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The princess nodded and said, "My father told me that the virtue of being virtuous and beautiful is called 'wei', and the principle of being compliant and gentle is called 'rou'. The Book of Documents also says, 'Wei, gentle, virtuous, and respectful, cherishing and protecting the common people.'"

I was present when the Emperor explained the meaning of "gentle" to the Princess. Regarding the interpretation of "gentle," the Emperor also mentioned another meaning—"smooth, virtuous, and chaste." It seems the Princess avoided mentioning this point to avoid the taboo of the character "chaste."

"That's how it is." The Empress then asked, "Do you know why your father gave you this name back then?"

The princess said, "Both of these words have very auspicious meanings. Father must be using them to express his blessings to his daughter."

The Queen gave her a gentle smile: "Not only that. This is a blessing for you, but it also includes expectations for you."

"Expectations?" The princess frowned, somewhat puzzled.

The Empress nodded and said, "Yuande is handsome and virtuous, and he hopes that you will possess not only the grace of a great woman, but also the dignified beauty essential for a princess. Most importantly, you must have a kind and benevolent heart, treat the people of the world with gentleness and humility, bestow kindness and grace upon all." She then glanced at the silent princess and added, "This is also what the people of the Song Dynasty expect of the emperor's wife and daughters."

The princess shook her head and said, "I could never learn the dignified beauty of my aunt. I don't want to be a princess or a noblewoman. It would be good enough to live an ordinary life like the daughter of an official, or even better, to be a peasant girl. No one would be watching you all day, observing whether your every move conforms to the dignified beauty. Life would be much easier then, wouldn't it?"

"Their lives are not necessarily as simple as you think," the Empress sighed. "Everyone who wants to live in this world must bear certain responsibilities. From a young age, peasant girls have to follow their mothers to pick mulberry leaves, raise silkworms, and tend livestock. In poorer families, they may even have to work in the fields with their fathers and brothers. Girls from ordinary families may have to learn weaving and sewing, and household management skills are essential. Daughters of officials, in addition to needlework, must also learn poetry, literature, etiquette, filial piety, and the rules for women, in preparation for becoming the mistress of a scholar-official family in the future. Besides being a good wife and mother, they must also manage the affairs of a family... No matter who it is, from the moment they are born, they face different responsibilities brought about by their different identities. There is no one in the world who can live freely without bearing any responsibilities."

The princess began to understand: "What my aunt meant was that it is my responsibility to adopt the demeanor of a virtuous and graceful princess, and to be a dignified and beautiful royal consort."

The Empress smiled faintly: "Those scholars from humble backgrounds, who study hard in their studies and dream of the riches in books, often encourage themselves: no hardship or suffering is in vain; but for us, who are already living in the riches, we need to constantly remind ourselves: no glory or joy is received for nothing."

"So my price is to separate from Huaiji and continue living with Li Wei, as the ministers have suggested?" The princess's breathing became rapid, and the tears she had just hidden welled up again. "But is that the wealth and glory I want? I was born a princess, I had no choice! If I had a choice, I would not have wanted to be born into the royal family."

"No one has a choice," the Queen replied immediately, her tone gentle, but her gaze upon the princess revealed her usual rationality and composure. "Our birth is something we cannot decide or change. All we can do is accept the status quo, adapt to our identity, and fulfill our responsibilities. Women of the imperial family enjoy the finest food and clothing throughout their lives, receiving the utmost care from the people. And what the subjects expect of us is that we possess all the virtues a woman should have: a dutiful daughter before marriage, a virtuous wife after marriage, and a loving mother after bearing children… To them, we are not ordinary women, but beauties in paintings, virtuous ladies in books, bodhisattvas in temples—deities for their wives and daughters to emulate. Maintaining a perfect image and being a model for women of the dynasty is how we bestow blessings upon the world. Therefore, you cannot reveal your true, flesh-and-blood self and fall into the mortal realm, otherwise they will be astonished, worried, even angry, and relentlessly press you to retreat back to your shrine."

The princess wept, but simply waved her hand: "I don't want to be their clay idol, I don't want their offerings, I don't want anything. I can live a simple life in a humble alley, as long as they don't interfere with my life..."

