I glanced around the yard and happened to see my pet deer wandering out. I pointed at one of them and said, "Tell me, what's that?"
Zhao Gao prostrated himself on the ground, glanced at it, and said with a fawning smile, "Reporting to the King of Qi, that is a horse."
Li Shimin and the others exchanged bewildered glances. I flew into a rage, gritting my teeth, and said, "Well, you dare say that to our faces?"
Qin Shi Huang, losing face, roared, "Where are the men?!" A squad of gleaming armored warriors replied sternly, "Present!" Everyone could guess the fat man's next words: "Kill them all!"
I waved my hand slightly to stop the fat man, looked Zhao Gao straight in the eye, and said sternly, "I'll give you one more chance—what is that?" I just don't believe there are still eunuchs with such a righteous spirit.
At this moment, Zhao Gao also sensed something was wrong. His face changed color, and he said tremblingly, "Reporting to King Qi, that is... a horse."
I yelled in frustration, "Fine, you damn transvestite, you've got guts!" I waved my hand at Qin Shi Huang, "Sprinkle it!"
Li Shimin secretly tugged at my sleeve and whispered, "Xiao Qiang, do you think this one really doesn't recognize a deer?"
I was taken aback, and then pointed to the horses harnessed to the carriage in the courtyard and asked Zhao Gao, "Then what do you think those are?"
Zhao Gao, sweating profusely, said, "That... is a horse."
Now I was really interested, and I pointed to the deer and asked, "What about this one?"
Zhao Gao paused for a moment, then seemed to finally understand the situation. Wiping his sweat, he smiled apologetically and said, "Reporting to King Qi, this is Xiao Ma. It was my fault for not explaining clearly and angering Your Majesty. I deserve to die..."
We were all stunned. It turned out... this person really didn't recognize a deer.
Zhao Gao, kneeling on the ground, muttered to himself, "It's quite strange, really. The spots on this little horse's body disappeared on their own after it grew up. It's quite remarkable..."
Just then, Hu Hai happened to pass by us. Upon hearing Zhao Gao's words, he immediately said disdainfully, "That's a deer!"
Zhao Gao asked blankly, "A deer?"
Hu Hai scoffed, "He doesn't even recognize a deer, yet he serves my father, the Emperor!"
Zhao Gao was completely baffled. He grabbed a servant who was passing by him and asked urgently, "Tell me, is that a deer or a foal?"
A new round of calling a deer a horse has begun. We deliberately remain silent and watch what others have to say.
The servant shoved Zhao Gao aside with a broom, cursing as he swept the floor: "You damned eunuch, all you do is flatter and fawn, you've never even seen a deer!"
Zhao Gao stared blankly and said, "So this thing is called a deer. I've seen it before, but I've always used it as a horse..." Now I understand, he hadn't never seen a deer or a horse before, he had never seen a pony.
Zhao Gao was stunned for a moment before kowtowing to Hu Hai and saying, "Thank you for your guidance, Second Prince. I have truly benefited from it."
Little Hu Hai, hands behind his back, said smugly, "What's so special about that? There are plenty of things you haven't seen—have you ever seen a flying tortoise?"
Zhao Gao smiled wryly and said, "I've never seen it before."
Hu Hai replied matter-of-factly, "I have seen him."
Zhao Gao asked curiously, "Flying turtles—do they exist?"
Hu Hai asked rudely, "What do you think?" How should one answer? Is this possible? Is this really not possible?
Zhao Gao kowtowed repeatedly, saying, "If the Second Prince says it exists, then it certainly exists."
Zhao Kuangyin, Genghis Khan, and a few others whispered to each other, "Flying turtles? Do such things really exist?"
I whispered to them, "It's in Super Mario." Then I said to Qin Shi Huang, "Brother Ying, this needs to be addressed." He's too self-centered; he'll grow up to be a tyrant.
Qin Shi Huang pointed at Hu Hai and roared, "Stop acting recklessly! Go back and study hard!"
Chapter 208 The Death of Zhao Kuangyin
The emperors gathered in the Qin Dynasty for two reasons: first, to see my son, and second, to hold a small high-level meeting. The main topics included recent economic developments, the return of the remaining population after the restoration of peace in the celestial realm, and historical issues such as those related to Empress Wu Zetian.
Currently, the economic growth rates of various countries are at a similar level. The Qin and Han dynasties, as well as the four dynasties that followed, all had their own pillar industries, and the necessities of life (clothing, food, housing, and transportation) were rationally divided among them. Apart from the Qin and Han dynasties, which mainly focused on travel and lodging along military routes, Genghis Khan primarily developed the tourism industry, while the Song dynasty was mainly responsible for investment.
