Un joven errante

Capítulo 11

Reassured by his promise, I nestled comfortably in his arms, let out a big yawn, and slowly drifted off to sleep…

In my hazy state, someone placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and whispered, "Sleep."

It turns out it was him all along.

I smiled sweetly in my dream...

But the remaining shred of reason prevents me from escaping this afternoon's nightmare—

The patriarch paused, then said, seemingly casually, "Then, could Ying'er take your second sister's place and enter the palace in her place?"

With a sudden "boom," I froze, stunned. My mind went blank, as if I had fallen into a dream—a dream that wasn't a dream, a dream that wasn't a dream… But why couldn't I wake up from this long dream?

The pressure of the medicine being applied to my palm suddenly increased, causing me to gasp in pain. I turned and looked blankly at the patriarch, finally snapping out of my daze. It turned out that everyone in the hall was also stunned. The Xie family's fourth young lady, who had always been out of favor, was actually going to the palace in place of the virtuous and beautiful second young lady; it was indeed hard to believe.

I snapped out of my daze, and my mouth reflexively blurted out, "Are you kidding me?"

Another gasp rippled through the crowd as I spoke. The patriarch's expression didn't even change; "Old fox," I thought bitterly.

The third brother asked incredulously, his voice filled with urgency, "Father, Fourth Sister, how could Fourth Sister do this?"

The patriarch calmly retorted, "Why not?"

"She—" Third Brother stammered, his words tumbling out incoherently, but he couldn't finish. I saw Second Mother pulling him back from under her sleeve, trying to rush forward to plead for me. Second Mother must have already sensed the strange atmosphere today and the cold expression on the head of the family's face.

I glanced blankly at everyone, feeling a headache so severe I felt suspended in mid-air, neither up nor down. My third brother's red eyes were filled with undisguised worry; veins were bulging on my eldest brother's forehead; my fifth sister looked resentful, clearly unhappy that the person they had always bullied had become the master's pawn; Xie Wan's brother looked utterly contemptuous (how dare that brat look down on me!); my second sister's pitiful gaze held a silent plea, as if she were begging me to grant her and Chen Ningyuan's wish; and Chen Ningyuan's eyes held only guilt and a complex expression I couldn't decipher…

I looked coldly at the patriarch, revealing for the first time the indifference that came after my suppressed fear and timidity. I really have to thank him today for letting me witness a rich tapestry of human emotions for free.

"You may all leave," the patriarch suddenly said. "Butler, escort the masters back to their rooms."

"Yes." The old butler looked at the ladies. "Master, let's go."

"Well then, sir, we'll take our leave." I was about to follow the crowd and disappear into the hustle and bustle when the patriarch, as if understanding my clumsy idea, glanced at me and said authoritatively, "You stay."

She then wrapped my palm with gauze and said with concern, "Don't hurt yourself in the future."

I looked at him warily. Unsolicited kindness is always suspicious; there's no smoke without fire.

He didn't look at me, as if I were the only one in the room deep in thought, while he watched my clumsy ideas. Like prey about to be caught, he wasn't in a hurry to kill it, but rather wanted to enjoy watching the prey struggle in its death throes.

"What do you think if I say I'm not joking?" His voice was so calm it was as if it weren't coming from his mouth.

I despise his nonchalant attitude in manipulating other people's fates. So I coldly replied, "You don't need to ask for my opinion. Isn't arbitrarily arranging other people's lives to maximize your own benefit what you're best at?"

He wasn't angry. He looked up at me seriously and said, "Ying'er, it's different with you."

I don't care. What's the difference? It's all the same—using people. I hate those who use me. Even though sometimes I'm helpless and unable to fight back.

I remained silent.

"Once you leave, I will no longer pursue the matter between your second sister and that man."

I looked at him in surprise, but quickly regained my composure. Did he know something?

I said in a completely emotionless voice, "That's none of my business."

