She works the day shift on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and the night shift on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with about one day off on weekends. Almost every day, she takes the No. 85 bus across the city, traveling between her workplace and home. During her day shift, she'll grab a bottle of milk from a small shop near her home in the evening, drink it during her night shift, and then head to work. She walks slowly, as always, even when she's almost late, she strolls leisurely and unhurriedly. At work, she's very diligent, has excellent relationships with her colleagues, and customers are always satisfied with her service, although Han Shu always feels that no matter how attentive she seems, she's always absent-minded. After returning home at night, she closes the iron gate and usually doesn't reappear outside the yard.
He was like a pervert, secretly watching a woman's mundane life. There were no surprises, no ups and downs; she simply repeated the same routine day after day, and he followed her step by step. Han Shu felt he lacked patience, but surprisingly, he never grew tired of it, even during the long wait for her to get off work. He sat quietly in his car, completely absorbed in the moment.
As Wang Guohua's case drew closer to its conclusion, he spent less and less time at the North City Branch Court. His colleagues were puzzled; Han Shu, who used to love to play around, had vanished after get off work. Prosecutor Cai even scolded him, calling him a lost soul. Han Shu tried to play the rogue, claiming that the cough syrup Prosecutor Cai had given him was the cause of the problem, which Prosecutor Cai dismissed as absurd. Worried that his frequent car trips near Ju Nian would attract attention and expose his actions, Han Shu drove his own car for a few days, then forcibly borrowed Prosecutor Cai's Camry. After a while, he swapped cars with Lin Jing, and even made full use of the old man's Audi twice.
Han Shu had never been so shameful in his life. He thought he had hidden it very well. At least she had never noticed the car that was always near her, or the person inside. But one day, half a month later, he stopped at the small shop near her place again, waiting for her to pass by his car after get off work. Feeling bored, he rolled down his window and said to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, could I have a bottle of milk?"
When the shop owner, who was in his fifties, handed the milk bottle through the car window, he said to Han Shu with suspicion, "Young man, you change cars and park here every few days just to drink milk?"
Han Shu had just taken a sip when he was nearly choked by those words. How come he hadn't known before that the public's vigilance had become so high? He gulped down the milk in a few mouthfuls, quickly returned the bottle to the shopkeeper, and rubbed his cheeks with a smile, "Yes, has no one ever praised your milk as particularly good before?"
After rolling up the car window, he felt a mix of embarrassment and panic. Even the shopkeeper had seen through him; had Xie Junian truly been completely oblivious from beginning to end? Was his supposed secret nothing more than the Emperor's New Clothes? What was her psychology that allowed her to ignore him, brushing past him every day without even glancing at him out of the corner of her eye? He always tried to remember her little details, but he almost forgot the most important thing: he had never truly understood Xie Junian, not even eleven years ago.
The shop owner's unintentional remark shattered Han Shu's absurd and self-indulgent behavior, which had been going on for some time. The rationality that Han Shu had shoved under the car seat finally surfaced and asked him: Han Shu, what do you want to do?
Yes, what exactly did he want? What was the point of following her day after day? No matter how long it took, he couldn't muster the courage to say, "Forgive me." But what good would it do? Time is invisible and intangible, but it's not an empty concept. Eleven years is an insurmountable chasm; no one can cross it nonchalantly. Regardless of his motives, regardless of how many past grievances this reunion awakened, he and Xie Junian lived on different paths. He couldn't change anything, nor could he do anything for her. Neither could save the other's life; he knew his powerlessness better than anyone. In fact, he and the person he was waiting for were nothing more than strangers.
Han Shu told himself, "I'm just taking a look, a casual look. I've seen how she's doing, and now that I'm satisfied, it's time to leave. There's no better way out. Eleven years have passed; surely a lifetime won't be enough? Let the dream remain a dream, and in reality, let's forget each other amidst the fleeting clouds of this city."
