"My Christmas present?"
"Huh?" Song Jianan was stunned, then laughed. "Didn't you receive any gifts from others? You're a grown-up, not that little girl Song Rui. How dare you ask me for gifts? I haven't received any from you yet."
"I prepared a Christmas present for you, but what about mine?"
As if centuries had passed, Xi Luoyu's voice drifted over, somewhat ethereal, as if carrying a hint of uncertainty within himself, "Song Jianan, could you sing 'Courage' as a Christmas present for me?"
Author's Note: I've realized I tend to drag out the plot. *tears*
Actually, Su Li wasn't a homewrecker. Song Jianan had liked him for so many years, and neither of them were married. How could he be a homewrecker?
She's probably a fake mistress...
After tormenting Song Jianan for so many years, it's time to give her some reward, hmm.
Chapter 23
"Song Jianan, could you sing 'Courage' as a Christmas present for me?"
It was as if the surrounding lights had lost their brilliance in an instant, and the laughter and chatter could no longer reach her ears. She slowly tightened her grip on her phone and walked slowly to the most secluded spot in the square. Neither of them spoke. Song Jianan could hear her own soft breathing, cautious and careful.
The sky was still a deep blue-black, shrouded in a thick, impenetrable chill, but the gloom in her heart seemed to be slowly receding. She heard her own voice softly say, "Okay."
A gust of wind blew, whipping her hair and stinging her eyes, almost bringing tears to her eyes. She couldn't remember the lyrics, nor could she sing the melody completely; she simply hummed it slowly, guided by instinct, "Finally made this decision, I don't care what others say, as long as you're just as certain, I'm willing to follow you to the ends of the earth. I know it won't be easy, my heart has been rehearsing and convincing myself, most afraid that you'll suddenly say you want to give up..."
She was softly humming to herself, completely forgetting the reaction on the other end of the phone, until a tingling sensation came from her arm and she realized that her vision was blurry, but no tears were streaming down her face.
Finally, I can bravely sing this song.
There was an unbelievable silence on the other end of the phone. After a long while, Xi Luoyu slowly spoke, "Thank you, Song Jianan. It's really beautiful. It's the best Christmas gift I've ever received."
She tugged at the corners of her mouth, unsure of what to say. All her words turned into a soft sigh. Xi Luoyu's voice came through, not loud, but it startled Song Jianan: "Song Jianan, do you know, our lives are a constant cycle of meeting and missing each other. But some waits can't be too long, because they wither away in our hearts before they're even realized."
"I don't understand, no, I understand, but..."
“A person cannot live in memories forever, living in the past. Your love has become an illusion because of your waiting. You don’t realize it, but others see it clearly. You don’t understand, but I do.” His voice paused slightly and became much lower. “I don’t know your past, and you don’t know mine, but I can vaguely sense it.”
"I used to really like a girl. I can still remember what she looked like. She had short hair and a radiant smile. She was famous throughout the school. Back then, I was just an ordinary guy. I didn't have a wealthy family background, nor did I have any special talents or abilities. I was just like all the other guys around me, plain and unremarkable. By chance, I took the same elective course as her in my junior year, and that's how we got together."
Song Jianan's heart skipped a beat. She held her breath and listened as he continued, "Back then, I felt like I couldn't even hold the whole world in my hands. Seeing her smile made me happy. But then one day, she told me she was sorry, and I understood. She had a past she couldn't forget. I tried to persuade her, tried to change her, but she cruelly rejected me time and time again. Later, she went abroad, but I, like her before, was trapped in the past."
"The food chain in relationships," Song Jianan said helplessly, a hint of desolation in her heart. It turns out that everyone has a painful past. What surprised her even more was that she actually felt a little bothered by it.
"Yeah, it's like the food chain. The lower you are, the more humble you are. Back then, it felt like all my faith was stripped away. I was just going through the motions—going to class, reading, eating, sleeping. My mind was completely consumed by this. Girls kept showing interest in me, but I rejected them all without exception." He paused and chuckled. "Back then, I felt so tragic, clinging to the last vestiges of love, as if those beautiful days could be relived, and that girl would come back to me. Song Jianan, did you feel the same way?"
"Huh?—" Caught off guard by the question, she was somewhat at a loss. She looked down at the grass at her feet and answered vaguely, "Yes, it seems that if you hold on to the principles in your heart, time will definitely go backward and everything can start over."
