Lanting

Capítulo 131

"How is your mother's illness?" I interrupted him at the opportune moment.

"Her condition has been improving intermittently. She took the medicinal food you sent me not long ago and it's shown some signs of improvement. These past few days she's been telling me that with the weather getting warmer, she plans to go to a nunnery to rest quietly, and she asked me to ask Mother for her opinion."

"What could I possibly mean? Your mother is such a decisive person, how could I possibly stop her?!" I chuckled. "I told her I gave her permission. If the food is decent, I'll pack up and move into the nunnery myself for some peace and quiet."

He then stood up and walked out.

Since then, I've gone to the nunnery on the outskirts of Beijing two or three times a month to chant sutras. I often sit with Ling, listening to her play the zither and chess. Then I look at the sutras that Jinghan has copied, pointing and commenting as I go. I saw her again; she was sweeping fallen leaves in the backyard. The moment she saw me, she acted as if she didn't recognize me, only saying, "Excuse me, please move aside."

"I sent Qingyang to the Fourth Master's residence; his handwriting is excellent."

She remained unmoved, and with a few sweeps, the fallen leaves multiplied.

"On New Year's Eve, he copied the Diamond Sutra and gave it to me. He likes simple blue robes, just like Lu Li likes sandalwood, which is just like Fourth Master."

"Enough! I said enough!" Yao Shuhuan suddenly threw down the broom in her hand and shoved me away. "What do you want to know? I'll tell you everything! Do you want to know that Lu Li has never touched me, that I have a harem, or that Lu Li killed my father before the battle to protect you and force your abdication?! Yes, you can't stand his indulgence of me, but I'll tell you, I can't stand his affection for you either!"

"Indeed..." I reached out and touched the stone pillar, "The battle on the outskirts of the city, as expected..."

"He tolerated me until now because of his father. Has your heart finally been untied?" Consort Yi looked at Lu Li with a sorrowful gaze, her eyes filled with pain. "Do I have to reopen my wounds to prove his feelings for you?! Rong Zhaozhi!"

I was overwhelmed with an endless sorrow. In fact, I pitied her. She was only trying to preserve her dignity. What was wrong with that? This was the tragedy of all the women in the harem, single-mindedly trying to protect their only illusions, not allowing anyone to harm them, willing to be like moths to a flame, willing to perish together.

I slowly walked up to her, wanting to help her, but she pushed me away again.

“Rong Zhaozhi…” she looked at me silently, “You should hate me. I took advantage of his indulgence to hurt you, and even used his name to feed you infertility medicine for so many years. I humiliated you because you made all my feelings worthless… Because of you, I lost my most precious… a woman’s only fantasy, and the right to love him!”

She slowly looked at me. "I know you hate, but tell me clearly, which woman in this deep palace doesn't hate?!" Yao Shuhuan's slightly disheveled hair and distraught appearance made me somewhat uneasy.

At that moment, I felt all of this woman's love and hate; every word struck my heart heavily. Suddenly, I realized that he, as the ruler of a nation, had borne far too much.

Yao Shuhuan's eyes seemed to have run dry of tears, empty and revealing two dark pupils, a color devoid of life. "I just want him to look at me one more time, no matter what means he has to use..."

I looked at her blankly, and the light in her eyes stung me.

She gave a strained smile. "He can betray me, but he shouldn't betray... all the women in the harem who are as lonely and miserable as I am... A woman's beauty is fleeting... He belongs to the whole world... and not just..."

She didn't finish her sentence, but I knew she was going to say that he wasn't just mine.

As the last tear fell, she suddenly crashed into the gilded jade dragon pillar beside me...

That splash of crimson painted the most alluring flowers across the courtyard, and that woman, as beautiful as a rose, chose to follow her dream... Years ago, I first saw those innocent, captivating eyes, sparkling with an otherworldly allure. She smiled seductively at me; at that time, she was just a child. The desolate palace gradually changed her temperament, extinguishing all her beautiful fantasies, and she ultimately despaired...

Before I could even cry out, "No—", the figure had already fallen, lying at the foot of my skirt. She smiled at me silently, yet it seemed like a cruel mockery.

I'm not the only one who hates; the entire inner palace is filled with hatred.

In the quiet, empty Buddhist hall of the early morning, the embers in the corner had already died down. I rose from my cushion, gently pushed open the wooden door, and saw a few young nuns sweeping fallen leaves and dirt in the courtyard. I leaned against one side, watching them with a smile.

Liu Shang brought up some hot water, looked at me, and sighed, "I knew it would be another night."

"It's a nice day today," I said, rubbing my cold hands together.

Liu Shang shook his head dismissively, "What kind of fine weather is this? It's already March and it's still this cold. Your cold symptoms seem to be getting worse, Master. You won't even take the medicine that Alliance Leader Nangong sent you."

"Every medicine has its side effects," I said, following behind her step by step.

Back inside, Liu Shang suddenly ran in with a smile, "Master, Madam Hua is here!"

