After hearing my introduction, Xiang Yu glanced at Hua Mulan again and asked me, "A new customer?" Without asking any more questions, he headed straight for the stairs.
My eyes lit up, and I suddenly grabbed Xiang Yu—
A fleeting thought startled me: Mulan wanted to be a woman, and while we couldn't help her with anything else, could we introduce Xiang Yu to her as a boyfriend? Haven't you heard that a woman in love is the most beautiful? A heroine paired with the Hegemon of Western Chu—they seemed like a perfect match. Anyway, Yu Ji was nowhere to be seen, and Mulan was in no way inferior to Zhang Bing.
Yes, I admit my idea is a bit far-fetched. If it were Mu Guiying or Liang Hongyu, I wouldn't say anything. I'm not so despicable as to pimp for a hero's wife. Besides, that would be breaking up a military marriage, which is illegal. But wasn't Mulan a celibate?
I pulled Xiang Yu aside and introduced her to him in detail: "Brother Yu, this is Hua Mulan. She served in the army in place of her father for 12 years. She is both loyal and filial. She is a good girl!"
Xiang Yu responded with an "Oh," and asked Hua Mulan, "A soldier?"
I quickly said, "More than that, she's one of the best female generals in China!" Princess Pingyang, the wives of the Yang family, and Sister Hongyu, please don't take offense at my words, but for Mulan's happiness, you should all temporarily take a backseat...
Hua Mulan felt slightly uncomfortable and said modestly, "I'm no general, I just served as a vanguard for a few years."
Xiang Yu couldn't help but ask, "What dynasty are you from? How do you fight wars with women?"
Hua Mulan was displeased and frowned, saying, "What's wrong with being a woman? I've been through hundreds of battles, big and small, and I've never been surrounded like an iron barrel!"
Xiang Yu's face darkened. These words were indeed quite harsh on him, showing that Mulan had ultimately inherited the glorious tradition of Chinese women being sharp-tongued and ruthless in arguments. If she weren't a woman, Xiang Yu probably would have already attacked. Finally, he said in a deep voice, "Don't let me see you on the battlefield!"
"So what if we meet?" Mulan retorted, "The Rouran (Mulan's enemy) cavalry is no weaker than Liu Bang's Han army."
The meaning is obvious: my enemy is much stronger than your enemy, but I won and you lost, which implies that I am much stronger than you.
Xiang Yu flicked his hand and snorted, "A pointless argument, all talk!" He then turned to leave, adopting a "a gentleman doesn't fight with a woman" attitude. Hua Mulan scoffed, "Try it if you dare. You don't even know how to strategize, do you?"
Xiang Yu exclaimed "Eh?" and had to re-examine the woman before him. He then extended his hand to me and said, "Xiao Qiang—"
The two of them started fighting the moment they met. It was only now that I realized what was happening. Xiang Yu's shout startled me: "What are you doing? You're not going to fight with a girl, are you?"
Xiang Yu glared at me and said, "Give me paper and pen."
My mind went completely blank: "You're not going to sign a death pact, are you?"
Impatiently, Xiang Yu picked up a large sheet of white paper and two pens from my desk, walked over to Hua Mulan, handed her one, and began to draw on the paper. Soon, mountains, rivers, paths, and plains appeared on the paper. Xiang Yu drew a circle on the paper and said to Hua Mulan, "Let's each have five thousand infantrymen to seize this spot."
Mulan took the pen and said, "Okay!" Then she curiously played with the ballpoint pen in her hand.
I rushed over to take a look and saw that the two of them were each arranging their troops from one end, and soon the paper was filled with dots representing soldiers—it turns out that the game "Age of Empires" existed in ancient times.
Xiang Yu drew a circle on the bank of a river and said, "I will use this as a supply point to launch a forced march towards our destination..."
Hua Mulan bluntly drew circles on the mountain along his inevitable route: "I'm closer to here than you. I'll split my forces into four groups and ambush you like this, let's see if you can get through."
Xiang Yu smiled contemptuously: "A mere five thousand men and you still have to split them into four routes? Do you even know how to lead an army?" But as Hua Mulan explained, Xiang Yu's expression gradually became serious, and it was clear that he had suffered a great loss in terms of strategy.
Hua Mulan surrounded Xiang Yu's soldiers, then led an arrow through the mountains, saying, "Once we get out of this mountain, you'll have at most 500 men left. Even if we give you the destination, can you hold it?"
