Un joven errante

Capítulo 50

He opened his eyes, startled, and then tears streamed down his face. He weakly said, "Mom, you're here..." His voice was dry and hoarse from not having drunk water for a long time, sounding terrible. But my tears only flowed more. The next second, he struggled violently, seemingly out of nowhere, saying, "Go away, go away quickly, don't come near me, don't... go away quickly, I don't want to see you..."

No matter how much he punched and kicked me, I wouldn't let go. For the first time, I cried like a child: "Mommy won't leave Shao Shao, no matter what. Mommy will never leave Shao Shao alone in this dark place again, never again. To hell with the plague, to hell with the incurable disease! As long as Mommy is with Shao Shao, I'm not afraid of anything. If we get sick, let's get sick together. If we die, let's die together. Mommy will never leave Shao Shao, absolutely never!"

I held him in my arms and murmured, "Shao Shao, don't be afraid, Mommy's here with you. Don't be afraid, everything will be alright—"

The young boy finally dropped all pretense and burst into tears in my arms: "I'm scared, Mom, I'm so scared! Shao Shao isn't trying to send you away, really not! Shao Shao is so afraid of dying all alone like this, Shao Shao is so afraid of never seeing you again, Shao Shao is so afraid... Please don't let this be a dream, please don't let any of this be a dream. I'm so afraid that when I wake up you won't be there anymore, so afraid that when I wake up I'll be here in this dark place, waiting to die alone. Shao Shao is so scared... Shao Shao isn't afraid of death, but Shao Shao doesn't want to be alone... Waaah..."

I stroked his stiff back, so dry and withered that there wasn't an ounce of flesh left. My heart ached, and tears streamed down my face as I kept comforting him, "Shao Shao, don't worry, Mom's here. You'll be alright..."

The boy in my arms was crying and laughing at the same time, but the next moment he started coughing incessantly, coughing up mouthfuls of bright red blood. I didn't care and used the hem of my clothes to wipe it away, trying to clean it up and stop the bleeding, but the blood kept gushing out. I cried out in panic, "Shao Shao, it'll be alright, don't worry, it'll be fine, don't worry, Mom's here..."

With a trace of blood at the corner of his mouth, like a strange and alluring plum blossom, he smiled slightly at me before falling unconscious, still muttering to himself, "Mom, go quickly, Mom... Where are you? Mom, go quickly! Shao Shao doesn't want to infect you... Mom, Mom, I miss you so much... Shao Shao is so scared to be alone..."

I gently laid him down on the bed and tucked him in, but tears kept streaming down my face. It was all my fault. I noticed something was wrong with him a long time ago. I should have noticed sooner, but I stubbornly thought it was just a common cold, letting him suffer until now. It's all my fault, all my fault… I should have noticed sooner, I should have noticed when he first coughed. It's all my fault, making Shao Shao suffer so much, endure so much torment. It's all my fault…

I suddenly stood up and ran around the dark palace like a madman, frantically searching for candlelight and flint. Shao Shao had said he was afraid of the dark, he had said it before…

My body stumbled and fell repeatedly in the darkness, but for some reason, I felt nothing. My mind was only focused on making that damned darkness disappear, so that my Shao Shao would never be alone in the dark again…

Volume 3, Chapter 96: The Plague

"Yunying, quickly go and get lots of willow leaves and willow bark. Oh, and honeysuckle, isatis root, dandelion, and wild chrysanthemum. Bring them all," I ordered hastily. I remembered seeing these ingredients by chance in modern times; aspirin was originally made from them. This medicine can not only reduce fever and inflammation but also relieve pain. These are all good medicines I can think of. Currently, Tattoo is researching a cure for this plague, and there are no results yet. But every time I see Shao Shao lying in bed in excruciating pain, constantly in a feverish and unconscious state, I really have no other choice.

This disease comes on suddenly. No matter how strong or healthy a person is, they will suddenly develop a high fever, congestion in the throat and tongue, coughing, coughing up blood, hoarseness, chest pain due to the intense coughing, and then begin to vomit blood endlessly. The body becomes extremely weak and the resistance decreases. Moreover, it is contagious, transmitted through the air and sputum.

All I can do now is take good care of him. Every day after he has a fever and sweats, I wipe his body down, cook nourishing foods for him myself, and brew and administer the medicine according to Qingci's prescription. Although his condition hasn't improved much, at least it hasn't worsened. Every time I see him desperately trying not to cough so as not to worry me, his little face turning red, it breaks my heart.