The Empress's eyes narrowed, and she raised her voice slightly: "But you have been served by them for more than twenty years!"

The princess was taken aback, her brows furrowed and tears welled up, speechless.

The Empress softened her expression and spoke gently, “Those who hold high positions and only enjoy honor and wealth without considering the responsibilities that come with their position are shameful and will surely be despised by the world. You are of noble birth and enjoy unparalleled blessings, so you should cherish them. Your father was a man who cherished his blessings, valued his status, and understood the responsibilities he bore. He restrained his desires, yielded to the demands of his subjects, was kind, frugal, and respectful to the virtuous. For decades since his ascension to the throne, the people have never heard the sound of war… He was gentle, virtuous, and compassionate, protecting the common people. And what about you, Wei Rou? Could you understand his loving fatherly heart and, in order not to fail him and the expectations of all the people, make some appropriate sacrifices?”

As she spoke her last words, the Empress's gaze swept across my face, seemingly unintentionally. The princess immediately became uneasy: "Does Auntie also want me to separate from Huaiji?"

“If you insist, your father will protect you,” the Empress said. She was merely stating the facts, but her words carried more weight than any remonstrance from any official in the court. “He wants to protect you, to shield you from the verbal attacks of the officials, and from their offensives armed with moral principles and ancestral laws. But as you can imagine, as long as you and Huaiji are together, the officials will not back down. If you make any move, this court debate will recur, forcing your father to face their accusations and attacks again and again. This will cause him great pain, just as it has today. But he will still protect you, because you are his most cherished daughter; he loves you even more than his own life.”

The princess was in tears. To avoid the queen's gaze, she covered her mouth and turned away, but her shoulders were still trembling uncontrollably, making her efforts to hide her grief largely ineffective.

The Empress sighed, then said to the princess, "When you were promoted to Princess of Yan, your father personally wrote a line on the edict prepared by the scholar: 'Your intelligence is not due to external rewards; your gentle nature is natural.'..."

She seemed to have something left to say, but she didn't continue. Instead, she turned to me and instructed, "Huaiji, take good care of the princess." Then she got up and left, heading downstairs to the Shadow Palace where the Emperor was.

I moved closer to the princess and called her softly. She turned around abruptly, wrapped her arms around my waist, and buried her tear-streaked face in my chest.

"Huaiji, what should I do?" Her muffled sobs sounded so desperate. "We're all trapped here!"

The Lonely City Closed (The Princess Who Fell in Love with a Eunuch) Long smoke, setting sun, the lonely city closed, Liao E

Chapter word count: 2534 Update time: 09-07-05 10:47

Polygonum hydropiper

(2307 words)

I held her shoulders, gradually increasing the pressure, as if trying to pull her out of an endless vortex, but my own heart was also empty. Looking up, I saw no light or hope.

Finally, I chose to return to this inescapable space, let go of her hand, lower myself, and kneel before her so that she could look me in the eye. Then, I said to her, "Please reconsider the Empress's words, Princess."

She gazed into my eyes with tears in her eyes: "You also think what they said is right? You're going to leave me too?"

I avoided answering and changed the subject: "The reason why the princess disliked Consort Zhang back then was because she abused her power in the palace due to her high position, did whatever she wanted, and used both soft and hard tactics against the emperor to seek benefits and rewards for herself and her family, without the virtues that a consort of the emperor should have. If the princess insists on keeping me by her side now, in the eyes of the world, the princess's actions will surely be the same as Consort Zhang's, which is an immoral act."

The princess retorted angrily, "Why compare me to her? We are different..."

“To outsiders, it makes no difference,” I patiently explained to her. “No one witnessed or cared about the cause and process of the princess’s family affairs; they only saw the result. And what they saw was that the princess was unwilling to continue living with her husband and insisted on keeping me, an eunuch suspected of sowing discord between the princess and her husband, by her side. She even attempted suicide several times to coerce the emperor into agreeing…”

"That's not how it is!" the princess vehemently denied, stopping me from continuing.

