Un joven errante

Capítulo 84

Hearing the calmness in his tone, I suddenly remembered the dream and what Xiaobai had told me. My gaze became slightly unfocused, and I couldn't help but murmur, "Life and death." I pointed to my heart and said, "Death and life." After a long pause, I finally turned my head away.

Tears streamed down my face.

I smiled brightly at him, a genuine and heartfelt smile, a clean and clear one, as if I had returned to the time when we were still young, to our brief encounter at the Xie residence. Outside the Xie residence, he saved my life. From then on, our fates were intertwined.

In this life, I already owe him my life twice. Now, I owe him one more time.

I said softly, "I came to see you to say goodbye. Also, I sincerely repent to Buddha. An Jin has committed too many sins in this life, and I don't know if anyone will forgive me."

His eyes were still filled with tears, but his expression was calm and composed, with a faint smile on his lips. He said quietly, "Benefactor, please come with me."

I followed him inside without a word.

Are the 103 Heavenly Ladders a path leading to another pure world? I looked at the simple ancient temple standing tall, and at the person walking in front of me, silent and almost breathless, with light steps. I knew that this person was a celestial being who had left the mortal world. Their hearts were as calm as water and as still as mountains, and they had entered a completely new realm.

He moved forward relentlessly, never looking back, not even once. This was his choice, so he chose to give up, to forget. Therefore, he couldn't turn back, nor should he. But if there is a next life, and I meet him again, then I will repay him for the debt I owe him in this life.

He led me into the main hall, then went to the side to light incense, respectfully handed it to me, and began to silently recite the Heart Sutra and strike the wooden fish.

Amidst the sound of the wooden fish drum, my heart was filled with peace and clarity, and I closed my eyes with utmost reverence. Scenes from my past and present lives slowly flashed through my mind; faces and words flowed gently through the river of my memory. I let my thoughts run wild, freely contemplating everything—things worth cherishing, things worth forgetting, things worth rebirth, and even the love for which I chose to leave.

This boundless life that belongs to me. The love in this world is no longer a matter of right and wrong. But the love that can only continue to exist in memories is already worthwhile. No need to spend a lifetime together, no need for life-and-death bonds, no need for constant companionship, no need... to obtain.

That's my kind of love, like the blooming of a rose in full bloom. I won't give it up.

With my eyes closed, I silently made a vow before the Buddha: Buddha, you save humanity from the sea of suffering, could you guide me to my true peace and well-being? Where lies the path to transcendence? Greed, love, hatred, and delusion—the greatest suffering is unfulfilled desires. Buddha, please teach me how to forget the pain of unfulfilled desires. Buddha, please let me let go of my inner turmoil, and with a smile, watch him live a happy and fulfilling life, enjoying wealth and peace. Let me silently wipe away my tears, and then turn and leave. Buddha, please grant me a true heart, willingly and without hesitation, to witness the joys and sorrows of the world, as long as those I care about are happy and carefree, and then walk away far away. Buddha, please exchange my lifetime of loneliness for their eternal peace...

Buddha, I beg you not to punish me like this in my next life. Let me be an ordinary woman, simply the wife of the man I love for all eternity. Nothing more, nothing more.

Buddha, please let him live, let him live, let him live!

The sky was somewhat overcast; the sky here is always clear and low-hanging. All around is a blanket of white. This is the summit of a high cliff, thousands of miles away, a place close to the sky. From here, one can overlook the entire world.

I stood at the temple gate and said softly to him who was following behind me, "Master, there's no need to see me off. In this world, there are no people who are inseparable."

I gazed at the seemingly endless, winding ladder to heaven, took a deep breath, and looked at the sliver of golden sunlight that suddenly broke through the clouds. A faint smile appeared on my face—a smile that had witnessed the vast ocean, the changing times, and the passage of years… a smile that transcended the long flow of time.

I lifted my foot and finally took the step.

Suddenly, he, who had been keeping his face down, revealing no expression and making no sound, said softly, "Don't worry, benefactor. Saving people is the heart of a healer. He will be alright." His tone was calm, yet he made a heavy promise.

My steps faltered slightly, and he knew it; he knew why I had come. So I promised to help him.

With my eyes slightly closed, I finally understood that I truly cannot repay all the debts I owe in this life. I hope for the next life... I hope...