Every day I stayed by his side, even at night, lighting candles throughout the palace, making it brightly lit. I added a small bed next to his to make it easier to care for him. I spent my days with him, telling him stories—the fairy tales I'd grown up in modern times, and inspiring tales like Mulan and the Lotus Lantern. He was still a child, his childlike heart intact, and he listened with rapt attention. But whenever he fell ill, coughing and vomiting blood, I was powerless to help him, to share his burden. If I could, I would pay any price to spare him suffering. If I could, I wish I were the one suffering, not him. I would pay any price. Truly. He's still just a child.

Whenever he was in pain, I would let him smell rosemary to fall asleep, but even in his dreams, his little face would turn pale and his brows would furrow. Every time, I would play the piano for him, hoping that the music could ease his pain.

Every morning when Shao Shao wakes up, the first thing he does is endure the pain and call out to me with a smile, "Mom—I'm so glad to see you again."

This content and sensible child always breaks my heart.

Night. Still as a stagnant pool. The palace is empty, save for the wind that moves through the vast space.

The girl standing by the window finally turned her head and said sternly, "It's time for Junjin to make a decision. This epidemic is severe, and the affected areas are vast. I want the entire Junjin system to be activated nationwide. I want you to use your utmost strength to deal with this plague, rescue the people from their suffering, and help the Jin Dynasty overcome this crisis. I don't want any mistakes. Do you understand?"

Three tall men knelt respectfully and said, "Your subordinates understand."

“Yes,” the girl nodded. “Suzaku King Maiqi.”

The round-faced boy stepped forward respectfully and said, "Yes."

The girl handed over a design: "The plague is mainly transmitted through the air. Produce according to this design and distribute it nationwide. As usual, rich families should pay double the price, while the poor families should receive it for free. You also need to teach them common sense about preventing the plague. Also, you've been in charge of the city of Cyathea for several months now. I want you to utilize all the border crossings of Cyathea to search for the medicinal herbs needed to combat the plague. Assist Qingci in fighting the plague. Do you understand?"

The round-faced boy's expression hardened: "Understood, subordinate."

"King Xuanwu Qingci".

A refined young man, exuding an air of scholarly elegance, stepped forward and respectfully said, "Yes, sir."

"Find the cure for the plague as soon as possible. Activate all the medical clinics and charitable institutions under your command. As usual, increase the cost of medicine for the rich by 10%, and make it free for the poor. The responsibility of saving the world is immense. Thank you for your hard work."

The refined young man said calmly, "This is my responsibility."

"The Azure Dragon King sings in the sky."

The aloof young man stepped forward and respectfully said, "Yes."

"With the epidemic so severe, there will definitely be many lawless individuals causing trouble and unrest among the people. All of these matters will be handled by Yizhu. The imperial court will definitely allocate substantial funds to various epidemic-stricken areas. You need to find out for me that anyone who dares to embezzle funds meant for saving lives will be executed!"

The cold-faced youth replied indifferently, "Understood." His expression was ruthless, as if the mere thought of that corrupt official would make him want to kill him without hesitation.

The girl smiled slightly at them: "Let's each do our part and get through this together."

The three answered in unison, "Yes."

"And the result? Has it come out yet?" Sima Rui's face was cold and stern.

Chen Wen broke out in a cold sweat: "Yes. I investigated all the way and found, found..." Chen Wen stammered, unsure whether he should say it or not.

"Speak," came a voice as cold as ice.

"Yes," Chen Wen said tremblingly, "The one in the swaying blue robes is Consort De." Chen Wen dared not look at the emperor's expression, fearing that his blood would freeze to death.

Sima Rui's lips curled into a captivating smile, yet it was full of mockery: "As expected, it really was her..."

Sima Rui turned his head and looked at the person kneeling on the ground, head bowed and silent: "What about the others?"

"I have investigated, and Consort Xie is indeed the genuine fourth young lady of the Xie family. She was neglected and bullied during her childhood, and never knew the Xie family had a fourth young lady. It wasn't until a family banquet when she was twelve that she gained attention for reciting a remarkable poem. However, she has always been low-key, rarely venturing out from her secluded garden. Not only are outsiders rarely seeing her, but even her family seldom sees her. She had a close relationship with the three Xie Ans since childhood, but Xie An suddenly disappeared upon reaching adulthood, reportedly going into seclusion. Huan Wen, one of the Five Gentlemen of Jiankang, admired her in her youth, but never received a response. Consort Xie has always lived a normal life in the Xie household, but she has always possessed many special qualities—intelligent and clever, unlike other women. However, when she was thirteen, someone claimed to have seen someone frequently entering and leaving the secluded garden, but I do not know who it was." This Consort Xie seems to have considerable influence and audacity; the more I investigate, the more I discover her extraordinary and unique qualities. Unexpectedly, she even dared to fool the royal family; she was the one who drew that comic book that scorned the court. Moreover, this book was published through Jun Jin's side story, so I wonder what her relationship with Jun Jin is? But during the investigation, it was impossible for her to have any connection with Jun Jin. Could it just be a coincidence?

