For example, she would ask Jiang Lai about something as small as the fact that Jiang Lai spoke five more words today than yesterday.
Self-blaming depression often manifests as excessive self-blame. Patients may feel frustrated, regretful, and hopeless. Depending on each person's personality, they may have different reactions. For example, Jiang Lai lost interest in everything and became pessimistic because of self-blame. She lacked initiative towards people and things.
"She opened the door for you? That's a sign of initiative, indicating that the current treatment is effective for her and that she's already taking the initiative to do some things."
Lin Zhi couldn't hide her joy, even her tone was slightly raised: "So, according to you, she'll recover to normal soon?"
"No, Miss Lin, there's no such thing as normal or not. You don't need to worry about her. Just think of it as her having an illness, like a cold."
"Sorry, I understand."
After hanging up, Lin Zhi gripped her phone tightly, her breathing quickening. She could sense Jiang Lai slowly walking out.
Humming a song, she put on a Hello Kitty apron and went to the kitchen to prepare dinner for Jiang Lai.
The woman who used to blow up the kitchen can now cook delicious meals; Jiang Lai has changed her imperceptibly.
Behind a door, Jiang Lai sat with her knees drawn up to her chest on the cold floor. Yogurt was playing with her toys, panting heavily, looking like she was really into it.
Jiang Lai reached out and snatched her toy away. Yogurt whimpered, but when she realized it was her owner who had taken it, she grinned and wagged her little tail vigorously, as if she wanted Jiang Lai to play with her.
Jiang Lai tossed the toy away, and Yogurt turned around and pounced on it, grabbing the toy and running back to put it in Jiang Lai's hand.
They went back and forth several times, neither Yogurt nor Jiang Lai seemed to mind the effort.
She played with the yogurt while paying attention to the sounds outside. Lin Zhi was very happy. Was she really this happy just because someone opened the door for her?
In fact, Jiang Lai wanted to do more than that. She clearly wanted to say "Welcome back" to Lin Zhi, but no matter how she opened her mouth, she couldn't say anything. She knew she was sick, but she couldn't control herself. Her mind was filled with the image of Wu Qianqian's death, which she had never seen but could not shake off.
She had trouble sleeping every night. Whenever she closed her eyes, she would see Lin Xi and wish she could tear her to pieces.
When they finished eating, Lin Zhi, as usual, served Jiang Lai's portion separately. Just as she was about to take it in, the tightly closed door suddenly opened. The two looked at each other, and the person inside awkwardly looked away.
Jiang Lai clutched the hem of her clothes and stammered, "I want to eat out."
Lin Zhi was taken aback for a moment, then quickly nodded: "Okay!"
She was a little flustered. When she went to get yogurt from the refrigerator, her hand trembled and a tray of eggs was knocked off and shattered on the ground.
Jiang Lai was about to get up when Lin Zhi waved her hand, saying, "Sit down, I'll take care of it."
He picked up the eggshells from the ground and threw them in the trash can. He then spent a long time wiping the floor with a rag without getting up.
Jiang Lai looked up in confusion and saw her trembling shoulders. It was the first time Jiang Lai had ever felt so helpless.
"elder sister..."
"Um?"
Lin Zhi wiped away her tears, smiled, and turned back: "What's wrong?"
"Don't cry..."
"I'm sorry, Lai Lai. I didn't mean to cry. I just... got too emotional."
She was so excited that she wanted to hug Jiang Lai, something she had fantasized about countless times but had never done. What used to be a very ordinary thing was now a luxury.
The warm light shone on the two of them, making them feel as if they were in the sun. The food on the table looked delicious and tasted even better. Jiang Lai's appetite increased, and she ate a bowl of rice and drank a bowl of soup, much more than usual.
Seeing that she was much better now, Lin Zhi hesitated before asking, "Lai Lai, do you still remember Fang Wei?"
Jiang Lai didn't react after hearing this, and didn't even raise her head. Lin Zhi's heart skipped a beat. Just as she was regretting her abruptness, Jiang Lai said calmly, "I remember."
There was no tone of voice, as if the person was not very familiar with him.
Jiang Lai sipped her yogurt, still as adorable as ever, only a little quieter and less lively. She waited a while for Lin Zhi's voice, then looked up and asked, "What's wrong?"
He took the initiative! He asked her a question!
Lin Zhi almost rushed over to hug her, but in the end she gritted her teeth and held back: "Her group disbanded. I ran into her today, and she asked me to pass on a message to you."
Jiang Lai tilted her head, didn't speak, and blinked, waiting for her to speak.
She said: "I envy that woman who shines on screen, I'm jealous of that woman who is always confident, sunny, and fearless. The film industry needs you, this circle needs you, come back..."
Jiang Lai stared blankly at the woman in front of her with her big eyes wide open.
She cried.
She had clearly escaped the sea of suffering, yet she dragged herself back down; she could have moved forward, but she stopped because of herself.
My God, how could she let her beloved cry like this? Every night, the suppressed sobs from the second bedroom were like a knife stabbing into Jiang Lai's heart.
Life always presents two choices: stagnate or cast aside worries and move forward.
A warm hand caressed the woman's face, a feeling she hadn't experienced in a long time.
"Wait for me a little longer."
"I'm yours for life, don't even think about leaving me."
"Won't."
--------------------
Author's Note:
Thank you to all the little angels who voted for me or watered my plants with nutrient solution between 2022-05-24 23:14:08 and 2022-05-25 22:33:15!
