Lanting

Capítulo 81

I closed my eyes, trembling. "I raised such a monstrous thing as you, ruining the life of an innocent girl. I deserve to be beaten, I deserve it."

When I opened my eyes, Xiao Yi looked astonished, his panic mixed with a hint of ecstatic joy. After a long while, a voice escaped his lips, "Sister... Sister..."

"I'm so ashamed..." I gasped for breath, feeling a tightness in my chest that made me almost faint. "Kneel down!"

With a thud, Xiao Yi knelt at my feet, tears streaming down her face. "Sister, hit me, scold me, as long as you come back, I'd be willing to die."

"I'd rather not come back, I'd rather close my eyes and leave this world than see the foolish things you've done now." I was filled with resentment and disappointment. "You know... I taught you the Three Cardinal Guides and Five Constant Virtues from childhood, I made you memorize Confucian and Mencian doctrines, I taught you military strategies, how to be an official, filial piety, propriety, and reason, and now... you're just going to live off the words of the sages and do this disgraceful thing that ruins our reputation? Xiaoyu is a female official in the court, have you ever been proper with her? Putting aside the immoral things you've done, just consider your relationship with your children, can you be a true man and stand up for yourself?"

"Sister, I was wrong. I just wanted to cherish her—"

"You really do cherish her, you cherish her to this extent—" I laughed, my whole body shaking, "But now, why is it you who's stabbing her in the back?!"

Xiao Yi burst into tears, snuggling up to me and hugging my leg. "Sister, I was wrong. I'll go and ask the Emperor and the Imperial Concubine for help. I'll beg them. I'll give up being a marquis or a prince. I'll take Xiaoyu and leave. I won't let you suffer—"

I took a few steps back, broke free from his hand, my face filled with shock and pain. I was shocked by his naive words, and pained that he was still in a daze, without a trace of clarity.

Do you want Hua Yushang to die?

Xiao Yi suddenly woke up, shaking his head frantically, as if muttering to himself, "No, no, I can't do this. If word gets out, Yu Chang will surely die."

"At least you still have moments of lucidity." I shook my head wearily.

Xiao Yi looked at me and said, "Sister, tell Yi'er what to do?"

"What should I do?" I chuckled dryly. "You can't do anything. Kneel down and reflect on your foolishness, obediently wait for the wedding, and live a peaceful life with Yu Ning."

After saying that, I turned around and lifted my leg. Lu Li had already opened the door. I reached out to hold the door and stepped over the threshold. I immediately felt all the strength in my body dissipate the moment my hand touched the door panel. My whole body was wracked with pain, and my legs were numb and had no feeling.

Lu Li reached out and pulled me up, and I heard Xiao Yi's voice behind us, barely audible, "Sister, did I really do something wrong? Just this one person, until the end of time, can't we even do it..."

I felt Lu Li's hand tremble as he held mine. He looked up at me questioningly, and a gust of wind blew, causing my tears to fall in a flurry. The end of time... how distant that seemed... I didn't turn my head, but said in a calm tone, "Keep these words buried deep in your heart. Remember, no one can truly reach the end of time together. Perhaps... these four words never existed in this world."

I staggered a few steps, feeling utterly exhausted. The wind whistled in my ears, and I could almost hear Xiao Yi calling out "Sister" repeatedly. I clutched my handkerchief tightly, braving the wind as I walked, with Lu Li following closely behind. My chest tightened. How long ago was it that on that moonlit night, the three of us sat beneath the jade-like pavilion, Xiao Xuan gently swirling the wine in his cup, his voice clear and gentle, like the clear, unadulterated river water of March?

"The full moon is our witness, we are family for life, inseparable, always together, through thick and thin, until the end of time."

It seemed that a single vow would ensure an enduring bond, a family forever. But now, separated by a thousand hardships and countless obstacles, I have lost my promise of forever… The handkerchief around my neck tightens more and more. Xiao Xuan, you couldn't give me a lifetime, yet you promised me eternity…

A cold wind swept in from the back of my neck, and the pain in my chest spread gradually, growing stronger until it surged to my throat, causing an unbearable itch and pain. Deep inside, it felt as if a warm, metallic taste was flowing through me. I stopped in my tracks, and a mouthful of blood fell onto my handkerchief. A hand wrapped tightly around me from behind. I met his slightly panicked gaze, smiled, and tugged at his sleeve. "I can't walk anymore."

