I apologized to Yan Jingsheng and asked, "Teacher Yan, are you alright? What did you teach before?"
Yan Jingsheng wiped his glasses, which had just fallen to the ground, and said, "I can teach both math and Chinese. I used to teach grades one through five. But don't worry, I can teach middle and high school just as well."
"No, these people haven't had much schooling. Just treat them like first graders and start teaching them from scratch."
Teacher Yan asked doubtfully, "Will this work?"
I asked 300 loudly, "Is it okay?"
Although they had no idea what I was talking about, this question was easy to answer:
"OK!"
Teacher Yan was startled again, and her glasses fell to the ground again.
Principal Zhang said to me, "I heard you prepared tents for the students. That's a good idea. Xiao Yan has had nowhere to live since the earthquake damaged the school building. Why don't you let him live with your students? It won't interfere with his studies."
What a mess! 300 iron-willed soldiers of Yue Fei with unclear motives, and a frail college dropout, all crammed together—it feels like something out of an American blockbuster.
But I can't worry about that now; let them influence each other. I haven't had a good night's sleep in ages. All I want to do right now is go home, take a shower, get a long nap, and then see if I can find an opportunity to have some fun with Baozi. My bicycle is still in the factory yard; it'll take at least several hours to walk there. I looked at the sidecar motorcycle Principal Zhang and the others had driven and asked the farmer if I could borrow it to ride back, promising to return it tomorrow. The farmer seemed hesitant, so I handed him my phone and said, "Why don't you ask your village chief?" He looked at my phone, chuckled, and pulled a Nokia N81 from his pocket. After making the call, he told me, "Our village chief said that once your school opens, you should buy all the vegetables from us, and the motorcycle is yours for the taking."
...
I rode my sidecar motorcycle, speeding across the vast land and country lanes of Yaocun, and everyone who saw me said enviously, "Hey, you're a relative of the village chief!"
Once I left Yao Village, people along the way pointed at me and yelled, "Look at that idiot!"
Chapter Forty-Three: Opening the Heavenly Eye
I was riding a sidecar motorcycle with my bicycle in the bed and the handlebars sticking out like a crooked machine gun. While I was waiting at a red light at an intersection, a tricycle driver came up from behind, pulled the handbrake, and stopped next to me. He looked me up and down and said, "Brother, turn at the next intersection. Once you enter the Third Ring Road, your vehicle won't be allowed to go any further."
I said, "I haven't heard of that. Aren't there still manufacturers producing sidecar motorcycles?"
The tricycle driver shook his head and said, "Anything with three wheels can't run within the Third Ring Road. Besides, your vehicle should be scrapped by now—is this commemorating the 10th anniversary of the victory in the War of Resistance Against Japan?" He looked at the words engraved on my motorcycle's sidecar and said in surprise, "Is this made in 1955?"
I just realized that too. The tricycle driver kindly advised me: "If you don't want to take a detour, don't you have a bicycle? Just tie a rope to it and use the bicycle to pull the motorcycle, and you'll be fine."
I said, "So nobody cares about five wheels?"
The driver said, "It's rare. If you drive a car with 15 wheels, even the traffic police will salute you."
After thanking the driver, I didn't listen to him, since the car didn't have a license plate anyway.
I parked my car at the street corner, then unloaded my bicycle and pushed it inside. Seeing the mahjong parlor was open, I went in and, sure enough, saw that Grandpa Zhao was at the same table as Liu Bang. I gave him my car keys, and Liu Bang followed me out, grinning smugly. I asked him, "How much money did you win?"
"I don't want to win their money today, so I'll just throw some rice at them, otherwise no one will want to play with me in the future."
I said, "What are you laughing at?"
Liu Bang chuckled mischievously, "You're finished." With that, he turned and ran inside.
I entered the pawnshop, puzzled, and found Li Shishi engrossed in playing on the computer. I quietly walked up behind her, and was startled to find her looking at pictures of women in swimsuits on my D drive. I said from behind her, "Are they pretty?" She exclaimed, quickly closed the page, and when she saw it was me, blushed and asked, "Why are there pictures of me here?"
