On the morning of the first day of the Lunar New Year, Fei Ming was rushed back to the First People's Hospital. Han Shu's car sped along the streets adorned with red lanterns, everything around him flashing past the window. Fortunately, he was able to make out the joyful festive expressions on people's faces.
Ju Nian sat in the back row with Fei Ming in her arms, not saying a word. Instead, Fei Ming seemed to be comforting the two helpless adults. She said, "It's just that my eyes can't see very clearly, but it doesn't really hurt that much."
How could it not hurt? Fei Ming couldn't see her own face, which was pale and covered in cold sweat. However, she had experienced much greater pain before, and the pain had become a habit for her.
Upon arrival at the hospital, the hospital staff immediately conducted various emergency examinations on Fei Ming. There were very few patients in the inpatient ward that day, and almost all the medical staff were busy running around around Fei Ming. Such a crowd and the atmosphere of being on high alert made Ju Nian, who was waiting outside, unable to relax. Instead, her heart sank.
Sun Jinling wasn't on duty that day, but she rushed to the hospital as soon as she received the notification. Upon seeing her, Han Shu squeezed into her office. In front of Sun Jinling, who was both an authority figure and his own mother, he didn't even bother to hide the faint sob in his voice, and his first words were, "Mom, what do we do? What do you suggest we do!"
Sun Jinling took off her white coat and glanced at her son. "What are we going to do? Stage IV glioma, do you know how difficult that is? To tell you the truth, I've been in this field for so many years and seen quite a few cases, and at this stage, the cure rate is extremely low..."
"How low?" Han Shu asked, pressing for details.
Sun Jinling sat down without speaking. Han Shu's glimmer of hope was quietly extinguished in this silence. His mother was a cautious person; if she remained silent, it meant that the number was indeed very low, to the point that she didn't want to tell him and see her son suffer.
"There's always a way, Mom, there's always a way! She's not even twelve years old yet!" Han Shu pleaded helplessly, sitting next to Sun Jinling.
Sun Jinling said, “Silly child, illness treats all life equally. It doesn’t discriminate based on age, cuteness, or wealth. No matter what this child means to you, this is reality. Originally, I still had hope that I could wait until her body was in a relatively good condition before arranging the surgery to minimize the risks. But now it seems that I can’t wait any longer.”
Han Shu was still uncertain. "What are the chances of the surgery being successful?"
Sun Jinling said, "Brain surgery is bound to have risks, especially given her current condition. Any small accident could have terrible consequences. As for the so-called probability, it's zero if it doesn't happen to her, but it's one hundred percent if it does."
Han Shu couldn't help but think of Fei Ming's bright smile when he was by his side. The more he thought about it, the more his heart ached. His mother's objective and cruel judgment filled him with a sense of powerlessness.
"I can't let her die on the operating table, Mom. Tell me where a better doctor is. If not in China, then abroad. I can't let her die."
Sun Jinling was not angry at her son's doubts and denials about her profession when he was upset. On the contrary, she looked at her son gently and said in the calmest tone, "Then she might not die on the operating table, but on the way."
Han Shu covered his face and bent over.
“What I just said was the worst-case scenario. You can try to think positively. This is all we can do in this situation. Don’t make things difficult for yourself, son.” Sun Jinling stroked her son’s short hair.
I treat her like my own daughter.
Sun Jinling hesitated, then sighed, "I know you're upset, but this isn't the only child who needs your care. Have you seen your godmother? And your father? After you left yesterday, he barely ate anything for dinner and was short of breath all night. Xiao Er, we're both getting old. Fathers and sons don't hold grudges overnight. With your father's temper, do you expect him to beg you to come back?"
"It's not that I want to be difficult with him, but he said such harsh things, what am I supposed to do?"
"If you can't listen to him just this once, he won't harm you. Go apologize and soften your stance. With your sister's situation in mind, he won't really make things difficult for you."
