Han Shu easily got angry in front of her again, "Is my money dirtier than Tang Ye's?"
Afraid of disturbing the nurses and other patients, Ju Nian quickly said, "I didn't bring enough money or my bankbook with me when I left. Mr. Tang, please pay for it first, and I will pay him back tomorrow."
After she finished speaking, she noticed that Han Shu's expression had improved. She never expected that it was the unintentional mention of "Mr. Tang" that had eased Han Shu's mind.
Han Shu pushed her hand holding the card back. "Consider it a gift from me to Fei Ming. I know she has nothing to do with me, but I really wished she were my daughter, like Chen Jiejie and Wu Yu. If Fei Ming were here... between them... sigh, let's not talk about them. I mean... I could treat her as mine... like you take care of her... Don't misunderstand, I'm not compensating you because you're pitiful. Whether you're pitiful or not... I'm not saying you're pitiful, I just want to, I want to..."
Han Shu became increasingly unsure of what he was saying, thinking that most normal people probably wouldn't understand what he was trying to express.
But he was wrong; Xie Junian was never a normal person. She interrupted him.
“You know it’s impossible, Han Shu.”
Han Shu's face turned from red to white, and he gritted his teeth inwardly. However, his previously volatile heart settled down because of her unwavering words. The worst that could happen couldn't be worse, so what was there to fear? At least it showed she understood.
"You're rejecting me, aren't you? It's nothing, really nothing." After calming himself down, he tried to put on his usual nonchalant smile and said shamelessly, "You just said it's impossible, Han Shu. Then I'm not Han Shu. Just think of me as a passerby who just came by. We just met, so it's okay to say something... or at least say hello, right?"
Ju Nian, feeling utterly helpless, handed back the bank card that belonged to him once again, saying, "Hi, Han Xiao Er, goodbye."
Seeing that Han Shu didn't move, she bent down and placed the card in a prominent position on the stool next to her, shook her head, and walked back to Fei Ming's ward.
"Ju Nian." Han Shu called out to her from behind. He forcefully pulled her hand, but the force was very light when he put the card in her palm. "When something happens, think of me first, okay? Just consider this your way of pretending to forgive me."
Chapter Thirteen: The Poisonous Apple
The next morning, Ju Nian got up from the cheap folding bed provided by the hospital, washed up, made a phone call to the store to ask for a day off, and when she came back, she found that Fei Ming had woken up.
In truth, Fei Ming hadn't opened her eyes. Ju Nian noticed this from her eyes, which were even more tightly closed than when she was asleep, and her trembling eyelashes. Long ago, Ju Nian had also been a child who pretended to be asleep. When her parents talked about her soon-to-be-born brother, or when her aunt and uncle shouted and yelled, she would close her eyes tightly like this, the more she tried, the harder it was to fall asleep. Later, Wu Yu came into her life. The two of them often lay on the grass by the pomegranate tree, the sun shining through their tightly closed eyelids, painting the darkness with an orange-red hue. Wu Yu's breathing was even and long beside her. She tried to adjust her breathing to match his rhythm, but she couldn't sleep. Her mind was filled with the faint scent of grass and the smell of sunlight on pine branches. Occasionally, a fallen leaf would hit her face, tickling her, but she didn't want to disturb the person beside her, so she wrinkled her nose and endured it, only to hear Wu Yu's hearty laughter... Han Shu said that Fei Ming was nothing like her, which was natural, but for a second, Ju Nian seemed to see herself in Fei Ming, after all, the child she had raised.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and gently called out, "Feiming, are you awake?"
Fei Ming remained motionless, but after a few seconds, large tears streamed down from the corners of his tightly closed eyes.
"Are you hungry? Auntie will go buy you breakfast. What would you like to eat?"
"Don't cry, are you still feeling unwell somewhere?"
"Feiming, can you hear your aunt?"
No matter how much Ju Nian pleaded with him, Fei Ming seemed to do nothing but cry.
"Wait a minute, Auntie will call the doctor for you." Ju Nian said helplessly, also afraid that the child might have some symptoms that she hadn't noticed, so she stood up.
But at this moment, Fei Ming burst into a sharp cry. She shook her head desperately on the pillow, refusing to open her eyes, and cried out, "I don't want a doctor, there is no doctor... I am not sick."
Ju Nian panicked slightly and hurriedly wiped away Fei Ming's tears. "Okay, you're not sick. Then open your eyes and look at your aunt."
Fei Ming's voice was heavy with sobs, "I won't open my eyes. If I do, the dream I had will come true. The teacher is urging me, I have to go dance... Our performance is next..."
“After you wake up, we’ll be discharged from the hospital, and we can still dance.”
"You're lying to me. Nobody wants me to dance anymore. People have seen how strange I look, including Leeteuk..."
