Halfway through the drinking session, Wang Ying came up to me with her bowl in hand and said with a troubled expression, "Xiao Qiang, can you give me some advice?"
"What's wrong?" I didn't understand what was bothering the short guy. This guy was sometimes ruthless and sometimes lecherous and shameless, but he always had a stroke of good luck. He wasn't a bad person either. There was practically no one on the whole mountain who was more like the male protagonist in a time-travel novel than him.
Wang Ying asked, "Do you think Third Sister likes me?"
"How could she not like it? Didn't you see how frantic she was after you were arrested?"
"Really?" Wang Ying was overjoyed, but her face immediately darkened. "But why is she always so cold to me?"
"Well... I'm just guessing. I suspect it's related to your hasty marriage back then. Everyone has the right to pursue happiness, right? Third Sister doesn't dislike you; she's just worried you won't like her, so she's keeping her distance—it's self-protection. Now's the time for you to prove your loyalty to her!"
Wang Ying scratched her head and said, "How do I express it? To be honest, I'm the one who fetches her foot bath water every day."
...Wang Ying is really drunk. He told me this kind of secret. I can't guarantee he won't kill me to silence me when he sobers up. In a patriarchal society, this is absolutely unspeakable!
"We can't just use water for washing feet, let's add a touch of romance," I said to the short guy with a wink.
"Go wild! Absolutely wild, I'm not just bragging, Brother Wang, let's get wild..."
I said dejectedly, "Romantic! Not frivolous—of course, you can be frivolous after being romantic."
"...What is romance?"
I suddenly remembered that when Hu Sanniang and Baozi were looking at interior design styles together, she seemed to have shown a particular interest in pink, so I said to Wang Ying, "When she's not around, change everything in your bedroom to pink."
Wang Ying quickly wrote it down, then looked up and asked me, "Should I change the clothes inside too?"
Imagine a short person wearing pink lingerie, writhing and posing on the bed... How slutty!
When discussing the wedding night pranks, Wu Song firmly rejected the suggestion to impersonate Fang Zhenjiang and joke with Tong Yuan.
Don't tell me this is fake; even Pan Jinlian couldn't win her over with real sword and spear back then. Alas, to go to the Northern Song Dynasty and not find Pan Jinlian is like entering a treasure mountain and returning empty-handed!
But at least I learned a trick: if I want to ruin someone's life without getting a marriage certificate, I'll just take her to Liangshan to get married!
Chapter 127 The Toilet Gate Incident
Amidst the lively atmosphere, I suddenly recalled last year's Spring Festival, when I celebrated the New Year with all my clients. Just then, someone shared my sentiment and sighed, "If only I could drink with those young rascals from Yue Fei's army and Jing Ke again."
I instinctively pulled out my phone and called Jin Shaoyan. These past two days I'd been busy with Fang La and the heroes, and hadn't had a chance to ask him about it or receive a call from him. If nothing unexpected happened, he should still be dealing with the madam. After a beep, Jin Shaoyan's voice suddenly came through: "Brother Qiang, what you're hearing now is my message. I've seen Shishi and restored her memories..."
My heart leaped with joy, and Jin Shaoyan continued, “But please forgive me for making a decision: I don’t plan to go back—at least not now. Shishi and I have found a beautiful, quiet little place, and we’re prepared to spend the rest of our lives there. I’m very happy, and thank you for everything you’ve done for us. As for home, you know Grandma is different from ordinary people; she had a premonition the day before I left. I believe she will understand me once she understands the whole story. Of course, if I really miss you, I’ll find a way to contact you; I know the way to Liangshan…”
I jumped up with a scream and cursed, "Jin Shaoyan, you bastard, you finally tricked me!"
The people around me kept their distance and watched me, whispering, "Who is he with?"
The recorded phone conversation was silent for a while, as if there was more to say. Sure enough, a clear and beautiful female voice called out in a complicated tone, "Cousin..." Li Shishi choked up a little before she could finish speaking, and the call ended.
I held the phone high—but couldn't bring myself to smash it. In the end, I could only pace back and forth, muttering, "That little bastard, that little bastard..."
Before I took him to find Li Shishi, I emphasized to him that I must be able to contact him at all times. But that's probably why Jin Shaoyan deliberately avoided me: he was afraid that I would prevent him from being with Li Shishi because of the Heavenly Dao and the Human Realm Axis, so he simply took Li Shishi and fled.
