Un joven errante

Capítulo 19

I drank with him and laughed, saying, "I dare not, I only read his poems when I was young."

How do you feel?

"He truly possesses the spirit of a hero."

He abruptly turned to look at me, but I seemed oblivious, continuing to focus on making tea. I had borrowed many history books from him and knew that in the eyes of people of that era, Cao Cao was a truly cunning and ruthless figure. My praise at this moment would surely surprise and puzzle him.

In politics and survival, there is no distinction between wicked and righteous means. Moreover, everything he did was his responsibility. He had the determination and ambition to unify the world, and naturally, he had to pay the price and resort to various schemes. In my view, these methods are nothing in modern times. Everyone who stands in the highest position must have the audacity and courage to look down on the world.

To survive and thrive in chaotic times, one must do what others do not do and think what others do not think.

Meeting his questioning gaze, I remained head bowed and said calmly, "Heroes of troubled times—once the world is at peace, heroes will naturally disappear. Especially those who dare to defy the world. They are not bound by worldly constraints, driven only by their ambitions and ideals, by the desire to see the day when the world is unified. This is admirable. Although they ultimately failed, they did their utmost. Regardless of success or failure, they are heroes. From the standpoint of survival, your so-called morality and blind loyalty are meaningless."

He looked at me with a complicated expression and said strangely, "You are special. As a woman, you are very special."

I laughed, and said in a lighthearted tone, "Young master, you're not the first, nor will you be the last, to say I'm special." After a long pause, I stopped laughing and said softly, "Everything I've done is simply because I don't want to lose myself. It's not that I'm special as you all say. I don't want to become someone I don't recognize."

"I understand less and less of what you're saying," he said, puzzled.

"Actually, I don't even understand it myself." I pouted self-deprecatingly.

“Oh, right,” I suddenly remembered, “we’ve known each other for so long, and it feels awkward calling each other ‘young master’ and ‘young lady’ all the time. How about this, from now on you call me Wei Ying, and I’ll call you Li Jiu.” Ever since that hasty meeting, I often came to borrow books from him. At first, he refused, feeling that it was impolite for a young lady to borrow military, historical, and strategic books. But after we discussed academic matters a few times during our arguments, he gradually ran out of things to say. Although I didn’t understand much academic stuff, even ideas that are common knowledge in modern times were considered groundbreaking by him.

"Hmm." He remained noncommittal.

Just as he was about to force him to make a sound, a young eunuch-like figure suddenly walked in and respectfully said to him, "Master, the young master has arrived."

"Okay. Please let him in." I watched as Li Jiu's relaxed expression instantly transformed into a serious and authoritative one. To be honest, he really did have the air of a master. However, I looked around at this shabby house. Could there really be a master in such a dilapidated place? But what surprised me even more was yet to come. If there were a way to undo things, I would never have stayed after hearing that young master had arrived, even though I had asked Li Jiu if I should leave and he said no…

A little while later, a small, pale yellow figure ran in, calling out enthusiastically, "Teacher—"

Hearing that familiar voice, I couldn't help but look up, only to meet the child's inquiring gaze. Once I saw who it was, I forgot where I was, forgot everything around me—it's true what they say, fate brings enemies together—what's this little sugar daddy doing here? Wait, his name is Teacher Li Jiu!!

He was startled when he saw me, then suddenly realized and said, "What are you doing here, you little palace maid?" Seeing me staring at him blankly, he said angrily, "How dare you! Why don't you bow to me, the Crown Prince?"

Li Jiu was about to stop me, but I shook my head at him. Then I stood up and walked to the young patron, kneeling respectfully: "This servant greets Your Highness the Crown Prince." I knelt on the ground with my head bowed for a long time, but he didn't let me get up. I knew he was deliberately making things difficult for me, retaliating for my previous disrespect towards him. I gritted my teeth and endured it!

"Your Highness!" A male voice suddenly rang out. It was Li Jiu, who was sitting in the middle of the room. Unexpectedly, his voice had such an imposing presence. He was dignified without being angry!

The young benefactor was startled for a moment, then respectfully said to him, "Teacher."

Li Jiu looked at his beloved disciple with a serious expression and said calmly, "Has His Highness the Crown Prince forgotten my past teachings?"