"Later I realized I was wrong, ha, I finally woke up." A soft sigh came from the other end, conveying a sense of relief that blended into the vast night, startling Song Jianan. "It was in the airport lobby. I saw her standing with another man, hand in hand, looking so happy. I just stood there, stunned, unable to describe my feelings. She saw me, waved, and then went through another security checkpoint. Later, I sat in the waiting room, watching planes soar into the sky through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, not knowing which one carried my first love. Suddenly, I felt a sense of relief. I thought, let the planes bury the pain of my first love in the vast sky."
“Xi Luoyu,” Song Jianan finally spoke seriously, “I understand. There are many times when I want to break free, but I can never let go and forget the past completely.”
“No one makes you forget, no one forces you to forget, and can you erase the past simply by forgetting?” He said earnestly, word by word. “You have to learn to accept reality and live in reality. Past memories are meant to help you live better in the present, not to make you wallow in self-pity.”
She took a deep breath, realizing she really couldn't refute it. Finally, a slight smile appeared on the other end, but the question that followed caught her even more off guard.
"Song Jianan, I really want to know why you always reject others' kindness without even thinking about it?"
She chuckled softly, "You've asked this question many times. To tell you the truth, it's because I'm afraid I won't be able to repay it. You know, I always like to calculate favors clearly, not a penny more or less. I'd rather repay a penny more than a penny less, so I'm used to weighing the weight before accepting anything."
"Are you calculating? You're clearly just running away."
The call abruptly ended, and she realized her phone had run out of battery. But she didn't move. She quietly continued speaking to herself, even though the other person couldn't hear her, "You're right, I'm running away. I don't want to owe anyone anything."
The vehicle drove through the darkness, and a chill wafted from the cabin. Song Jianan closed her eyes and suddenly remembered a few lines from an article she had read a long time ago.
"Some people have known each other for a long time, know each other's likes and dislikes, and their past. They are as familiar as shadows, yet they can never truly enter each other's hearts. Others meet for the first time, and with just one glance, they are already certain of each other's existence. Even if they are far apart, their souls are closely connected. No words or gestures are needed; they stand quietly beside each other, breathing in the other's unfamiliar yet familiar magnetic field."
Whether Xi Luoyu is one of them, or none of them, she herself doesn't know.
Emerging from the subway station, the city's night was still in full swing, with dazzling lights and surging crowds. Loneliness quietly rose up in the dead of night, gently embracing every person who was laughing, wandering, and all alone on the streets.
When I got home, I went online again, chatted with friends in the group about the concert, sorted out the manuscript I had and copied it to a USB drive, looked at other materials, and prepared to take over Wang Kejia's unfinished work.
Fang Yanyan is probably still working overtime at the newspaper office. This afternoon, a case of intentional injury resulting in disability occurred in a small county town, which should keep him on the run for a while. She suddenly wanted to talk to someone, really wanted to, just wanted to talk, no matter what the topic was.
But it seems everyone is celebrating their Christmas Eve, while she alone is quietly reminiscing.
She thought for a moment and changed her QQ signature to "Some waits can't be too long, they've already withered in my heart." Only July Field was online among her friends. She clicked on it and typed a line: "I went to a concert today."
"How about it?"
"The feeling of being moved is not the kind of fervent emotion, but the kind of feeling that comes from reminiscing alone in a corner, especially the song 'Courage'."
"I went too."
Song Jianan stared blankly at the screen, then couldn't help but laugh, "Are you a fan of Fish Leong?"
The reply came quickly: "No, I'm just going to listen to two songs, 'Happy Breakup' and 'Courage'."
"How does it feel?"
"It reminds me of many things from the past. I think if I have the chance, I will listen to campus folk songs like 'My Deskmate' again."
Before she could reply, a line of text flashed on the screen: "Those past and lost years, I want to remember them in many ways, listen to songs, write memories, and move my numb heart again and again, but nothing is more real than making up for it in this life."
"It is true that some waits cannot be too long, but I actually hope that some people can wait for others for a long, long time, because those people do not have to search for each other across mountains and rivers."
"But don't you think it's too cruel to these people?"
"That's right, so it's just wishful thinking."
There was no further communication on QQ.
