"Yes, that's the crux of the problem. Everything you have is from the past, and you lack something real to support this feeling, which is why you're confused."
Besides agreeing, she really couldn't think of any other words. After thinking for a moment, she added, "Actually, I'm very scared. I'm afraid that reality will destroy all the beautiful things in my dreams. Tell me, if you know the outcome, would you still do it?"
"Yes, why wouldn't you? The problem is, even if you know the outcome, if you don't do it, would you believe it?"
“I feel there’s no future for us, so I don’t want to do anything.”
A smiley face appeared on the other end. "You don't even believe it without doing anything? Many things have a beginning before they can have an end. You can't have a beginning without an end. You've already imagined the outcome, but you haven't even started. That's definitely wrong."
"So what do I do now?"
"It's very simple. Forget everything in the past and let things take their natural course. If you're not even sure if you like him, then see if you can still like him ten years from now, and whether he is the kind of person you're looking for in real life."
How can we forget the past?
"Don't be silly, I didn't ask you to forget. What I mean is, in real-life interactions, remember not to involve the past too much. On the one hand, it will create a misconception in your judgment of the present, and on the other hand, if the contrast is too great, you will feel very unbalanced. So when you are with him, try not to project his image onto the past. You should know that ten years can almost make a person a complete stranger."
Suddenly, everything became clear. The problem that had been troubling me was actually quite simple; it was just a gap in time. "I understand now."
"I have other things to do and can't say too much, but I want to tell you that people who have been lonely for too long are not used to loving and being loved. You have to be brave. I'm leaving now. Let's talk next time."
People who have been lonely for too long are not used to loving and being loved.
That's why they coldly reject other people's kindness, feel that giving is a debt, prefer to keep many things to themselves rather than talk to their closest friends and family, and are more likely to open up to strangers.
What kind of person is he who can say something like that? Has he also experienced countless hardships in his life? She smiled and turned off her computer, thinking of taking out the book that someone gave her during the last interview to read. It wouldn't hurt to publish an article on the "Selected Essays" section while she was at it. She had only turned two pages and hadn't really read much when her phone rang. She answered it; it was Xi Luoyu calling. "What do you want?"
He casually replied, "Read books. Mozi was the first to criticize Confucianism. Once, a Confucian student went to Mozi and said, 'Master, you always do good deeds, but when people see you doing them, they don't come to help you, and even ghosts don't come to help you. Are you crazy?' Mozi said, 'For example, Master, you have two secretaries. One works whether you are present or not, and the other works hard when you are present, but slacks off when you are not. Which secretary do you prefer?' The student said, 'Of course I prefer the secretary who works whether I am present or not.' Mozi said, 'That's right. You also prefer the one who is crazy.'"
"Heh, what kind of book is this? It sounds really funny."
"I translated it, okay? The original sentence is really boring. By the way, what's up with your call?"
"Nothing, just asking what you're doing and want to chat."
Song Jianan smiled faintly, "I'd like to ask you, very seriously, Xi Luoyu, what was your motive for wanting me to be your girlfriend before?"
The sudden question startled even someone like Xi Luoyu. "Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"Does he like me, or does he think I'm a good person and a suitable match?"
Xi Luoyu chuckled, "Song Jianan, I've never seen you so sharp and clever before?"
“Because I suddenly figured out a lot of things. I’m someone who likes to categorize things very clearly, but that kind of personality is sometimes not a good thing.” Song Jianan thought for a moment and continued, “I’ve never believed that a man I’ve only met a few times can have deep feelings for me. Xi Luoyu, let’s just stick to the kind of relationship that’s more suitable for us.”
For the first time, he couldn't find a way to refute her. He sighed softly, "Song Jianan, is this a disguised rejection?"
"No, it's not really that. I just wanted to confirm, or maybe I didn't mean anything else." Her voice lowered. "We're still friends, aren't we? I still owe you a tomato hotpot."
A long sigh came from the other end, the voice sounding incredibly tired. "Okay, goodnight."
Silently putting down her phone, Song Jianan smiled at her reflection in the window.
In this world, losing someone isn't a big deal. Life goes on, and we should live it more and more wonderfully. I'm getting better and better at comforting myself. Since I've been lonely for so long, why bother about enduring one more day? Besides, there's so much more to cherish and enjoy than just relationships.
But even enjoying solitude doesn't mean you'll still feel lonely. So you have to become stronger and stronger, but even the strongest person will still feel lonely.
Let go of these worries, lie down and quietly finish the book, soak in the warm water. Tomorrow is a new day, and today's embarrassment and unease in front of Su Li will vanish.
