Klares Wasser und wunderschöne Berge

Kapitel 109

My hand slid down her wrist and into her sleeve, slipping inside the small sleeve of her undergarment, gliding inch by inch over the skin that had just tempted me, finally lingering above her elbow. That was a forbidden area she had never been touched by a man before; she blushed, instinctively shrinking back, trying to avoid my further advances. But as she turned, the brocade robe she wore slipped from her shoulder to her elbow, and I pulled it away with a tug, the entire garment flying off her.

With a flick of my wrist, my flowing sleeves billowed like clouds, landing on the glass lampshade of the giant palace candle beside the low couch. The room's light dimmed instantly, bathed in the warm, vibrant hues of the brocade, making the atmosphere even more alluring and enchanting. She looked in the direction the brocade had fallen, then turned to look at me in surprise. Before she could react, I had already leaned towards her again. Our shadows fell in pairs on the plum blossom paper curtain, then merged into one.

The sachet was secretly untied, the sash was gently loosened, and I continued my gentle assault on her. With childlike curiosity and a desire for revenge, she quietly unfastened the jade buckle on my belt. The sudden loosening of the fabric at my waist made me shudder, but I quickly calmed down. I did not stop her, but instead took the opportunity to unfasten my own robe and throw it on the ground.

Our kisses and undressing intertwined in the rich night air and intoxicating fragrance. The proper etiquette between princess and courtier vanished, leaving behind only scattered garments and a messy scene. When we were both left with only a single layer of clothing, we fell onto the couch in each other's arms. The princess's burning hands slipped under my clothes, caressing my waist and pressing against my back with such force, as if roots were about to sprout from her fingertips, penetrating my skin and imprisoning my erratic heart. I lowered my head and kissed her long, beautiful neck, leaving my final caress beneath her collarbone, in that soft, snow-white skin, more secret than her jade-like arms.

This made her tremble again, and she withdrew her arm from mine. She closed her eyes tightly, not daring to look at me, her tear-streaked eyelashes trembling slightly from time to time, but there was a faint smile on her lips. She seemed somewhat bewildered by the unknown actions I might take, but she did not resist them.

How beautiful she was under the flickering red candlelight! If I were a normal man, this love game would have been such a wonderful joy in my life. But she, smiling with affection, did not know that for me, this was now a play being performed amidst the pain of stepping on sharp knives.

Looking at her smiling face, I quietly stepped back, and the last layer of my open clothing was also removed in this action.

Standing upright before the glass lamp, I softly called to her, "Princess..."

She smiled and turned to me. As she opened her eyes to look at me, I resolutely lifted the wide sleeves of my robe that were covered by the glass dome. The bright light that had been blocked out eagerly filled the warm room, illuminating my naked body.

Unaccustomed to the sudden increase in brightness, she frowned and blinked before opening her eyes again. After exchanging a puzzled look with me, her gaze shifted to me, staring blankly at the ugly, shrunken organ below my waist for a moment. She seemed to suddenly realize what it was, and the result clearly frightened her. She couldn't help but gasp, quickly closing her eyes and turning away, unable to bear looking any longer.

I forced a smile and slowly approached her: "Princess, won't you take another look? This is the answer you've been looking for."

She tightly closed her eyelids, as if afraid that even a ray of light would burn her eyes. A look of pain appeared on her face. She tried to move closer to the inner wall, burying herself in the shadows where the glass lamplight could not reach. Just now, our movements had knocked over the incense duck and tray in the incense burner. The incense ash was extinguished by the water, but white smoke still hissed out. The overflowing hot water slowly spread on the couch, touching the princess's ankles. She was startled and pulled back, curling herself up even more tightly in the corner, like a small animal hiding from the winter chill.

I unfolded the wide-sleeved robe in my hand and draped it over her body, standing silently for a long while before kneeling before her bed. "Princess," I said softly, watching her retreating figure, "as you said, in this life, besides princess and courtier, we might have other relationships, such as friends, siblings, teacher and student... if I may presume. But there is one thing that can never exist between us, and that is husband and wife, or lovers. This was destined when I entered the palace. My disabled body prevents me from being any woman's husband or lover, from flying alongside them, and from bearing them children to continue their lives. To place one's affections on someone like me is like loving an object, a painting or calligraphy; it may provide temporary solace, but it cannot bring true worldly warmth. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life, deserving a perfect life. As a daughter, you were loved by your parents; as a wife, you were cherished by your husband; and in the future, you should be surrounded by children and grandchildren, enjoying the bliss of family life. And this is precisely what I cannot give you."

I paused briefly, but the princess had no intention of discussing the topic with me. She remained with her head down, huddled in her wide sleeves. I couldn't see her expression, but I could feel her shoulders trembling slightly.

That's how she is when she's extremely heartbroken; she doesn't want to say a single word. As for me, the most painful time seems to have passed, and now I can calmly continue to tell her my innermost thoughts, "Our affair was a mistake from the start. The dynasty is full of outstanding talents, and many of the people the princess has met, such as Feng Jing, Cao Ping, Su Shi, Yan Jidao, and Cui Bai, are all exceptional and have their own unique charm. Compared to them, I am as insignificant as dust. I only gained the princess's favor because I had more opportunities to spend time with her. If it weren't for our predicament, the princess would never have had anything to do with me. Besides, I'm no longer a man; I don't even have the right to love the princess. Although the prince consort is not the princess's ideal husband, he can give her sincere respect and care. For a woman who is already married, what is more important than her husband's love? Although this marriage is not pleasant, if the princess is willing, she can find peace and tranquility in the prince consort's care and raising of children, just like..."