“That’s the problem. I don’t care how Ping scolds or looks down on me, but this time I did nothing wrong. I won’t give up on that case; it’s a matter of principle. Mom, do you want me to apologize openly but then go against your word?”
"Is that case more important than your family?" Sun Jinling looked at her son with some heartache. She was indeed torn between her husband and her son.
Han Shu looked exhausted. "It's not that kind of comparison. My dad has always been the same way. He said that a person should always have something worth believing in and holding onto in their life. If you lose even that, it would be too tragic. That's all I have left to hold onto. Please don't make me believe in nothing anymore."
Sun Jinling remained silent for a while before asking, "Where did you stay last night... at her house?"
"Hotels are everywhere, people can stay anywhere!" Han Shu chuckled dryly, but as they say, no one knows a child better than their mother. His little thoughts could not escape Sun Jinling's eyes, especially since he was trying to cover up the obvious injury on his face.
"What happened to his face?" How could Sun Jinling not have any thoughts? Her son valued his "face" the most. When he was a child, his father would beat him severely, and he would struggle while shouting, "Hit me if you want, but don't hit my face!" Hitting his face was like pulling teeth from a tiger's mouth or plucking feathers from a peacock's rear end. But this time, he was caught like this and didn't dare to utter a sound. She didn't need to guess who did it, and she didn't want to think too deeply about what her precious son had done to warrant such a cruel act from a gentle girl.
Sun Jinling spat and said, "You good-for-nothing!"
Han Shu blushed and was speechless.
“You two, siblings and your dad, are all a bunch of bad-tempered people, none of you are easy to deal with. You're not a child anymore, if you keep doing those inappropriate things, be careful you don't ruin yourself, then you'll have nowhere to cry.”
Han Shu left his mother's office and returned to the ward to see Fei Ming and Ju Nian. Fei Ming was connected to various instruments and tubes, but his condition had stabilized, and he was talking quietly with his aunt. Han Shu entered just in time to hear her say, "There's one advantage to not being able to see: I don't have to see what Li Te will look like with acne all over his body. Some people say that boys who are handsome when they're young will grow up to be very, very ugly..."
She seemed indifferent when she spoke, but upon closer inspection, one could see her cheeks were streaked with tears. Like Ju Nian, Han Shu would rather see her like she was when she first entered the hospital, crying and making a scene without a care in the world. She had the right to be willful and express herself; it was better than her current state. Her calmness broke the hearts of those watching.
After sitting with them for a while, Han Shu realized that the three of them hadn't eaten anything that morning, and it was already afternoon, so he decided to go out and find something to eat. Just as he stepped out of the ward, he unexpectedly saw a woman sitting quietly in the nearest chair; it was Chen Jiejie.
Han Shu had no idea how long she had been there, nor why she was just sitting outside the door. Chen Jiejie showed no surprise at seeing him, and even nodded.
"Hello, Han Shu."
Han Shu, disregarding his composure, blocked the doorway and coldly retorted, "Coward! What are you doing here again, haunting me like a ghost?"
Chen Jiejie said firmly, "I've come to see my daughter."
Han Shu was enraged by her attitude. "Your daughter? Don't give me that. Ask yourself if you're even fit to be a mother?"
Chen Jiejie also stood up. "Do you need me to show you the paternity test results?"
Han Shu was astonished. "You're trying to pull this on me? What right do you have to conduct a paternity test without the child's guardian's permission? Besides, you think you can take the child back with just a piece of paper? It's not that easy! If I were you, I would be more sensible. It's not like I haven't done some heartless things before. If you're going to disappear, then disappear completely. Why come here and make yourself disliked?"
Chen Jiejie wasn't angry, as if she had already mentally prepared herself for all the blame. Besides, she was the kind of person who never looked back once she took a step, and she never cared what others thought.
She looked at Han Shu and said, "To be honest, it doesn't matter whether you like me or not. What matters is that I want to be with my daughter."
