Yan Qingli didn't know what she was being sentimental about. She didn't want Qiu Lanxi to become like this, but it was she who was causing the other person to become like this.
She is not someone who takes things one step at a time; if she cannot get the result she wants, she would rather lose it from the start.
But she wasn't sure if she would regret it. Just like when her father didn't want her to marry, the entire Ning Dynasty couldn't catch its breath because of the marriage alliance. Her father had no choice but to use her marriage alliance to incite public anger. Only then did the Ning Dynasty unite as one, and everyone tightened their belts to support the front line. They seemed to be moving forward without hesitation, but in reality, if they made any mistakes, the Ning Dynasty would definitely collapse even faster.
In those years, her father was actually not very willing to see her. Yan Qingli knew very well that he had already regretted it at that time. If he were given another chance to choose, he might not make the same choice, because the potential that Ningchao had overdrawn at that time has not yet been made up for.
Yan Qingli knew that his father must not have regretted making this decision. He thought he had taken responsibility for the consequences of this choice, but when the consequences really began to appear, he still couldn't help but think, if only he hadn't done that back then...
Therefore, she doesn't know if she will end up like that in the future.
Yan Qingli was unaware of the situation, but she had no way to discuss it with her teachers. No one could make the decision for her; only she could.
She lowered her eyes. There is no perfect solution in this world. Since she became indifferent, Yan Qingli actually knew that she already had the answer. However, there was still room for change in this answer, which is why she has been tormented by it repeatedly these days.
Stepping into the backyard, Yan Qingli saw no one and asked, "Where is she?"
The old nun said with a smile, "Your Highness has returned a little early today. The young lady is swinging on the swing in the garden."
Yan Qingli couldn't help but glance at her; her words made it sound as if she was blaming her for coming back too early.
She took a step to leave, but the old nun quickly said, "Your Highness, take this cloak with you. The young lady is frail, so she should be careful."
Yan Qingli wanted to say that she didn't intend to go to her, but planned to go to the study. However, since Granny Tingchan was her elder, she silently thought that it wouldn't hurt to go for her.
After leaving with the cloak, Yan Qingli soon spotted Qiu Lanxi.
Today she wore a moon-white gauze dress, the hem of which fluttered in the wind like an elusive breeze, and her shawl also flew in the air, before falling onto a tree with a gust of wind.
Yan Qingli paused, looked up at the sky, a smile clearly on her lips, but her eyes were red.
She felt as if her heart had been suddenly gripped, a dull ache throbbing within her.
She wanted to leave.
If you don't see it, at least you can pretend that nothing happened.
But she is not one to bury her head in the sand.
Yan Qingli took a light breath, then stomped down to remove the shawl before walking over and asking, "Do you want me to push you?"
"Your Highness?" Qiu Lanxi didn't turn around. She rubbed her eyes, thinking that the garden was really only beautiful and had nothing else to offer. When the wind blew, pollen and dust all flew onto her body. She wondered if it made Yan Qingli look ugly.
She said softly, "If Your Highness wishes to push, I am naturally happy to do so, but the wind has gotten into my eyes, so please wait a moment."
She was overly polite, so Yan Qingli paused for a moment before handing her the handkerchief.
Qiu Lanxi took the handkerchief, her eyes brimming with tears from the discomfort. It took a while for her to feel better before she turned to look at her and smiled, "Your Highness, it's alright now."
Yan Qingli pursed her lips slightly, her bright eyes misting over, making them appear even more like crystals. It should have been a beautiful scene, but she felt a dull ache in her heart.
She tied the cloak around her neck, and Qiu Lanxi slightly raised her chin, her eyes crinkling: "Thank you, Your Highness."
Yan Qingli paused slightly.
It was the same again, awkward yet polite, clearly a deliberate attempt to create distance.
Yan Qingli knew she was a smart person. Smart people are those who can always control themselves. A momentary loss of control is quickly suppressed by reason. For them, feelings are just a part of life. It is good to have them, but life is not impossible without them, regardless of whether they have let go in their hearts.
But she didn't know whether she hoped Qiu Lanxi could let go or not.
Yan Qingli gently placed her hands on her back and pushed her forward, causing the swing to soar high, much higher than Qiu Lanxi could do on her own.
As the bright sunlight streamed down, Qiu Lanxi looked up to enjoy it, thinking casually that she should have hired a painter instead. She had suffered for nothing and hadn't even taken any photos. By the time summer truly arrived, there wouldn't be any beautiful flowers left in the garden.
