Un joven errante

Capítulo 15

She looked up and stared intently at me.

Volume 2, Chapter 25, Ruopu

Although entering the palace was like entering a deep, unfathomable sea, many women still found joy in it and enjoyed life in the harem. They flocked in one after another. In this era, aside from the power and pride that women could gain in the harem, their lives were limited to being devoted wives and mothers, and being praised by relatives as virtuous women.

During the reign of Emperor Yuan of Jin, the position of Empress remained vacant. The harem was currently headed by four consorts: Consort Wang of Yilai Palace in the east, Consort Li of Yanghe Palace in the west, Consort Xie of Pingyi Palace in the south, and Consort Huan of Xiaotiao Palace in the north.

Consort Wang, relying on her family's influence and the Emperor's recent favor towards them, held a pivotal position in the palace, considering herself the most likely candidate for Empress. She currently has a daughter. Her behavior is extravagant and ostentatious, and her temper is notoriously fiery. Servants who offend her are often either killed or crippled, and other women who displease her inexplicably meet tragic ends. It is said that once she executed a palace maid from Yilai Palace whom the Emperor had favored on a whim. The Emperor was furious, reopening old grievances and nearly stripping her of her title. Far from being afraid, she defiantly retorted that she was acting in the Emperor's best interests, arguing that he shouldn't be so obsessed with women and that the harem should have strict rules; otherwise, if any woman could be favored, what would become of the legitimate consorts like herself? The Emperor was enraged, and the entire Wang family pleaded for her. Coupled with Consort Wang's years of service to the Emperor, he reluctantly spared her, punishing her with three months of confinement. To everyone's surprise, she continued her arrogant and domineering behavior the very next day, as if nothing had happened. This also demonstrated the Wang family's unshakeable position in the court.

Consort Li was the only person who, despite not being born into one of the four great families, held an unshakeable position. This was solely due to her father, Li Wei, the Left Chancellor, who had been loyal for two generations. Furthermore, she had a son, the Crown Prince Huaiqing, Sima Shao, personally appointed by the current emperor. The Crown Prince was exceptionally intelligent and gifted, and at ten years old, he was praised by everyone in the palace. In contrast, his mother was far less remarkable. Timid and cowardly, with a gentle and submissive nature, she spent most of her time confined to the Yanghe Palace, rarely venturing out to see anyone. She was an ordinary woman. Perhaps it was precisely because of her nature—never vying for favor or ambitions to become empress—that she won the emperor's special favor for her only son. Rumor has it that the true mistress of the Yanghe Palace was actually the famous Consort Lian. Consort Lian came from a commoner background, without a distinguished family line; her father was a minor local official. She was forthright, outspoken, and a person of integrity. In this worldly and corrupt society, such a person was extremely rare. It is said that the emperor admired her straightforwardness, which is why he treated her with such special favor. Furthermore, she was humble and polite, and never took advantage of the emperor's favor. Although she had no children, those with discernment knew that Consort Lian was treated differently by the emperor and held a certain position in the palace.

Consort Xie, my aunt. She now has one prince and two princesses. The saying "a mother's status rises with her son's" perfectly describes my beautiful aunt. It's said that the emperor had neglected her for months, and just when she was almost forgotten, she announced her pregnancy, giving birth to a prince. The young emperor was so overjoyed that he immediately made her a consort. Actually, her younger sister entered the palace with her, and she was the favored concubine at the time. Later, my aunt died in the unpredictable palace intrigues. It was out of guilt towards that captivating beauty that the emperor turned his attention to her, as a form of imperial compensation. Now, the power distribution within the four palaces is too balanced; no one can fathom the emperor's thoughts. Therefore, the four great families have turned their hopes to our new generation who have entered the palace.

