I glared at you: "You won't listen to me, are you just looking for trouble?"
Erpang chuckled: "Don't scare me. Even if I give you an arm now, you'll still lose it."
...That's true. Even if he weren't Lü Bu, I couldn't beat him with that size. This kid has gotten even fatter and stronger in the last few years.
I leaned back on the sofa, looking like a dead pig that doesn't care about boiling water, and said, "Anyway, Guan Yu is gone, and I can't contact him, so do whatever you want."
Erpang was taken aback and said, "It's been so many years, why are you still like this?" He took out his phone and said, "I'll call my boss and ask him what he means."
The call connected shortly after, and Erpang said a few words before suddenly handing the phone over: "He wants to talk to you."
I took the phone and hummed, "Hey, Lao He?"
He Tiandou chuckled and asked, "Where's Guan Yu?"
I said, "You're good at math, aren't you? Go ahead and do it!"
"I'm not just making calculations. Yesterday, the two of you took down more than 50 people at Dafugui. It's already the talk of the town. Besides Guan Yu, who else has that kind of ability?"
I said, "There are plenty of capable people out there, how do you know it has to be him?"
"Hehe, don't think I don't know what kind of people have come to your place lately. The only general who can withstand such great pressure is Guan Yu."
"Wow, you've read quite a few Sherlock Holmes books. Now try to figure out where Second Master went. I'm actually missing him a bit."
"..." He Tiandou paused for a moment and said, "It's better that he's not here. Actually, I admire Yun Chang quite a bit, and I don't want to embarrass him. How about this, Guan Yu isn't here, but Xiang Yu is, isn't he?"
I shouted, "Do you have any proof? What grudge do they have against each other?"
He Tiandou said, "I don't care. Anyway, I finally found Lü Bu, so you have to let me win a match. Besides, I haven't avenged Xiang Yu for breaking into my house and smashing my secret room yet."
I yelled back, "Come out here if you dare! Let's have a showdown, and I'll smash your face with a brick!"
He Tiandou laughed and said, "You're no ace. Do ace players use bricks? I'm not talking to you anymore. Give the phone to Lü Bu."
I had no choice but to hand the phone back to Erpang. He whispered to He Tiandou for a while before hanging up and asking me, "Is Xiang Yu there?"
"He went out and hasn't come back yet."
Erpang, sitting on the corner of the sofa, said, "Then I'll wait for him."
I was speechless. This situation was a bit like being harassed by debt collectors at your door—you couldn't run away, and you couldn't get rid of them. Erpang and I stared at each other, the atmosphere becoming awkward again. We were supposed to be childhood friends reuniting, ready to shake hands and make friends, but after only a few words, we realized we were on opposing sides. So dramatic, so dramatic, so like two unparalleled beauties.
Finally, I couldn't help but ask, "Where are you hanging out now?" After all, the person in front of me was a living, breathing fat guy who had grown up since childhood, still wearing an alligator belt and holding a cell phone. Subconsciously, I always found it hard to associate him with Lu Bu.
"...I opened a motorcycle repair shop." Erpang seemed a little unaccustomed to this kind of conversation.
"You're not..."
Erpang seemed to know what I was going to ask, and said embarrassedly, "The pressure of the college entrance exam was too much, so I didn't pass. And that's how it is now." Indeed, I found it hard to understand, as Erpang's academic performance had always been quite good. After hearing his story, I felt rather complicated. He was, after all, a man of exceptional talent, yet under the torment of exam-oriented education, he was forced to cross the narrow bridge of exams. If math, physics, and chemistry had been tested during the Three Kingdoms period, Lü Bu might have ended up shoeing horses—equivalent to motorcycle repairmen today.
I leaned closer to him and said mysteriously, "Hey, let me ask you something."
"how?"
"Is Diao Chan really beautiful?" Although the person in front of me was a fat guy I'd been bickering with since childhood, he was still Lu Bu. This was a rare opportunity, and I couldn't let go of the gossip I wanted to find out.
"Uh... beautiful." Erpang was already speechless.
I suddenly stepped back and stared at him, saying, "Damn, is that guy surnamed He trying to blackmail you into fighting me by using Diao Chan as leverage? I mean, haven't you had enough of being taken advantage of by that little wench in your past life?"
Erpang said, both amused and exasperated, "Don't talk about that. I got married last year. If my wife heard this, she'd probably fight me."
I chuckled and said, "Even Lü Bu is afraid of his wife? You can't beat her?"
Erpang said calmly, "The child is already two years old, why are you still hitting him?"
"...Didn't you say you just got married last year? Where did this two-year-old child come from?"
"If we hadn't aborted the first child, the baby would be three years old by now."
I was speechless again, so I simply asked, "Why did you help that guy surnamed He?"
Erpang waved his hand: "Don't ask about that."
"For that million-dollar prize?"
Erpang looked at me intently and said, "Do you think Lü Bu is the kind of person who can be easily bribed with money?"
I couldn't help but take a step back. I have to admit, this kid's glare was quite intimidating. The Three Kingdoms period was full of fierce generals; being the top fighter wasn't just empty boasting. But I still said, "Who do you think you are? You traitor who'll only follow whoever feeds you!"
Erpang clenched his fist and said, "We've been friends since we were kids. You can talk about me, but you're not allowed to talk about Lü Bu, or don't blame me for being rude to you!"
Damn it, you're giving me that crap. What's so great about him? Just a fat motorcycle repairman. Besides, isn't he just like Lu Bu?
Poverty cannot sway me, nor can power subdue me. Do you think I, Xiaoqiang, am someone who can be so easily intimidated? I opened the safe, took out a box, and said to him sternly, "Want some cookies?"
"..." The fat man was speechless again. One wrong move and the whole game is lost. He had a wealth of experience dealing with the fat man over the years. Even if he were Lu Bu, he could still easily outmaneuver him!
Just then, Xiang Yu returned. He threw the car keys on the table and said, "I've filled up the gas tank."
Upon seeing this imposing figure, Erpang couldn't help but ask, "Xiang Yu?"
Xiang Yu looked at him and asked, "Who are you?"
Erpang hurriedly introduced himself: "It's a pleasure to meet you. I am Lü Bu, Lü Fengxian."
I watched as Erpang was about to stuff the biscuit into his mouth but then put it down again. Frustrated, he kept stamping his feet and pounding his chest. He casually said, "This is the fiercest general of the Three Kingdoms." I hoped this flattery would make the fat guy feel good and give in. If he really angered me one day, I'd eat the biscuit and beat him up like I did back then!