Chen Wen looked up slightly at his master, only to find that his master was standing there blankly, his expression serious, seemingly lost in thought. He had completely ignored Chen Wen's presence, as if he were engrossed in some kind of contemplation.

At this moment, the Emperor was lost in thought. Why was she dressed in swaying green? Did she really disdain the palace? Why was she related to Jun Jin? He had begun to suspect something when she set off fireworks during her dance last time, but at that time he couldn't see her, so naturally he wouldn't have investigated her. Since Jun Jin treated her this way, it meant that she was special to him. Could it be that Xiao Jin didn't know Xie Weiying was in the palace? That was impossible. Did he know all along, and why did he deliberately distance himself from him last time, unwilling to admit that his concern for him was because of Weiying? Then, what exactly was their relationship? Siblings? No way. Xiao Jin's surname was An, and according to him, he grew up as a hooligan. Weiying's surname was Xie, and she grew up in the Xie family. Moreover, he had never heard of the Xie family having an illegitimate child outside. Could they be sworn siblings? But Xiao Jin didn't mention having a sworn sister when they became sworn siblings, and he seemed to avoid her and didn't want to see her. Could they have been lovers, and then Wei Ying separated them after entering the palace, which is why Xiao Jin hates him and doesn't want to see him?

In fact, the time when Wei Ying entered the palace was the time when Xiao Jin disappeared.

How much of this is unknown to him?! Sima Rui asked irritably.

Could it be, could it be, that Xiao Jin is actually a woman?

Sima Rui was startled by this bold assumption, then chuckled, wondering if he was just too eager to be with him, to keep him by his side, and to prevent him from leaving him, which was why he had such a thought in his mind.

However, once the thought took hold, Sima Rui suddenly had some doubts: Could Xiao Jin be a woman? Could it be?

Upon reflection, he realized that many things were shrouded in mystery. However, he couldn't quite put his finger on the specifics. Sima Rui furrowed his brow.

But Xiao Jin isn't here with him right now, so how can he verify it? No, he absolutely must verify it.

Volume 3, Chapter 97: Don't Get Lost

"What are you doing?!" I was furious. What did they take Shao Shao for?!

The group stopped in alarm, muttering, "It was Consort Shu who invited us to exorcise the ghost. The place is filled with ghostly energy; if we don't exorcise it, the young master won't survive." The shamans seemed completely justified.

I was so angry I could barely speak. I rushed over and helped Shao Shao down from the scaffold they had set up. Shao Shao was pale, and he only gave me a desolate smile. Was he heartbroken?

I helped Shao Shao up, and for the first time, like a madman, I went over and threw all those utensils and talismans on the ground, smashing and overturning them. I didn't want to see these things again. I angrily shouted at those inexplicable people, "Get out! All of you get out! I'll kill anyone who's slow!" My expression was as cold as ice, and I wasn't joking at all. They were all so scared that they ran away in a panic.

I destroyed all those things; my grief and anger hadn't been fully released. Finally, I tripped over a broken wooden chair on the ground and fell. I heard Shao Shao's worried voice behind me. But I just slumped to the ground and didn't respond for a long time.

Sima Shao looked at me, who was sitting on the ground with my back to him and wouldn't get up, and called out anxiously, "Mom, are you alright?" Knowing why I had suddenly gone crazy, he smiled bitterly and said softly, "Mom, you don't need to be sad for me. Shao Shao isn't sad at all. Shao Shao is used to it. That person has never loved me. I've grown up alone all these years, and I'm used to it. You don't need to be sad for me. Really, Shao Shao is fine. As long as I have Mom with me, I'm content."

Finally, the person kneeling on the ground suddenly began to sob softly, then grew louder and louder until finally burst into a wail, crying so hard that their body convulsed, as if releasing all their strength and all their sorrow at once. It was as if they were crying out their sorrow for someone else.

I touched my face, suddenly realizing I could feel helpless too. I covered my face with my fingers, letting out all the sadness in my heart, and Shao Shao's sadness as well. Why, why couldn't I save him? I suddenly realized how insignificant my power was, how I wasn't omnipotent, how I couldn't do anything. I couldn't!

