After dinner, the family sat on the sofa and watched TV for a while. Han Shu learned from his father that the relocation plan for the martyrs' cemetery had only just been finalized, and it was estimated that it would be another year and a half before it was actually implemented. The clock struck ten, and Han Shu said goodbye to his parents. His mother was reluctant to let him go, complaining about why he couldn't just move back in. The old man seemed unconcerned and continued to leisurely drink his tea. Only when his son reached the entrance did he add, "Don't take what I say lightly. Young man, you must be down-to-earth in everything you do, both at work and in life. Find a good wife, and don't cause me any more trouble."
"You've said this so many times, and I've repeatedly emphasized that I'm very serious about this matter and will definitely bring your daughter-in-law back to show her off," Han Shu said with a smile as he changed his shoes.
Dean Han looked at his son and said, “Don’t just talk the talk. Yes, times have changed. What I’m saying may not be entirely true. You young people change girlfriends one after another. You don’t even know what love is.”
Han Shu made a small, goosebump-inducing gesture towards his mother, which earned him a light tap on the head. He formally said goodbye, agreed on the time for his next visit for dinner, and then drove alone back to his place.
As he walked along, the night wind blew, and he suddenly recalled the old man's inexplicably cheesy question at the end. Dean Han had been quite like the old woman from the story of Jiu Jin in recent years, always complaining that each generation was worse than the last. Han Shu disagreed, but he found himself genuinely clueless about the question. He wasn't emotionally clueless; since university, he had formally dated several girls and had admired and liked many women. But "love" was such a profound and complex word.
Back home, Han Shu remembered that he should call Zhu Xiaobei, who was ill. When the call connected, her voice showed no signs of weakness befitting a patient.
"Are you feeling any better?" Han Shu asked again.
Zhu Xiaobei didn't answer yes or no, but just laughed it off. Finally, she added seriously, "Sorry about today, Han Shu."
Han Shu wasn't angry with her at all. Since he had nothing else to do, he sprawled on the sofa and chatted with her idly. When the conversation turned to the interesting things that happened during dinner with the old man that evening, Han Shu suddenly asked, "Hey, Zhu Xiaobei, let me ask you something, what is love?"
"No need to talk about such profound questions, is there?" Zhu Xiaobei chuckled.
Han Shu said, "Aren't you a PhD? Quick, give me a more scholarly answer."
Actually, he didn't expect to get any answers from Zhu Xiaobei, who studied mechanical engineering. He just wanted to prove from Zhu Xiaobei's "I don't know" that he wasn't the only one who couldn't understand the problem, but that most normal people couldn't answer Dean Han's question.
To everyone's surprise, Zhu Xiaobei remained silent for a while on the other end of the phone, then uttered a profound and enigmatic line: "I think love is the pain you can't bear to let go of."
Love is the pain you can't bear to let go of... Han Shu repeated the sentence in a daze, not yet understanding what it meant, when Zhu Xiaobei burst out laughing, "You got fooled, didn't you? Don't think I don't have a few wise sayings or proverbs. There are plenty of similar ones in my handwritten copy. I'll find you two more next time."
Han Shu chatted and laughed with her for half an hour before hanging up.
He thought to himself that he was truly taken aback by Zhu Xiaobei's inexplicable and astonishing success. While taking a shower, he even remembered her words again.
Pain is the last line of defense for human self-protection. The instinct to seek advantage and avoid harm is innate. Is there really pain that people are reluctant to give up?
He too had his own inescapable pain, the stain of his unique memories, the root of his inner turmoil in the deepest nights. But he didn't believe it was love.
Han Shu was unaware that Zhu Xiaobei, that boastful fellow, was also awake. She had turned off the main light, and the computer screen's glow cast a bluish light on her face. Her open email showed a recent message. It contained only one sentence—
Xiao Bei, find a good man to marry.