Xiang Yu was dumbfounded, and finally could only say, "Even if I only have 500 men left, I still have a chance of winning..." As he spoke, he picked up a pen and scribbled randomly on the paper, "As long as I lead the charge a few times, I can definitely drive your men away."
Now everyone can see that Xiang Yu has started to act unreasonably. Imagine you're fighting in StarCraft and suddenly a fully leveled hero from Warcraft appears. Isn't that cheating?
Mulan threw down her pen, indicating that she disdained to play with Xiang Yu.
Enraged, Xiang Yu retorted, "War is not just about theory. I, Xiang, am a match for ten thousand men. Do you think I fear your mere five thousand infantrymen?"
In reality, if a real battle broke out, I firmly believe that Xiang Yu with 500 men would be more than capable of defeating a typical general with 5,000 men. But everything has its rules. If everyone played by his method, and we sent the PLA's Second Artillery Corps to the Warring States period, spending the cost of two Volkswagen Santana shells, wouldn't Xiang Yu's million-strong Qin army be wiped out?
There are two main reasons why Xiang Yu lost out. First, Mulan's vanguard consisted of only three thousand men, specializing in meticulously planned local battles; while Xiang Yu commanded battles involving tens or hundreds of thousands of troops, and naturally had many skilled generals under his command, so he didn't need to worry about the details. Second, there was a gap of several hundred years between them, during which military strategy had advanced significantly. Why couldn't Waldner beat Wang Liqin? Not because he was old, but because he couldn't keep up with the times; why did the Qing Dynasty decline? Because it became stagnant; why is Chinese football so bad? Because it has always been bad.
These two stared at each other, neither of them getting along. I just don't understand how a perfectly planned relationship turned into this upon meeting. Ultimately, it's because Xiang Yu doesn't know how to talk. It seems his chauvinistic nature requires a submissive woman like Yu Ji to serve him, while Mulan, with her strong sense of honor and mission, needs a man like a family of loyal martyrs. But where am I supposed to find her a family of loyal martyrs?
Xiang Yu turned and left, but couldn't help turning back at the top of the stairs, saying, "What if I don't take the mountain path?"
Hua Mulan said, "Then you'll definitely arrive at the destination later than me. Five thousand against five thousand, I'll be on the city wall and you'll be on the ground. Do you know what the consequences will be?"
Xiang Yu snorted and vanished without a trace. I only realized today that Brother Yu also has a childlike side.
After driving Xiang Yu away, Mulan sat cross-legged on the sofa and gave me a helpless smile.
I said, "Sis, let me show you around." I needed to teach her some everyday life skills first, so that Baozi wouldn't be unable to tell time or open a door when she met her older cousin. I started by introducing the quartz clock on the wall and continued until I reached the various appliances upstairs.
While playing a game, Qin Shi Huang asked without turning his head, "Any new recruits?"
I quickly introduced Mulan to him: "This is Qin Shi Huang. You can call him Brother Ying from now on."
Hua Mulan smiled at Qin Shi Huang, then scratched her head and said, "Qin Shi Huang... that was Xiang Yu just now, so..."
I quickly gestured for her to be quiet, and then whispered to her, "Jing Ke is downstairs too."
Hua Mulan paused for a moment, then said, "Isn't it a bit too lively here?"
I nodded: "Not bad, things will be even more lively when Liu Bang comes back tonight."
Hua Mulan chuckled, speechless: "Who else is here with you?"
I said, "Su Wu guards the gate for me, while Dao Zhi collects protection money in the suburbs. You don't know the rest; I'll tell you more about him later."
I briefly recounted Mulan's story to Qin Shi Huang, and after listening, Fatty handed the No. 1 machine to Mulan, saying, "Good girl, you play with this." This was an expression of an emperor's respect for this loyal and brave woman.
Sweat beaded on my forehead as I pulled Mulan outside, saying, "Brother Ying, you play first. Try to beat Super Mario with your eyes closed."
I told Mulan, "The things in the house are basically the same as they were back then, just a bit more convenient. You can still live the same way you always have."
Hua Mulan said, "It's quite novel, but convenience is another matter—back in our day, one person was enough to take a bath."
Oh no, it seems that modernization has only left Mulan with a shadow. If she doesn't have someone around to keep her company, she probably won't even dare to take a bath anymore.