And finally, there's Consort Huan, whom I must mention. I'm certain that among all the women in the harem, she was the only one who truly mattered to the Emperor, aside from mutual benefit and romantic feelings. This is something I keenly observed during the few months Yunying had been in the palace. Of course, to the other women, this reclusive Consort Huan was probably the least favored and the most neglected by the Emperor. Consort Huan now has a son and a daughter. She is a person detached from worldly affairs, having set up a Buddhist shrine in Xiaotiao Palace, where she spends her days chanting scriptures and reciting Buddhist prayers, living a life free from worldly strife—a person who transcends the harem. It is said that initially, when a concubine spoke ill of her setting up the Buddhist shrine to the Emperor, she was immediately banished to the Cold Palace. The Emperor even declared that Consort Huan could do whatever she wanted. The Emperor rarely visited Consort Huan, but he would visit her in Xiaotiao Palace every month, creating a protective net for her in another way. It was so subtle that it was easily overlooked, so few understood its deeper meaning. There were rumors in the palace that when Consort Huan and her consorts first entered the palace, the emperor didn't favor them for six months, only suddenly gaining their favor later. I'm a little curious about the unspeakable secrets or stories behind this. However, in the harem, if a woman receives such respect from a man, then she is definitely different to him. Naturally, this high-ranking man would also listen to the words of a woman who is indifferent to worldly affairs in the harem.

Therefore, I sent Yu Ya not to see the popular Consort Wang or the Crown Prince's mother, Consort Li, but to Consort Huan, who was a devout Buddhist and detached from worldly affairs. I believe my premonition is correct.

In the imperial harem, what do titles and rewards of gold and silver matter? True affection comes from a man who truly cares about your safety and considers your well-being.

He gives you all the treasures in the world, yet pushes you into the forefront of palace intrigue, leaving you to fend for yourself. That kind of love from an emperor is better left unfulfilled.

The most important thing is to be alive.

I still remember the meaningful look that appeared on Yu Ya's face when I said those words to her that day.

She's no longer the stubborn little girl who yelled "Leave me alone!" at me. Here, to survive, to gain a foothold, one must learn the rules of survival. Why should I force her to retain a pure, innocent heart? That would truly harm her, wouldn't it?

Following my advice, Yu Ya spent her days visiting Consort Huan, but she didn't say anything to her. Instead, she devoted herself to chanting scriptures and discussing Buddhist principles with Consort Huan. Before going, I had Yunying obtain many Buddhist scriptures for her, giving her a crash course in Buddhist knowledge. So, while she wasn't exactly eloquent in front of Consort Huan, she was able to avoid any major blunders.

Less than two months later, Yu Ya came to Jiu Nian Xuan to see me with a beaming smile. Unlike the previous times, her face was rosy, and she looked like a shy bride. She said to me sweetly, "Sister Ying, yesterday, the Emperor chose me. He praised me for my calm mind, gentleness, and virtue, saying that I am different from the other women in the harem."

It must be thanks to Consort Huan. I didn't expect it to work so quickly. Consort Huan is indeed special to the Emperor.

I sighed inwardly. This silly little sister of mine—the emperor's sweet words are like a poisonous curse, seemingly vibrant and beautiful, yet deadly. How could she possibly take them seriously?

However, I am still genuinely happy for her.

I brewed her a cup of osmanthus tea, handed it to her, and said gently, "Congratulations."

She didn't take it, but grabbed my arm urgently, pleading, "Sister Ying, please help me again. At least, make the Emperor treat me differently. I don't want him to forget me."

I calmly pulled my sleeve back and said lightly, "Ya Ya, there's nothing I can do to help you. From now on, you're the one facing everything. I'm just an outsider. I just want to live peacefully here."

She looked at me with tears streaming down her face and said sadly, "Sister Ying, in this palace, if you don't help me, who else will care whether I live or die? Don't you really care about Ya Ya anymore?"

I wiped away her tears and sighed, "Silly girl, how could I abandon you?"

“Then,” she said with a resolute expression, “Sister Ying, please help me win the emperor’s favor.”

"Ya Ya, why be so stubborn? It might not be good for you, and you'll regret it."