Without a word, he picked me up. The car stopped at Xuande Gate. He carefully carried me into the car, remaining silent the entire way, only holding me close, his face resting on the top of my head. I played with his hands, noticing how thin they had become, pale yet strong. The calluses on his fingertips spoke of his years of literary skill, while the even thicker calluses on his fingertips told me of his long years of swordsmanship. I looked up and saw him gazing at me thoughtfully. I pursed my lips, reached out to wipe away the pain on his brow, and smiled gently, "Are you angry?"

He raised the corners of his lips, said nothing, and reached out to take my hand and gently squeeze it.

I smiled and asked, "How long have we been married?"

He stared at me. "Three years and eight months."

"After all these years, you still can't forget it?" I laughed weakly.

His eyes softened. "After all these years, the person I can't forget is you."

I nodded. "Yes, neither of us can forget the past."

If you can't let go, then remember it for a lifetime.

Text Chapter 44: Painful Hands

I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep, and only felt sleepy in the early morning. I slept for a short while, but was awakened by a noise from under the window.

Lu Li said in a low voice, "I'll go to the palace to see Consort Rong later, so let's not disturb Madam for now."

"But Consort Rong is waiting for Lady Ningguo's reply."

"Wait a little longer. She's still weak. We need to see the imperial physician first."

Hearing this, I quickly turned over, casually threw on an outer garment, shuffled my shoes, pushed open the door, and looked at Lu Li and Xiao Si below the window, saying, "What is it that's so secretive?"

When Lu Li saw me come out, he waved for Xiao Si to leave, then pulled me into the house with one arm, his words filled with anger, "Are you just asking for trouble?!"

I was pushed back onto the bed, and Lu Li tucked the blanket around me. I grabbed his hand and said, "Can you please not make me anxious?"

He paused, rubbing his fists, his gaze shifting to the side. "Last night, Xiaoyu fainted. The Imperial Concubine summoned the imperial physician for her, and you should know what illness she was diagnosed with. The Imperial Concubine was quite lenient with her; she didn't report it to the Emperor or let it spread. She only asked her whose child it was, and if she answered, she might be spared. But she wouldn't say a word. The Imperial Concubine was anxious, so she asked Consort Rong, who is usually close to Xiaoyu. Consort Rong was at a loss and is now asking you for advice."

"If I tell you, I'm afraid there will be no turning back." I shook my head, looking nervous.

He patted me, trying to comfort me, "Don't think so much, okay? It's not as difficult as you think. Just go to sleep. I've called the imperial physician for you, and he'll be here soon. If I go to the palace now, I'll bite down and say it's my child. I hope the Empress will do me a favor, and the mother's life will be saved. Who knows, the child might be safe too."

"Don't go. This is a murky place, and everyone who gets involved is impure. The Emperor already has a grudge against you, so don't get yourself into trouble." I struggled to sit up and grabbed his sleeve, refusing to let go.

Lu Li lowered his eyes and looked at me. "Then what else can I do? How can I put your mind at ease?"

"You know a little about my feelings for Xiaoyu. But in reality, they are much deeper than you think. There aren't many people in this world who can truly confide in me. Now, whatever I can do for her, I will do myself and won't delegate it to anyone else."

"What am I supposed to do with you?" Lu Li sighed softly. "This won't work. That won't work either. You insist on suffering and tormenting yourself."

"I only ask to do my best. I ask for nothing else." I smiled calmly. Lu Li reached out and stopped at my temple. He hesitated to strike.

The sedan chair stopped in front of the Imperial Concubine's Palace.

I walked straight into the main hall. I knelt down properly on both knees. I didn't offer any greetings. I kowtowed several times, my voice echoing throughout the hall. "Your Majesty, please have mercy and let her go. I am willing to take her back to my residence and disappear from the world from now on."

Consort Lin, reclining on a soft couch in the palace, seemed oblivious to the commotion. Several maids were holding ornaments, waiting for her to choose. Her fingers swept over several bracelets, clearly not liking any of them. With a wave of her hand, she overturned the tray in a maid's hand and knocked it to the ground. The maid knelt down with a thud, picking up the tray and apologizing.

I don't know who she was referring to with those two words, "bitch!"

I straightened up, took a deep breath, and began to kowtow repeatedly, one after another, silently counting in my mind, until blood seeped from my forehead.