She cried so desperately, her hands twisting the sheets on either side of her face, and Ju Nian's heart slowly clenched with the child's cries. It wasn't that she didn't understand Fei Ming's grief; this blow was far too heavy for a child like Fei Ming to bear.
The nurse came and went. Some of the other patients' families in the ward, though kind-hearted, tried to comfort her, but finding it futile, they could only sigh in resignation. Ju Nian stopped trying to console her, sitting beside her, watching Fei Ming cry with all her might until she was exhausted, her eyes ceasing to shed tears, leaving only intermittent sobs. She felt utterly disgusted with herself at that moment. If only she were a little smarter, if only she understood children a little better, perhaps she could have offered Fei Ming more comfort, instead of being helpless like this.
The doctor came in several times and told Fei Ming that it was time to take him for a CT scan, but Fei Ming's condition was not a good time to observe him. After a while of being at a loss, Han Shu rushed in like a gust of wind. Without saying a word, he opened a box in his hand and filled the entire bedside table with all sorts of random little things inside.
Having probably noticed Fei Ming's terrible state, Han Shu cast a questioning look at Ju Nian, who lowered her head.
Han Shu cleared his throat and sat down next to Fei Ming. "Little beauty, look what I brought you."
To everyone's surprise, Fei Ming heard his voice so close by, sat up abruptly, hugged him, and started wailing again, calling out "Uncle Han Shu." Han Shu glanced at Ju Nian, then quickly patted Fei Ming's back to comfort him, "What's wrong that you're so sad about? Your face is all wrinkled from crying, you look so ugly... Don't cry, your snot is all over my shirt, how am I supposed to go to work later?"
Fei Ming didn't care and continued to mooch off the school as usual. "I can't go to school anymore, everyone saw it."
"What did you see?" Han Shu asked casually.
Fei Ming refused to answer, but cried even more bitterly.
"Oh...you mean what happened last night? I heard about it." Han Shu drawled, winked at Ju Nian, and said to Fei Ming, "What's there to cry about? Didn't you dance Snow White? Don't you know that before the prince appeared, Snow White ate a poisoned apple and that's how she got sick?"
“I…I didn’t eat an apple…” Fei Ming said haltingly.
“You took it a long time ago, it’s just a slow-acting one.” Han Shu ruffled Fei Ming’s hair. “No one laughed at you. When I rushed over, your classmates were all very concerned about you. What was the name of that boy you mentioned last time…”
"Li Te," Ju Nian quickly reminded him from the side.
"Yes, Li Te, he's as anxious as an old man..."
"You're talking nonsense!" Fei Ming protested.
Han Shu laughed. "Look, the prince certainly wouldn't laugh at Snow White. It's the witch who would laugh. Come on, see what Uncle Han Shu brought you. If you like it, you can have it all. I brought it here especially for you. I have to go to work soon."
Despite Ju Nian's disbelief, Fei Ming actually opened his eyes slowly under Han Shu's coaxing and deception. He picked up one of the Winnie the Pooh bears and looked at it while sniffing.
Seeing this, Ju Nian quickly went out to contact the doctor about the upcoming tests, leaving Han Shu and Fei Ming chatting amongst themselves. When she returned, Han Shu was already standing outside the ward waiting for her, carrying his briefcase.
Ju Nian still couldn't help feeling awkward, but she had to admit that Han Shu's appearance had helped her. Putting aside the past, it wouldn't make sense to ignore him now.
"Aren't you... in a rush to work? You're going to be late."
Han Shu nodded. "There's an important meeting to be held today."
"Well... goodbye."
"You seem even more anxious than I am," Han Shu said with a grin.
Ju Nian couldn't manage a smile; she forced a weak smirk. "I'm going in. I'm going to accompany Fei Ming for a CT scan later."
"You must tell me the results. I'm going now, I'm really going to be late." After saying that, Han Shu noticed that Ju Nian was holding a cup of soy milk with a straw in her hand. Before she could react, he snatched it away and muttered, "I'm starving, I haven't even had breakfast!"
Ju Nian froze, staring at her empty hand, and stammered, "This cup..."
Although he knew that she wouldn't react obviously given her temper, Han Shu still took a step back, triumphantly shook the half-empty cup of soy milk, and took a sip through the straw as if it were already done. Then, seeing Ju Nian's wide-eyed, dazed expression, he felt a surge of joy.
"Xie Junian, it's just a cup of soy milk, you wouldn't be so stingy, would you?" Han Shu said, feigning innocence after getting a good deal.
"The problem is...the problem is..." When Ju Nian got anxious, she became tongue-tied, no match for Han Shu's shamelessness and quick wit.
He retorted, "What's the problem? I don't even mind if I've had the drink. Why are you so nervous? Do you have a contagious disease?"