I was only away for a short while today, going out to discuss Shao Shao's illness with Qing Ci, and when I returned, I witnessed this. Those sorcerers are just charlatans, yet the people of this world are still deeply entrenched in feudalistic thinking, believing that serious illness is caused by being possessed by a ghost, and that simply performing a ritual to exorcise it, burning talismans, and drinking the ashes soaked in water will cure it—how utterly ignorant! When I came in, I saw the defenseless Shao Shao tied to the altar, forced to perform a ritual, and even fed him that unclean so-called "holy water"! The sorrow in my heart is indescribable! Shao Shao's biological mother... what is her heart made of?! Although Shao Shao never says anything, never complains, I know that deep down he yearns for maternal love, not as indifferent as he appears.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt sorry for Shao Shao, saddened, and grieved... Just like Shao Shao's calm face at this moment, there was an unfathomable sadness in her heart, like the blood of sorrow that kept flowing in her heart. That kind of pain had nowhere to be vented, that kind of pain that felt like her heart was being cut by a knife, with nowhere to be vented, without end, without conclusion.

With a deafening roar, a huge hole suddenly appeared in front of me. I calmed the bloating in my chest; for some reason, I felt suffocated and extremely uncomfortable! I wanted to scream! I helplessly looked down at my hands that had just struck out.

It turns out, there are things in this world that even with effort, nothing can be achieved. So much time has passed, and Shao Shao's condition remains unchanged. Since the night before last, he's had a persistent high fever, barely managing to pull him back from the brink of death. But he's growing weaker and weaker, having exhausted all his energy; he's terminally ill. If Qingci can't find a solution soon—

She seemed exhausted from crying, yet also as if she were weeping for him. Sima Shao quietly looked at the person sitting on the ground, the one who had stubbornly stayed by his side to care for him, the one who loved him unconditionally. Looking at the only kinship he had ever received in his life, a slight smile crept onto his lips. He knew how strong she was; she could laugh and joke even when mocked and ridiculed, live freely and unrestrained despite never being favored, and calmly accept being banished to the cold palace. She never cried, never cried. For so long, he hadn't seen her cry like a child. Was this for him? A warmth welled up in his heart. Enough, enough. If he were to leave this world now, it would be enough. He was content. Someone had cried for him, someone had loved him—that was enough!

"Shao Shao—" Her voice was gentle, but hoarse from crying for so long. The person who stood up and turned around had regained her usual calm demeanor, her expression undisturbed. Apart from the slight redness in her eyes, she seemed as if the woman who had just been hysterically weeping was not her at all.

"Shao Shao—" After not getting an answer for a long time, I called out softly again.

The young boy, whom I helped to a chair, clearly tried to struggle and agree, but a sudden pain choked him, preventing him from making a sound. His face turned blue and purple with pain, his expression contorted, and his body convulsed. I rushed over, catching him as he nearly fell, and cried out in a flustered voice, "Shao Shao, Shao Shao, what's wrong? What's wrong?..."

I asked again and again, but the person in agony collapsed to the ground, curled up in a ball, unable to answer me. I could only stand anxiously by, helpless to help him, watching him suffer. Suddenly, he turned his head, his eyes misty, and gave me a warm smile. Then he vomited a mouthful of blood onto my white clothes and lost consciousness. Even in his unconscious state, he continued to vomit blood unconsciously, mouthful after mouthful. I hurriedly carried him to the bed, only able to hold his cold little hands and rub them repeatedly, trying to warm him up. But in my dream, he only kept vomiting blood.

His face was as pale as the snow on an early winter morning. My tears fell silently. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to hold onto him, so afraid he would just disappear like that. Suddenly, the alluring totem on my arm seemed to come alive, radiating an eerie light. Something on my arm felt like it was moving, and it grew hotter and hotter.

A cold glint flashed in my eyes as I watched Shao Shao's face grow increasingly pale. I made up my mind, grabbed a sharp dagger from nearby, and without hesitation, slashed my wrist. Large drops of blood instantly flowed out, their color a deep, vibrant purplish-red, almost alive, with a faint, sweet fragrance. I brought my wrist to Shao Shao's lips. He seemed to be receiving a fragrant, gentle stream, as if his thirst had been satisfied, sucking incessantly. I felt my strength draining away, but the thought that it had all gone to Shao Shao brought me some solace. A warm smile curved my lips.

I don't know how much time passed, I just felt my vision gradually blurring, my strength waning, I was just very tired, and I really wanted to rest. Then everything went black, and I knew nothing more.