"You treat her like a kitten or puppy, tossing her aside when you don't want her anymore and only glancing at her when you remember her. You have no right to even look at her." Han Shu said with disdain.
Chen Jiejie said, word by word, "I didn't say I came to see her. I want to reclaim my daughter and will never let her leave my side again."
Her calm, even confident, statement—which Han Shu considered utterly shameless—was pushing his patience to its limit. He took a few steps away from the ward door and chuckled mockingly, “Let me guess, the Zhou family is almost finished. You’ve already reached the point of trying to acknowledge your illegitimate daughter and sell her again to raise money? Otherwise, why would your young master Zhou be willing to take on this burden of a red-hatted child? Tsk tsk, speaking of which, you two really are a match made in heaven.”
Faced with Han Shu's sharp words, Chen Jiejie simply gripped the bag on her shoulder. "Han Shu, I am grateful for everything you have done for Fei Ming, and of course, I am even more grateful to Ju Nian. That's why I waited outside the door. I didn't want to disturb you so soon. But I know how much time Fei Ming has left, and I can't wait too long. Even if I owe Ju Nian, the child lying inside is my own child. We are mother and daughter. This debt cannot be offset by any other debt."
Han Shu stopped arguing with her and said, "If you want to take back the child, then see you in court. Let me tell you, you won't get the better of me."
Chen Jiejie said, "Han Shu, can you represent Ju Nian? Or rather, can you represent Fei Ming? I'm not here today because of wishful thinking. Fei Ming needs her mother. She chose me. She's willing to be with me from now on. Do you understand?"
"You're just spouting nonsense. Anyway, you're the one who has the right to talk. I'm embarrassed for you!" Han Shu, of course, didn't believe him.
Their argument outside the door was actually heard by the people inside. Fei Ming stopped crying. She opened her eyes blankly, trying to distinguish her birth mother's voice in a blurry world. Without her saying a word, Ju Nian already understood, because she could not see hatred on Fei Ming's face, only longing.
But she still asked Fei Ming softly, "Is it true?"
Fei Ming hesitated for a moment, but nodded nonetheless. She murmured, “Auntie, I can’t bear to leave you, but I’m not an orphan. I want to have a mother. That day I told my mother that I couldn’t go with her right away because I wanted to spend the New Year with my aunt. If I’m not there, my aunt will be too lonely… I promised my mother that I would be with her after the New Year. I’m in the hospital now, but even if I’m discharged, I don’t want to leave her again.”
Ju Nian listened intently, then nodded. It was she who said that the child should make this choice. She hoped that Fei Ming would do what he wanted and choose the life he wanted. She had a premonition about this outcome, but the recent New Year's Eve had given her a false impression that they would live peacefully in that little courtyard and never be separated.
Ju Nian had always told Fei Ming that those who are alive cannot live forever. But she herself had forgotten.
Of course, we can't blame Feiming. For a child who doesn't know how much time she has left, every remaining minute and second is too precious. So precious that she can't bear to use it to hate or blame her birth mother for abandoning her. She only wants love and can't wait to make the most of every second to love.
Ju Nian got up and went outside. The always heated arguments between Han Shu and Chen Jiejie naturally stopped after seeing her.
"Isn't it ridiculous? She thinks she can make all the decisions. She's never raised Fei Ming, yet she thinks Fei Ming will go with her?" Han Shu said to Ju Nian in an utterly absurd tone.
“What she said is true, Han Shu.”
Han Shu never expected that these words would come out of Ju Nian's mouth so calmly. Why was he the one who was least able to accept this fact?
“Fei Ming wants to be with her.” After taking a deep breath, Ju Nian turned to Chen Jie Jie. “The child is yours, and no one can take her away. But with her so sick, what’s the point of fighting for this? Let’s wait until she gets better before we talk about anything else.”
