thought she would have to resort to some tricks to get this stubborn girl to talk, she spoke up, saying in a very calm tone, as if tomorrow would definitely be a sunny day: "Be prepared."
Li Yueling was stunned, then froze, her fingers trembling as she couldn't speak: "You...you say it again?"