“Is that so?” He didn’t object. But his confident composure sent cold sweat down my back.

"Why me?" I whispered.

"I know you can do it."

What am I supposed to do?

"After entering the palace, assist your aunt in obtaining the empress's position."

I snorted coldly. So, all I wanted was to be a decent pawn.

A vein throbbed on my forehead, and I smiled bitterly to myself, but said quietly, "You've got the wrong person. I won't go to the palace." With that, I turned and left.

"Is that really the case?" he asked softly from behind.

Despite her gentle tone, her steps felt as heavy as a thousand pounds, leaving me with no strength left.

I stopped in my tracks as I stepped out of the hall, and asked the poor girl, "Did you ever love me? No, I should say, did you ever love your daughter, Xie Weiying?"

Behind me was a long, terrifying silence.

I didn't wait for his answer, feeling saddened by my own foolish question. In this day and age, in such a large family with so many children, how could I expect a father who only talks about interests to give me so-called love?

She left resolutely, silently thinking: Chen Ningyuan, I've repaid what I owed you...

His words as he left still echoed in the empty hall: "I promise you. If I am still of use to you, then I promise you, Father."

In the midst of the terrifying silence, a long and desolate sigh suddenly broke the silence.

Xie Yushi slumped into a wooden chair and whispered to the old butler who had silently returned to his side, "Did I really do something wrong?"

"Master is not wrong, fate is wrong. The Fourth Miss is destined to walk this path," the old butler said calmly.

"Alas—I originally wanted Ying'er to live a simple and ordinary life. Perhaps, that would have been best for her."

“But you can’t protect her.” The old butler cruelly struck at his sore spot.

Xie Yushi's usually expressionless face shifted repeatedly. He still couldn't let go of the fact that Ying'er had almost drowned. Back then, Ranran's death wasn't an accident, but he simply couldn't protect her… He had thought that by ignoring Ying'er and never even glancing at her, he would ensure her safety for life, but it was still unavoidable—she had grown up, become so beautiful, so intelligent, so much like Ranran in her youth, no, even more so than Ranran had been…

Shouldn't such a person wield absolute power...?

The image of his beloved daughter, so cold and stubborn, still echoed in his mind: "Did you ever love me? No, I should say, did you ever love your daughter, Xie Weiying?"

Ying'er was right in the end. Even though he loved her so much, he still couldn't avoid taking advantage of her...

Volume 1, Chapter 19: The Tragedy of Shi Niang

"Beautiful sister, what is this? It smells so good."

Dan Yi's expression changed, but he still said, "This is 'Meng Qing'. I bought it from some Persian merchants when I was traveling to some small countries in the west."

"Is this the kind of rouge you like to wear? I want to get some to play with too."

"Don't play around like that, Xiao Jin," she said helplessly, at her wit's end with this curious little one. "Meng Qing is a drug that many prostitutes use to deceive men. They mix it into rouge and apply it to their lips. When a man is in a daze and kisses it, he will fall into a dream, where he will have sex with the man and experience a hallucination that is so real that almost all men believe everything in the dream."

"Really? That's amazing! Send me a few boxes to play with."

"Give it to you?! Xiao Jin," An Jin said helplessly, her clear eyes looking innocently at Dan Yi. Sighing, she gently touched her forehead, realizing that what she couldn't stand most was Xiao Jin's pure gaze. "Take it. But, Xiao Jin, what are you going to do with it? I believe you don't need it."

“How could it be useless?” Seeing that his scheme had succeeded, An Jin grinned slyly. “I gave it to my old flame, and from now on she’ll be mine alone.”

Dan Yi shook his head helplessly again and said coldly, "Aren't you afraid she'll use it on you?"

An Jin froze on the spot, and said in confusion, "Oh right, then I'll think about it some more."

Seeing his silly look, Danyi covered her mouth and chuckled, but her expression quickly turned sad as she looked at the boy standing there with a complicated expression.