I'll take one last look and then leave.
It was a weekend, and Xie Junian returned home a little later than usual. She was still carrying her large bag, leisurely stepping on ants. "Alright, that's enough for now. I should call Zhu Xiaobei later and we can go get something to drink together."
Han Shu started the engine. This time, he suddenly wished Xie Junian would become as discerning as the small shop owner. But she didn't. A package accidentally fell out of the full supermarket shopping bag she was carrying. A little girl walking beside her picked it up, glanced at the sky, and complained, "Can't you be more careful?"
Ju Nian casually stuffed the things back into their original place, then casually put his arm around the girl, asking, "What do you want to eat when we get home?"
The girl looked to be around ten years old, wearing a blue and white school uniform, with her ponytail reaching her waist, and a pretty face.
A vein suddenly throbbed on Han Shu's forehead; it was an extremely terrifying thought.
Chapter Nine: Han Shu, This is my business!
As dusk settled and the city lights began to twinkle, the air carried a damp, lingering scent of a passing sprinkler truck. A faint breeze stirred, a scene not far removed from Han Shu's ideal world. In the quaint tea restaurant, the lemon tea tasted as good as ever, and the waitresses' smiles were sweet and charming. Yet, tonight, Han Shu remained oblivious to the romance. He felt alternating chills and fever, his legs trembling uncontrollably under the somewhat cramped table.
Han Shu tried his best not to think about the scene that had just occurred to him like an atomic bomb. There were no children, nothing terrible. He kept poking at the lemon slices in his cup with his straw. The tender yellow flesh still had several seeds in it. What was terrifying was that just that one word, "seed," made him think of the word "child." Imagination was truly a terrifying thing. Child, child, child… It was as if someone was constantly chanting this mantra in his ear. That girl—Han Shu had hoped that she was just the neighbor's little sister, or perhaps the shop owner's youngest daughter. But he clearly saw her go through the broken iron gate in the yard with Xie Junian, and she hadn't reappeared for a whole hour.
While waiting, Han Shu shamefully took advantage of his position to call the neighborhood committee where Xie Junian lived, asking for all her information under the pretext of assisting in the investigation. The aunt on duty at the neighborhood committee was more cooperative than he had imagined. She didn't even ask Han Shu which procuratorate he was from or why the case was there. She just poured out everything she knew about Xie Junian, and even added a lot of information that was not required for the case.
Thanks to this aunt's enthusiasm, Han Shu now knows at least the following: Xie Junian's marital status is currently listed as single. She returned to this place to rent an apartment about eight years ago, changed jobs several times, and her longest-serving job was at her current fabric store, where she has worked for almost four years, rising from a junior clerk to store manager—no small feat. Her daily routine is almost identical to what Han Shu has discerned. She doesn't have any particularly close friends, no relatives, and no particularly close men are seen near her residence. She lives with a ten-year-old girl in the fourth grade at a nearby elementary school. The child takes her surname, Xie, and calls her aunt, but her household registration is not with her.
According to Ju Nian herself, this is her cousin's child. Her cousin is homeless, so she is temporarily taking care of the child. This "temporary" period has actually lasted quite a while now. Long-time residents in the neighborhood all know that she had only been living here for a short time when this toddler, who was just learning to walk at the time, appeared in her life. Moreover, almost no one has ever seen the cousin she mentioned. The neighborhood committee auntie told Han Shu on the other end of the phone with a hint of mystery, "If she weren't so young, many people would think that girl was her own child. What kind of parents never care about their own children and rarely even visit them? Who knows if that cousin even exists?"
After noticing Han Shu's prolonged silence, the kind-hearted elderly woman asked with concern, "Prosecutor, has Ju Nian committed another crime? We know she has a criminal record and have been paying close attention to her. However, she has lived in the neighborhood for so long and always seemed law-abiding. Although she doesn't like to socialize much, she gets along well with her neighbors, and the landlord said she couldn't tell she had been to prison. But you can't judge a book by its cover. By the way, we heard that a young man has been driving around her neighborhood a lot lately, which is very suspicious. We will keep an eye on him, and if she needs any assistance, we will definitely report her movements promptly."