"No, I will not regret it. Never." I even saw an untimely, chilling light in her resolute gaze.

Sigh, did I make a mistake again?

After seeing Yu Ya off, I instructed Yunying to bring out my belongings, including a simple large desk for sketching. I've maintained my love for design all these years. Back in the mansion, I saw many noble ladies wearing Junjin's clothes, and I felt a small sense of accomplishment in that regard. After all, it was the only thing I still had that I had from the modern world.

This constantly reminds me that I don't belong anywhere here. Naturally, I can't fall in love with anyone or crave any unpredictable warmth.

Seeing my exhausted face, Yunying said with heartache, "Miss, why did you have to get yourself into such a thankless situation? That Miss Yu, you can tell at a glance that she has a wicked heart."

I said quietly, "Yunying, you don't understand. No matter what, she's the only person I'm close to."

"It's getting cold again, Miss. Let me serve you a bowl of hot glutinous rice porridge, with your favorite pickled vegetables." With that, she went to the kitchen.

I looked at her and said softly, "Yunying, wherever you are, I'll be fine. We'll both be fine."

She turned around and smiled brightly, saying cheerfully, "Yes, we are all fine."

"By the way, where's Xiaobai?" I asked.

“It,” said the voice with a helpless tone, “has taken a fancy to the long-haired cat that was presented as tribute by the Xianbei to Consort Wang.”

I rubbed my heavy temples. "I've told you so many times, that's not a long-haired cat, it's a Persian cat that was bought from a Persian merchant."

Yunying stuck out her tongue at me, unimpressed.

"I hope it won't be noticed by Consort Wang. If we offend that woman, we might get buried alive."

"It's not the first time, don't worry. I'm going to get the porridge."

"Hey, don't forget to serve yours."

Watching her walk away, I snapped out of my reverie and focused on drawing again.

Speaking of Xiaobai, I can't help but smile. That little rascal! He's incredibly audacious. He seduced Consort Lian's snow-white kitten as soon as he arrived, and now he's set his sights on Consort Wang's precious Persian cat. I can understand attraction between opposite sexes, but what leaves me speechless is that it's an ancient mythical beast, a species rarely seen in a thousand years! Is this some kind of legendary interracial romance? It really knows how to keep up with trends and find amusement, living a more comfortable life than its owner.

Little White was a gift the old man sent to me before I entered the palace. It seems his demon friends in Prajna Valley heard he'd taken on a disciple and specially gave it to me as a greeting gift. It's a rare auspicious beast, a rarity in the underworld there. When he gave it to me, it was just a baby, very easy to tame. After spending so much time with it, we've become quite harmonious. Although it's mischievous, it's very much to my liking. However, its pranks continue the fine tradition of the Ten Eccentrics of Prajna Valley, always causing me trouble. Fortunately, it understands human nature and has limits to its playfulness. It also loves to act pitiful when we're angry to elicit our sympathy. You simply wouldn't believe that a male animal, considered a rare divine beast, could actually act cute with me!

Yunying and I both love it very much, so as long as it doesn't cause any trouble that could kill it, we spoil it rotten.

Calm down and start coloring the drawing you've finished.

Yunying placed the porridge and pickled vegetables she had brought on the wooden table beside her. She leaned over to watch me draw, occasionally rolling up my long sleeves that had slipped down.

This is a new model that will be launched this month, so we're going to put a lot of effort into it.

Volume 2, Chapter 26: The Wall Returns to Reality

The third young master ran away from home.

When I heard those words from Yunying, my mind went completely blank.

...

Third Brother's face flushed slightly. "I mean, it would be good to take a stroll around the mansion. This prime minister's mansion is so big, we don't even have time to go out and explore it properly together."

"Ying'er, I heard you were sick a few days ago, are you feeling better now?"

...

The third brother asked incredulously, his voice filled with urgency, "Father, Fourth Sister, how could Fourth Sister do this?"

"Ying'er, let's run away. I can't let you go to that cannibalistic place."