She went to bed on time at 11 p.m. and casually set her alarm on her phone, only to find a message from Xi Luoyu: "Song Jianan, you must have a love that you can't forget."
Without any good excuse, she answered frankly, "Yes."
Then I turned off the computer and went to sleep, and I felt much more relaxed.
The light in the ward was still on. Fang Yanyan watched TV and muttered to himself, "Brother, why aren't you going back to sleep yet? Are you going to share a bed with me tonight?"
"Your mom told me to keep a close eye on you, afraid you'll sneak out late at night. I'm leaving right now," Su Li said as she typed. "Get some rest; the stitches will be removed the day after tomorrow."
Suddenly, he heard soft breathing behind him. He turned around and saw Fang Yanyan staring at his computer with a grin. "Hey, what kind of gossip news are you looking at? Hey, don't turn it off! I think I saw you checking other people's privacy."
He lightly swiped the mouse, then chuckled, "Want to go online?" He got up, tossed the laptop to Fang Yanyan, and prepared to put on his coat.
"Yes, yes!" Fang Yanyan nodded immediately, took the notebook, and pointed to the history section, which was empty. He was silent for a while, then said, "Su Li, you actually deleted the history!"
With a good mood, she patted Fang Yanyan's hair and said, "Get some rest. We're counting on you to be able to go to Beijing on January 4th."
"Huh? What for?"
"On a business trip, with your senior sister Song Jianan."
"Oh, I see." But then something suddenly flashed through his mind—on the webpage on Su Li's computer just now—and he blurted out, "Hey, Sister Jia Nan did her undergraduate studies at Sun Yat-sen University."
"I know, I'm closer to her than she is to you."
Looking down from the window on the fifteenth floor, the night outside is thick and dark, slowly embracing every light in the city. The lights, both bright and dim, are becoming fewer and fewer, and it's impossible to tell where my old school is or where the old train station is.
"It's late at night. Goodnight," he said softly. "Sweet dreams."
I don't know who to tell.
Author's Note:
Having moved beyond the emotional entanglement zone, let's now advance into the zone of ambiguity.
Mou Li: I finally finished writing it, 5555, I struggled with it for a long time.
Xiao Xi: The result of all your agonizing was that you kicked me out?
Mou Li: It's not my fault! Blame that weird, rude doctor, but you can't hit him, okay? He's handsome, my type. By the way, I don't have time to waste with you anymore, I need to go pamper Song Jianan.
Su Li: Wait, why did you write "I don't know who I'm saying this to"? I was saying it to Song Jianan.
Someone commented: "Song Jianan doesn't know, so a little ambiguity is good. It shows you're currently in a period of emotional confusion. This kind of man will make older women feel protective."
Su Li: I'm not a gigolo.
Mou Li: That's not up to you...
Su Li: You're the one who decides?
Someone: People like your type... (wiggles)
Wenxin, I haven't had time to write that lately, I'm having writer's block. *sigh*
"Time's Edge" by Sheng Li, Chapter 29 — Jinjiang Original Website [Works Library]
"Ugh, I'm exhausted. The entire redesign of our evening paper was a nightmare." Zeng Shuyi closed her eyes and pinched her temple. "I've been transferred to Yicai Wealth."
"You haven't strayed from your core profession. Unlike some people who have been transferred to the city affairs section, that's really depressing."
"Song Jianan, your entertainment division hasn't made any big moves. By the way, did your New Year's edition do anything special?" His eyes narrowed slyly as he stared intently at Song Jianan, not missing a single change in her expression.
She laughed and said, "It's the same as yours. Don't think we have more; we all have Hualian shopping vouchers."
“Sigh, it’s all the same. By the way, the three pages of Focus News and People’s Livelihood are the most. If you can skip those, you’ll make a fortune.” Zeng Shuyi said dreamily while trying to pull herself back to reality. “People over there are working themselves to the bone all day long. Their time doesn’t belong to them, and sometimes their bodies don’t belong to them either. One of your pages left, and two others over there also resigned.”
She paused for a moment, "Uh, what's wrong?"
“One of them has gone home to be a full-time housewife, and the other has quit her job due to poor health. When will I be able to retire and return to my hometown?” Zeng Shuyi sighed deeply. “But I still have mortgage payments, dowry, and baby formula for my son in the future.”
Song Jianan smiled helplessly, "I would really like to go into people's livelihood. It's more challenging, more fun than social work, and more practical than entertainment."