Chapter Six: Life Lies in Stillness
Han Shuzhong caught a bad cold. Zhu Xiaobei felt deeply guilty for deserting his post that day, so she called him to invite him to dinner to express her apology. Only then did she realize what had happened from his heavy nasal voice.
At that time, Han Shu had already taken a day of sick leave and was at home. Seeing that he had no intention of coming out, Zhu Xiaobei felt a pang of conscience and offered to visit him at his place, risking infection. Han Shu coughed for a while but did not refuse her kindness.
Han Shu lived very close to his workplace. Although Zhu Xiaobei had never been up there, she had heard of the housing development that was so popular with the petit-bourgeoisie. Xiaobei thought the place perfectly suited Han Shu's morbid aesthetic tastes; he seemed to want to carve a daffodil into every strand of his hair. If it were her, she wouldn't spend that much money on a pigeonhole-like place in a prime location. With that money, she'd be better off buying land in the countryside, raising vicious dogs, and keeping unruly servants.
After taking the elevator to the top floor, without needing to look for the door number, Zhu Xiaobei could already hear Han Shu's light cough from a half-open door. She muttered to herself, "This guy doesn't even close the door." She called out loudly, "Han Shu, I'm going in now."
She pushed open the door, and Han Shu was already standing there. He was dressed casually, but still excessively neatly. However, his nose was slightly red, and his usually smiling eyes were bloodshot with sunken eye sockets. It seemed that he was indeed seriously ill.
"You're here. Sorry, there were people at home, so I didn't come down to greet you." Han Shu smiled and invited Zhu Xiaobei into the house.
As Zhu Xiaobei walked in, she looked around curiously at this place she had long wanted to visit but had never been able to.
"Hey, your taste is so-so, but for a bachelor like you to live so fancy is a bit much, isn't it?" She reached out and touched an ornament on the entryway cabinet that she couldn't tell what it was.
"You know what, I picked out every single thing here myself. The most important thing is that I like it. I've been wanting to invite you up for a while, but I never had the chance. You took the initiative to come see me today, so I guess you still have a conscience," Han Shu joked in a hoarse voice.
Zhu Xiaobei heard footsteps in the room and curiously peeked out. It turned out that someone was installing curtains. She asked curiously, "Hey, the other day you only said you were going to change the bed sheets, but you didn't say you were going to change the curtains too. Do you really need to change these things so often? There are still many people in Africa who don't have clothes to wear."
Han Shu brought her a drink, saying, "Stop talking nonsense. Didn't you come to visit a patient? You came up empty-handed? I won't expect you to give me some nourishing soup, but you should at least bring a bouquet of flowers."
Zhu Xiaobei waved his hand, "I'm just worried that too many little sisters are visiting you, and the flowers are piled up in the toilet, so I won't add any more flowers. I just brought my heart, which is burning with enthusiasm."
Han Shu feigned disgust, but still laughed. "You know what, if all the people who want to send flowers piled up, they could form a human ladder and hang down from the top floor to the basement. I don't just let other people into my house."
"Honored, honored." Zhu Xiaobei couldn't sit still any longer and stood up to look around, clicking his tongue in amazement. "...This coffee table is nice...Oh my, you have this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles set too? I saw it on XX Road that time, but it was too expensive, so I didn't buy it...My goodness, I like this nesting doll set too..."
Han Shu's house was filled with many small items, but not cluttered. They were all childlike trinkets, and Zhu Xiaobei hadn't expected him to have such a childlike enthusiasm for collecting them. She excitedly examined each item one by one. However, to be honest, Han Shu easily gave off the impression of being particularly attractive to girls, but although his residence was exquisite, there were no signs that women had ever lived there.
Han Shu was clearly invigorated by finding someone with similar interests. His previous dejected mood, which he had seemed to have due to illness or other reasons, dissipated considerably. Without further ado, he dragged Zhu Xiaobei to see his other "treasures".