The neighborhood committee auntie's tone, treating Xie Junian like a potential criminal, felt like a slap in the face to Han Shu, leaving him extremely uncomfortable. He almost forgot that he himself had been using the guise of asking the neighborhood committee for assistance in an investigation to disgracefully pry into her privacy. He highly praised the old auntie's "legal awareness," but after hanging up, his mind became increasingly chaotic. The more facts he learned, the closer he got to her, the more obvious the answer seemed.
Han Shu touched his arm with his fingers, still slightly chilled from holding a frozen teacup, feeling the skin, the flesh beneath, and the warm liquid flowing within. The girl must have felt the same warmth, a replica of his own flesh and blood. This thought was enough to paralyze Han Shu's mind; he couldn't cry, his laughter felt forced, and he had no one to confide in regarding his terror. He was twenty-nine years old, a few months shy of thirty. He loved to be wild, playful, outgoing, free, and enjoy life. Although he had considered marriage, the concepts of family and responsibility were still weak for him; perhaps subconsciously, he still considered himself a big boy. But how could a girl of about ten years old, appearing out of nowhere like a demon riding on wheels of fire, not terrify him?
Is Xie Junian the child's mother? If so, who is the child's father, and what are the chances that it is? Even a one in ten thousand chance would be enough to make Han Shu uneasy, let alone the fact that the chance is definitely more than one in ten thousand, he knows it in his heart.
"What are you looking at? Is there a monster in the cup?" Zhu Xiaobei's amused voice startled Han Shu. She pulled out a chair and sat down. Perhaps because she had left in a hurry, her hair was a little messy. But Han Shu had no mood to laugh at her, just like a person with a terminal illness has no mind to laugh at a person with facial paralysis.
"I thought you'd say something like, 'I prefer you to say hello to me when you greet me,'" Zhu Xiaobei said, but then noticed that Han Shu remained silent. He did seem a bit strange today. "Han Shu, what happened to you? Tell me about it," Zhu Xiaobei said. A good girlfriend should be this understanding.
Han Shu lowered his head, looking very troubled. However, when he finally looked at Zhu Xiaobei and clasped his hands tightly together, Zhu Xiaobei realized that something might really have happened.
"Xiao Bei, I think I've run into a bit of a problem."
"Haha, Han Shu, you're not going to tell me that your ex-girlfriend is pregnant and the baby is already a month along, are you?" Zhu Xiaobei tried to ease the somewhat tense atmosphere. Her interactions with Han Shu were always relaxed and pleasant, and she was not used to seeing him like this. However, as soon as she said this joke, Han Shu's face turned pale.
"Uh, it seems you don't quite appreciate my sense of humor today." Zhu Xiaobei chuckled dryly. "I take back what I just said. Go ahead, Han Shu, I'm mentally prepared."
Han Shu took a deep breath, beckoned with his finger, and gestured for Zhu Xiaobei to come closer. Zhu Xiaobei obediently listened intently. Han Shu lowered his voice and said with difficulty, "Xiaobei, I think I really am pregnant, no... but not a month old, it's ten years old..."
After listening, Zhu Xiaobei paused for three seconds, glanced at Han Shu, and slowly leaned back in her chair. "The child... is ten years old?" She half-closed one eye, tilted her head slightly, and kept her lips slightly parted, looking at the person opposite her with a suspicious and horrified gaze. However, her fear did not stem from the fact of the "child," but from Han Shu, her boyfriend, saying something incomprehensible.
"I'm sorry, I know this is hard to believe, believe me, I'm shocked too, but I'm not joking, Xiao Bei, I'm serious, I might have a child around ten years old, a girl!"
