I quickly waved my hand: "Don't argue, this is our most important problem right now."
In terms of details, having two parties involved isn't difficult to manage; the biggest challenge lies in the technical aspects. Imagine two people hacking at each other for ages without drawing a drop of blood—what would others think?
I paced around the room and said, "Now that we have the main item, as for the blood—Brother Ying, do you have any ketchup?"
This really hit a nerve with Qin Shi Huang. The fat man said aggrievedly, "If I had any, I would have eaten tomato and egg noodles long ago."
I scratched my head and said, "This is going to be difficult. I heard that the blood in movies is made of ketchup—"
I asked again, "Do you have any red paint?"
Qin Shi Huang nodded.
I clenched my fist and said, "Isn't that settled? Brother Ying, have someone send over some red paint, we'll mix it into fake blood, and then have Kezi carry it with him."
Ersha looked up at the sky and suddenly said something very insightful: "You can't hide water on your body..."
"We can find something to make blood bags..." I was halfway through saying that when I went crazy: What can we use to make blood bags in this place at this time of year? All I could see was iron and wood, not to mention plastic, there wasn't even a disposable lunchbox on the street.
I jumped up and down a couple of times, exclaiming anxiously, "What are we going to do? How come there's nothing here in this lousy place?"
Ersha said, "If this doesn't work, let's use the real thing..."
Suddenly, my eyes lit up and I said, "Oh right, I have plastic bags in my car." Those were left in my car by Baozi before my wedding. At that time, biodegradable and environmentally friendly products were about to replace the old plastic bags, so Baozi simply bought a whole bunch with ulterior motives.
I said excitedly, "Here's my idea: Brother Ying, take the sword I've 'modified' tomorrow, and Ke Zi, hang the blood pouch on it. Brother Ying, this is where your skills will come in. Remember to cut where the blood pouch is hanging—Ke Zi, this will test your acting skills. Once the water seeps out, you have to pretend to be injured. Don't mess it up or exaggerate too much. I've always thought of you as a representative of both talent and idol appeal. Don't let us down."
Ersha immediately imitated Wu Lao Er's walk and asked, "Will this work?"
Qin Shi Huang: "Drag your feet a little more on the ground."
I packed my things and said, "Time is tight, I have to go back and prepare now. You two should separate now, I'll be back in a bit."
I walked side-by-side with Qin Shi Huang to the door, and Fatty's eyes were already starting to glaze over. I quickly pulled him to the doorway of another room and gave him a hard shove from behind. Fatty turned around blankly and asked, "Who pushed my forehead?"
I took off running, grabbing Meng Yi's arm as I ran outside: "Run! The king's about to turn hostile again..."
Meng Yi could only follow behind me with his men. In a single day, he ran back and forth with me from their king's side several times, and couldn't help but wonder, "Principal Xiao, what do you mean by 'the king is about to turn on us again'?"
I instructed Li Si, who had just recovered, to look after Ersha and Fatty, and then rushed back to the Xiao mansion. I first retrieved two swords, one long and one short, and examined them for a while, scratching my head in frustration. Sharpening them wouldn't be an easy task, and I couldn't let anyone else do it. If only I had an electric grinder… Then I saw my precious Jinbei van. I grabbed Ersha's dagger and tentatively stabbed one of the wheels a few times. Although it still felt like rubber, I couldn't go any further. It seemed my wheel was impervious to blades and spears. I had someone lift the van up and start the engine. The four rapidly spinning wheels were like four electric grinders…
I was wearing the sunglasses from the car, holding Ersha's short sword in my hand and sharpening it on a wheel. Sparks flew everywhere and the sound echoed for miles. After a while, I looked down and saw that the short sword had been sharpened to look like a fathead fish.
Chapter Ninety-Eight: Principal, to Kill or Not to Kill?
After sharpening the two swords, I tested them on myself first. Jing Ke's dagger hurt a bit when it stabbed my chest—it was similar to the kind of pain a teacher would give you when you were in elementary school and stabbed you with a blackboard eraser. Fatty's sword, when it slashed my leg, only left me covered in iron dust and felt about the same as being hit by a broom.
It's usable now, but it's a pity that two powerful weapons are gone. If they were to be unearthed many years later, experts would definitely have to push back the age of the shoehorn to the Qin Dynasty.
Weapons are relatively easy to obtain; the rest requires high-tech methods. As everyone knows, in filmmaking, technology always trumps hardware. To make something fly, you can use wire work, but to simultaneously unleash ball lightning while flying requires computer-generated special effects. Even if you want a Godzilla, you only need two carpenters and a few tailors, but making it move is difficult; you'd have to raise a few geckos and observe it carefully first…
Red pigment is indeed available everywhere, especially in high-class clubs like our Xiao Mansion. However, when diluted with water, the color is a terribly dark red, quite unsightly. Is that arterial or venous blood? But what can you do? It's high-tech, after all. We're relying on the fact that people in the Warring States period didn't think of plastic bags. I poured the liquid red pigment into a plastic bag, squeezed the bottom to form a small cone shape, and then tightly tied the opening with hemp thread. That's how I made a small blood pouch. Later, considering that some bags leaked, I decided to use two layers. I made about ten in one go, tying one to my leg. At that time, people wore long robes with wide sleeves, especially Jing Ke as an envoy, whose clothes were even more elaborate. A small pouch hanging inside was completely invisible. Just as I was about to try it out with my clumsy sword, I heard someone outside requesting an audience. Without waiting for an answer, I rushed out and saw more than a dozen old men already standing in the courtyard. I had seen them all in the main hall; they were all high-ranking officials or ministers of Qin Shi Huang.