She rolled her eyes at her helplessly and shook her head. "The reporters there are all unmarriageable. Han Wei told me that she would be called away halfway through her blind dates. After a few times, no one wanted to ask her out anymore. Now that she's in the industry, she can't get out even if she wants to. If she doesn't go out for two weeks, no one will recognize her. I think you should just stay in the entertainment section."
"It's fine if nobody wants me, at least the money does. After all these years, I still think RMB is the warmest and most comforting thing." She chuckled, her gaze drifting to the window where a light drizzle was falling. "It's raining. When will it snow?"
After chatting for a while, everyone went back to their respective offices. As soon as she entered, she heard a sobbing sound. Upon closer inspection, she realized it was a female colleague by the window. Two or three people were gathered around her, trying to comfort her, while others watched silently, and most of them were engrossed in their work, indifferent.
She pulled up a chair, sat down, turned on her computer, logged onto MSN, and sent a message to her colleague at the next table: "What's going on?"
"Web clipping".
She looked up at the girl, who looked very young. "Just arrived, right?"
"Well, he was transferred here a few days earlier than you. Sigh, there's a precedent for this. The director emphasized it many times in the meeting. This time, he knowingly violated the rules, so there's nothing to say about him being fired."
Song Jianan gave a wry smile. "However, it's really a pity that we were colleagues."
"Sigh, is it really that hard to organize your own thoughts and write your own articles? Going against the grain always gets you in trouble. You know you copied it from the internet, and you still dare to submit it. Kids these days, I just can't understand them anymore."
The sobbing gradually subsided, replaced by the rustling of papers as people packed things up. The atmosphere in the office became icy. Everyone sat in their seats, some obedient, some indifferent, and some silently watching their former colleagues leave. Song Jianan's hands were on the keyboard, unsure of what kind of reply to type.
The fog outside the window grew thicker, and the air conditioner inside was very hot. A layer of condensation covered the glass, as if separating two worlds. A girl walked past her, head down, eyes darting around. She suddenly remembered Fang Yanyan, that innocent child, that child who stubbornly insisted on using facts and news to move himself, others, and society.
An indescribable sense of oppression comes from work and the weather.
On rainy days, people often feel inexplicably melancholic. It was already 7:30 when I left the newspaper office after the meeting. I stood in front of the newspaper building waiting for the bus. The rain was falling slowly and steadily. I could only feel the coolness on my face, but I couldn't see the rain falling. The ground was wet, evenly covered with water. The streetlights shone on it, giving it a cool, damp feel.
The fog grew thicker, and a nameless melancholy welled up in her heart. She thought about going to the supermarket to buy some things. Although working at the newspaper was hard, the benefits were quite good, and with all the odds and ends combined, she wouldn't have to worry about making ends meet.
She wandered around the supermarket for a while, bought some milk and bread, and was just about to buy some fruit when she spotted a very familiar figure in the crowd. She quickly went up to him and called out, "Fang Yanyan?!"
The footsteps stopped, and someone turned around. "Oh, Sister Jia Nan, you're off work already?"
"Yeah, I just got off work. What about you? Why did you come out alone? How's your wound? Didn't you get your stitches removed? Why did you still come out? There are so many people in the supermarket. What if you get bumped again and have to go to the hospital again?"
Fang Yanyan's face twisted in pain. "Jianan, you're such a nagging old woman. I'm not as fragile as you say. It's just that my brother's house is like a show home. You can't even find a crumb of biscuit. I'm about to suffocate."
"Oh?" Song Jianan looked into his basket, which was full of cookies and snacks for little girls. "Oh, you, you even eat Xizhilang jelly, Want Want gift packs, and Qiaqia sunflower seeds."
"Haha, the Xizhilang jelly is for my brother, the rest are mine." Fang Yanyan proudly pulled out supermarket coupons from her pocket. "Sister Jianan, you guys got yours today too, hehe."
She found it strange, "I didn't see you at work today, how did you get here?"
"My brother helped me with some paperwork and picked it up for me. Here, you can choose one thing as a thank you gift." Fang Yanyan smiled happily, his eyes fixed on Song Jianan's raised hand. "But chocolate is out of the question!"
"Why?" Song Jianan sighed and awkwardly lowered her hand.
Fang Yan said in a very serious tone, "Chocolate is for the person you love. The person I love is definitely not you, and the person you love is definitely not me, so this meaningful gift should be reserved for the person you love who also loves you."
Girls walked by and chuckled as they passed Fang Yanyan, who was speaking in a serious yet playful manner. Song Jianan rolled her eyes helplessly and said, "Alright then, Swiss candy is fine."