Consort Lin didn't look at me, but instead admired her own hands. "Madam Ningguo, you should get up. Since the Seventh Prince dotes on you so much, it wouldn't be good if you hurt them."

I was about to kowtow again when I felt a hand pull me back. The person calmly said, "Mother, why are you doing this? Release that girl Xiaoyu. The child is mine."

I stared in astonishment at the Fifth Master in front of me. His gaze was gentle, and his expression as he looked at Consort Lin was so calm and composed.

Consort Lin glared at him, quickly sat up straight, and threw a string of beads at Fifth Prince. "What's wrong with you? If you've taken a fancy to someone, can't you just tell me? Why do you have to do such petty things! You know the Emperor hates this kind of thing the most. All these years I've built up a good reputation for you in front of the Emperor, are you going to pay it all back?"

Fifth Master, with a completely calm expression, actually knelt down in front of me. "Mother, as you know, there hasn't been a male heir in my household yet. If you allow me to take him back to his residence, who knows, he might be able to give you a grandson. Mother, after all, he is my bloodline."

"Hmph." Consort Lin sneered twice. "You're trying to get something out of me now? Even if you manage to convince me, do you think you can persuade the person in your household?"

"I will explain things clearly to Ya Ru myself. I only ask that you not make things difficult for Xiao Yu." Upon hearing the mention of Fifth Sister-in-law, a hint of helplessness flashed in Fifth Master's eyes. He then looked up at the hall again. "This is also the Emperor's will. I have already informed the Emperor this morning. The Emperor also said that since we have done something shameful, we should not make things worse."

Since the Emperor had given his permission, Consort Lin naturally couldn't say anything more. She simply shook her head, closed her eyes, and struggled to wave her hand, saying, "Get out, all of you. I need to be alone."

I followed Fifth Master out of the main hall, and seeing his embarrassed expression, I bowed and said, "I owe you something again."

Fifth Master smiled and said, "Just remember this debt. It's just that I'm often confused, and I can't remember what I owe if I have too much."

"I'd like to settle Xiaoyu in my own residence first. Once she's feeling better, I'll send her to your residence. Is that alright with you?"

"Let's do as you say." Fifth Master nodded. "I really need some time to persuade Ya Ru."

As we were talking, someone helped Xiaoyu out. She looked exhausted and was very weak. When she saw me, she just gave a pale smile. "You...didn't say anything, did you?"

I shook my head, she nodded, and tears fell from her eyes. "That's good, that's good."

My heart ached, and tears streamed down my face as she cried out, "Why did you do all this?!"

I took Xiaoyu to my own courtyard without telling her about the complicated situation. I wanted to wait until she was settled before discussing sending her to Fifth Master's residence. For several days in a row, I sat by her bedside, watching her half-awake, half-asleep, half-crying, half-laughing, just holding her hand. In a daze, I felt as if I was about to lose her.

Someone gently leaned up behind me. I turned around and saw it was Lu Li.

"You were fine when you left, but how come your forehead looks like this when you come back? Is this your brilliant idea?" The voice was full of helplessness, and there was no hint of blame.

I glanced at Xiaoyu, then quietly pulled him out, carefully closing the door behind me. "How could you just barge into a woman's room like that?"

"Since you didn't come out, I waited for a long time, so I went in by myself."

I nodded, but his next words instantly wiped the smile off my face: Xiao Yi has arrived…

I watched as Xiao Yi rushed over from the courtyard entrance. He cut to the chase and said, "Sister, I need to see Yu Chang."

"What are you doing seeing her?" I said coldly. "Isn't my Prince Ning's mansion just a theater you can come and go as you please?"

"I need to ask her if she really wants to be with Fifth Master?" Xiao Yi was covered in sweat, his eyes filled with anxiety as he looked at me. He only managed to say a few words before the veins on his forehead bulged and his temples throbbed.

"Is that even a question?" Her sharp eyes met his anxious gaze, her gaze like daggers, piercing him. "Her current state is all your fault..."

"Sister, why won't you give me a year or two? I can do it, and I will definitely live up to her expectations."

"You can wait, but she can't." I bit my lip hard, momentarily hesitating. "She's already—"

"Xiao Zheng—" Xiao Yu suddenly pushed open the door, stood facing the wind, her voice filled with pain, and interrupted me sharply.