As soon as the old men saw me come out, they all bowed and greeted me respectfully. Some called me King Qi, some called me Immortal Xiao, and the cleverer ones called me Principal Xiao. They all had incredibly warm smiles on their faces; it turned out they were all just trying to flatter me.
Wow, here comes the most wish-fulfilling plot in time-travel novels! A young child becomes sworn brothers with the emperor, and historical figures grovel before him. Of course, ideally, those historical figures are mostly mediocre supporting characters when they first meet the protagonist, only gaining immense wisdom after a few words and a few pointers from him.
I stood on the steps, returning the greeting with a smug look on my face. Now I have the right to act like a big shot. I just arrived this morning, and before I even had dinner, I was granted the title of King of Qi and put in charge of the fat man's imperial guards. Even Lu Buwei couldn't compare to this treatment back then.
Unfortunately, before I could even ask the names of everyone present to see if there were any historical figures worth mentioning, a group of soldiers in bright armor rushed in from the gate of my residence. The first one shouted angrily, "Xiao Ni, listen to my decree! You have proclaimed yourself king and plotted a rebellion! By order of the King, you are to be executed on the spot!" With that, he waved his hand, and two soldiers rushed past him, heading straight for me with menacing force!
This is too sudden! I was just enjoying the adoration of a group of ministers at my Xiao Mansion, how come I've become the "rebel Xiao" before I even had a chance to show off my power?
No need to ask, it's because Qin Shi Huang finally succumbed to the effects of the drug and forgot about me. The problem is that before, forgetting meant complete forgetting, but now I've gained considerable influence, so it's inevitable that people around him will mention my name. When the fat man heard that besides himself there was also a King of Qi, he probably thought I was part of a peasant uprising.
This should have been the perfect opportunity for me to unleash my domineering aura, but in this situation, I was caught between laughter and tears, unsure how to deal with these people, and involuntarily took two steps back. Immediately, someone in the court exclaimed, "I saw through 'Xiao the Rebel's' treacherous scheme long ago, so I risked my life to test him. I never imagined he would be so unrepentant..." His face showed a pained expression.
The minister beside him angrily said, "Wang XX (XX is the minister's name), you despicable man! Just now on the way here you were saying that the King of Qi had a bright future and would rely on his promotion, but now you've changed your tune!"
Ah, I've found a great minister! Such an outspoken, loyal and upright minister is sure to be a great help to Fatty in the future. Before I could even ask him his name, he suddenly turned on me and angrily rebuked me: "I'm not here to test you. I'm here to expose your hypocritical face!"
I stopped abruptly… How was I being hypocritical? After thinking for a moment, I suddenly realized that this person's character wasn't much better. He had bowed so deeply to me that his head was practically bent over his heels. How could someone expose someone like that? He was only saying that to protect himself. Since Fatty Ying had already sent people to kill him, there was no suspense anymore. It was amazing that he could change his tune so skillfully. His hypocrisy was outrageous. I glanced at him, and my impression of him instantly turned completely bad.
Sure enough, Wang XX, who had been reprimanded by this fellow, angrily retorted: "Li XX, you (XX is the name of the minister surnamed Li) are talking nonsense! Didn't you just say that you wanted to marry your daughter to the King of Qi? Even as a concubine would be fine."
I took a deep look at Li XX, and my impression of him changed instantly—he's a good person!
Apart from the two of them, the other ministers remained silent. Having appeared in the home of a traitor whom the king was so determined to kill, no amount of explanation would change anything; their lives were likely lost. Qin law was harsh; plotting rebellion was a crime punishable by the extermination of nine generations of one's family. Although the fat man wasn't yet emperor, his ruthlessness was well-known; he had even killed his own father, Lü Buwei. Therefore, the overly stereotypical performances of Wang XX and Li XX, who wanted to be my father-in-law, were understandable given their fear.
Before the two vicious soldiers could even reach me, someone suddenly shouted, "Stop!" It was Meng Yi, whom the fat man had sent to protect me.
Meng Yi stopped the men who were trying to arrest me, and clasped his hands in a fist salute to their leader, saying, "General Wang, I am here to protect Principal Xiao on the King's personal orders. How can you call him a traitor?" It seemed that he knew this General Wang, so he was taken aback when the men came to arrest me before stepping forward.
Upon hearing the words "in person," the courtiers perked up, then cast unfriendly glances at General Wang.
General Wang replied without hesitation, "I am acting on His Majesty's own orders!"
The courtiers were immediately demoralized...
Meng Yi looked at me with suspicion and uncertainty, then at General Wang. Seeing that he was in danger of defecting, I secretly nudged his waist and said, "Do you remember what the King entrusted to you? Even if he sends someone to kill me, you must obey my orders. The King is wise; he foresaw this day long ago!"
Meng Yi paused, then knelt on one knee and said, "Meng Yi will obey Principal Xiao's orders!"
Before Meng Yi finished speaking, his men all pointed their spears diagonally at General Wang and his men with a "whoosh," while the men in the back row all held their crossbows horizontally in front of their chests, with the crossbow bolts all pointing at the men brought by General Wang.
General Wang only brought a little over a hundred men this time. I guess it's partly because the Qin Palace is empty and there's no one to send, and partly because Fatty is half-conscious and doesn't think anyone would dare to arrest him. Of course, normally, the number of men sent isn't really important, but I have ten thousand Imperial Guards who obey orders to the death.