When she got home, she was in a bad mood and argued with her mother. Her mother got angry and started nagging, and Song Jianan felt a tightness in her chest, as if she couldn't breathe.
The table was piled high with exam papers and reference books. Suddenly, she threw them all to the ground, then picked them up one by one, brushed off the creases, and sat there blankly.
The sky was dark and gloomy, and the rain seemed to have stopped. Looking out, there were only scattered lights in the neighborhood. The darkness stretched out endlessly without any boundaries, and the night seemed vast and boundless.
She suddenly began to miss Su Li, that handsome and brooding boy, a longing more intense than ever before, which densely occupied her mind.
Song Jianan grabbed her phone and dialed the number without thinking. She knew exactly what she was doing; her hands were trembling. She held her breath and waited quietly for the dial tone to end.
Su Li's voice came through, as always, cool yet polite, "Hello."
With her mind blank, Song Jianan didn't know what to say. As if sensing her thoughts, the other end of the line didn't hang up. For a moment, she felt the world go silent, her mouth open as she breathed, her mind completely blank.
Only Su Li's face, and the smile he had never shown before, completely extinguished her beautiful and sweet little happiness.
It turns out she really had fallen for someone so deeply.
Tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes, rolling down her fingers, onto her chin, neck, and even her arms and legs. She bit her lip, unable to speak, silently weeping, then hung up the phone, took out the SIM card, and gently placed it in the drawer.
She locked away the last bit of love and self-respect she had left in her youth. There are no fairy tales or Cinderellas in the world, only Cinderellas living in their own worlds. Suddenly, she realized that unrequited love was just a game played by one person.
Under the dim yellow light of the streetlights, snowflakes, accompanied by raindrops, fell silently.
The last vestiges of sorrow in her heart were swallowed by winter. In the end, tears and grief were assimilated by life into a colorless paleness, including her—pale. The love that once filled her memory also vanished with the early autumn, leaving only traces of the past.
Chapter 8
The sunset painted the horizon red, leaving an ambiguous hue that stained the teaching building of the affiliated high school.
After the final exam, the entire campus was in an uproar. The crowd that poured out all wore expressions of relief. Song Jianan carried her schoolbag across the playground, around the pond, where the ivy had already densely covered the flower trellis.
Thousands of candidates surged out at once, but Song Jianan was not in a hurry. She was a liberal arts candidate and was not taking the exam at her own school. She was somewhat curious about this school because it was also Su Li's junior high school.
Behind the gymnasium was a grove of trees, where umbrella-shaped ginkgo leaves drifted down, bringing with them the unique fragrance of plants. Suddenly, the image of that handsome, brooding boy flashed through her mind, and she smiled slightly, a faint longing welling up from the bottom of her heart.
In her senior year, she moved to the humanities building and rarely saw Su Li or heard any rumors about him. If someone truly cuts off another person, it's hard to find them again, no matter where they are. But she still thought of him often. She told herself that this was just a little girl's fantasy, a beautiful yet cruel dream from those ignorant years.
The wind rustled through the trees, and the phone rang. He answered and saw it was Zhang Jingkang calling. Zhang Jingkang's voice couldn't hide his excitement and relief. "Song Jianan, how did the exam go?"
She smiled faintly, "It's alright, not too difficult. How about you?"
"Ugh! Physics is so incredibly hard! I just asked a lot of people and they all said they didn't do well on the test. Oh well, whatever, we're taking graduation photos tomorrow and then having a party at a hot pot restaurant. Are you coming?"
She thought for a moment, then said, "Okay, but you can call me later."
Zhang Jingkang was very excited, "Okay, no problem, I'll call you then, and we'll all go to the hot pot restaurant together."
Holding the colorful graduation yearbook in her hands, the girl finally took off her heavy and ugly school uniform, put on a light dress, and searched for classmates to leave messages in the crowd. Song Jianan's hands were sore from signing so many, and she said to her deskmate with some helplessness, "It feels like a life-or-death separation. I ran out of words by the end. It's all a burden!"
The girl smiled shyly, opened her guestbook, and said with some emotion, "Before the college entrance exam, everyone signed the guestbook like underground members of the Communist Party. We were so enthusiastic back then, and we even got caught by our homeroom teacher a few times. But now it seems like we've lost interest."
"It was a suppressed kind of happiness back then," Song Jianan summarized. "Luckily, I wasn't interested in it."
The girl turned her head to look at the flower bed, and after a while suddenly asked, "Song Jianan, is there anyone you particularly want an autograph from, someone you've never spoken to, and who might not even know you?"
She froze. Su Li's image was the first thing that jumped into her mind. Almost reflexively, her gaze involuntarily turned to Class 8, but there was no familiar figure there. She hurriedly replied, "No, how could it be someone I don't know?"