I quickened my pace and pushed open the door to the inner room. Xiaoyu turned around and smiled at me, "Seeing how hurried you are, I'm not going to run away."

I laughed too, "It's true that I want to see you."

"You look even more haggard than last time, why didn't you call the imperial physician to come and see you?" Xiaoyu would always say this to me whenever she saw me.

I took her hand. "You always say the same thing. Couldn't you at least say something different?"

"I heard from Fifth Master that Nalan Huan died of illness half a year ago. He has fulfilled his duty. Now, with just one word from you, he will return to your side from Nalan Manor. The court is a complex web of power struggles, Jinghan is young, and you, who usually manage affairs, have fallen ill... He is returning to share your burdens."

"I don't want to... The mistaken relationship between us has long been cleared up, so why insist on clinging to it? I've endured it all alone for so many years, what's so difficult about that?! Besides, I no longer have that person in my heart," I insisted, completely ignoring Xiaowen's pleading.

"After all these years, you're still so stubborn." Xiaoyu shook her head, offering no further advice, her eyes revealing a clear bitterness.

"I'm used to loneliness, and I'm used to stubbornness; I'll never change until I die." She took a deep breath and continued, "Even in death, I will never beg him to come home! Nor will I ever see him again."

Chapter Seventeen: Your Eyes Are Full of Tenderness

On the evening of the day my aunt passed away, my mother suddenly fell ill and could not get out of bed. She insisted on staying and refused to return to the palace. The imperial physician said that my mother had a chronic illness, caused by years of diligent court affairs and neglect of her health. Now her blood and qi were not flowing smoothly, and the shock she had experienced had caused her to suffer from internal stagnation.

At first, I was happy that my mother was finally able to rest after her illness. However, I never expected that she would become so reckless and her condition would worsen day by day.

It is now the winter of the tenth year of Deyou, or perhaps it should be called the third year of Xuanyou. Only because of her insistence, Fourth Uncle has not changed the calendar and continues to follow the old one. I remember Father Emperor once said that woman had a bad temper; it turns out it was true.

The woman remained silent, and I knew nothing of her sorrow.

She rarely scrutinizes me, and each time it's done so with a heavy heart, I never dare to scold her, not even now. I'm carrying a box of pear blossom cakes, yet I hesitate to push open the door.

She would look at me and speak to me with utmost politeness, so polite that it almost felt distant. She is my mother, yet it seems as if there is a great distance between us.

She must be so tired. I wanted to be as endearing as Xi'er, to go to her side and massage her shoulders. She always reviews memorials late into the night, night after night. Uncle Ba often says that women shouldn't work so hard, but she just smiles it off and doesn't seem to care that I know she's worried. Jinghan is still too young, so she has to hold up the world for him.

Of all the children, she always doted on Jingrui the most, relied on Zhen the most, spoiled Xi'er from Uncle Ba's family the most, and loved her older sister the most. She was only strictest with Jinghan, and as for me, she would only call me Jing> and never think of anything else.

Brother Yin is already a civil official in the court. Years ago, he secretly went to take the imperial examination without his mother's knowledge and surprisingly passed with flying colors, ranking second and receiving a reward in front of the emperor. This startled his mother, who was in charge of politics behind the curtain. From then on, his mother let him rise and fall in the officialdom.

I asked Brother Yin why he would choose the official path when his dream was to live a simple, peaceful life on his own little plot of land. Brother Yin just smiled and said he had someone he wanted to protect. I know he only wanted to protect his mother.

My brother Zhen was a brave and skilled warrior, a national protector general of our dynasty. It was because of his tireless dedication to his duty on the frontier that my mother was able to rest in peace in the Chaoyang Palace.

"Who's outside?" the man inside the house asked after a light cough.

I showed half my body, feeling a little nervous, and instinctively said, "Mother, your son has come to visit you in your illness."

She paused, her eyes swirling with a complex mix of emotions. Just as I was certain she wouldn't let me near and was about to turn away, I heard her soft voice gently call out, "Come here and let your mother see you."

My legs wouldn't move, and after struggling for a long time, I finally staggered forward. My fifth aunt was standing next to her, and my mother was sitting right next to her, looking at me with a face full of surprise.

The mother, concealing her weariness, smiled and said, "Let's sit down and talk, Xiaoyu. Look how tall he is; even just looking at him makes me tired."

Fifth Aunt hurriedly handed over a sandalwood stool. "That's right, Young Master Jing."

I quickly sat down on the round stool next to the bed, my face covered in sweat from nervousness.

"Are you afraid of me?" she asked with a faint smile. "Why are you all sweaty with fear?!"

I looked up, but before I could meet her gaze, Aunt Liushang blocked my way. Aunt Liushang brought out the medicine; the soup was hot, steaming, and my fifth aunt took it from her, gently scooped some out, and handed it to me.

"Starting today... I'm not drinking the herbal medicine anymore. I drink it every day, but it doesn't seem to be effective," the mother waved her hand, refusing to take it.