Slowly, she opened her eyes. Having been in darkness for so long, she was not used to the bright light. Her eyelashes fluttered, creating beautiful patterns that were reflected in her pupils, shimmering with a lovely light.

I looked around blankly at the fluttering pink gauze curtains, which I had just changed into not long ago. It was quiet all around, and it felt so strange, as if I were not in this world.

I rubbed my slightly aching forehead and murmured, "How long have I been asleep?"

I thought no one would answer me, but a man in white robes, with unparalleled beauty, gently said, "Little girl, you've been asleep for seven whole days."

My muddled mind gradually cleared up, and I exclaimed with delight, "Old man!"

He slowly walked over, sat down by the bed, and gently tidied my slightly disheveled hair: "Girl, you always like to scare me."

"I'm sorry." I felt a little ashamed; he must have rushed over as soon as he received Xiao Quanzi's message. Then, a thought flashed through my mind, and I hurriedly asked, "Master, where's Shao Shao? Is he alright?"

Sang Qin looked at her with complicated emotions and said gently, "Don't worry, he's alright. Your blood saved him." He paused and continued, "You fainted while giving him the blood transfusion. They all thought you had been infected and were terrified, but they found that you had no symptoms of the plague at all, and were just like you were in a deep sleep." He touched my cheek tenderly, "You must have been exhausted."

I felt the warmth of his palm, and instantly felt much more relaxed. A slight smile appeared on my lips.

"Master, you're still the best to me," I said sweetly and coquettishly.

He looked at me with a helpless expression, and finally, he suddenly said to me seriously, "Sigh, I know you will do your part in this plague. Here's what I'll do: all the forces of Jianxian Manor are at your disposal. You can do whatever you want. Just don't overwork yourself. I don't want to see anything happen to you. Understand?"

I nodded obediently, "I know." I looked at his face. Why is it that after all these years, even though I've grown up, his appearance hasn't changed at all? He's still incredibly handsome and dashing, like a god.

He took my hand and said gently, "You've slept for so long, why don't you get up and stretch your muscles? I'll take you for a walk in the garden."

I obediently got up, still wearing my usual white long-sleeved pajamas, and he picked up a cloak and draped it over my shoulders.

"Be careful not to catch a cold," he said worriedly. I stood there, staring blankly at his gentle, tender way of tying the knot for me.

We walked along, speaking very little, simply savoring this rare moment of tranquility. Why is it that when I'm with him, I feel the world is quiet, that it's just the two of us, and nothing else exists? The world seems to have fallen silent in an instant. So peaceful, so full of hope.

I felt his kindness and said softly to him, "Old man, your hands are so warm."

He smiled slightly at me, tightened his grip on my hand, gazed into the distance, and said softly, "Girl, the road ahead is long, you can take your time. Hold hands... just don't get separated."

I looked at his pale and indifferent face, and I was somewhat moved.

Just hold hands... so we don't get separated.

Is this the simplest and most unassuming form of love and happiness?

Volume 3, Chapter 98: Leaving the Palace

If you know something is wrong, but you keep making the same mistake, won't the original wrong thing eventually become right...?

If I know I shouldn't fall in love with you, but I still do, isn't that an endless sin...?

This world doesn't give you any "what ifs".

Everyone in the palace wore masks of various sizes and colors. These masks were designed specifically for the current plague. Because of concerns about infection, I made the masks thicker; I personally tested them and found they were breathable and provided multiple layers to prevent transmission. Due to their social status, I specifically instructed Xiao Qi to tailor the masks' appearance according to the quality of the fabric. For example, the eunuchs and maids wore ordinary white masks, while the ladies-in-waiting, if I hadn't specifically instructed them, would probably have preferred to be infected rather than wear ordinary white masks. Their masks were made with the finest colored silk for the outer layer, still filled with cotton; the only difference was the appearance, making them more aesthetically pleasing. Therefore, wearing these specially designed masks became fashionable among the ladies-in-waiting. Masks also became popular throughout the Jin Kingdom. This effectively curbed some of the spread of the epidemic. For the children's masks, I specifically used the various cartoon characters from the initial release for their designs.

The one Shao Shao is wearing is one I made especially for him.

His illness had only recently healed, and he still needed careful care and rest. I was also puzzled as to why my blood could save him. I remembered what Hua Pozi had said that day: Feng Fei would evolve my body, perfectly transforming every part of it. Presumably, this blood possessed restorative properties; otherwise, how could my skin and appearance be becoming younger and more beautiful?