Chen Jiejie was calm and stubborn when facing Han Shu, but she couldn't help but shed tears in front of Ju Nian. "Thank you, but from today onwards, I will take care of Fei Ming."
Han Shu faced this reality with disbelief, but he couldn't understand it. "Fei Ming wants to be with her, why? Is a mother she's never met more important than the person who raised her for eleven years?" He glanced at Chen Jiejie. "What exactly did you do? What did you say to the child?"
Ju Nian clearly needed an answer too. Fei Ming wanted to go with Chen Jie Jie, and she couldn't stop him, but she just wanted to know what Chen Jie Jie and Fei Ming had talked about in their brief conversation that afternoon, which led Fei Ming to make his decision immediately.
Chen Jiejie said to Ju Nian, "I didn't lie to Fei Ming about anything. I even told her that I was wrong and that I abandoned her. After hearing these words, she only asked me one question."
"She asked you why you like her?" Ju Nian asked in a low voice. This wasn't hard for her to guess, because Fei Ming had asked her the same question, and Han Shu had asked it too, but no matter how she answered, the child only had blankness in his eyes.
Chen Jiejie was somewhat surprised, but still nodded: "That's right, that's exactly what she asked."
"So what was your answer?" Ju Nian suddenly felt an intense urge to hear Chen Jiejie's answer.
Chen Jiejie said, "I told her that I don't know why I like her. Maybe there is no reason at all. It's just because she is my daughter."
Ju Nian was speechless for a moment, but then she understood something. Perhaps this was where she couldn't compare to Chen Jie Jie. No matter how carefully she had cared for him all these years, she couldn't answer such a simple question, even though the answer was obvious. Because she couldn't tell Fei Ming that she loved him, that he was already a part of her life, but all her grievances stemmed from the fact that the child bore the shadow of Wu Yu.
What Fei Ming wanted was maternal love that didn't ask for any reason.
Children's hearts are simple, yet they are more likely to perceive purity than adults.
"You can't just let her bully you like this." Han Shu was indignant on her behalf.
Ju Nian lowered her head and said, "Actually, no. I have no blood relation with Fei Ming at all... Now that her biological mother has appeared, I... I can say that I have put down a burden. This is good for everyone."
Her voice was calm and indifferent, and she didn't deliberately lower her voice to avoid Fei Ming inside. Then she said to Chen Jiejie, "Go in and see her. She's been waiting for you. She has some things to say in the doctor's office later. Come with me."
"You..." Han Shu watched Chen Jiejie walk into the ward, but he was at a loss for what to do. In the end, he could only stamp his foot and point at Ju Nian, saying, "What am I supposed to say?"
Ju Nian stopped Han Shu, who was unwilling to leave and let Chen Jiejie easily win back the child, and asked, "Why do you have to say something?"
She could have made this scene even more dramatic: gazing at each other in tears, reluctant to part, embracing and recounting stories, dredging up old grievances, apologizing tearfully, blaming each other… It wouldn't have been difficult, but what would have been the point? It would only have made everyone look more pained, more pitiful, and more heartbroken. And that was exactly what Ju Nian had in abundance; she'd had enough. More importantly, this arduous process would still only lead to one outcome: those who were meant to leave would still leave, because it was Fei Ming's own choice.
The twenty-eighth move: They were finally reunited as a family.
Ju Nian remained Fei Ming's guardian. Before the official procedures were completed, she obtained Chen Jie Jie's consent and signed Fei Ming's surgical consent form in the doctor's office. The doctor explained the risks of the surgery and the possible aftereffects quite clearly to them. The surgery could be successful, or it could end Fei Ming's life immediately. Even if it went smoothly, she might be left with various aftereffects, including blindness, mobility issues, paralysis, and intellectual impairment. These were all possibilities, but one thing was certain: no matter what, Fei Ming would never be a healthy, normal person again.
Chen Jiejie said, "I don't care. If she really can't make it, I'll stay with her until the very end. Even if she becomes disabled or a vegetable, as long as she has a breath left, I will stay by her side."