The girls were slightly disappointed. At this moment, the homeroom teacher came over and directed them, "Everyone, stand in order of height. We're about to take a group photo of all the graduates. Keep your eyes open so you don't look blind in the picture."
Song Jianan was very tall, so she had to stand in the last row of girls. The boys behind her recognized her and started talking to her. She glanced up unintentionally and saw Su Li wearing a white shirt, his hands in his pockets, his chin slightly raised, as if he was looking at the sky.
Large swaths of clouds drifted rapidly across the sky. The boy in white, with his calm and melancholic demeanor, blended perfectly into the silent expanse of the sky. It seemed that Su Li was all she could see. For just a second, Song Jianan suddenly didn't know what emotion to use to cope and could only abruptly turn her gaze away.
My heart slowly began to ache faintly; she could never be so bright to match such a melancholy sky.
Only time can slowly smooth over those memories.
Half a month passed in the blink of an eye. On the day the college entrance examination hotline was launched, Song Jianan suffered from complete insomnia. The Song family was immersed in great joy. Song Jianan performed normally in the college entrance examination, and even seemed to have performed better.
The phone kept ringing, all from classmates asking about the scores. Song Jianan politely answered their questions while comforting them, explaining that almost all the science students failed in physics this year, and the humanities scores surpassed the science scores for the first time.
She suddenly began to worry about Su Li, but she no longer had his contact information. So she secretly kept track of what her classmates in the psychology class were saying, thinking she would ask him about it when she filled out her college application.
However, before she could wait for the school to fill out the college application, her cousin, who was studying in Singapore, asked her to go on a trip. All the applications were handled by Song's mother. Good news and bad news came one after another. Duan Jiachen applied to the architecture department of the best university in the city. She was originally the first in her class, while many classmates who originally had good grades plummeted.
Some were happy while others were sad, but no one mentioned Su Li's whereabouts until she returned with her acceptance letter.
She went to pick up her admission notice on a scorching afternoon. The campus was deserted, and there were teachers on duty in the office diligently registering the notice collection information. She gave her name, and the teacher immediately smiled and said, "Oh, it's you! You're the only one from our school to get into Sun Yat-sen University this year. You did really well on the exam."
The teacher turned and went into the archives to retrieve her EMS package. Song Jianan leaned over to look at the list on the registration form. Duan Jiachen had already come to pick up his admission notice, and it was indeed from that university. Before she could take a closer look, the teacher handed her the EMS package and wrote on the registration form, saying as she wrote, "Only two people came to pick up their admission notices today. It's too hot. This morning it was a boy. By the way, he's from Renmin University, and he did very well on the exam."
Song Jianan smiled politely and casually asked, "Teacher, what's his name? Maybe I know him?"
The teacher glanced at it briefly and said, "Oh, his name is Su Li. These days, there aren't many people with the surname Su."
The school is a new campus, and behind it are large areas of suburban farmland.
The unnamed grass grows to waist height, and the roadside is covered with wildflowers called double ginger grass. Both the leaves and flowers are edible, and the grass is extremely resilient. It can be seen everywhere, with dark red and withered yellow intertwined, giving the summer a sense of autumnal decadence.
The wooden fences on both sides of the road were covered with lush green vines. Song Jianan ran and screamed in the field, startling the birds resting on the fence and causing them to fly away with a whoosh, creating a ripple in the air.
She was exhausted from running, utterly exhausted. All the pressure she had been under for years was suddenly released. The summer heat was intense, making her face flushed. Suddenly, she thought of Su Li, Renmin University, and herself, one in the south and one in the north, their paths seemingly diverging.
Tears suddenly fell without warning, and then stopped peacefully.
It was as if all these years had been a dream, and everything with Su Li was an ending without a beginning.
Much later, when Song Jianan suddenly remembered that boy, she finally realized that he was the only regret she could not fulfill in all her youthful years.
Those aloofness with bowed heads, those gazing upwards, those gloomy and cold eyes—in all her memories of her youthful years, it seems only he evoked so many feelings.
Chapter 9
Song Jianan always stayed at the newspaper office until very late, then went up to the rooftop alone. The bustling commercial district, lit up at dusk, lay below her, a sea of lights, an endless expanse of prosperity.
She enjoys watching the lights twinkle in the night sky, as it makes her feel safe and peaceful during her busy workday.
The sound of high heels echoed behind her, crisp and efficient. Without turning around, Song Jianan immediately laughed, "Zeng Shuyi, it's already after get off work, why aren't you going home? Is that handsome guy from the sports section across the street still there?"
The beautiful woman smiled faintly, "Can't I come to see you? Don't make me sound like a lovesick fool. I heard you're going to be in the entertainment section soon. What, are you planning to join the paparazzi business?"