Han Shu walked along while drinking, and Ju Nian's face turned red from holding it in. Only when she saw someone approaching did she cautiously say, "I'm not sick, but the grandma of the child in the next bed has a cold."
Han Shu was momentarily stunned, unable to keep up with Ju Nian's rapid train of thought, until he saw the old woman walking towards them in the distance. Her face was somewhat familiar, and she was carrying a thermos in both hands, with a bag of steamed buns hooked on one of her right fingers. It was as if he had suddenly learned a terrible truth. He glanced at the cup of soy milk again, his expression strange, as if he wanted to say something, but was interrupted by a look of nausea, and then quickly disappeared from Ju Nian's sight.
Ju Nian had no choice but to greet the old lady as she approached, take the kettle from her, and make up a reason for the disappearance of the soy milk. The old lady generously forgave her.
Around 11 o'clock, Pingfeng came to see Feiming again. Her makeup wasn't completely removed, and she had dark circles under her eyes, probably because she had just "gotten off work." When she arrived, Feiming had just had various tests last night and was sleeping soundly again, still clutching a Winnie the Pooh toy in her hand. Ju Nian was looking down at the serialized article in the newspaper when she heard Pingfeng's footsteps, looked up, and smiled.
Pingfeng quietly moved a stool and sat down next to Ju Nian, then looked at Fei Ming and said, "Is there anything seriously wrong? This child is quite pitiful."
Ju Nian placed the newspaper on her lap and nodded. "The doctor said that if there's nothing wrong with the test results, I can be discharged tomorrow."
"Seeing you like this makes me feel much more at ease. You're just a kid, everyone has their share of troubles." Pingfeng said, taking an old envelope out of her bag and stuffing it under Ju Nian's newspaper.
Ju Nian opened the package and was surprised. "Where did you get so many?"
Pingfeng picked up an apple she had brought and peeled it. "I earned it. It's not for you, it's to pay you back. Have you forgotten what happened last time?" She was referring to the time she broke her leg, when Ju Nian later paid back the five thousand yuan that she had "extorted" from Tang Ye.
Ju Nian lowered her voice: "I'm asking where you got so many all at once?"
Ju Nian knew a little about Ping Feng's lifestyle. That money didn't come easily; Ping Feng had family burdens. When she had a little extra cash, besides subsidizing her younger siblings who looked down on her, she would buy herself all sorts of clothes and skincare products, never stopping until she'd spent every last penny. She never saved any money; she'd empty her pockets only to work day and night to earn another round. If she was in dire need, she'd often borrow fifty or a hundred yuan at a time from Ju Nian. In Ping Feng's own words, she was just going through the motions, living life to the fullest, and who cared about tomorrow?
Pingfeng lowered her head and smiled, "You really don't believe I'll meet a 'foolish and rich' big fish? Money's been coming in so easily lately... Anyway, take this money, now's the time to use it. Look at this child's face, it's as white as a wall. Buy her some good food after she's discharged from the hospital."
Ju Nian didn't refuse. She took some out of the envelope and put it in her pocket, then stuffed the rest back into Ping Feng's hand. "You should save some too. We're not young anymore... especially you. You need some money for self-defense. Now that Fei Ming isn't well, I can't help you much if anything happens." Seeing that Ping Feng wouldn't take it, she simply put it in Ping Feng's unzipped bag. "You're right to say live for the moment, but as long as a person has a breath left, there will always be a tomorrow. There's nothing we can do about it."
Pingfeng listened silently, then noticed the pile of trinkets on Feiming's bed. Changing the subject, she smiled and gently kicked Ju Nian with her foot, "Someone gave these to you, right?"
Ju Nian smiled but did not answer.
Pingfeng said, "I really can't believe he's so serious, yet he still knows to buy this." Seeing that Ju Nian still didn't react, she continued, "Don't play dumb. I saw him yesterday. I didn't expect you two to still be in contact. Otherwise, how could he have come so quickly when his child got sick? I think he's quite good."
Ju Nian then realized she was talking about Tang Ye and laughed, "Don't talk nonsense, other people..." She stopped herself. Of course, she couldn't say that Tang Ye liked men, or that he "had liked men before," although it made no difference to Ju Nian.
"What about others? Tell me then." Pingfeng wasn't going to let it go so easily. "Can't say anything, huh? I was wondering why you seemed to be in such a good mood when you first arrived. Were you thinking about him? To be honest, I noticed yesterday that the way he looked at you was different, the kind of look a man gives a woman..."
Ju Nian quickly shushed her, laughing as she stopped Ping Feng from getting more and more agitated. "Please, this is the pediatrics department."