I said nothing, because at that moment silence spoke louder than words, and I knew he would understand. Wouldn't he?

177 Ending 2: The Happy Ending (Part 1)

It was late at night. The moonlight was like water, bright yet tinged with a deep sorrow.

In the darkness, a figure moved stealthily through the courtyard of the mountain villa. He carried a simple, ordinary bundle on his shoulder, and it seemed as if he was leaving.

Suddenly, in the darkness, a childish voice rang out: "Mom, are you leaving?"

The footsteps in the darkness paused. Like a statue suddenly frozen in place, she momentarily forgot how to walk. But she didn't turn around; she simply kept her back to the small figure that slowly emerged from the shadows.

"Are you leaving?" the little girl asked again, uncertainly.

The dark body trembled slightly, but remained silent.

"If this is your choice, then you can go. Yijun will stay here and wait for Mom to come back." The little girl's voice was calm, and she had a smile on her face, as if in her eyes, that person had only gone out for a short while and would be back soon.

The shadowy figure seemed to have been struck in the softest part of her heart, but images quickly flashed through her mind: Sima Rui's bloodied face, the unbearable agony of Yi Jun after being cursed, Qing Ci's shaved head as a monk, Yuwen Ruojian's mangled state... and much more. Her back straightened considerably, her resolve unwavering. That calamity that would haunt her through lifetimes. The old priest's words echoed in her ears: "If you try to break it, then... this calamity will continue into your next generation, passed down through generations." How could she choose selfishness for her own sake?

The little girl seemed to understand what she was thinking at that moment, and gave a desolate laugh, a kind of mournful laugh that seemed out of place for someone her age.

"Mom, I've always known you weren't born into this world. Everything you taught me was so special, unique, and unparalleled. I don't know why you left Father and this place, but I know you must be afraid of something, you must have your own reasons... I won't blame you, I will never blame you. You've always been the person I love most, and that will never change. So I will protect everything you care about here for you, and wait for you to come home."

Just then, a group of people suddenly appeared behind Yi Jun's small figure: Xiao Qi, Ge Kong, Lian, and Jun Jin's butler... Her strange behavior lately, her seemingly pre-arranged affairs—they weren't fools. She hid the sadness in her eyes well, but they were the closest to her, the ones who knew her best. How could they not have noticed? Everything she did was for her peaceful departure. So they silently cooperated, doing everything she had said.

The shadowy figure did not turn around, for fear that if it did, it would lose the courage.

She took a deep breath and chuckled softly, "Yijun, you've always been a strong child. You'll do just fine without your mother."

With tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, Xiao Qi gently but firmly said to the master she had chosen to follow for the rest of her life, "Young Master, no matter how far you go or how long you stay, this family will always wait for you to come back."

Gekong and Lian gazed at her silently, their eyes as soft as water and as warm as sunlight. This was the person who had given them everything, a home, the warmth they craved in life, and built a different world for them. Whether she was there or not, they would protect it with their hearts, even with their lives.

And then I'll stay here, waiting for her, no matter how far she goes, no matter how long she's gone, I'll always be her support, her place to rest when she's tired. That's the meaning of home.

A place that will always be there for travelers who wander far from home. The only place that will never abandon her, the only place brimming with warmth. The place that lights her way in the darkness, and guides her when she is lost.

The shadowy figure silently closed its eyes, said nothing, and walked forward resolutely without looking back.

As Yi Jun watched the figure disappear into the darkness, tears finally streamed down her face. Had she really left?

Yijun, you must be a strong child.

She had never forgotten her words. Wiping away her tears, Yi Jun's eyes suddenly shone with an unusual light in the darkness—a silent transformation, a growth that broke free of its cocoon.

"Mom, I won't let you down." She smiled coldly in the darkness, her eyes filled with strength, determination, and a hint of pain.

The people behind him suddenly turned cold and aloof, as if they were no longer young masters who were only a few years old.

She turned away without looking back, and sighed before leaving, "We need to make this place better. Maybe when she comes back, she'll feel happier. At least, she won't be disappointed."

As the shadowy figure reached the doorway, a small, furry shadowy figure suddenly leaped out from under the eaves.

The unidentified object seemed to laugh in the darkness. Its lifelike eyes seemed to say: How could I not be involved in running away from home?