"Look at this, the one right here, it's a QOO doll that Coca-Cola released last year. I only have two, I found them online, they're not worth much, I just think they're fun... And that bronze World of Warcraft character next to it, I heard only 64 were released in China, it was quite a feat to get one. And this 007 toy car, its market value has increased quite a bit now..."
Seeing Zhu Xiaobei pick up a teddy bear and play with its limbs with obvious delight, he said, "This is from when I first started working. My company sent me to Hong Kong for an inspection. Everyone else was scrambling to buy watches and perfumes, but I brought this back. They just didn't know what they were talking about. You see, the buttons on this teddy bear's clothes are black. Only the earlier versions have this design. The tag on its ear says it was made in Oxfordshire. There are about 50,000 of them in the world, and it cost me almost half a month's salary back then."
"That's interesting, haha, Han Shu, you're definitely still a child at heart. But you wouldn't actually like Barbie dolls, would you?" Zhu Xiaobei said, waving the bear.
Han Shu laughed, "What are you talking about? I just think these things are fun. Don't think I'm a pervert. I also think this teddy bear is quite feminine. Since you like it, I'll give it to you. I've collected it for many years, so you'd better take good care of it."
"How could I possibly take what belongs to someone else? Haha, but it wouldn't be right for me to be so polite, would it? Thanks." Zhu Xiaobei was holding the bear in her arms when she noticed a long, narrow box in the cabinet behind the bear. Curious, she pressed for details, "Han Shu, what other treasures are you hiding? Why don't you take them out and show them off? Otherwise, these treasures will be so lonely."
Han Shu was visibly taken aback when he saw the box.
"It's inconvenient, never mind, I was just saying." Zhu Xiaobei continued to hold her newly acquired teddy bear with great satisfaction.
Han Shu said, "I've forgotten what was inside. It's some boxes I brought with me when I moved, and I haven't opened some of the ones I don't need yet."
“Aren’t you just like a rich man with too much money who doesn’t even know how many boxes of gold you have? Maybe there’s something good inside. Do you want me to unveil its ‘mysterious veil’ for you? Of course, I’m saying this if you don’t object.” As Zhu Xiaobei said this, his eyes were on Han Shu, and his hand had already touched the edge of the cardboard box.
Seeing that she was about to do something, Han Shu threatened her, "There might be evidence inside that I killed someone while sleepwalking."
Zhu Xiaobei disagreed, "This is exactly what I like."
As they spoke, Zhu Xiaobei quickly opened the cardboard box that was simply wrapped with sealing tape. When he opened the box, Zhu Xiaobei made a point of looking at Han Shu's expression, and his surprise and astonishment did not seem feigned.
Inside the box was an old-fashioned badminton racket. The strings were still in good condition, but the handle was strangely wrapped with a long strip of white tape, covered with names signed in various colors of ink. The edges of the tape were slightly curled up and the color was slightly yellowed, making it look like it had been around for a while.
Like Han Shu, Zhu Xiaobei was quite passionate about badminton, so she knew her stuff. She picked up the racket and examined it closely. "Wow, it's an old Kenneth racket, at least ten years old! Back in the day, every national team player had one. When I first started playing badminton in junior high, I always fantasized about having one of these on the court, how impressive that would be. But my mom is so stingy, I know she would never, ever buy one for me. I told you you had a happy childhood."
Perhaps anyone who sees their old belongings from back then will feel a surge of nostalgia. Han Shu echoed Zhu Xiaobei's words, saying in a daze, "Yes, this is the biggest gift the old man gave me back then. Now Kenneth is no longer popular, and you can hardly find it on the market." He seemed to want to gently stroke the strings of the racket like Zhu Xiaobei, but for some reason, his fingertips almost touched it, and then he withdrew them.
Zhu Xiaobei carefully examined the signatures on the controller, which appeared to be messages from his classmates back then. "Looks like you were pretty cool back then."
"Screw you, I'm cool now too." Han Shu smiled and said, "Put it back. It's just an old racket, nothing special. It was probably just hidden here, otherwise it would have been disposed of long ago."