Correspondingly, the migrant population of each dynasty gradually became stratified. The impoverished proletariat mostly preferred to pan for gold in the western Qin Dynasty; the middle class generally lingered on the grasslands, living a leisurely life of wandering amidst the swaying grass and grazing cattle and sheep; while the prosperous Tang Dynasty was mostly inhabited by nobles and the wealthy. In a high-class clubhouse, a princess might be upstairs and a prince downstairs; if you were merely a baron, you'd be embarrassed to even greet them…
Given that the military road would be closed in three months, the question of when the current population would return to the capital was put on the agenda by these emperors. However, this wasn't their primary concern; their greatest worry was the fate of their descendants. We know that many unofficial histories attribute their success to destiny, but in reality, none of these men were willing to submit to fate. On the contrary, their characters contained absolutely no element of "obedience." Consider Qin Shi Huang, Liu Bang, Li Shimin, Zhu Yuanzhang… any one of them achieved their empire by defying the will of Heaven. To expect them to submit to destiny would require destiny to first be in their favor.
Simply put, the beginning of a golden age is inevitably accompanied by great chaos, followed by endless aftereffects. These aftereffects cannot be eliminated by a single emperor. They also face various problems, such as powerful military generals, interference in politics by relatives of the empress, and infighting among their own clans.
Take Liu Bang as an example. In the early stages of conquering the empire, he couldn't do without the help of the Lü clan. But after the dust settled, when he wanted to restore order, the Lü clan had already become too powerful. Genghis Khan's descendants experienced numerous internal wars, a foreshadowing of which was evident during his lifetime. But both sons were his flesh and blood; what could he do? He had an invincible scimitar against his enemies, but he was helpless against his own sons. Li Shimin, needless to say, absolutely did not want a Wu Zetian to suddenly appear and usurp the Li family's empire…
According to the principles of the natural order, established history cannot be changed. So these emperors gathered together, firstly to see if they could come up with any opportunistic solutions, and secondly mainly to vent their frustrations to each other.
When they usually hold a grievance meeting, the guys avoid me because, no matter what, I am still an agent of the Heavenly Court. It's the same principle as how even if the general agent and the local distributor have a good relationship, they can't sell at a loss.
But they still didn't understand. It's true I'm an agent of Heaven, but that's a completely different matter from the Heavenly Dao. Heaven is a business, the Heavenly Dao is like the National Development and Reform Commission (NDRC), and Liu Laoliu and his cronies are still trying to deceive their superiors and subordinates…
That day, as usual, I went to see Baozi first. Baozi, dressed in a mink coat, sat curled up on the kang (heated brick bed), looking like a landlady from the past, perhaps even more so if she had a green bandage on her head. I'd heard that a woman's postpartum period is the most important thing, a time when her meridians are wide open and she's at her weakest, a bit like a master in seclusion in a novel—she absolutely mustn't see the light of day. Especially in such a backward place as the Qin Dynasty, I dared not be careless, so I gave her a strict order not to move around, and lit braziers all over the room. It's a miracle that Baozi has lasted this long, given her personality; a large part of that is because she's not lonely now—when I came in, she was playing with her little brother's hand in her mouth. After a few days, the wrinkles on the little guy's skin had completely smoothed out, so fair it was almost unbearable to look at. When he was awake, he stared at the sky with burning eyes, like a philosopher; even when he was asleep, he seemed to be contemplating the grand scheme of things, which was quite comical. However, this is quite in line with his status. The godfathers and godmothers this kid has recognized in the past few days are all heavyweight figures. The titles and official ranks bestowed upon him are too numerous to list. Even if he starts thinking about it now, it will keep him busy enough.
Baozi teased him for a while, but when he saw that "Qingzhu Nanshu" wasn't paying much attention to him, he relapsed into his old ways and sighed, "When do you think he'll start running around all over the place and making me angry?"
I said dejectedly, "I'm afraid you're the one who'll go crazy with him, and then it'll be the two of you running around making me angry."
Baozi said firmly, "No, I am a mother after all, and I still need to take care of my personal image."
I said, "So, you want us to run around all over the place and annoy you?"
Baozi laughed and said, "Right, when the child grows up, we should take turns being the good cop and the bad cop. We can't spoil them both, but we can't mistreat them both either."
I'm speechless. I feel like even two people abusing this kid wouldn't be enough. Everyone says kids these days are hard to manage; just the four sets of grandparents on both sides can spoil them rotten. Luckily, the military training camp closed after three months, otherwise, with all those godfathers we shouldn't have taken in, each of them could have spoiled him a few bad habits, and this kid would have been completely unacceptable…
I came out of the steamed bun shop and saw Qin Shihuang and the others secretly discussing something in another room. I went in, and they all fell silent.