Zhu Xiaobei's reaction was within Han Shu's expectations. He thought that since things had already come to this point, trying to cover it up would only make things more sordid. If he was the one who sowed the seeds, he would have to taste the fruit.
Zhu Xiaobei finally came to her senses. "Han Shu, you're amazing! A ten-year-old child? How old were you when you were a child? Eighteen? Nineteen? Holy crap, did I ever say I admired you? Are elites really this different? You only just realized children exist today?"
Han Shu spread his hands in frustration. "I think so." He felt like he was about to be shocked to death by this crazy event. Without someone to talk to, he would have a mental breakdown. "That child looked like he was in elementary school. He was very pretty. Yes, just like you said. I was only a little over eighteen years old at the time, so I was also stunned."
"The child's mother is your ex-girlfriend? After more than ten years, she finally comes to your door with the child to claim her lineage? Holy crap, this scenario sounds so familiar? Did she demand you take responsibility? Did you get a DNA test? Like in the movies, the child looks exactly like you? The child rushes up to you and calls you 'Dad'?"
Under Zhu Xiaobei's barrage of questions, Han Shu answered no to every single one.
"Neither of them? Then how do you know it's your child? Aren't you afraid of being framed? In my mother's words, this society is far more complicated than you imagine. Besides, you're a legal professional, don't you have this much vigilance?"
"No, well, how should I put it? She didn't even come to me. I went to see her secretly. I'm sorry, Xiao Bei, I didn't tell you any of this. I didn't mean anything by it; I just wanted to see if she was doing well. But then I saw the child next to her. I didn't even go up to ask him anything." Han Shu himself felt it was a bit absurd and didn't know how to explain it.
"Stop! Han Shu, you don't mean that just because you saw a girl walking next to the woman you 'secretly looked at,' and that girl doesn't look exactly like you, you're convinced that she's your child?" After Han Shu nodded, Zhu Xiaobei slammed her hand on the table. "Damn it, all those professional questions I asked you were just wishful thinking? Han Shu, you always seem so smart, but you always mess things up when it matters. Are you out of your mind, randomly claiming relatives on the street?!"
Zhu Xiaobei's words were rough but true, and Han Shu himself understood these things, but he couldn't express those feelings to Zhu Xiaobei. She hadn't experienced his past, and no one could understand.
“I’m sorry for all of this, Xiao Bei.” That was his only reply.
"If my mother finds out about me being a stepmother to a ten-year-old, or if I dump you now, she'll beat me to death!" Zhu Xiaobei wailed.
Han Shu propped his head up, "You won't be any worse off than me. The old man will definitely tear my bones off and feed them to the dogs."
The conversation with Zhu Xiaobei yielded no results. In the end, Zhu Xiaobei took the initiative to order two 100ml bottles of Red Star Erguotou (a type of Chinese liquor). The two drank from bottle to bottle, then comforted each other with words. After downing the liquor, Zhu Xiaobei was flushed and invigorated, while Han Shu, however, couldn't handle the cheap and strong liquor. The alcohol only intensified his sorrow, and he was dragged into the car by Zhu Xiaobei, where he slumped into the driver's seat and drifted off to sleep for several hours before finally waking up.
The moon was already high in the sky. Han Shu rubbed his eyes, while Zhu Xiaobei listened intently to his MP3, chewing gum with his cheeks moving.
"What time is it? How long have I been asleep? Why didn't you wake me?" He rubbed his neck, trying to wake himself up.
Zhu Xiaobei laughed and said, "Don't worry, you have a good drinking habit and a good sleeping posture."
"Give me one." Han Shu reached out to take the chewing gum that Zhu Xiaobei poured out. The strong minty flavor made him feel like he had at least half of his soul had returned. "It's so late. I'll take you home."
Without saying a word, Zhu Xiaobei got out of the car. "No, please don't! I'm so beautiful and have such a bright future. I can't let it be ruined by drunk driving. I'll walk myself. Anyone who tries to persuade me will have to fight me!"