Pingfeng toned down her tone, lowering her voice to a whisper, but still persisted, "Sometimes I feel like you've become an immortal, completely devoid of emotions and desires. But then again, if that were true, you'd be a block of wood, free from all worries. But can you really be like that? Humans eat grains and vegetables, so worldly affairs are inevitable. Take now, for example, you're raising a sick child alone. Can you say it's not hard at all? The facts are clear: everything costs money. You always say I don't plan for the future, but I think that's just you talking… Ju Nian, ultimately, you're different from me. I don't plan because I have no other choice, but you still have…"
"Really?" Ju Nian smiled. It felt a little strange that Ping Feng was lecturing her.
"Of course it is. I can't articulate grand principles, but some things are common sense. To put it bluntly, a woman should have a man, someone to hold when she sleeps, someone to lean on when she's down. It's that simple. What's wrong with that guy surnamed Tang? He has a little money, looks decent, and doesn't seem bad. Most importantly, he seems to have feelings for you. You know, we've all been in there. It's not easy to find a good man again. Who would go looking for a released convict? Do you think he's Jesus? By the way, does he know you've been in there?"
“Who?” Ju Nian paused, “Oh…I told him.”
"Then what else do you want? I'm telling you, Ju Nian, you must have burned some incense in your past life. Listen to me, don't be silly. Even if it's just for this child, live a normal life. Once this opportunity is gone, it'll be gone forever. If anyone asks me what kind of person I want, I only ask for one thing: someone who doesn't care about my past and has nothing to do with it."
"You don't care about my past, and you have nothing to do with my past?" Ju Nian repeated mechanically.
Although the two were speaking in hushed tones, they still managed to wake Fei Ming, who was lying on the bed. Fei Ming stirred, opened his eyes groggily, and asked, "Has Uncle Han Shu left?"
Ju Nian hurriedly said, "Aunt Pingfeng has come to see you."
Pingfeng handed a peeled apple to Feiming, who glanced at her but did not reach out to take it.
"Still thinking about your poisoned apple?" Ju Nian quickly took it from Fei Ming, then turned to Ping Feng and laughed, "This child really blames the illness on the apple."
Pingfeng didn't say anything, but stood up and slung her backpack over her shoulder. "I should go back and get some sleep too."
Ju Nian saw Ping Feng off, and Fei Ming didn't say goodbye to Ping Feng either. This wasn't the first time she had been so cold to "Aunt Ping Feng." Ever since she indirectly learned that this aunt and her maternal aunt knew each other, this attitude had never changed, no matter how much Ju Nian scolded or persuaded her.
Perhaps for Fei Ming, Ju Nian is her aunt, and she has no choice but to love her aunt, ignoring the fact that her aunt was once a prisoner. But Ping Feng is an outsider, an outsider with a painful past.
Sometimes, Ju Nian didn't know how to teach Fei Ming to distinguish between good and evil. The child didn't understand such complexities, and even when she grew up, she might not understand. Perhaps it had nothing to do with age; the world's standards of judgment were simply like that. She didn't know whether to feel sorrow or relief at her child's increasingly clear sense of right and wrong. But regardless, it was good that Fei Ming had a clean life, unlike her own, who had lived half her life in a chaotic grayness. She had fallen in love with the son of a murderer, been loved by a boy who might have committed a crime, gone to prison for robbery and harboring a criminal, adopted a child of unknown origin, befriended a prostitute, and finally, a man said he might be able to give her a new life, only to find out he was a lesbian. Ju Nian wondered how much genius the god who controlled her fate had to be to direct such a crazy, humorous drama.
In the afternoon, unable to bear Fei Ming's repeated complaints about how disgusting the hospital disinfectant smell was, Ju Nian slowly began to pack her things. She knew Fei Ming's physical condition and the cause of her illness. Perhaps if things went smoothly, she could be discharged from the hospital after getting the test results from the doctor. After all, this disease could not be cured by lying in the hospital.
Fei Ming was in a room with three beds. One was empty, and the other was occupied by a seriously ill child who lacked the strength to eat or get out of bed, requiring care from her grandmother and other family members. The girl was a little older than Fei Ming, but her development was severely delayed; she looked no more than ten years old, and had very little hair left. Fei Ming couldn't bear to look directly at the girl; she already knew the fear of that fragile life and could only keep asking about Ju Nian's discharge information.
"Auntie, when can we leave?"
Will Uncle Han Shu come to pick me up?
"Remember to take the things Uncle Han Shu gave me when we are discharged from the hospital later."
...
Finally, just before the doctor's shift ended, a nurse came in and asked Ju Nian to go to the doctor's office. When Ju Nian nodded, Fei Ming's expression was as if he had seen the dawn.
A few minutes later, Ju Nian sat in the doctor's office. The doctor in charge of Fei Ming was a very kind-looking old man. After asking about Ju Nian's identity and the reason why Fei Ming's parents had not come, he repeatedly flipped through Fei Ming's medical records and test reports.