"Yes. The teacher is right. The student has learned a lesson."

Hearing what the little benefactor said, Li Jiu's expression softened slightly. He then said to me, who was kneeling on the ground, "This is none of your business. You can leave now."

"Yes. This servant takes her leave." I knew he meant well in helping me, so I gave him a grateful smile as I left. But at that moment, he sat upright, his face tense, truly exuding an air of authority without needing to be angry. Sigh, does he even have to pretend to be a teacher? Really—

Volume 2, Chapter 33: A brutal beating

Emerging from Li Jiu's dilapidated house, I was still somewhat dazed. I couldn't believe that after his disappearance, he had become the Crown Prince's teacher, or Grand Tutor. How could he still live in such a remote place? However, given the Crown Prince's close relationship with him, it seemed I couldn't go to that place.

Walking back, I arrived behind the artificial hill where I had rested when I first got lost. Just as I was about to close my eyes and take a short nap, my ears, which can't be switched on, were inevitably disturbed again. I really can't have a moment's peace!

A palace maid said, "That lowly Consort Yu, relying on Consort Huan's slander before the Emperor, has become so arrogant that she has forgotten her humble origins. A mere concubine's child dares to dream of rising to the top... (omitting thousands of words here)"

Another palace maid chimed in, "That's right, that's right! She doesn't even know what she's made of. Our mistress said she'll definitely make her pay..."

A palace maid then said, "Hmph, our mistress is of noble birth; she wouldn't be so foolish as to do it herself. That Imperial Concubine isn't someone who can sit still, so why should we..."

"Yes, yes—" came a burst of silvery laughter. I guessed that the two of them had reached some kind of profound understanding through unspoken agreement.

I was listening intently, enjoying a real-life tale of palace intrigue, a tale of petty schemes among the powerful figures behind the scenes. But before I could get enough, I heard a woman's voice calling to the two women nearby. They immediately fell silent and hurried away, leaving me standing there, feeling utterly dejected. Those people are really unreasonable; they came without my permission and left me feeling utterly rude.

I took a breath of fresh air and was about to head home when a clear, youthful male voice suddenly rang out: "You vain and audacious palace maid, hiding here slacking off. What, failed to seduce the Grand Tutor, now plotting something..."

I stared in astonishment at this persistent fellow, somewhat bewildered by his words. What he said was strange, and I was completely confused. What did he mean by seduction? Or seducing that guy Li Jiu?! He really has a vivid imagination—I was speechless.

I lowered my brows, withdrew my puzzled gaze, and bowed my head, feigning fear and ignorance. I rose and knelt before him, saying respectfully, "Your Highness, I don't understand anything you're saying. I was just being lazy and stayed here to rest. I didn't mean to offend Your Highness. Please forgive me."

"Hmph," he glared at me angrily. Even without looking up, I could feel his cold gaze. How could a little brat act like this?

"Not only did he disobey his master, but this lowly man also dared to seduce the Grand Tutor. He truly doesn't know what's good for him!"

"Little brat, how dare you say that?" I couldn't help but give a cold smile, looking up at him directly, no longer fearful, no longer timid, no longer humble. I was simply looking at this child with the eyes of an adult.

"You little brat," I said, finally losing my temper, standing up and looking at him coldly, "you're really annoying."

"What did you say?" he roared in fury. "You lackey—"

I stepped forward, grabbed his ears, and said indifferently, "What, you're getting angry over just one sentence? Don't you ever feel it's inappropriate when you're acting like a tyrant?"

He screamed, "Let go, you damned slave! Let go!" No matter how much he struggled, I wouldn't let go. He was just a child, while I was already a head taller than him and had even learned martial arts. How could that arrogant little brat be a match for me? If such an ignorant child isn't properly disciplined in his youth, how can he possibly bring happiness to the people and become a wise ruler when he becomes emperor?!

He holds his head high, his heart as ruthless as a tyrant, showing no regard for human life or others. He's already like this before even inheriting the throne; what kind of decorum will he have if he becomes emperor? What will become of the people?