This is typical behavior of a rich kid: naive, innocent, and selfish, yet with a touch of childlike simplicity that makes it hard to truly hate him. I soon chuckled to myself. Actually, I didn't say they couldn't be together. I just told them to sneak into the village quietly, without firing a shot, because I didn't know if Emperor Huizong would end up like that traitor Wu Sangui, turning his head into a Mexican cactus for a woman. Maybe without Li Shishi, he'd be inspired to rebuild the Song Dynasty—even so, I never considered sending Li Shishi back. I just hoped that if things really came to that, she could offer some advice. It seems Jin Shaoyan still doesn't understand me. Does he really think I only do things that humiliate and betray the country? Next time I see him, I'll hit him with a brick!
After a night of revelry, it was finally time to part ways. I left the signal booster from the car at Liangshan. Judging from its power and range, it would be useful at least for future trips to the Sui, Tang, and Three Kingdoms periods. I told the heroes to keep at least two telephones as backup. Old Wang, though a carpenter by trade, was skilled in electrical work and fitting; he was even planning to install a landline at Liangshan if we stayed a few days longer.
When we went down the mountain, many people saw us off in pairs, like Fang La seeing off Old Wang, and Wu Song seeing off Fang Zhenjiang and his wife. I carefully checked the numbers before getting on the bus. There wasn't much to check; there were nine people in total. I was worried that these unruly guys might try to switch people out, or have a twisted experience of life. Knowing their personalities, they're capable of doing that.
As our car slowly started moving, I saw Wang Ying and Hu Sanniang cuddling together, Hua Rong and his wife waving incessantly at Ran Dongye, and Li Tianrun standing with his four wives. I noticed that the young woman next to him indeed had two adorable canine teeth. Fang Jie stood tall and straight, and a pretty girl was gazing at him intently; that was probably Er Ya, Old Wang's wife's niece. Because of the overloading, Tong Yuan was sitting on Fang Zhenjiang's lap, and the two of them had probably crossed the final barrier—of course, whether they crossed it last night or before, I won't delve into.
As I drove, I sighed, "How many people have I helped on this trip?"
Fang Zhenjiang said, "If you find someone suitable, find one for my older brother too. Anyway, people from our area don't need visas to come here. My older brother is such a good man."
I said with a stern face, "This is not the time to promote your factionalism. We haven't even solved the problem of tens of millions of bachelors over there yet. It's one thing for a large number of beautiful women to be lost to capitalist countries and for certain people to take more than their share, but you want to start a time-traveling matchmaking agency?"
Fang Zhenjiang curled his lip and said, "You can't just focus on one side. Why don't you mention that Jin Shaoyan is trapped in the Northern Song Dynasty? How many girls would that kid ruin if he were in modern times?"
Tong Yuan said, "There have been many beautiful single women in history. I think Big Brother and Sister Mulan are a good match."
Bao Jin said, "That's not fair! This is clearly regional discrimination. Weren't the people of the Northern Song Dynasty richer than those of the Northern Dynasties?" Bao Jin suddenly realized that he was the only unmarried person in the car, and then he picked his mouth and said in a lovestruck tone, "Hey, which dynasty do you think had the most gentle and beautiful women? I'm not going to compete with those bachelors from the 21st century for a spot."
Old Wang laughed and said, "If you ask me, women from the 1950s and 60s are the best. They are reserved, traditional, and can cook."
Bao Jin said with a bitter face, "No way! The streets are full of women from the 1950s and 60s, but I'm a 70s kid!"
Wang Yin laughed and said, "Then find a post-90s kid, the kind who's brain-dead, whose handwriting is full of Martian language, and who can copy a text like Bodhidharma's Yi Jin Jing. You'll definitely hit it off with him."
Bao Jin angrily retorted, "Bah! Don't you dare insult our precious things!"
Pang Wanchun cautiously asked Bao Jin, "Jinzi, you've been a monk for so long, won't you have any psychological barriers to getting married again?"
I laughed and said, "Psychological issues are fine, but physiological ones are troublesome."
Wang Yin said slyly, "Didn't you read in 'Three Words and Two Slaps' that monks all have great skills?"
The more they talk, the more illogical it gets...
After dropping them off at Yucai School, I was exhausted, and drove my beat-up van home, covered in dust. Across from my house, two old charlatans were basking in the sun, each sitting on a small stool. When they saw me return, He Tiandou reached out as if to say something. I waved my hand dismissively and said firmly, "Don't talk to me. Even if it's something important, I need to get some sleep first."
He Tiandou wanted to say something more, but I said sternly, "I told you not to talk to me!"
He Tiandou stammered, "But..."
I snapped, "Don't mess with me! Are you trying to kill me? Is it so hard to get a good night's sleep?"
Liu Laoliu chuckled and pulled He Tiandou aside, saying, "Never mind him."