Just as she was thinking this, a sudden gust of wind blew by, and the snow-white pear blossoms were blown down in a flurry, not sparing Qiu Lanxi's hair or neck.
This was so ticklish it was almost unbearable. Qiu Lanxi quickly covered her eyes and said in a muffled voice, "Your Highness, I don't want to sit on the swing anymore."
Yan Qingli was taken aback for a moment, and could tell that she was not happy. He reached out and caught her as the swing fell.
The word "pear" sounds like "separation" in Chinese, so few people would be willing to plant it. Yan Qingli planted it in the garden only to remind herself of this, but now it seems to have stirred up her own emotions.
Yan Qingli placed her hand on her shoulder and slowly tightened it.
Qiu Lanxi remained oblivious and continued to smile, saying, "Your Highness, let's go back."
"etc."
Yan Qingli reached out and draped a light gauze shawl over Qiu Lanxi's eyes, also covering her reddened eye sockets.
Qiu Lanxi tilted her head: "Your Highness?"
Yan Qingli remained silent. She reached out and plucked a pear blossom from her hair. She didn't know how long Yan Qingli had been in the garden, but the fragrance of various flowers covered her body, making her seem unlike herself.
She ran her thumb across Qiu Lanxi's lips, which were stained with lipstick, and after a long while said, "If I truly cherish you, I will be able to control my impulses. There is no shortage of passionate love in the world, but few last. If you want to be with me for a lifetime, I will be able to control myself. But if that is the case, we can no longer be seen in the light of day."
Even in the shadows, she remains a master strategist, and no one pays too much attention to a single piece, because everyone knows it's fake.
Yan Qingli thought that she still wanted to have the best of both worlds. If it was difficult, it was not impossible. However, she could make promises easily, but she herself did not know when she would lose interest.
If that time really comes, it might be better to stop now.
But she still acted willfully in the end.
Qiu Lanxi immediately choked up and said, "Even if I can't see the light of day, I'll be happy to endure it."
She thought calmly to herself that Yan Qingli was really selfish. He felt that being with her was not as comfortable as before, so he immediately tried to coax her back. If the promise was true, how could he not even dare to let her look at him?
Even if it were true, Qiu Lanxi would not agree.
Why must she be the one to sacrifice herself?
To put it nicely, isn't it just that she doesn't want to be a lesbian, but she wants to enjoy everything she has now?
Qiu Lanxi thought that this was probably for the sake of future successors. Although pregnancy and childbirth in ancient times were extremely dangerous, those who practiced martial arts would know some medicine, so pregnancy and childbirth would not be as difficult as for ordinary people. Even if a woman ascended to the throne, her position would be unstable. As long as everything in the past was defined as youthful folly, marriage could be used as a bargaining chip.
Holding Yan Qingli, she thought it was a real pity. She wanted to try to maintain a friendly superior-subordinate relationship, but it was clear that the other party was a greedy person who wanted both power and a secret affair with Qiu Lanxi.
Even so, she was still stingy with even a small reward, demonstrating her ability to get something for nothing to the fullest extent.
Yan Qingli thought that Qiu Lanxi had taken her words to heart and felt a little relieved. She always believed that when one's foundation is not stable, one should not expose any weaknesses, otherwise it would not be her who would get into trouble, but Qiu Lanxi.
Although Qiu Lanxi is not her weakness, it's always good to take precautions for the future.
She would also try to take Qiu Lanxi out into the world. The reason why the other person would fall in love with her was because she was the only person he could rely on and the only person who was good to him. When one day, the other person no longer only had her by his side, but she still missed her, Yan Qingli thought that perhaps that would be the time when she would have no regrets.
Now, everything they've done has been too hasty and careless, so they can easily back out, just like how their father impulsively refused the marriage alliance and later regretted his impulsiveness countless times.
Chapter 30
Yan Qingli was a woman of action. Once she made her decision, she stopped keeping Qiu Lanxi in check and instead supported her going out on her own.
Although Qiu Lanxi found it strange that Chun Su had been mentioning interesting places to her from time to time lately, she didn't think much of it. After all, Chun Su was Yan Qingli's mouthpiece, and she could go wherever she wanted.
So she readily agreed and appeared at all the places Chun Su had mentioned, and her impression was... nothing.
Qiu Lanxi didn't know how other transmigrated women integrated into unfamiliar times. To her, everything here was strange. She adapted to this era, but she always refused to integrate.