"Get lost." Han Shu looked at her and smiled. "I already said I'm fine, you really don't want me to take you?"
"First ask yourself if you can still drive. If not, take a taxi. Don't let a ten-year-old girl become an orphan."
Han Shu knew that Zhu Xiaobei was still laughing at him, so he didn't say anything. He told her to be careful if she insisted on going back by herself, and then stepped on the gas and left.
He drove to the familiar little shop, which was already closed. Night always falls faster in places like this than in the city center; it wasn't even midnight yet, and almost every household had turned off their lights, including hers. The surroundings were quiet, save for the occasional bark of a dog, mingled with the chirping of insects near and far. Han Shu was exhausted; he had only intended to rest, but instead, he drifted off to sleep to this symphony of the night.
The shop owner woke Han Shu up again. He looked out the car window and watched Han Shu open his sleepy eyes, grinning and saying, "Good morning, you're here for our milk again. It must have been quite a wait all night."
Han Shu got used to the awkwardness after a while, so he actually bought a bottle and praised it while drinking it, "Your milk is the best in the whole city, it's worth the wait."
As dawn broke, Han Shu was thinking that he must go home to change his clothes and wash up before going to work. Then he remembered that it was the weekend. According to the usual routine, Xie Junian should be on leave this year and she didn't have to go to work. He returned the baby bottle to the shop owner and saw that the shop owner was engrossed in studying the stock market with the morning newspaper. Since he had nothing else to do, he chatted with the shop owner about stocks.
The shopkeeper, who had initially been making small talk, gradually became more focused. He eventually pulled up a small stool and sat under a tree next to Han Shu's car, listening intently. Han Shu wondered who this shopkeeper was sitting opposite—the stock market guru from the Chengbei District People's Procuratorate, the one with countless people chasing after him for advice. Today, this guy had drunk a bottle of milk on an empty stomach and was unconditionally selling his firsthand information and insights in front of this small shop in the outskirts of the city, without any reason.
They chatted enthusiastically for a long time, and the people listening around them formed a small circle. Stray dogs also wandered around his car. Around ten o'clock, Han Shu heard someone greet the shop owner.
"Uncle Cai, it's really lively here. After you run the club, will you still sell milk?"
"Old woman, go get some milk for Ju Nian, one bottle of pure milk and one bottle of high-calcium milk," the shop owner, Uncle Cai, called out, his attention still fixed on Ju Nian.
As Han Shu spoke, he gradually lost track of what he was saying. He was so engrossed in imparting knowledge and answering questions that he didn't even notice when Xie Junian appeared at the entrance of the small shop. It's no wonder, though; the idle people who were keen on stock trading completely blocked his view.
She was wearing a simple T-shirt and sweatpants, with slippers on her feet. She still looked sleepy, and her hair was a little disheveled, making her face appear small. She had clearly gotten out of bed to get some milk, and there was a good chance she would go back to sleep.
"This woman is so lazy," Han Shu thought through gritted teeth. Back in the day, she was late at least two days a week, and as a model student, he had despised such behavior more than once. Xie Junian, on the other hand, didn't seem to have any intention of exchanging stock market insights with him; she took the milk and turned to leave.
Han Shu suddenly felt a surge of hatred for her. The more silent a person is, the deeper the resentment they harbor. He knew she held a grudge about the past. It was fine if she blamed him, it was fine if she felt resentment, but there were many ways to resolve things. Eleven years had passed, and he had been cowardly. He preferred to forget rather than approach her and ask for forgiveness. But if she were willing to speak up, he was willing to accept any conditions, pay any price, offer any form of compensation—anything would do. Yet she didn't. She gave birth to the child alone and then lived a quiet life. Wasn't that heartless? He could never escape the consequences!