"Don't make it sound so easy. This was my dream during my student days. It's very meaningful. Han Shu, how about this, Xiong is back to you, and you can give me this racket. You don't really care about it anyway, and you can't buy one like this outside now."
Without saying a word, Zhu Xiaobei put the teddy bear on the table and excitedly picked up the racket, gesturing wildly.
"Han Shu, what do you think of this look?"
"No, no!"
Han Shu's intense reaction stunned Zhu Xiaobei for a few seconds. He quickly realized his lapse in composure, forced a laugh, and said in a hoarse voice, "I'm sorry, Xiaobei. I've been thinking, and the racket has some autographs from my old classmates, so I should probably keep it... I have a friend who has several Kenneth rackets, how about this, I'll definitely get you one, it'll be much better than mine... And that nesting doll from earlier, if you like it, take it back with the bear too, I don't think I've ever given you anything before."
Zhu Xiaobei realized what was happening and nudged him with her elbow, saying righteously, "Are you kidding me? Do you really think I'm going to steal your treasure? Why are you saying all that? Here, put it back and keep it safe."
Han Shu took the racket, smiled apologetically, and put it back into its original box. Zhu Xiaobei had already torn off the original sealing tape. His palms were sweaty, and before he knew it, the racket fell out from the bottom of the unsealed box, grazed the edge of the display case, and landed on the dark blue carpet.
Zhu Xiaobei reached out quickly, but missed by a hair's breadth. She squatted down to pick it up, saying, "Oh my god, thank goodness it didn't hit the hard floor. It would have been such a pity if it had broken."
She said she felt sorry for the racket, but she knew that the soft cushioning of the carpet would prevent it from being damaged. So, when she picked up the racket again, she was surprised to notice the fine scratches and abrasions on the edges of the strings and the handle. After checking it again, she realized that the scratches and abrasions seemed to be quite old and could not have been caused by the drop. She breathed a sigh of relief.
Zhu Xiaobei thought to himself, "I didn't notice it earlier. The rest of the racket is so well preserved. Han Shu is obviously a very thrifty person. I wonder how he could have gotten such a scratch on the racket."
"Here, Han Shu... Han Shu? I picked it up, you don't want it anymore? There are scars on the racket, you weren't a gangster when you were a kid, and you used rackets to hit people, right?"
Han Shu laughed, but he was somewhat absent-minded. Taking too much cold medicine was not good either. He seemed to hear some voices that shouldn't exist.
"Go, go pick it up for me."
"Okay, you can do it ten thousand times if you're willing."
...
"Han Shu?"
"Oh, thank you."
The racket was put away again, and the young man installing the curtains in the room came out. Zhu Xiaobei noticed that the installer was also wearing the familiar orange uniform vest, indicating that Han Shu had visited that fabric store again in just over a week.
The laborer looked like a boy from the countryside who had come to the city to work. He packed up his tools, walked up to Han Shu, rubbed his hands together, and stammered to Han Shu.
"Sir, it's like this. I've already installed the curtains for you. It's definitely the one you picked out in the store yesterday. We wouldn't make a mistake, really, we wouldn't lie to you. Also, our store manager isn't responsible for installation, so she generally doesn't come to customers' homes to provide service, and she's not necessarily in the store every day. I'll pass on your feedback to her when I get back. The store will contact you if there's anything else. I'm only responsible for installation. No, I'm sorry."
Zhu Xiaobei glanced at Han Shu, who seemed to have choked on a breath, his throat already sensitive from a cold. He turned to the side, coughing violently, his ears turning bright red. After finally recovering, he said to the worker, "I understand, you can go back now, thank you."
After the worker left, Zhu Xiaobei peeked into the bedroom to look at the newly installed curtains. The abstract lines and glossy texture of the fabric matched the overall style of the room perfectly. Zhu Xiaobei was a little puzzled, "I don't see anything wrong with them."