"Paparazzi, why use such harsh language? Running around the social section is exhausting. It's all about fires and suicides every day. Even the police give you a hard time at the station. Unlike you economic section workers who are always eating, drinking, and having fun." Song Jianan shook her head. "We're all cultural workers. Why do those people discriminate against us and flatter you? We're all permanent employees, so why do you get more bonuses than us? We're all human. Why does working in the economic section sound a hundred times better than working in the social section?"
Zeng Shuyi laughed heartily and patted Song Jianan on the shoulder, "Alright, since you're so envious of our economics section, why didn't you say the social section without hesitation when the boss asked which section you wanted to work for? The boss even praised you for knowing how to go to the grassroots and experience life."
"I was blinded by greed back then," Song Jianan said indignantly. "Why didn't I choose a car enthusiast world, full of luxury cars and beautiful women, or a people and stories channel, which is more relaxed and down-to-earth?"
"Alright, alright, you'll be free soon. You'll be handing over the reins next week. Oh, by the way, I think Fish Leong is coming to hold a concert in October. Remember to get her autograph for me then."
"Also, remember to save me two tickets for Jacky Cheung's Snow Wolf Lake concert in November. In December, that beautiful bestselling novelist will be doing a book signing, and I want her autographed book. During the Spring Festival, I'll go to CCTV for an interview and take lots of pictures of Jay Chou."
Song Jianan felt dizzy. "Zeng Shuyi! You're really pushing your luck!"
After finally getting rid of Zeng Shuyi, she returned to her office. The intern working on the current affairs section across from her was still working on her manuscript under the lamp. Seeing her, the intern smiled slightly and said, "Sister Jia Nan, you haven't gone back yet?"
She pointed to the mobile phone on the table, "On duty, social hotline."
The intern sighed, "The director said that you guys who cover the social section have the hardest job. Luckily, I didn't choose the social section. By the way, do you want some steamed cake? I still have two pieces left, with red date paste and sesame filling."
"No need, I'll be back soon. It seems like your current affairs section is going to be redesigned, you seem quite busy lately."
Before the intern could reply, the mobile phone suddenly vibrated violently on the table. Song Jianan was startled and quickly answered, "Hello, this is the City Evening News, citizen hotline. Do you have any leads?"
The howling wind blew directly into the receiver, and the caller's Mandarin was mixed with a strong local dialect. The signal was also poor, and the call kept cutting out. "A student from No. 3 Middle School committed suicide by jumping off a building!"
The attitude of the police officers at the police station still infuriated her. She finally managed to get the whole story straight. It turned out that the teacher suspected the second-year high school girl of having a relationship and called her parents. In protest, the girl jumped from the fourth floor of the dormitory building and was still in the hospital receiving emergency treatment. She immediately called the principal of No. 3 Middle School to confirm, but no one answered.
She let out a heavy sigh. The intern asked curiously, "What happened?"
"A high school girl committed suicide by jumping off a building because of a relationship. This headline is quite sensational, isn't it?" Song Jianan pulled up a chair, sat down, and turned on her computer. "I have to rush to finish this article again. This kind of news will definitely be in the social section tomorrow, and then there will be follow-up reports and further developments. It might even become a social hot topic."
What are the current social issues?
As she wrote, she answered, "The topic of puppy love is a timeless one, and most people hold a firm opposition to it. But should we take a rational, dialectical, and objective view of this issue from the perspective of social development?"
"Heh, Sister Jianan, you're so funny. By the way, did you ever have a crush back then?" The intern put down her manuscript and smiled slyly. "I did have a crush back then. The feeling of being sneaky was really exciting."
Song Jianan laughed and said, "Did it work out? It definitely didn't work out?"
"We broke up a long time ago. What was dating back then? We were the ones who wanted to do the things our parents and teachers forbade. Sigh, don't change the subject. Did you ever have a puppy love relationship?"
A slight ripple stirred in her heart, and she smiled, answering with utmost seriousness, "No, I really haven't had any early romances. I've hardly ever even been in a relationship."
After finishing the manuscript and handing it to the editor-in-chief's office, it was already past 10 p.m. When she came out of the newspaper office, the bustling city seemed to show signs of weariness under the darkness of night, and the autumn wind blew with a slight chill.
She habitually pursed her lips. The wind ruffled her bangs, and a few stung her eyes. Tears streamed down her face. She suddenly felt very tired. After working as a social affairs reporter for more than half a year, she always felt powerless.
Perhaps it's because I'm getting old; even the most outstanding talents will be slowly worn down by society. Song Jianan let out a long sigh of relief and secretly told herself, "It's almost over. These days are really coming to an end."
But she didn't know what the future held.