“Oh right,” An Jin muttered to herself, as if remembering something, “Why isn’t Big Brother here yet? Hmph—he’s always so busy and arrogant, always late. Honestly, with our beautiful sister by our side every day, what else in the world can’t we put aside?” I leered at the beautiful sister. She gave me a cold look.

Oh my god, this beautiful lady actually threw me a white ball! I'm going crazy! Image! Image! I've emphasized it so many times—

"Xiao Jin," a man with a cold, handsome face but eyes full of laughter pushed open the door and entered, "Haven't seen you for a few days, and you're already talking badly about your elder brother behind his back. Are you thinking of—"

Hearing the familiar voice, I looked up happily and sure enough, it was Brother Sima! But thinking about how I had just been caught talking badly about someone, I shrank back in fear and didn't dare to go forward.

"Beautiful sister—" I pleaded pitifully, but she completely ignored me. Honestly, this trick never works on her when my older brother is around.

Today, the elder brother was wearing a gray robe with a peacock pattern, a blue jade belt around his waist, and a jade ornament hanging on the right corner. A few strands of black hair fell casually across his forehead, slightly obscuring his eyes, making him extremely charming and alluring.

But—cough cough… I quietly wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth… I see it every day, I'm used to it, so naturally it's not new to me… (You're just lying through your teeth!)

He smiled and waved to me, but I stubbornly stayed where I was and shook my head. The next moment, he swiftly wrapped his long arms around me. As always, he gently stroked my dark hair, a smile playing on his lips. But I knew this was the beginning of my misfortune. Sure enough, a moment later, his hands were pinned to his knees, and "slap, slap," two crisp sounds. My poor bottom.

I broke free from his grasp and jumped up, my face slightly flushed. I glanced awkwardly at the beautiful older sister who was covering her mouth and chuckling, and cried out to him in a wronged tone, "My image! My image! Brother Sima, don't always spank Xiaojin's bottom in front of so many people. I'm not a child!" I turned and glared fiercely at Shen Qing, who hadn't had time to back out yet. Stop pretending, I could see you laughing so hard your shoulders were shaking!

Although I knew that Brother Sima would never have the heart to hit me, I still felt very uncomfortable because I rarely get close to men.

He nuzzled closer and gently ruffled my hair, chuckling softly, "I wish Xiao Jin would stay a child forever."

I snorted, pointed to my Adam's apple, then to the fake, fine beard I'd just developed yesterday, and proudly declared, "See? I've been developing for a while now!"

Sima Langya's expression changed slightly, but it was so quick that it vanished in an instant, so quickly that no one noticed except for his muttering.

"Have a seat. I brought your favorite plum wine."

"Really?!" I sat down excitedly, poured myself a glass, and downed it in one gulp. Then I smacked my lips in satisfaction. Ever since I first got drunk from it, I've been particularly fond of it, unable to forget it. The refreshing fragrance in my throat, the lingering slight sourness and spiciness on my tongue, are what make it so unforgettable. Those flavors are so refreshing and leave a lasting impression.

"Today," I said, my spirits lifted by the fine wine, "I'll tell you a story. A love story between a peerless courtesan and a scholar."

The beautiful woman walked over and sat down at the table, quietly pouring wine for us. The two of them smiled at me, gesturing for me to continue.