Han Shu felt a little uncomfortable. "I just felt that the color was a bit different from what I saw yesterday, so I casually asked the child about it."
Zhu Xiaobei's expression was exaggerated. "You're really something. I heard you went to the hospital for an IV drip yesterday, and you still managed to pick out curtains. I'm impressed."
Han Shu pulled her back to the sofa. "Let's not talk about this. You're so kind of you to come see me, and you haven't even had a sip of water yet. I can't cook a big meal today. How about we go downstairs to eat later? I know a good place that you definitely won't get infected."
Zhu Xiaobei laughed and said, "I'd like to too, but I still have some things to finish in the lab at school tonight. The department is going to squeeze me dry. I'm not saying this meal is over, remember this, and treat me to something nice next time. I have to go now."
Han Shu showed a disappointed expression and saw Zhu Xiaobei to the door.
"Take care when you get back, don't catch a cold like me."
“I have a cold? I haven’t seen a doctor in ten years, and I’m as strong as an ox. On the contrary, I just don’t understand you. You’re someone who exercises regularly, so how come you’re so fragile? A little cold has made you like this.”
"Haven't you heard that the more often people exercise, the more prone they are to illness? Look at lions and tigers, they're always moving, but they only live for a few decades at most. But tortoises are always hiding, and they can live for ten thousand years. This illness has made me realize that life lies in..."
"Life lies in stillness, life lies in retreat."
Zhu Xiaobei and Han Shu almost simultaneously uttered the last sentence.
Han Shu rubbed his face with his knuckles in confusion. "We're so in sync?"
"Forget it. I just heard this view from a friend, and because it was so 'unique,' I've always remembered it. Who told you that? It seems there's more than one person with such a strong personality."
Han Shu paused for a moment, then shrugged. "It's been too long, I don't remember."
Chapter Seven hs&jn
As night deepened, Han Shu looked out from the floor-to-ceiling bay window of his bedroom, overlooking the twinkling lights of the city. The biggest drawback of living in the bustling city center was the noise; it was like that during the day, and even late at night, the sounds of cars and people whizzing by could still be heard. But just as one person's flaw might be another's greatest asset, Han Shu loved the city's vibrancy.
Noise signifies human presence, and only with human presence can there be warmth. Han Shu found it difficult to adapt to overly quiet and desolate places. Whenever he traveled for leisure or business, staying in a suburban villa or a remote scenic spot, he would toss and turn in the silence, unable to sleep. With his eyes closed, he felt inexplicably lonely. The wind would stir the curtains, and without the light from streetlights, the darkness amplified even the slightest unease, anxiety, or sadness. At such times, this promising young man, who loved life, would be completely overwhelmed by unseen negative emotions. Later, he gained some experience. In such places, he would leave the bedside lamp on while sleeping, and the next morning, he felt as if he had come back to life. However, only when he returned to bustling and vibrant places would that sense of security truly return.
Therefore, Han Shu loved crowds, loved liveliness, and loved many interesting and worldly things. Dean Han often criticized him for being unable to bear loneliness and being too restless. Han Shu thought, so be it, being restless is better than waking up in the middle of the night and feeling inexplicably anxious in a quiet place. He was probably not born to be a Tao Yuanming, but that's not so bad.
Han Shu had also discussed this issue with Lin Jing, who was Han Shu's most valued junior in the political and legal circles, as well as a former colleague and friend. Han Shu asked him, "Besides keeping you awake, what's wrong with a noisy place?"
Lin Jing casually remarked, "Lively places aren't bad, but quiet places make it easier to figure out what you want to do."
This may be true, because Lin Jing is someone who knows very well what he wants to do. He has a clear and specific purpose for everything he does, and then he moves towards that purpose step by step. Therefore, although he is only a few years older than Han Shu, he is already the head of the North Branch Hospital and is on equal footing with Lin Jing, who is about to retire, while Han Shu is always drifting.