Third Brother paused in his tracks, head bowed, looking aggrieved. "Then all of that... excluding Ying'er... what's the point? It would be better to—"

...

All the memories of my third brother flooded back at once, making my head throb with pain. I clutched my head in agony, biting my lower lip hard to stifle any sound. So that's it... that day he meant he was determined to leave alone forever...

He looked at her with a wronged expression and said softly, "How about..."

I remember that later he often took me to the Red Flower Garden. Every time, Su Xunnan, with his dark eyes, would make things difficult for me again and again. Every time those handsome men ganged up to make things difficult for me, Third Brother would always hurriedly take my hand and say firmly, "I will not allow you to bully Ying'er. Ying'er is my treasure in this life."

That silly third brother, why is he so stubborn?

Even without Yunying saying anything, I knew that my third brother's departure meant he would live a secluded life in Dongshan, spending his days with literati like Wang Xizhi and the monk Zhi Dun, enjoying the scenery, composing poetry, and painting—a leisurely life of a hermit. History clearly states that after reaching adulthood, he refused to rely on his family's reputation to enter officialdom, disdaining the complexities of the Eastern Jin court! Why, why is it like this today?

The famous saying in history, "Dongshan has a wise minister," refers to Xie An, also known as Mr. Anshi.

Even though I know, I'd rather pretend I know nothing. I don't want to look at anyone around me with the eyes that know others' fates. Just like I knew Huan Wen's future destiny from beginning to end, even the fate of the entire Eastern Jin Dynasty, but what does it matter? I'm just an extra person, I don't belong here at all, so how can I fantasize about changing anything? I just need to learn to accept everything calmly one day, and watch those historical events unfold one by one. I'm powerless and unable to change anything.

I knew my third brother's coming-of-age ceremony was five days ago, and his resolute actions brought me to my senses. He shattered my illusions and made me realize that history is history, and it hasn't changed because of my sudden appearance.

As for what happened later, I don't know why, but Third Brother and Huan Wen went from friends to enemies. How could I possibly try to change that? Although I don't want to face reality, I'd rather be a cowardly ostrich than constantly think about what happened between them—

Just like every time before falling asleep, I have to remind myself that I am Xie Weiying, the fourth young lady of the Xie family, not An Jin who lives for herself.

But deep down, a lingering fantasy about An Jin still remains, which is why the boy named An Jin appears before the world in such a mysterious guise. Who knows that it's just the only remaining dream I have left to fulfill… I'm just afraid that one day I'll forget I'm An Jin. I'm just afraid that I'll truly become the complete Xie Wei Ying—

"Miss, are you alright? The Third Young Master will be fine, you don't need to worry..."

"Yunying," I waved my hand, "go out and let me have some peace and quiet. I just wanted to sleep." I snuggled into the warm quilt, hoping for the last bit of warmth.

“Miss—” Yunying said worriedly.

I smiled at her. "Don't worry, I'm fine, really fine." Isn't this for the best? Third Brother's departure is the inevitable path he'll take to become a wise and virtuous minister, and he'll live a simple and happy life there, free from worldly distractions. That's best for him. Why am I worrying about him like this?

It will be alright, everything will be alright.

Have a good night's sleep, and you'll wake up to a wonderful day.

I don't know when, but Little White came back, jumped onto my brocade bed, and gently rubbed its head against my face. I hugged it tightly and said, "Sleep, sleep."

The next day, I unusually woke up very early and reviewed what the old man had taught me in the yard. When did I stop mischievously calling him "Demon Child" and start affectionately calling him "Old Man"? Was it because he possessed the warmth of a father?

Undeniably, the scales of our relationship had gradually tipped in tatters under his unconditional pampering day after day. Though I was ashamed to admit it, I couldn't deceive myself. He was not only a mentor and friend to me, but also a family member I could rely on.

If he comes back and can't find me, will he be sad? And if he finds me, a tiny one among millions of emperor's women, will he be disappointed?