"Does it hurt?" I asked, applying a little more force. "Using your position to bully others shows a lack of compassion and cruelty. To be so young and already like this, you really deserve a beating." As I spoke, I took action, grabbing him and making him crawl on my knees. I lifted my sleeves and the outer garment on his buttocks, my eyes flashing with ferocity. Despite his struggles and kicks, I still struck him hard.

"Ah—you damned servant, how dare you strike this Crown Prince! I will tear you to pieces and exterminate your entire clan..."

A shout followed by curses and screams. The struggle, though ultimately limited to the child's cries, gradually dwindled to soft sobs and sobs: "Ah, let go! Let go! Waaah—"

I softened my grip and said coolly, "Does it hurt? When you bully others, whip others, and trample on others' lives at will, do you ever think that one day you too will be beaten and feel pain?"

He gradually sobbed and could no longer speak, only crying, but still muttering hatefully, "You wretched servant, I hate you, I despise you!"

I gave a cold laugh and said, "Is that so? I don't feel any affection for His Highness the Crown Prince either. He should be an innocent and naive child, but you're like this. You're really an unlikable child." I continued hitting him, "Do you know what you did wrong?"

"I, the Crown Prince, have done nothing wrong. Those lowly people are born to be humiliated by me... Ah—" Before he could finish speaking, I struck him again with my palm. The force was perfectly controlled.

"Apologize. Apologize now."

He, who had stubbornly refused to admit his mistake while keeping his lips pursed, finally broke down in tears. He had been pampered since childhood; aside from the occasional reprimand from the emperor, how could anyone treat him like this? Nor would anyone dare to. Others only doted on him, flattered him, and served him. In this palace, everyone wore a fawning face and fawned on those in power; no one dared to treat him like this—he couldn't suppress the resentment in his heart. This female servant had bullied him and defied him from the very beginning—

After thinking it over and over, he finally cried and said, "I know I was wrong, I know I was wrong—"

"Hmm," I said, letting go with satisfaction. "That's a good boy."

As soon as I let go, he jumped up, retreated a considerable distance, and said fiercely, "You dog of a servant, how dare you treat this prince like this! Don't let this prince find you, or you'll be sorry!"

I wasn't afraid. I just looked at him with disdain and smiled, thinking: This little brat wants revenge? He's overestimating himself!

Finally, I earnestly told him, "Everyone in the world is equal. In the face of survival, human life has no distinction of value. Whether male or female, whether royalty or commoner, do not easily deprive others of their right to live. Learn to respect life, for it is the origin of all things. Water can carry a boat, but it can also capsize it. The common people are the water, and the ruler is the boat. If you continue like this, be careful that the boat doesn't sink."

Then, he laughed mischievously, "You little brat, you'd better learn to swim, or you might drown!"

Still not satisfied, I easily grabbed him again and viciously squeezed his tender little face. Amidst his pig-like screams, I pulled his face to both sides and kneaded it hard, like playing with a lump of dough. His eyes filled with tears, and this time he truly cried out in grievance. When I was done playing with him and released him, he plopped down on the ground and began to wail uncontrollably, muttering, "No one has ever treated me like this before, never… You bullied me, you bullied me! I'm going to tell Mother, I'm going to tell Father, I'm going to get revenge… Waaaaah—"

I looked at him with a pang of pity, thinking that he was just a child after all, and perhaps I had gone too far. But then, the little brat shouted again, "I will definitely exterminate your entire family, wipe out your whole clan..." Truly, this child is beyond redemption.

My heart skipped a beat, and the sympathy that had just welled up vanished. I said coldly, "You don't need to bother. I'm sure His Highness has already looked for me at Xiaotiao Palace. I'm not a maid there. Even your master doesn't know who I am, so you don't need to waste your energy looking for me."

Finally, I composed myself and respectfully said to him, "This servant thanks Your Highness for your 'special' care. This servant will take my leave." After saying that, I left him there alone.

Volume 2, Chapter 34: Elegy

Sima Shao stared blankly as the audacious palace maid abandoned him and left. He stood there for a long time, forgetting to cry, tears streaming down his cheeks.