The shadowy figure, seeing the unexpected person appear in its arms, sighed helplessly and fell silent. It simply gazed at the road ahead, smiled slightly, and then resolutely walked forward.

The doorway of a room in the inn.

Thomas stared, slightly stunned, at the extraordinary young man in white robes who had suddenly appeared before him, so elegant and handsome, as if he were a god from another world.

The boy smiled faintly at him and said softly, "It's time to set off."

Thomas stared at him blankly for a while, then finally understood. He smiled gently at her and nodded, saying, "Okay."

From then on, the women washing clothes along the Indus River remembered seeing a handsome foreign youth dressed in white on the deck of a departing merchant ship. His face was as pure as moonlight, and his eyes as clear and cold as the Indus River at midnight.

In the bullring of Rome, during the fierce and brutal bullfights, someone once saw a foreign maiden, dressed in a long white lace dress with petal-like hem, wearing an elegant, streamlined cloth hat, her long hair flowing, her expression serene and gentle, like a dream...

On that vast and fertile land, a river flows through almost all the countries of that region. Along the banks of the Nile, where water plants sway and the scenery is enchanting, Egyptian girls dressed in linen frolicking in the river don't miss the strange young man who casually walks by on the opposite bank. His smile is like a lotus quietly blooming in the Nile, his skin like the most beautiful floating clouds in the Egyptian sky, and the golden sands of the grass, washed by the wind, leave their reflections beneath the boy's fluttering eyelashes...

Sunlight bathed the lavender fields, unique to a small town in a faraway western country, creating a scene that resembled a golden, bluish-purple paradise. The sky was a clear, transparent blue, and the air was as refreshing as fresh, chilled lemonade, stirring a sense of tranquility and longing. The fields of purple lavender stretched as far as the eye could see, like a vast, boundless purple ocean, a breathtakingly beautiful sight. The people working in the fields saw a foreign woman in a white dress adorned with pearls, her hair and hem embellished with bouquets of deep purple and light blue flowers. A bright, charming smile graced her face as she ran through the flower field, a white scarf in her hand, her face radiant with joy.

On a strait on a foreign continent, pirates roamed freely, their cries echoing in every corner. A foreign youth, dressed in pirate attire, stood at the bow of a ship, calmly observing the world's splendor.

Everything seems like fleeting clouds, like a river flowing eastward in spring...

"Cough cough..." A bewitching man in red robes lay asleep on the couch. His face was pale, his fingers were frighteningly white, and his body was emaciated, making him appear like a frail woman. Even now, he was breathtakingly beautiful. Wisps of smoke curled in the room, seemingly carrying a faint, lingering scent of herbs.

Just then, a simple-looking man dressed as a guard suddenly rushed in carrying a box, shouting as he ran, "Master is saved! Master is saved..."

Upon entering, he felt the oppressive chill emanating from the quiet old man beside him, and gave a somewhat awkward laugh. His voice trailed off. He simply presented the box respectfully to the man reclining on the couch. The man frowned, clearly uninterested. The guard said hastily, "My lord, this was sent by a sea traveler on a merchant ship. Would you please take a look?" He spoke the last sentence cautiously, afraid of inadvertently angering his master.

The man in red still looked somewhat impatient, but he opened the box with a hint of doubt.

The guard watched his master's expression shift from indifference to utter astonishment, to confusion, to pain, to infatuation, to adoration, and finally... He didn't know what expression to make.

"This... a blooming mandala?" The man in red looked at the flowers in the box with a mixture of joy and sorrow, and asked uncertainly.

The expressionless old man standing to the side stared in astonishment at the bewitching, hellish red mandala inside the box, at its still-shimmering light—a light as vibrant as blood. It was a mandala, a mandala nourished by blood… So, Ruo'er could be saved…

He suddenly remembered leaving that cold-faced woman with shallow eyes. So she wasn't as cold-blooded and heartless as she'd portrayed herself... She still wanted to save him. That amazing woman... Tears suddenly welled up in the old man's eyes, the only time he'd shed tears since leaving the palace. For his child to be free from suffering, and also for that woman who repaid evil with kindness... Her magnanimity was admirable; he had hurt her, yet she still saved him...

