I retorted, "Wasn't that a bit too subtle? You said 'fuck your mother—' to me."
Baozi chuckled, glanced cautiously at the door, and said, "You bastard, you still hold a grudge? I was just furious!"
Holding the steamed bun, I remarked, "The way we met was quite romantic, no less so than the story of Farewell My Concubine."
Baozi said, "By the way, my dad wants to invite you to dinner tomorrow. We'll leave as soon as I get back at 5 p.m.
I asked nervously, "Where are we going?"
Baozi said with dissatisfaction, "What are you panicking about? It's just a meal."
I said, "Can we talk about marriage outside of meals?"
Baozi, with her arm around my shoulder, said, "So what do you mean? Do you want to get married or not?"
"I don't want to get married."
Say it again.
"...I want to get married."
Baozi then turned her anger into joy.
I asked, "How much dowry is your dad planning to ask me for?"
"He asks for an exorbitant price, and you try to haggle. Are you going to give him whatever he asks for?"
I was completely bewildered and said, "Is this what they call 'girls are more outgoing'? Which side are you on, anyway?"
Baozi slapped me lightly and said, "Stop acting innocent after getting the benefit. I'm not a kid anymore. Actually, my dad is just making things difficult for you to show off in front of others. What does he need the money for? He gives it all to me, doesn't he?" Baozi suddenly seemed to remember something and said, "Although my dad knows what kind of person you are, you better behave yourself tomorrow and don't act like a fool."
I said, "I'm a manager, after all. You'd better be careful not to say anything out of line, or your dad will think I've led you astray."
Baozi gave me a seductive look and said, "I've slept with you for two years, don't you know what kind of person I am?"
I:"……"
If Baozi's dad had any conscience, he shouldn't have asked me for a dowry. You know, before I met Baozi, I was just a little unreliable and careful with my words. But since I've been sleeping with her for the past two years, I've lost all sense of propriety and anything goes.
Tomorrow, I absolutely must push Xiang Yu to the front lines so he can meet Zhang Bing, and then have him fight Xiang the old accountant to the death. In short, I'll be dealing with that Xiang guy all day tomorrow.
Chapter 85 This boy is not worth planning anything with.
That night, Xiang Yu couldn't sleep. Sometimes when I woke up and turned over, I would see him staring intently at the ceiling. After several such attempts, I couldn't help but say to him, "Brother Yu, get some sleep. How can you face your wife tomorrow with bloodshot eyes?" Only then would he close his eyes. But I knew he wasn't asleep.
Even the mighty Xiang Yu, the legendary conqueror, acted like a childish brat over a woman. If he were facing a major battle tomorrow, he'd sleep soundly, just like I certainly wouldn't be able to sleep if I were going to war tomorrow…
The next day, as soon as Baozi left, the members of the "womanizing" group gathered from all corners. Xiang Yu's eyes were indeed bloodshot, so I had him wrap two mung bean popsicles in a towel and apply them to them. Then I tucked a pencil behind my ear, unfolded some old newspaper, and waited imposingly for orders. My subordinates included: First Emperor Ying Pangzi, responsible for gathering intelligence, which would help us better understand Zhang Bing's activity patterns, and, if necessary, seek help from the Liangshan heroes or others; photos are invaluable firsthand information. First Assassin Jing Ersha, responsible for Ying Pangzi's logistical work, including buying him water when thirsty and food when hungry. First Courtesan Li Shishi, she had a new mission today: to infiltrate deep into enemy territory. First, she needed to establish a relationship with Zhang Bing, then become close friends, and finally, Xiang Yu would appear as her cousin, with Li Shishi accompanying him on their first date.
The person in question, Xiang Yu, had the primary task of: picking up girls. I noticed he covered his eyes with an ice pop and hesitated several times before speaking; he seemed very nervous.
I took an ice pop, tore open the wrapper, and started eating it, saying, "Brother Yu, who are you?"
Xiang Yu said, bewildered, "Xiang Yu."
I shook my head and said, "Xiang Yu is just your code name. Your real identity is the owner of a chain of soup dumpling shops. You can earn 100,000 yuan a month. You don't even ask for change when you park your car and give 10 yuan."
Li Shishi explained to him, "The owner of a steamed bun shop is good at winning over girls; men who have achieved some success in their careers are more reliable." Li Shishi then said to me, "Should we fabricate another story about a failed marriage?"
I thought for a while and said, "Let's forget about my marital history. I've been so focused on starting my business that I've been delayed until today."
As we were talking, Liu Bang stumbled upstairs, plopped down on the sofa, and was too exhausted to speak.
I said, "Bangzi, where's the car?"
Liu Bang threw the car keys on the table, snatched the popsicle from Xiang Yu's hand and took a bite. After a couple of bites, he said weakly, "I'm exhausted."
I looked downstairs and saw Black Widow hailing a taxi and leaving; a Hyundai pulled up next to her.
I rubbed my hands excitedly and said, "Now that we have a car, Brother Yu, you really have to thank Bangzi properly this time. He risked his life for you—Bangzi, I'll buy you two big kidneys tonight to help you recover."
Liu Bang remarked with emotion, "Qiangzi really knows how to care for people."
Xiang Yu awkwardly patted Liu Bang on the shoulder and said, "Thank you."
Liu Bang shook his head and said, "I know you still hate me. Actually, I was already quite satisfied with ruling half the country back then. It was all because of that rascal Zhang Liang's bad advice that things got to this point. But let's not talk about that anymore. Here's a piece of advice for you: you're a good person in every way, except you can't bring yourself to do things when it matters. What do you rely on to woo women? Money and shamelessness. I'm asking you, if I gave you another chance, would you kill me at the Feast at Hongmen?"
Xiang Yu said slowly, "I will not kill you. Having learned my lesson from that experience, I will surely be able to defeat you fair and square with my troops."
Liu Bang slapped his thigh and said, "Look at you! Someone like you wants to pick up girls? You always think you're a hero, omnipotent. You've bound yourself back, and there are many things you can't do. If you can't let go of your inhibitions, you can't accomplish anything!" Liu Bang excitedly took a bite of an ice pop, blowing on it coolly. "If it were me back then, countless of you would have been dead at the Hongmen Banquet. Forget about benevolence and morality, I'll worry about that after I've conquered the world. Xiao Ji (Xiang Yu's courtesy name), I did wrong you back then, but I only wronged you. The people all say I'm good. Wronging one person versus wronging the world, it's a simple choice, but unfortunately, you always choose the wrong one."
I quickly said, "What are you talking about? Bangzi, you and Cao Cao should have something in common. He gained the world by betraying a few people."
Liu Bang asked, "Cao Cao? Who did he betray?"
Li Shishi quickly changed the subject, saying, "Let's talk about Brother Xiang's matter first today."
Liu Bang forgot about Cao Cao and said, "What I meant was that you can't be too thin-skinned. Anyway, you don't consider me a friend, so I'll say whatever I want. Now that you're pursuing her, you can use any underhanded methods you want. Yesterday I learned a new phrase, 'to cook the rice into rice'..."
I said, "Girls these days don't follow that kind of logic anymore. They're basically all done with each other, and it's really hard to find someone who's not yet married—of course, your sister-in-law is probably not yet married."
Qin Shi Huang fiddled with his camera and said, "Stop talking nonsense, are we going or not?"
See, the founding emperor truly had the spirit and courage to get things done.
I said, "Let's go, Yu-ge, you drive the Hyundai, the rest of you follow me in the minivan. The girl-chasing operation is officially starting."
Downstairs, Xiang Yu complained, "Why can't I drive this minivan? It's so small."