After a long while, Sima Shao finally came to his senses. "Damn you, you lackey! I will find you—"

Strangely, although his face and buttocks ached, he didn't feel truly angry. On the contrary, it was as if he had found a family member, someone who dared to scold him, reprimand him, and point out his mistakes, unlike everyone else in the palace who were all fake to him. Sima Shao rubbed his reddened buttocks and cheeks, his face flushed inexplicably. He tried to ignore the inexplicable joy welling up inside him, to ignore the fact that she was constantly on his mind and in his eyes. But—how could something hidden deep in one's heart be easily discarded?

I realized that there was still someone in this world who truly cared about me.

As I thought about it, I smiled innocently and sweetly like a child for the first time, revealing my two little tiger teeth.

Lost in his own thoughts, Sima Shao did not notice a bright yellow figure who had come for a stroll watching him and the woman who had just left with a complex and dangerous gaze.

How dare she treat the prince like this? Was it some palace maid's deliberate seduction? I haven't cleaned up the harem in so long, how come she has such a bold and novel method! The man narrowed his eyes. If he could see the palace maid's face clearly, he would definitely assassinate her. Seducing the crown prince is an unforgivable crime.

As the tide rises, a lament is sung.

All memories are damp with tears...

After that, I look forward to many more things.

I look forward to meeting him again someday. This is all I feel right now, not as Xie Weiying, the emperor's abandoned concubine, but as An Jin, who grew up with Brother Sima.

After searching high and low, I discovered that what I was looking for was something I had never seriously considered before.

These past few days, Li Jiu and I were discussing the history of the Three Kingdoms, especially Cao Cao, Liu Bei, and Sun Quan (basically, the famous figures from the Romance of the Three Kingdoms). I told Li Jiu about the adaptations of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms that we, in modern times, know and read, which piqued his interest. He kept insisting on having a long talk with me, and I haven't met such a compatible friend in a long time, so I was naturally very enthusiastic. However, because of that little benefactor, I rarely go to "Mi House"—Li Jiu's dilapidated house, a name he gave himself after the Emperor bestowed it upon him. I usually only visit him at night. Anyway, I don't do much during the day, and I'm used to being a night owl in modern times, so I don't mind.

Li Jiu was initially concerned about my reputation as a young woman, but seeing me often dressed as a man and with such a nonchalant attitude, he felt he was being overly old-fashioned. Besides, I had once disdainfully asked him if he minded that I was a woman, that associating with me lowered his status, and if he didn't want to get to know me. He naturally denied it outright. Seeing my resolute expression, he went along with it. I knew he was afraid of damaging my reputation and innocence. But I'm not a woman here, and in my mind and heart, I don't care about such things, so I'm indifferent. True friends are hard to find, at least for me. Gradually, he also abandoned worldly prejudices and focused on discussing and talking with me. Having one true friend in life is truly enough. My life is gradually improving and no longer boring.

Tonight, as usual, while Yunying was asleep—well, I didn't want to tell her, otherwise she'd nag me again about not going, lest I ruin my reputation…etc.—I got dressed and quietly climbed over the wall to leave. Every night, Xiao Quanzi would be guarding the door from time to time, and I didn't want to disturb him. I also didn't want him to see his master scaling walls and be frightened.

As usual, I climbed over the wall and arrived at the study door, saying, "Li Jiu, why is the wall around your shabby house so high?" as I pushed the door open—but to my surprise, I looked up and saw Li Jiu frantically winking at me from across the room. When did he develop this habit? Is he eye diseased? I never imagined that someone as serious as Li Jiu would make such a childish gesture to remind me because something incredibly important had happened to me. I also never imagined that the person I cared about so much would be my next encounter with him—

If I could have foreseen everything, I wouldn't have come. I'd rather remain in the dark forever, never knowing, never having met you, than have such an unbearable encounter.

I was just about to ask him what was wrong with me when I suddenly turned my head and saw a pair of golden shoes with gold trim. A little higher, I saw a corner of a bright yellow robe. My face turned pale instantly, and I trembled. Although my whole body was stiff and I couldn't move, my body still instinctively knelt down on the ground, stammering, "This servant greets Your Majesty. This servant did not know Your Majesty was here and has presumptuously entered. Please forgive me, Your Majesty."

The emperor looked at the woman who had inexplicably appeared there. Judging from her casual manner of entering, she must be acquainted with Grand Tutor Li. So, he said calmly, "Hmm. Get up." Why does that figure seem somewhat familiar?