The guard exclaimed happily, "Yes, our master is saved!"

"How could this be... How could this be..." The man in red swayed and almost fainted. Suddenly, as if he couldn't breathe, he coughed violently a few times and vomited a mouthful of blood.

Then he started crying and laughing at the same time, his expression strange and ferocious, as if he had gone mad, or as if he were a child who had received a pleasant surprise and was satisfied with his life.

The man in red suddenly hugged the box, weeping and murmuring, "Enough, this life is enough... An Jin, enough..."

The world has been unfair to me, but meeting you is enough, enough.

Meanwhile, the boy stood on the street of the richest country in the Mediterranean, gazing at the vibrant scene, and smiled slightly. It was a smile of contentment. The fluffy white thing in his arms, having just eaten and drunk its fill in the warm sunlight, found a comfortable position in his embrace, yawned, and fell into a deep, contented sleep.

In the first year of Yongchang, Emperor Yuan of the Eastern Jin Dynasty, Sima Rui, passed away. The people of the world wept bitterly and mourned for seven days. The entire country wore white clothes, and there were no banquets or music.

His son, Sima Shao, ascended the throne and became known as Emperor Ming of Jin, changing the dynasty name to Tai Ning.

Four years later, the young emperor...

Sima Yan succeeded to the throne and was known as Emperor Cheng of Jin, changing the dynasty name to Xianhe.

Thus began the decline of the Eastern Jin Dynasty. Powerful clans dominated, and the country was in turmoil. More than a hundred years later, the Eastern Jin Dynasty fell.

Those who had been staying somewhere at the time, upon hearing this news from afar, gave a bitter smile, their hearts breaking so deeply that they fainted on the spot, and then remained silent for ten days. They neither ate nor drank, as if their souls had left their bodies. When they awoke ten days later, everything had vanished like smoke. It all seemed so unreal.

Many years later, on a quiet winter morning, at the entrance of an ordinary-looking mountain village, a thin, dusty figure carrying a chubby, furry white creature whose nature was hard to discern stood there for a long time. He raised his hand to knock on the familiar, peeling paint door that he had dreamed of countless times over the years, but then slumped down and put it down again.

The boy's face bore the marks of time, the weariness of a traveler weathered by years of life. His expression held a hint of regret and helplessness, like a child who had run away from home after making a mistake, returned many years later, but lacked the courage to go inside.

The chubby little thing in my arms mumbled, "This is your home. You're not even afraid to come home, are you?" Even though so many years have passed... the chubby little thing thought to itself.

At that moment, the boy no longer cared whether there was any mockery or sarcasm in the tone. He finally understood the meaning of the saying, "The closer one gets to home, the more timid one becomes," and "What it means to desperately want to do something yet be afraid..." Because he cared too much about it all.

I don't know how long I wandered in the swirling snow, how many snowflakes fell on my face and hair, how many footprints I left in front of the door, how many times I screamed in my heart, how many times I hated myself for being like this...

Finally, like St. John, who bravely charged into battle to fight to the death, he almost suppressed all his fear and rushed there, then closed his eyes and prepared to strike.

Just then, the door suddenly opened. Two people were about to leave: a middle-aged man in fine clothes and a graceful young woman. The middle-aged man held an umbrella in his hand, and his warm hand affectionately held the young woman's soft hand. The two looked very close and affectionate.

The person standing outside the door stopped knocking, staring blankly at this strange scene. This heartwarming sight brought tears to their eyes. How could he be here? Wasn't he already dead? Yi Jun has really grown up... Countless questions filled his mind. But in the end, he said nothing.

Tears welled up, but he held them back. He looked at the two of them, at his two dearest loved ones, and then smiled slightly. All his unspoken words were condensed into a simple sentence: "Hey, I'm back."

Unexpectedly, someone was outside the door. The two, who were preparing to leave, saw the person they dreamed of every night and missed every moment. Tears of happiness welled up in their eyes and swirled as they looked at his unchanged face and the smile on his lips, though their eyes still held a hint of worry.

The two looked at each other and smiled, then said in a tone as if he had only been gone for a short while, "Xiao Jin (Mom), welcome home."

But only they know how long the wait was, as long as half a lifetime had passed.

Happiness, frozen in a moment.

Their story is just the beginning. It has no end.