В погоне за радугами

Глава 65

However, he acted as if he had no intention of returning. He took out all the accumulated unused salary and distributed it to his subordinates. It was a large sum of money, but for many years it had been piled up in a corner by him. It was thousands upon thousands of strings of cash, and it seemed that he had never looked at it closely. Most of them had not even had their packaging seals broken.

Along with the money, he also gave away many fabrics, jewels, and antiques bestowed by the emperor and empress. In the end, his room became empty, and even the better furniture and belongings were taken away. In his luggage, apart from official documents, there were only a few changes of clothes and a few strings of cash for necessary travel expenses.

He hadn't forgotten me. The day before his departure, he specially invited me over and gave me several pieces of fine antique ink, Duanxi inkstones, and his treasured Dragon and Phoenix tea. I declined his offer, but looking at the three large trunks still kept in his inner room, I said, "Will you take these trunks with you, sir? If you wish to leave them in the palace, then entrust them to Huaiji for temporary safekeeping."

He understood what I meant and said, "Huaiji, thank you. I also want to entrust these boxes to you, but not for safekeeping. I would like you to deliver them to someone on my behalf."

I nodded and asked him to specify, "To whom should it be given?"

“Your Majesty,” he said, adding, “I will send it over after I leave.”

When I returned to my room, he saw me to the door. I asked him when I would be leaving the palace the next day, and he smiled and said, "Very early. You must be exhausted these days. Take a rest and don't come to see me off."

I didn't insist on seeing him off, not because I wanted to be lazy or cold-hearted, but because I was afraid of experiencing that kind of farewell scene again—separated by palace walls and forbidden gates, with old friends far away.

The thought that he was about to embark on a long journey with an uncertain future, and that I didn't know when we would meet again, made me extremely sad. I immediately knelt down and, with tears in my eyes, performed a solemn four-bow farewell.

He took her hand and gently said, "Take care of yourself too."

As I turned to leave, he suddenly called me back, lowered his eyes to think for a moment, then looked at me again and said, "When you were young, you asked me where my joy lay and what my greatest wish was. Now, I can answer you."

“My greatest wish is to be a normal man… but it’s destined to be impossible in this lifetime. The ideals we eunuchs can possess, like our bodies, are incomplete.” He said calmly, slowly turning his head to look around the room—the withered winter plum blossom still sat in the vase on the table. “However, I have found someone worthy of her; she is almost perfect and deserves a fulfilling life. I hope to help her realize all her wishes, even to die for her, to live for her… If there is any joy in my life, it is this.”

He would die for her, he would live for her… I pondered these words, and thought sadly, he truly did it.

“But,” I still don’t understand his decision, “why did you ask to be appointed to a post outside the palace? How can you help her achieve her wishes in the future if you stay away from her side?”

“Now, I must leave.” He made no secret of it, “The closer I get to her, the further away the person she cherishes most is from her.”

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The next morning, as usual, I accompanied the princess to the palace to pay my respects to the empress. I paid close attention to the empress's expression but found no particular emotion, such as melancholy or sadness.

She remained calm and composed, clearly not having gone out to see Mr. Zhang off. She didn't even mention him once in our conversation, but simply spoke gently about the Emperor's usual preferences and instructed us to take good care of him.

However, on this day, her palace was filled with the fragrance of pure white winter plum blossoms.

****************************

When I delivered those boxes filled with old, blank paper to the Funing Hall, the peach and plum blossoms in front of the hall were already in full bloom, and spring was in full swing.

I approached quietly with a few eunuchs who were carrying the boxes. Through the red and white flowers, I saw the Emperor sitting on a makeshift couch under the eaves, admiring the flowers. He was wearing a turban and a crane-feather cloak. Although he looked thin, his expression was clear and his demeanor was relaxed. He no longer showed any signs of illness or despondency.

Qiu He was by his side at this moment, presumably because the Emperor wanted to check the injuries on her hands. She knelt down beside the soft couch and placed her hands on his knees. The Emperor lifted them up and gently stroked the wounds with his fingers, feeling great pity.

A sudden gust of wind arose, and Qiu He's long silk dress and light gauze jacket, rather thin, made her sneeze due to the chill. Before she could apologize, the Emperor had already unfolded his crane-feather cloak, pulled her into his arms, and sheltered her from the wind.

This scene made me slow down and delay my steps before I walked over.

As soon as Qiuhe saw me, she stood up and stepped back to the upper diagonal rear, her face flushed.

I bowed to the Emperor as required by custom, then turned to Qiu He and bowed once more: "Madam Dong..."

After the Empress addressed her as "Lady Dong," all the palace servants understood the deeper meaning behind it. During the Emperor's illness and the Empress's seclusion, Qiu He served at the Emperor's bedside as a concubine. Now, the Emperor has changed her title to Imperial Attendant, with the honorary title of "Lady of Wenxi County," and her official status in the palace has been formally changed from a female official to an imperial concubine.

It seems she has not yet adapted to her new identity. When I bowed, she instinctively returned the bow, completely forgetting that she is now my master.

To avoid making things awkward for Qiuhe, I didn't look at her for long. I immediately ordered the eunuch to put down the box and explained to the Emperor the meaning of Mr. Zhang's gift.

"What is in this?" the Emperor asked, puzzled.

I made an excuse that I didn't know, and the Emperor then ordered someone to open the box.

The hundreds of scrolls of the Fei Bai style were taken out and displayed one after another before the emperor's eyes. After carefully examining dozens of scrolls, his expression gradually changed from initial bewilderment to surprise, and finally to deep sorrow.

This confirmed my suspicion about who wrote these ink marks.

For over a decade or two, she hid in a palace unseen by him, writing stroke by stroke, while another man stood quietly behind her, collecting scroll after scroll… The secrets of this place are best left unsaid, but this pile of old papers, though forever silent, can be regarded as the most trustworthy source of knowledge, irrefutable evidence, surpassing a thousand words from others.

"Shouzhong," the Emperor said later, calling over Ren Shouzhong, who was standing in front of the palace. "Pick some flowers and send them to the Empress. Also, convey a few words to me: Today the weather is fine and the sky is clear. I imagine the night will be beautiful as well. Why don't we go to the Water Palace in the rear garden and enjoy the bright moon among the pines?"

This was a perfect ending. I was glad that I had not failed Mr. Zhang's trust, so I took my leave. My gloomy mood of the past few days was finally brightened by this.

As I stepped out of the Fu Ning Palace gate, I suddenly heard Qiu He calling me. I turned around in surprise and saw that she had followed me.

"I'll see you off," she said softly.

I quickly replied, "I wouldn't dare trouble Madam Dong."

She lowered her head and said, "It really hurts me to hear you call me that in private."

I was speechless. After a long while, I finally asked her, "Qiuhe, are you happy?"

She hesitated for a long time before answering, "The Emperor treats me very well."

I nodded, my gaze falling on her hands, which were half-hidden beneath her sleeve: "Is your injury healed?"

She slowly extended her injured left hand, palm up, and opened it towards me: "You mean this?"

Two ugly scars appeared on her fair, smooth palms and fingertips. Although they had scabbed over, the scars were still prominent and gruesome to look at. But this was already a good result; seeing her injuries that day, many people thought she would lose a finger.

I nodded in agreement in response to her question.

She smiled faintly: "These are broken wings, they can't be healed."

I was taken aback and didn't immediately understand what she meant.

She looked up and searched for the wild geese in formation on the horizon, and said sadly, "Huaiji, I'm trapped here, and I can never fly out again."