Will he still look at me with the same doting gaze as before, and sigh slightly at my lack of ambition?

I can imagine him yelling at me furiously, "How can the disciple of Sang Qin, the master of the number one manor in the world, come here and cower like a woman fighting to the death for a man? That's a disgrace to me! Don't you dare tell anyone you're my disciple when you go out..."

After finishing my practice, I felt incredibly refreshed. Back in the inner room, Yunying had already prepared water for me to wash my face. I quickly and roughly wiped my face a few times, then changed into plain-colored casual clothes, rolled up my sleeves, and rushed to the kitchen. I had promised Yunying yesterday that we would make dumplings today.

Although I was treated like one of the emperor's abandoned concubines, I had no eunuchs or maids to serve me. Originally, there were, as the emperor wouldn't be so stingy with a beauty like me, but after Wang Dieyi, at the height of her favor and arrogant, once acted coquettishly in bed, the few servants we had were transferred away. The emperor, generous to his concubines, granted my request with excuses like "I don't have enough servants in my palace" or "I don't have many suitable and skillful maids."

This saved me from dealing with those sycophantic scoundrels. However, Yunying stood up for me for a few days, but seeing that I didn't take it to heart, she gradually forgot about it.

Besides, my life here is well-planned. That ruthless steward, Qi Qi, naturally has his ways of giving me everything I want, transporting it here from outside the palace without my knowledge. I wonder how many people he's bribed in this palace. Ah well, let this thoroughbred horse continue its struggle; I, the discerning patron, can simply sit back and enjoy the good life.

I trust him completely.

After enjoying the fragrant dumplings, Yunying and I planned to take advantage of the quieter midday hours, disguised as two inconspicuous servants, to stroll in the Imperial Garden. A walk aids digestion—a truth that holds true in both modern and ancient times. At this time, the beauty-conscious concubines wouldn't be out sunbathing; they were usually taking a nap.

The Imperial Garden is truly breathtakingly beautiful. Even the Queen Mother of the West's celestial garden could only compare. You won't believe it until you see it! No wonder emperors in ancient books frequently visited the Imperial Garden. Such free ancient gardens are indeed heavenly realms.

Lush green leaves, falling petals, fluttering butterflies, and a delicate fragrance. Although it is nearing late autumn, because autumn comes late in the south, and thousands of gardeners and workers tend to the plants every day, there is no sense of decay.

The peonies, clustered in alluring clusters; the roses, exquisitely beautiful; the oleanders, alluring yet poisonous; the peach blossoms, dazzling in their glory; and the white cherry blossoms, falling in a riot of color. A hundred flowers vie for attention. To wander among them feels as if one has transcended the mortal world. Truly, it is a place detached from the world, otherworldly.

This is the imperial palace. The most authoritative, highest-ranking, and most magnificent residence of the emperor in this era.

I danced and ran joyfully in the garden like a butterfly, and if I weren't worried about being overheard by the nearby snoops, I would have loved to burst into loud, cheerful laughter.

At this moment, I am happy, I am so happy. I said to myself.

On the way back, I encountered many eunuchs and palace maids coming and going in a hurry. I wondered what they were doing so tirelessly. How could there be so much to do in such a boring place?

Lost in thought, Yunying nudged me with her elbow. I looked at her, puzzled, and saw her lowering her head and gesturing for me to look ahead. I turned around and saw an old eunuch of the supervisory level pointing at us, frowning and shouting, "Hey, you two, come here. Honestly, where have all the people gone today? Can the matter of Consort Wang be delayed? You two come with me. The Consort's Persian cat has climbed up a tree. You two come with me to get it down."

Before Yunying could say anything, I secretly shook my head at her and followed respectfully behind the old eunuch with my head bowed.

After walking for a while, he suddenly remembered something and asked us, "Which palace are you from?"

I gestured for Yunying to be quiet, then stepped forward with a fawning smile, lowered my voice, and respectfully replied, "Your Excellency, I am a servant in Xiaotiao Palace."