This time it was my turn to feel awkward. Li Shishi bit her lip lightly and said, "If you show this to others..." I thought she would say something like "I'll die for you," but instead she said, "...I'll take a few good pictures of you." My eyes narrowed and a lovesick smile appeared on my lips. Li Shishi suddenly ran upstairs lightly, giggling and saying, "Cousin, you're doomed."
I was even more puzzled, so I followed him upstairs and saw Jing Ersha standing at the bottom of the stairs. He saw me, said nothing, and just grinned at me. It was really weird for someone so dim-witted to grin at you like that. I started to feel a sense of dread and wanted to ask someone honest, but unexpectedly, Qin Shihuang, while playing his game, shouted at me, "Qiangzi, you're finished."
When I pinned my last hope on Xiang Yu on the sofa, he spread his large, leaf-like hands at me and shook his head helplessly. I sat down beside him ingratiatingly and said, "Brother Yu, do you still like the van?" Xiang Yu's eyes lit up, and I asked him in a low voice, "What's wrong?"
Xiang Yu said sadly, "You really shouldn't have forgotten what day it is today."
"Huh? What day is it today?" I asked, scratching my head, completely bewildered.
Just then, Baozi returned, carrying a large cake. She went upstairs, put the cake down, and changed her shoes while holding onto the handrail. I hurriedly ran upstairs, and Baozi glanced at me and said, "You're back?"
My little Baozi is so much better; she didn't start cursing me the moment we met. While changing her shoes, Baozi grumbled, "Damn it, it's my birthday today, and I have to buy the cake myself..." I casually replied, "Oh, it's your birthday? Tell me what day it is first?" Then I knew I was wrong, terribly wrong...
Baozi gently placed a hand on the back of my head, then shoved it hard against the wall, making a loud thud as a bump popped up on my head. Baozi said fiercely, "Tell me honestly, where did you go last night?"
I, Xiao Qiang, am not someone to be trifled with. I put my arm on her nose and said, "Smell it, smell it."
Baozi sniffed and frowned at me. I said smugly, "It must be stale, right? Where do you think I, who's like a skunk, could go? I was helping a guy move yesterday."
Moving at 2 a.m.?
"...Yeah, I won the lottery, so I have to move secretly."
How much money did you win?
"5 yuan!"
Baozi knew I was joking with her, but she didn't suspect I was out fooling around. She glanced at me and said, "What a jerk!"
I put my arm around her and whispered in her ear, "If you still don't believe me, let's go into the inner room and see how much your man can produce."
Baozi noticed that the whole family was spying on us, and she awkwardly pushed me away, saying somewhat involuntarily, "You bastard." I grinned mischievously and leaned closer to tease her, but then I saw Liu Bang saunter upstairs. He said with dissatisfaction, "What bad luck!" When I asked him what was wrong, he said, "I haven't even lost 5 yuan all afternoon. Now, apart from Lao Zhao, no one wants to sit at the same table with me."
Baozi said, "Now that everyone's here, let's call them all out to eat cake."
Baozi, considering there were many people, bought a cake the size of a manhole cover. We all stood around it, dumbfounded: what were we supposed to use to cut it? The plastic knife in the box was practically useless. Using a kitchen knife wouldn't look good, and cakes, like preserved eggs, just fall apart with the knife.
Ersha suddenly said blankly, "My knife should be long enough." Then he gestured to the thickness of the cake and asked Qin Shihuang, "Is my knife that long?" Qin Shihuang put a certain distance between them, measured it according to the scene back then, and stroked his chin, saying, "About the same."
I took the knife out of the toolbox and washed it several times. This knife is said to be highly poisonous, but I don't believe in that stuff. Poisons from over 2,000 years ago are really just bluffing. Look at those historical novels and legends, so many people were poisoned, but not a single one actually died from it.
Baozi picked up a knife and cut the cake into a jumbled mess. When she returned the knife to Jing Ke, he said, "Keep it and play with it. Ask me for it again if I want to use it." This startled Fatty Ying.
Liu Bang pointed to the largest piece and said, "I want this one."