I cleared my throat and said, "During a certain dynasty, there was a courtesan named Du Shiniang who captivated the entire Qinhuai River. She was incredibly beautiful—look at the beautiful lady, and you'll know what she was like," I lightly joked, "She could sing and dance, possessing a thousand charms in one. She was arrogant and disdainful of everyone, and countless high-ranking officials and nobles could not win her heart. However, a scholar named Li Jia appeared. Li Jia, mistakenly dragged into the Wangchun Pavilion by a friend, had a refined and ruddy complexion, delicate features, and looked at this newcomer with an innocent expression." The dazzling world of pleasures seemed to see right into Du Shiniang's weary and indifferent heart. From that moment on, he fell hopelessly in love. And to fall in love was to be doomed. Li Jia had come to the capital to take the imperial examinations, but he spent his days indulging in pleasure with Shiniang, surrounded by elegant clothes and swaying hair. Soon, he not only neglected his studies but also spent all his money for the journey to the capital. The matron in the courtyard repeatedly mocked him and tried to kick him out. In desperation, Shiniang devised a plan that would benefit both sides…” I paused slightly. My elder brother took a sip of wine, “Indeed a brilliant plan. Such a clever woman is rare in this world.”

I didn't deny it, and continued, "On the way back to their hometown with Li Jia, Li Jia regretted his cowardice. He thought of his strict father, realizing he had not only ruined his chances of success but also married a stunningly beautiful courtesan… So, for 5,000 taels of silver, Li Jia sold Du Shiniang to a wealthy merchant who was traveling with them… Du Shiniang, dressed in a fiery red wedding gown, stood proudly at the bow of the boat like a delicate and noble peony, aloof and independent. Before everyone, she took out her treasured chest, the very one her sisters had pretended to give her when she left Wangchun Tower. Layer upon layer, it was filled with rare and priceless treasures, including a tiny South China Sea pearl…" The pearl alone was worth thousands of taels of gold, not to mention the other treasures that most people had never even seen. Looking at the ugly faces of those people, stained by money and desire, she smiled beautifully. The wind tousled her hair, but couldn't conceal her stunning beauty. She glanced at the crowd with a faint, hopeless look, and with her slender hands, she picked out the various priceless treasures and casually tossed them into the river, laughing innocently like a playful child. Li Jia regretted it; marrying this woman was like marrying a gold mine! But Shi Niang was despairing of the world. That day, what sank into that river wasn't just the treasure chest filled with bitterness, but also the eternal lament of a peerless artist…

When she finished speaking, the beautiful woman was already in tears, and she stammered, "Men in this world are all heartless, and in the end, it is always women who suffer. Why did she have to do it?"

I curled my lip in disdain and said slyly, "Guess what I would do if I were Du Shiniang."

Before I could answer, I continued fiercely, "If it were me, I'd first give that cowardly, incompetent, ungrateful bastard a good beating, then, right in front of him, take my treasure chest and run away to the ends of the earth. I'd let him be so angry he'd regret it to the core, and that wouldn't matter to me. Why not find a beautiful place, buy a manor, and live a peaceful, wealthy, and simple life? A woman should choose her own life; why should she depend on a man? Especially after losing so-called protection, to take such a desperate path—that's the biggest fool in the world."

The most important thing is to be alive.

Dan Yi looked up in astonishment at the slightly drunk boy. So many years of traveling had subtly influenced his thinking; she hadn't expected him to so casually utter the thoughts hidden deep within his soul. Even though such ideas were unacceptable to anyone in this era…

Sima Langya gazed deeply at An Jin, his expression complex, and said, "If there truly is such an extraordinary woman in the world, I will cherish her for the rest of my life."

He glanced meaningfully at someone, but the oblivious person was drinking heavily, grinning foolishly at the two of them with bleary eyes.

I stood up, swaying as I held the wine jar, and took another big gulp of wine, reciting:

The wings of a mayfly are elegantly adorned.

My heart is filled with sorrow; where shall I find refuge?

The wings of a mayfly, adorned with colorful garments.

My heart is filled with sorrow; where can I find rest?

Mayflies dig and explore, their hempen clothes as white as snow.

My heart is filled with sorrow; where can I find solace?

Hehe. I grinned and chuckled foolishly. This was a song by Cao Feng that I started to like after coming here—"Mayfly".

My heart is filled with endless sorrow; I wonder where my final resting place is?

I wonder where I can find peace?

Where exactly is An Jin's true home...?