"Thank you, Your Majesty." I stood up tremblingly, bowed my head, and stood to the side, my expression full of fear. I never imagined that at a time like this, the Emperor wouldn't be enjoying the tenderness of his beautiful concubine in her arms, but would be here?!

Luckily, I was wearing the palace maid's outfit that I usually wore when I went out to play, and even my hairstyle was the simplest palace maid style. Otherwise, if he knew that his concubine had sneaked into his minister's room late at night, I wonder what he would think? Speaking of which, why does his voice sound so familiar? Where have I heard it before? It feels so warm and familiar.

Just as I was lost in thought, Li Jiu, seeing that the emperor did not seem to blame me, smiled and said, "Your Majesty, this palace maid is the one I mentioned to you not long ago, the one with whom I am on good terms and discuss academic matters. The Three Kingdoms story that I just told Your Majesty was also told to me by her."

I kept my head down, so I couldn't see the emperor's expression. In my heart, I was secretly blaming Li Jiu for telling the emperor about what happened between the two of us!

"Is that so?" He smiled slightly, a hint of amusement in his voice, and continued, "Raise your head and let me see. What an extraordinary woman she is, that has even the Grand Tutor so impressed."

I lowered my head, my thoughts wandering, and I wasn't really listening. I was just thinking that the voice sounded so familiar, like I'd always heard it before, like it was always in my ears. What could it be?

Just as I was about to look up and see who he was, I heard a voice say, "Look up." I groggily and reflexively looked up, staring straight into the depths of his pupils. They were still that familiar, eerie color—a pale purple that was alluring, a silver that was unsettling. Dark as a whisper at dusk, clear as if lingering around him. He wore a bright yellow dragon robe, and his waist was still adorned with a rare, gold-inlaid jade belt painted with strange totems. His handsome face featured thick, dark, elegant eyebrows that swept across his casually flowing hair. A pair of obsidian-black eyes were scrutinizing me with a domineering yet curious gaze. He exuded a noble aura, and a dangerous presence. Just like when I first met him many years ago.

As if bewitched, I stared at him blankly, forgetting words, forgetting everything around me, even forgetting the world... Unconsciously, I murmured, "Brother Sima—" But as soon as I opened my mouth, everything vanished into thin air. I seemed to be smiling and acting coquettishly with him as usual, sweetly calling him Brother Sima. I wanted to—unconsciously, tears welled up in my eyes, but I stubbornly refused to let them fall.

At that moment, my mind went completely blank; I forgot everything, the world went blank. There was no joy whatsoever from being sworn brothers with the emperor; instead, there was a chill down my spine, a deep despair, and I didn't even know what was happening to me. I had no expectation whatsoever of the joyful reunion of brothers. In fact, from that moment on, I was almost certain I would never tell him that I was An Jin.

No wonder Sister Danyi always seemed hesitant when talking about Brother Sima! No wonder Brother Sima, despite not knowing martial arts, had so many experts protecting him! No wonder Sister Danyi and Brother Sima always said such strange things!

Brother Sima is actually the emperor?! He's not some prince, not some nobleman, he's the emperor?!

I've forgotten, I've forgotten everything—I can't remember anything about us being together, I—

He noticed my unwavering gaze, his brow furrowed, his eyes filled with impatience and disgust… He was no longer the doting brother Sima he knew. Standing before me was Emperor Sima Rui of the Jin Dynasty… Why did you lie to me? Why did you keep me in the dark? If—if I had known, I would never have entered the palace. This encounter, brother Sima, how can you expect me to bear it?

Brother Sima, in this situation, how should I face you? Should I tell you that your brother is one of your many concubines? How can I tell you in a way that preserves my last shred of dignity?

"Insolence!" His expression turned cold as he stared indifferently at me, who was inexplicably bursting into tears. After a long while, he coldly said, "Get out."

"Get out." He said, "Get out." I stood there, stunned, staring blankly at him, or perhaps not at him at all. Brother Sima didn't recognize me; he didn't remember me. His mind was filled with nothing but this; he couldn't hear or see anything else…

I unconsciously touched my face. It was this face, this unfamiliar face—didn't he recognize it? I gave a bitter laugh. So, all he ever remembered was An Jin—