Therefore, no matter where she goes, Qiu Lanxi is not particularly interested. She is a vulgar person. To put it bluntly, if a lowbrow video from a short video platform appears in front of her along with the song and dance of this era, she will definitely want to take a few glances at the former.
So after dealing with it a few times, Qiu Lanxi became impatient, but Chun Su still urged her to go out. So Qiu Lanxi simply fought fire with fire and went to the brothel, Qunfang Pavilion.
Chun Su: "…………"
Qiu Lanxi finally found some enjoyment in this, because Qunfang Pavilion was a place that served the upper class, so everything here seemed less straightforward and naked. Most importantly, they were all talented and eloquent. Qiu Lanxi felt that she had learned a lot from them in the art of understanding people.
After all, her experience was more about the relationship between patients and doctors, with the goal of curing the other party, while the people in Qunfangge understood 'patrons' in order to retain them. The goals were different, so the methods were naturally different as well.
In addition, Qiu Lanxi's occupational hazard kicked in, and she couldn't help but rely on her own experience to comfort the 'patient'.
Chun Su stood at the door, watching each woman who came out with a rosy complexion, her feelings were indescribable.
Your Highness wouldn't kill her, would you?
"Chun Su, what are you doing here?" The round-faced little girl looked at the person guarding the door in surprise.
Upon hearing this, Chun Su glanced at the woman and saw that she was the legitimate daughter of the Vice Minister of Rites. She then glanced at the group of like-minded friends behind her and felt an even bigger headache.
Before she could answer, Xue Baozhu asked, "Is His Highness inside?"
Her eyes suddenly brightened, and without thinking, she pushed the door open and entered. Before Chun Su could stop her, she was pushed aside by the person next to her.
A group of noble ladies of high status. Chun Su couldn't resort to force directly, so she could only say urgently, "Miss Xue, you can't go in. His Highness isn't here either."
Xue Baozhu glanced at her, ignored her, then turned and smiled, "Cousin—"
The moment he stepped inside, his smile froze. "Who are you?"
The person sitting at the table was dressed in a crimson silk robe, with his hair tied up with a matching ribbon. He had delicate features and fair skin, and even though he was dressed in men's clothing, it was immediately obvious that he was not male.
In fact, Xue Baozhu didn't need to ask; she already guessed who the other person was. Such a stunning appearance was the best proof of their identity.
Xue Baozhu's mood plummeted instantly, and she felt an indescribable anger: "You actually came to a place like this behind my cousin's back?!"
Qiu Lanxi frowned slightly. The beautiful woman beside her leaned down and whispered, "This is the daughter of Minister Xue. She often comes to ask me for tea."
Seeing the woman's behavior, Xue Baozhu's gaze toward Qiu Lanxi became even sharper.
Qiu Lanxi suddenly realized that the Xue family was the maternal clan of the late Empress. No wonder she dared to run in without asking any questions after seeing Chun Su.
“So it’s Miss Xue,” Qiu Lanxi’s smile deepened. “I’ve heard His Highness mention you before.”
To be precise, it was because Qiu Lanxi received invitations from the other party to the princess's residence almost every day under various pretexts that she curiously asked Yan Qingli about it.
Upon hearing this, Xue Baozhu immediately lost control of her expression. She wanted to continue questioning, but involuntarily asked, "What did my cousin say?"
...
…………
When Yan Qingli came to find Qiu Lanxi, her expression was normal. Chun Su was a bit dull. Compared to Dong Xue, who was better at understanding her master's intentions, she would only carry out her master's orders in a rigid manner, no matter how outrageous the requirements were.
Yan Qingli chose to let her serve Qiu Lanxi because she thought she wouldn't be fooled by Qiu Lanxi's sweet talk. But she didn't expect her to be so naive. Or did Qiu Lanxi say something strange to her again?
Yan Qingli knew that she was not very willing to go out, because she had tested her thoughts several times, but she was always dismissed with a casual remark. She never expected that she would give her such a big 'surprise' because of this.
She found it somewhat amusing, wondering if she could really be so magnanimous in her eyes.
When Yan Qingli stepped into Qunfang Pavilion, the sun was shining brightly. She stood in the shadows and looked at Qiu Lanxi sitting there. She didn't know what Qiu Lanxi was saying, but her laughter could be heard from afar. She felt completely at ease in the midst of it all.
Her expression shifted slightly, and after a moment, she stepped inside.
Hearing footsteps, Xue Baozhu glanced over instinctively, then immediately straightened her posture and hesitantly called out, "Cousin—"