"Let it snow, maybe a snowfall will do the trick." Before nightfall, Song Jianan said to herself in the mirror with a smile. The girl in the mirror was no longer naive and childish. Her features were still delicate, but she had also gained a bit of the sharpness and competence of a reporter.
Ten years have passed in the blink of an eye.
The next morning, she took a day off and slept until after 10 a.m. She intended to stay in her warm bed until noon, but was interrupted by urgent knocking on the door. Helpless, she had to get dressed and go out to open the door.
The deliveryman arrived, a young man carrying a large box with a grin. While looking for the receipt for her to sign, he joked with her, "Today's deliveries are all express packages. It's Christmas, the time for men to please women."
Song Jianan was curious, but when she looked at the package, she realized that this was the Christmas gift Xi Luoyu had mentioned. After the courier left, she carefully opened it and found a toy teddy bear lying in the box, its dark eyes staring at her.
Ha, how could he know that he liked such a toy, and that he had a particular fondness for teddy bears?
There was no message in the box, and presumably someone like Xi Luoyu wouldn't leave anything, but this adorable teddy bear is already a Christmas surprise.
Just as she was about to take the teddy bear back to her bedroom, there was another gentle knock on the door. She thought it was the deliveryman who had found her pen and was coming back to pick it up, so she hurried to open the door, only to find Xi Luoyu standing there, who should have been in Beijing at the time.
She was still holding the pen in her hand, intending to hand it over, but she had to awkwardly take it back. Xi Luoyu chuckled teasingly, "What, is this my Christmas present?"
Seemingly still not accepting the situation, Song Jianan asked warily, "What are you doing at my doorstep!"
The man in front of her smiled, and Song Jianan stared blankly at his calm features. Even through his glasses, she could still see a clear and pure smile seeping from his dark eyes. "I just want to continue what we didn't finish talking about last night. If you don't mind, may I come in?"
Author's Note: Little Xi, this is the treat I'm giving you. Unfortunately, Brother Su Li will appear in the next chapter, so you're out of luck.
Last time I was discussing the ending with someone, Little F said, "Can you imagine? She loved for ten years. Even if someone else loves her, can that shadow be erased?"
I started to feel lost.
Xiao Xi is right, we can't live on memories.
But what if one day we suddenly realize that memories are reality and reality is memories?
It's a feeling that seeps into your blood, even your breath is the air of the past. How can we change ourselves and tell ourselves that the past is the past?
Song Jianan, you are me, and I am you. I can't forget you, and neither can you, but I am not as lucky as you.
At least in his lifetime, he will know it's you, but he will never know me.
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I made a few small reflections.
"Ear Piercing" is about to be released, and I'll post the cover next time. It's available on Dangdang, Taobao, and Amazon China, where it's cheaper. But I'm really annoyed because my real name is on it! I'm completely speechless.
Oh well, what a bad year. If you all go and buy it, there will be an extra chapter. Consider it a way of supporting me, thank you.
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Most importantly, it's time to enter V.
When I mentioned the completed works monthly subscription before, many people asked me what it meant, and that most of the stories included weren't to their liking. So after some consideration, I decided to go with VIP instead.
Second: The magazine definitely needs to be published. Without promotion and popularity, publication will be a problem. Forgive me, but I still have a little selfish motive.
Third: updating once every two days, with each update being no less than 2000 words, is quite a torture for a perpetually lazy person like me.
Okay, I broke my promise. Go ahead and mess with me, but don't yell at me, I'm very fragile.
VIP is driving me crazy.
For those who want to read articles without spending money, there are actually ways. The internet is so vast, and my group is so extensive, are you worried about not finding free content?
Chapter 24
Since it was a girl's home, Xi Luoyu was a little hesitant and stood awkwardly behind the door, wondering whether to change her shoes. Song Jianan smiled and said, "It's okay, it's okay. We don't have these rules in my house. It's okay if you mess it up."
He carefully examined her home. The furnishings were very simple, and at first glance, it was impossible to guess the gender of the homeowner. However, many details revealed a girl's delicate touch, especially the large dolphin-shaped cushion on the sofa. He could even picture Song Jianan curled up on the sofa with the cushion after get off work, watching TV.
The bedroom door was ajar, and a teddy bear could be seen lying on the edge of the bed. He couldn't help but laugh. Song Jianan found it strange, thinking he was laughing at her, and quickly explained, "I just got up. Do you mind if I go wash up?"