I sighed, walked over, and pulled her collar tighter. "Why did you come out? It's cold outside."

"Don't say it." Yu Chang smiled slightly at me, gently shaking her head, the two words that escaped her lips were light and weak.

"Yu Chang, are you really going to marry Fifth Master?" Xiao Yi took a few steps closer, but was stopped by Lu Li. Five steps away, he asked anxiously, eager to hear her answer from her own mouth.

Yu Chang was stunned; she had no idea what had happened. The Fifth Master's few words in the main hall not only protected her but also determined her fate for the rest of her life. Some words are easy to say but not necessarily easy to bear, and the Fifth Master had taken on that responsibility. A cool breeze swept by, and Yu Chang slowly turned her head to look at me, a bitter smile playing on her lips. "Is it... the Fifth Master?"

I silently agreed, and Xiaoyu still smiled, "So be it, Fifth Master is good too." Then she seemed to have made up her mind, resolutely raised her head, and met Xiao Yi's eager gaze, "Lord Marquis, Fifth Master is a person worthy of admiration, this is my blessing. We were wrong before, I was confused and foolish, and you were young and impetuous. All of this should have been clear long ago."

Xiao Yi clenched his fist tightly, his eyes blazing with fury. "I won't allow it!"

I frowned, turned and pushed Xiaoyu into the house, closed the door tightly, turned back to Xiao Yi, and said coldly, "You... come back to my room with me."

There was no incense burning or swirling fragrance in the inner room, yet I couldn't clearly see whether the boy in front of me was the same Xiao Yi I knew.

He still stood before me with an arrogant expression, remaining silent for a long time.

I sighed softly, brought the tea to my lips, and realized it had gone cold, so I put it down again. "Go back and live a good life with Yu Ning, and forget about Yu Chang."

"I can't do it," he said without hesitation. I knew that at that moment, a thousand words could be summed up in just those four words; it was his emotion, and I could understand it, but I couldn't remain silent.

"What do you mean by 'not enough'?! You, a man who starts something and then abandons it, can't do it? She's just a woman. With clothes, one less or one more pattern doesn't make much difference. Xiaoyu has made progress. Now that she's entered Fifth Master's mansion, she won't have to worry for the rest of her life. From now on, you'll have more and more clothes, so many that you won't even know which one to wear tomorrow. This is the path you and she will take from now on, where you'll have nothing to do with each other."

Xiao Yi was taken aback by what I said, her face full of grievance, but she couldn't utter a single word.

I hope he can take what I say to heart. Even though I know it's a helpless statement, I still want to see him follow it.

Xiao Yi looked up again, tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm not the only one who started something and then abandoned it. Did you ever truly commit to one person?! You're now truly virtuous and kind in this courtyard, but you've forgotten how you climbed your way up by stepping on others. I can't understand how Yu Chang can be as heartless as you. I've felt guilty and reflected on myself for her for so many days in vain."

"Shut up!" I slammed my hand on the table and stood up. "Swallow what you just said. You have no right to talk to Xiaoyu."

Xiao Yi became increasingly agitated, wiping away the tears in his eyes, and laughed loudly, "Yes, I defiled her body, but she also defiled my heart. I feel disgusted now."

What's the difference between this and being an animal?! I could no longer control my anger. I looked up and shouted at Siliang outside the door, "Liang'er, block the door from the outside. No one is allowed to come in." After saying that, I pointed at Xiao Yi with a trembling hand, "You bastard, I've indulged you in the past. Today, I'll beat you to death rather than let you go out and do those beastly things again."

I raised the nanmu stone stick from the corner of the table and swung it down hard on Xiao Yi's back, each blow a sharp pain to my heart. Xiao Yi didn't flinch, remaining silent, which reminded me of his stubborn nature since childhood. The commotion inside grew louder; someone was banging on the door, but the knocking and pleas were drowned out by the chaos inside.

Amidst the chaotic noise, the only thing I could faintly hear was Xiaoyu's desperate pleas, "He only did something foolish, who hasn't done something like that?!"

I froze, the wooden stick falling to the ground. I couldn't bear to look at Xiao Yi kneeling on the floor, covered in wounds. The door was pushed open, and Lu Li came in, panting heavily. He looked me up and down urgently, "What are you doing! What's the big deal? Can't you talk it out?"

I shook my head weakly. "Yi'er, get up."