I suppressed the turmoil in my heart, looked at her calmly, and explained the reality we had to face: "Those who are discussing and judging this matter are all distant bystanders. They can't get close to us to find out the ins and outs of things. All they can perceive is the final result. This result is taken out of context by them and may be very one-sided, but they have no interest or patience to understand the truth like the princess's mother did. They are immediately enraged by this one-sided result because the princess's entire life depends on the support of the people. Every piece of clothing and incense in the princess's house, every brick and tile in the princess's residence, is paid for with their tax money. Of course, they hope that the princess they support is a virtuous and wise woman of the nation, not a shrewish wife who does not follow the rules, let alone a wicked daughter who favors her ministers and disobeys her father... And this wish is reasonable and justified."

The princess wept, "Just to satisfy their wishes, must we let them wrong us? Must I do as they want and become a clay figure of Mohelu?"

I can only smile, a bitter smile. What else can I do? The relationship between the princess and the courtier would seem absurd and laughable to anyone who doesn't know us. All they see is a princess who despises her husband and blackmails her father, and a courtier who sows discord. They might even associate it with something sordid, but they would never try to understand, let alone sympathize with.

“Father, Father understands…” the princess sobbed, mentioning her father, but her voice sounded weak and lacked confidence.

I said sadly, “Yes, he understands, and he will try his best to protect you, but his protection will only make the ministers angrier, because whenever the emperor shows unusual favor to someone, it always arouses the ministers’ special vigilance. When this happens to the princess, they will definitely think of the disaster that will follow peace and tranquility. The more the emperor protects the princess, the more the ministers will oppose him, just as the empress said, the emperor will fall into the same kind of pain again and again.”

The princess remained silent, only lowering her head and weeping. After a long while, she asked me again, "What do you want me to do?"

I held her soft hand in one hand and pulled out the sleeve of her inner robe with the other, gently wiping away the tears on her face as I always did. Only when she seemed a little calmer did I ask her, "The Emperor recounted the circumstances of the Princess's birth that day. I suppose the Princess heard it all outside the palace?"

The princess nodded, her eyelashes immediately drooping, and two more tears slid down her cheeks that I had just wiped clean.

I wiped away the dampness with my sleeve again, and said, "When I heard the Emperor say that, I was really envious of the princess... I lost my father when I was young, and my mother remarried. I haven't seen her since..."

"When you grow up, you'll have the chance to leave the palace and go find her!" the princess said.

"I later found out where she lived and sent her money every year, but I didn't go to see her myself because she had several more children with her later husband. She would have felt awkward seeing me, and besides..." I forced a smile at the princess, "I think no one would want to see their son become a eunuch..."

The princess took my hand in return and whispered comfortingly, "Huaiji..."

I blinked, concealing the moisture in my eyes, and said to the princess, "Father, you gave me life; Mother, you nurtured me. You cherished me, raised me, and cared for me. You protected me and sheltered me. The debt of gratitude I owe you is as boundless as the heavens... In these past twenty years, I have often regretted not being able to repay my parents' kindness, for I have never even had the opportunity to be by their side to fulfill my filial duties. It is already a rare blessing for you, Princess, to grow up by your parents' side, especially since they cherish you so much... Your Majesty often mentions the grace of Empress Dowager Zhangyi, and surely you will not be indifferent to the kindness Your Majesty has shown you?"

The princess lowered her head, wiping away tears, and remained silent. I gazed at her and earnestly advised, "As the poem 'Liao E' says, there are two people in this world to whom we owe a debt from the moment we are born—our parents. They gave us life, comforted us, protected us, cared for us tirelessly, and worried about us constantly. Their kindness to us is as vast as the sky, something we can never repay in our lifetime. As for the Emperor, he is the best father I have ever met. He would give everything for the princess, willing to sacrifice not only wealth but also the dignity and principles of the emperor that he values most. His love for the princess makes everything else pale in comparison, including the insignificant warmth I can offer her. Faced with such a father, how can the princess still insist on her own way and let him continue to sacrifice his health and even his life to protect us?"

I didn't continue, because she was already sobbing uncontrollably. Her resolve gradually crumbled with her tears, melting away in that boundless sorrow. Her body slid to the ground, her flabby clothes concealing her thin frame, like a withered flower, ready to be blown away by the wind and rain at any moment.