Thank you to the little angels who watered the nutrient solution: Yu (8 bottles); Lingran (1 bottle);
Thank you so much for your support! I will continue to work hard!
Chapter 84
"Lai Lai, is your luggage almost packed?"
Jiang Lai sat on the ground, not responding, lost in thought, holding the black sweatpants in her hand.
Lin Zhi walked over and squatted down, still keeping a distance from her: "What's wrong with these pants?"
Jiang Lai looked up, her eyes darting around, and pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket. As she unfolded it, scraps of paper fell out.
"What is this?" Lin Zhi took the crumpled paper and held it in her palm, feeling that it looked familiar.
Jiang Lai leaned closer and unfolded the paper ball. Most of the words printed on it had been washed away, but a few words could still be vaguely seen: Lin Zhi, thriving.
"This is..."
If Lin Zhi couldn't recognize it when it was just a crumpled piece of paper, she would definitely recognize it now. It was hers, a business card printed when the company was first established to discover new talent. It was very simple, without any fancy design, just her name, position, and company.
Lin Zhi had handed out so many business cards over the years that she couldn't remember when she gave hers to Jiang Lai. The human brain has its limitations, and sometimes fragmented memories are hard to piece together without prompting.
For the past six months, Jiang Lai has kept herself in seclusion. During this time, she often recalls past memories, including this crumpled business card.
"That day on the subway, you said I would be a good model."
"Ah..." Lin Zhi suddenly realized, her memory flashing back to seven years ago.
It was a sweltering day, with waves of heat. It was Lin Zhi's rare day off, and Cheng Anan invited her to see a movie. At that time, she didn't have her own car yet, and she had walked that subway line countless times.
She had always embodied the word "forbearance" in herself, and when faced with such matters, she always thought it was better to avoid trouble.
A girl bumped into her and shielded her behind her. She had never felt this way before, and she was stunned.
She turned around after the girl got off the train, squeezed through the crowd before the subway doors closed, and got off the train.
She looked around, afraid of missing the girl. Finally, her gaze locked onto the girl. She almost ran over, but when she called out to stop, she pretended to be calm and composed. Only she knew that she was very nervous.
model?
That was just a casual remark; she was amazed by the girl's appearance, even with light makeup, she looked beautiful. It would be wonderful if the girl could work for her.
Unfortunately, she was rejected. Lin Zhi forced herself to remain calm and said goodbye to the girl. She took out her subway card and exited the station, but as she walked out of the station and was hit by a wave of heat, she realized that she hadn't reached her stop yet.
She was late for her date, but she didn't care. What she cared about more was that a promising young talent had slipped through her fingers.
At that time, she did not know Jiang Lai. Even though she appeared kind and generous on the surface, she still had a dark side in her heart.
If it's not in my hands, then it will be thrust into the entertainment industry.
Fortunately, they were reunited in the end.
The person who is meant to be yours will be yours for life. No matter how many times you meet or miss each other, fate is a circle, and you will eventually meet again after going around in circles.
"Lai Lai..." Lin Zhi choked back tears and hugged Jiang Lai's neck. The latter was stunned and tried to control her trembling hands.
Lin Zhi suddenly realized what she was doing, released Jiang Lai, and stepped back while apologizing.
"Don't go." Jiang Lai grabbed her wrist, looked down at the floor, and murmured, "I... hug me again."
Lin Zhi's heart skipped a beat. She had never been so nervous. She opened her arms but hesitated to hug her lover. She wasn't even this nervous when she confessed to her teacher that she was giving up acting.
The person in front of her was not Jiang Lai, but the fragile object she longed for, loved but dared not touch.
Seeing that she didn't move, Jiang Lai took the initiative to step forward and nestled herself into Lin Zhi's arms: "I've had so many dreams these past few days, all about Wu Qianqian..."
"Jiang Lai!" Lin Zhi didn't want her to mention it again.
Jiang Lai shook her head: "Wu Qianqian said she has never blamed me. She said she will have a brand new life and she can start over. She told me to let go."
Lin Zhi's breath caught in her throat, and tears streamed down her face. She wasn't usually like this, but lately she had become like a crybaby, crying when she was happy and crying when she was sad.
Jiang Lai's warm breath touched her heart, and the scent of a woman filled her nostrils, intoxicating her.
"Sister, are you disappointed in me? I'm disappointed in myself too. I've disappointed everyone... Hmm."
The sweet aroma melted in her mouth, and the long-lost softness on her lips made Jiang Lai almost give up thinking. She no longer resisted it; her body no longer resisted it.
After exchanging breaths, Lin Zhi felt the person in her arms trembling. Realizing she had gone too far, she let go of her: "I'm sorry, I just wanted you to stop saying things like that. You've never let anyone down. Just be yourself, like before, okay?"
The blush on Jiang Lai's cheeks lingered for a long time. Sitting on the ground, with her eyes lowered and lips covered, Lin Zhi couldn't help but kiss her again.
Just bear with it a little longer, and once she's fully recovered, make her pay back all the debts she's incurred over the past few months.
The two agreed to travel abroad together, with their first stop being Country F, which they hadn't been able to visit on their last trip. But before going there, they had to go to a place that sounded terrifying just from hearing about it.
Deguang Mental Hospital.
This hospital was abandoned for ten years before being renovated and is now doing the same thing as its predecessor: treating mental patients.
Although it's called treatment, it should still be done at the hospital chosen by the family.
Lin Zhi had indeed arranged a very good hospital for Lin Xi before, but after Jiang Lai's accident, she transferred Lin Xi to this hospital instead.