Fifth Aunt sighed helplessly, told Liu Shang to take the medicine away, and gently helped Mother up. Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes. Mother smiled, wiped away her tears with one hand, turned her head to look at me, and suddenly asked, "What did you bring?"

"Pear blossom cake," I said timidly, handing over the food tray with one hand.

She looked at the pear blossom cake, then at me, and forced a smile. "May I try some?" Her smile was so polite that it chilled me to the bone.

"The son is meant to be raised by the mother."

She nodded, picked up a small piece and put it in her mouth. Her fifth aunt, however, was a little worried and couldn't help but say, "You dislike sweet things."

"It's alright," she waved her hand dismissively, "It's just a taste; after all, it's the child's thoughtfulness."

Her last words were like a warm current flowing straight into my heart. I was stunned for a moment, and then, unexpectedly, I lost my composure and tears streamed down my cheeks. First, my fifth aunt noticed. The way she looked at me always held a kind of heartache, a selfless tenderness, just like now. She felt sorry for me and gestured for me not to lose my composure. I immediately pulled up my sleeve to wipe my tears, but the person on the bed grabbed my sleeve instead.

She tugged at my sleeve, then reached out her other hand to wipe away the two tears from my cheek. Her hand was so cold. She trembled as she withdrew her hand, gently sucking on it, and smiled softly, "Ah, so bitter."

I was stunned for a long time before mechanically asking, "How is Mother's health?"

She nodded and asked, "How is His Majesty?"

"Alright, but he's too busy at court and doesn't have any free time, so he had to ask me to deliver this message to you. He says he's looking forward to your return to the palace, and he doesn't know how to reply to many of your memorials. He wanted to ask Fourth Uncle, but he's really afraid of being scolded. You don't know, Fourth Uncle is even stricter than you are."

She had been smiling and nodding, but suddenly choked and coughed violently. I watched as a faint red tinge appeared on her handkerchief and couldn't help but gasp. She, however, didn't seem to care, simply concealing her true intentions from me, calmly instructing me to change the wine cup.

I couldn't help but frown and grasp her icy hand. "Mother, are you really alright?"

She saw my hand tremble slightly as I took it, forced a smile, and gently tightened my grip: "How is your brother Rui?"

"She did have a fever for a few days."

"Has the imperial physician been summoned?"

She nodded and said no more.

Aunt Liushang personally saw me off at Jingning Nunnery. I turned back to look at the bed, and the person on it smiled slightly at me.

They were still so polite, but those two words made my vision blur. If Aunt Liushang hadn't called me again and again, I almost wouldn't have been able to step out of that threshold. I was in a daze the whole way, and I only heard Aunt Liushang's puzzled voice, "Strange, Master never accepts pear blossom cakes, what's wrong with him today?"

That night, I hid in my bedroom and wept bitterly, finally realizing how much I longed for that favor, how much I craved that word.

A single glance from her made me ponder a single word for years; it was worth more than a thousand words in the world.

Years later, I still can't forget the deep affection she showed me when she saw me off that day. That gaze, flowing from her eyes, travels through countless dreams, shimmering and tender.

She is none other than my mother, who gave me life and raised me.

Chapter Eighteen of the Main Text: A Lonely Shadow Asks Whom the Entangled Thoughts Are?

In a side hall of Ning Palace, the young emperor sat sullenly at a table, with Lu Zhen standing not far away beside him.

"How is Mother?" The one who spoke was Lu Zhi, who was becoming increasingly gentle and charming.

Scene>::

Rong Yin pulled up his sleeve, "If you don't tell me, I'll never let you go to Jingning Nunnery again."

Jingrui groped for Jing>: "No good?"

Scene >:

"What do you mean?" Rong Yin asked nervously.

"It seems like time is running out..."

"Nonsense!" Lu Zhi shoved him, her eyes glistening with tears. "You're talking nonsense!"

Scene >:

Jing Han, who had been silent, slightly raised his eyes. He was not fond of talking, especially at times like this, when he had no opportunity to speak.

After remaining silent for a long time, Lu Zhen suddenly gripped his sword, strode away, and walked out after leaning against a stone pillar for a while.

He didn't know why he was so unusually agitated on the way, because he knew that woman... was in a very bad situation...

Deep down, he never fully considered that woman as his mother. He knew who his mother was from the beginning, but this woman… when he first saw her, he didn't dislike her, or rather, he liked her very much.

He endured it for a long time before realizing he had a special feeling for this mother, not just the gratitude for her upbringing and the affection for her guidance. When he heard she was not doing well, he didn't feel sad like his younger brothers; instead, he was extremely agitated.

As he passed the Hall of Diligent Governance, he saw his fourth uncle, the Regent, laughing and chatting with a palace maid beside him. The maid was named Mo Xue; he had heard she had given birth to his fourth uncle's most beloved daughter, Sang Sang. Lu Zhen was also surprised to see Mo Xue for the first time; she looked so similar to how he remembered his mother when he first met her.