Like Ju Nian, she had witnessed death. Even if the person she loved was no longer whole, as long as he was alive and she could still touch his face, it was a mercy from heaven, which was better than the regret of being separated forever.
The surgery was scheduled for six days later. At Fei Ming's repeated requests, Chen Jiejie decided to take her out of the hospital on the fifth day of the Lunar New Year to visit the grave of her biological father, Wu Yu. The hospital did not offer any substantial obstacles, because everyone knew that even if she went, she wouldn't be able to see anything, but this was very likely her last wish and her last chance.
Chen Jiejie didn't know where Wu Yu was buried, so Ju Nian had to lead the way. Fei Ming's eyesight was limited, making it difficult for him to move around. The road was not easy to walk, so Han Shu also volunteered to join the group.
In fact, ever since Ju Nian found that grave once after her release from prison, she had never gone to Wu Yu's grave again. She refused to believe that Wu Yu was dead, nor that he was lying under a pile of yellow earth, so she subconsciously avoided his burial place. This time, perhaps Han Shu had shattered her illusions, or perhaps it was the presence of Chen Jiejie and Fei Ming, but she was actually more at ease along the way.
Although she hadn't been there for many years, the place remained the same. Ju Nian's memories had always circled around this place, but she found that she still remembered the details of every little path.
It was drizzling that day, making travel very inconvenient. The distance they had to walk wasn't too far, but it took them a long time.
Upon arriving at Wu Yu's grave, as expected, it was overgrown with weeds. Without careful observation, one would easily miss the solitary mound beneath the tangled weeds. Standing on the withered grass, Ju Nian gave her spot to Chen Jiejie and her daughter, not approaching too closely herself. A strange feeling washed over her; no matter how familiar or intimate someone had been, their grave felt strange and cold. She couldn't even feel sorrow or lament, because the little monk in her heart had never been able to connect with this place.
Ju Nian held onto a leaf almost as tall as herself, waiting for Fei Ming and Chen Jiejie to whisper softly at the grave. The leaf was wet with rain, a vibrant green, a color she often saw when she and Wu Yu walked to school together along the path. The vividness of her memory was worlds apart from the desolation before her.
"I don't know what Dad looks like, but thankfully, I've seen Mom's face while I can still see." Fei Ming's voice drifted over from several steps away. Ju Nian didn't want to disturb that family's once-in-a-lifetime reunion. It was at this moment that she realized that in another little world, from beginning to end, she had been a complete outsider.
Chen Jiejie didn't say anything. She kept trying in vain to pull out the weeds and branches on the grave with her hands, but the trunks of the small trees growing on it were as thick as a wrist, and it was impossible to clear them away by manpower in a short time.
Han Shu pushed Fei Ming's wheelchair, for reasons unknown. As they left, Ju Nian seemed to see his lips move almost imperceptibly, as if he were muttering something to himself.
As Han Shu pushed Fei Ming past Ju Nian, his eyes were filled with undisguised worry and concern. He asked, "Are you really not going to go and keep an eye on things?"
Chen Jiejie said to Wu Yu's desolate grave, "I said I would hate you for a lifetime, but I never thought a lifetime would be so long. Fei Ming is sick. If you are watching over us from heaven and help her get better, please wait for us a little longer. If the child is really gone, you will all wait for me together. We will be together someday. If it's not possible in this life, I won't allow you to break your promise in the next..."
Ju Nian lowered his head, let go of his hand, and the leaf fell down.
Wu Yu, even in the next life, he will not be hers.
She answered Han Shu's question by shaking her head.
On the way back, a light drizzle continued. Fei Ming couldn't stand the rain, so Han Shu shielded her with a large umbrella and walked quickly. Ju Nian followed at a distance. After a while, the sky above them was covered; it turned out that Chen Jie Jie was holding an umbrella and walking beside her.