Without a second thought, Han Shu opened the car door and chased after him. Uncle Cai shouted from behind, "So, should I sell my COFCO shares or not? Explain yourself before you go!"
Jie Nian, Xie Jie Nian… Han Shu wanted to call out to her, but the name stuck in his throat and he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He chose to silently chase after her, but he didn’t know if she realized something. The more he chased, the faster she walked, until finally she simply jogged.
Han Shu was enraged by her attitude, and of course, he was faster than her. Just as Xie Junian's hand was about to touch the iron gate, he grabbed her clothes.
Xie Junian cried out in surprise, turned around abruptly, and visibly flinched in fright.
"What are you doing? I only have two bottles of milk on me." She looked in the direction of Uncle Cai and the others with a look of distress in her eyes, clearly unable to believe that such a thing could happen in broad daylight.
"What nonsense are you spouting? I don't want your milk! Why are you running away?"
“It’s you.” She seemed to have finally recognized him. Han Shu breathed a sigh of relief, because Uncle Cai and the others had all craned their necks to look over. As the male lead in a soap opera, he felt very uncomfortable.
"What have you been doing following me all these days? Oh..." Her eyes caught sight of the badge on his statement that he hadn't had time to change out of yesterday, and she suddenly realized, "You're the prosecutor from the prosecutor's office who came to investigate me yesterday... I didn't do anything!"
Han Shu was bewildered. He was completely confused by this woman's erratic thinking. They seemed to be on different wavelengths. Then, he suddenly realized an even more terrifying fact—she didn't recognize him anymore.
For some reason, this realization brought tears to Han Shu's eyes. For so many years, he had agonized over her punishment, and in the end, she had forgotten...
"What will it take for you to let me go?" These words came out of his mouth without any reason.
Completely baffled, she stared at him for a moment, looking at his eyebrows and eyes, then took a step back. "Han...Han Shu, you are Han Shu!"
Han Shu sighed deeply, "Heaven has eyes."
Xie Junian's expression was indeed complicated as she recovered from the initial accident, but when she said, "Long time no see, you've grown taller again," she even had a smile on her face, as if she were reuniting with an old friend.
"Please let go of my clothes, they're all deformed from being pulled." She gestured for him to release them.
Han Shu, feeling dizzy and disoriented, let go of her hand and asked again, "Why are you running? Is there something you're ashamed of?"
Ju Nian said, "I suddenly remembered that the stove was still on when I was boiling water at home, so I walked faster. You can call me, I can hear you."
Han Shu didn't want to continue talking to her and went straight to the point, "You still won't talk about the child, my child."
Her shock gradually intensified, and she stammered, "Children? Uh... I didn't see your children. You're married!"
"Nonsense! Do you want me to come inside and confront you? What exactly do you mean?" Han Shu's frantic feelings in the face of her were gradually being awakened. He only remembered his guilt and almost forgot how annoying she was.
Xie Junian seemed to tremble slightly again. "You mean... my niece is sleeping in the house, and there are no other children besides her."
"Keep pretending. Your niece is ten years old this year. If I'm not mistaken, her birthday should be around March. Her nominal parents have never appeared." He knew he had hit the nail on the head, and at least the cunning woman didn't refute him anymore.
"Han Shu, I don't know why you've come. She's not your child. You've got it wrong. She wasn't even born to me. Others may not know, but you should. If I were pregnant with her, how could I have spent the last three years in prison? How could I have given birth to her?"
"You never tell the truth!"
"Say what you will, it's obvious."
Whose child is that?
"Han Shu, this is my matter."
Here we go again. All their conversations, no matter how they circled around, ended with this one sentence: You are you, and I am I. Han Shu's frustration erupted like a torrent.
Through the old iron gate, in the small red brick house, a corner of the curtain was lifted, and a small face flashed by before the curtain quickly fell back down.
"Alright, I won't say anything about how happy I was to meet you, lest you accuse me of being hypocritical. My water is about to boil dry."