Just like Qiuhe. The words were on the tip of his tongue when he remembered that the princess knew nothing about Qiuhe, so he swallowed them back and changed his words, "Just like many women who are married by their parents' orders and matchmakers. And clinging to our current gathering may not have a pleasant result. The closer we are, the emptier we feel; the more we indulge, the more painful it is... That's probably how it is."

The princess remained silent, but fragmented sobs still escaped from her tightly clenched lips. Her hand quietly gripped the wide sleeves of her robe, causing chrysanthemum-shaped folds to gradually appear on the outside of the garment.

I took a deep breath, suppressing my urge to reach out and comfort her, and said, “I am not Zhang Chengzhao, nor can I turn the princess into a smiling face. The ugliness I can show the princess is limited to my body. With her husband by her side, it shouldn’t be too difficult for the princess to distance herself from and forget me, an ordinary person. Perhaps, after the princess has patiently lived with her husband for a few years, experienced true love between a man and a woman, and had her own children, when she recalls our story, she might even feel ashamed and wish she could erase this memory completely. Therefore, please, princess, give me a little pity now and allow me to retreat to my proper place, to return to being the princess’s subject and shadow.”

After I finished speaking, without waiting for her reply, I picked up my clothes and dressed myself properly, regaining the etiquette of a subject. I raised my hands and forehead to give her a deep bow, and then respectfully bowed my head and retreated.

After I turned around, the princess suddenly sat up and called me "Huaiji" in a sad voice. I hesitated for a moment, but in the end I did not turn around to respond. Under her gaze, I started walking again and left her warm and cozy boudoir.

xxx

Unable to sleep that night, I decided not to sleep at all and sat alone in my room, drinking tea instead of wine, cup after cup.

During this time, he thought of many things, such as how to leave the princess's residence, where to go afterward, and how to instruct the servants in the residence to take care of the princess. Naturally, he still couldn't help but worry about the princess and wonder about her current situation. Unexpectedly, he received an unexpected result.

Just after midnight, Jiaqingzi came running and banged on my door. When I opened it, she stared at me with wide eyes, panting, and said, "Princess...Princess, you've summoned the Prince Consort...to the bedroom..."

I was taken aback and asked her, "Did the princess summon the prince consort to reprimand him?"

Jiaqingzi shook her head, her eyes filled with lingering surprise and pity for me: "She allowed the prince consort to stay overnight in her chambers."

xxx

I did not follow Jiaqingzi's advice to visit or dissuade her. After seeing her off, I returned to my room, sat down, and continued to drink tea in silence.

Mr. Zhang said that tea can bring a sense of clarity without harming the heart. I think he's wrong; tea can also make one drunk.

The next day, I woke up after a light nap, feeling dizzy and lightheaded, but I still remembered what happened the night before. So I forced myself to go out and go to the princess's pavilion to congratulate her.

Before the bamboo grove courtyard, I met Li Wei emerging from within. His face was gloomy, his expression dejected, devoid of any joy. Upon seeing me, he merely gave me a cold glance, and before I could speak, he hurriedly left, his steps as swift as if fleeing.

So perhaps, just like their wedding night, nothing happened this time. Thinking this, I couldn't help but feel a moment of relief.

But upon entering the pavilion, I immediately sensed something was amiss. The princess was not in the hall; only Jiaqingzi, Yunguo'er, and other maids were whispering among themselves. Upon seeing me enter, they immediately fell silent, and Jiaqingzi even concealed something in her sleeve.

I looked towards the princess's warm chamber, but still couldn't see her. So I asked Jiaqingzi, "Has the princess not gotten up yet?"

Jiaqingzi agreed, but lowered his eyes and avoided looking at me.

I turned to look at Yun Guo'er, but she also turned her head away, not wanting to meet my gaze.

I glanced around at the other maids, but none of them uttered a word. After a moment's hesitation, I finally chose a question to indirectly ask Jiaqingzi: "Why is the Prince Consort unhappy today?"

She hesitated for a long time before pulling me aside and whispering, "Last night, the princess summoned the prince consort. He was so surprised that he dared not even step into the princess's warm chamber. It was only after the princess repeatedly invited him that he finally entered... This morning, after getting up, the prince consort was in a good mood and enthusiastically invited the princess to admire the plum blossoms, but the princess threw this on the ground..."

She reached into her sleeve and took out what she had initially hidden, handing it to me.

It was a piece of white silk. I took it and unfolded it with trembling fingers, and saw, as expected, a few spots of blood, like fallen plum petals.

Jiaqingzi observed my expression, and, probably not noticing anything amiss, continued, "Then, the princess said to the prince consort, 'This is what you've always wanted, isn't it? Now, you can leave. Never come near me again.'"

The Lonely City (The Princess Who Fell in Love with a Eunuch) Long smoke and setting sun, the lonely city shrouded in gloom.

Chapter word count: 3332 Update time: 09-07-05 10:43

haze

(3077 words)

Her dark hair was piled up messily on the pillow. She lay on her side with the brocade quilt covering only her elbows, revealing half of her back in a white undershirt. This made her look even thinner and more frail, like a figure painted with ink and brush, thin and unreal.

I walked quietly to her bedside without making a sound, but she seemed to sense it and slowly turned around.

Her eyelids were swollen, and her skin was dull and lifeless, indicating that she hadn't slept all night. When she saw me, she wasn't surprised. She calmly looked at me, her dry lips moved slightly, and she gave a smile that showed no joy: "Congratulations to me, Huaiji, I have finally experienced what you call 'love between a man and a woman'."

I stood there holding my breath, trying to say congratulations and smile at her, but I couldn't make a sound and I realized my face was stiff. If I smiled, it would definitely look worse than crying.

"So, would you like to know how I feel?" she asked me, still in a gentle and soothing tone, as if the topic only involved the appreciation of calligraphy and painting.