But what is she afraid of?
The worse news was that they were actually getting married. He frowned, pursed his lips, and swallowed hard. She was going to marry someone else, but that person was not him.
So that's how it is, that's how it is. So what she was afraid of was him telling Wang Fan about their ridiculous past relationship, and that he would ruin things at this crucial moment.
But she actually thought he was that kind of person?
Okay, okay, he needs time to process this. Right now, all he can do is try to leave as calmly and casually as possible.
Shi Nan watched as Lan Di walked over from under the streetlight and stopped in front of him. The next second, he pulled her into his arms, his movements so rough it seemed he wanted to hurt her.
He gripped her neck and kissed her ear, but said fiercely, "You little vixen, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you to death."
Are you kidding me? He hates her? The person who abandoned others is claiming to hate her? Is this a case of the guilty party accusing the innocent first? She's the one who hates her, how dare he!
She tried to push him away, but found that her arms were completely out of her control. Her body, which had been betrayed by her three years of resentment, was now willingly allowed to be held by him.
She watched herself succumb, succumbing to the embrace of someone she had desperately hated and tried to erase. Tears welled up again, and she trembled violently in his arms.
He grabbed her chin and pointed it at himself. "Why are you crying? You're still crying! You sentenced someone else to death, and you're still wailing like a crocodile. What kind of fake compassion are you!"
She couldn't understand a word he said, and she couldn't hold back her tears. Her makeup-smudged, teary eyes stared blankly at him. Fine, let him talk nonsense. All she wanted now was to cry her heart out in his arms. He still used the same bath soap, and she couldn't resist its scent. She thought she had accumulated enough disgust, but now she found herself hopelessly drawn to his aroma. Three years of running away had been in vain; just one meeting had shattered her.
She pulled away from his hand that was gripping her chin, wrapped her arms around his neck, buried her face in his open-collared shirt, rubbed against his skin, and desperately tried to cry out her tears.
His heart overwhelmed him, and he tightened his grip on her waist, pressing her head, buried in the crook of his neck, down with his other hand. He frantically called her name over and over again, "Shi Nan, Shi Nan, Shi Nan, my Shi Nan..."
She cried for a long time, and he called out to her for a long time.
She cried until she had no strength left, her tears dried, and her sobs stopped. She didn't leave his embrace, but remained quietly nestled there. He didn't move either.
The two used stillness to control stillness.
Finally, her phone rang, breaking the silence. She answered it; it was Wang Fan.
"I'm not home yet. Oh, no, I haven't gone upstairs yet. I'm downstairs, something came up. I'm fine, I'm okay now. Don't worry, I'll be home soon. Okay. Thanks for calling, goodnight."
Lan Di suddenly realized something was amiss. Why was she speaking to her fiancé so politely? And thanking him for calling? This was China, not Japan. Did their relationship require such formality? Unless…?
She hung up the phone, and he asked her, "Are you in a fake marriage with him?"
What's going on? Apart from her name, she couldn't understand a word he said tonight. She looked at him, puzzled.
"Tell me, is your marriage with Wang Fan real or just a sham?"
Shi Nan suddenly realized he had misunderstood. He thought Wang Fan was getting married next month to him. But even if that were true, what did it matter to him? Was he just jealous that someone else would want a woman he had been with?
Thinking of this, all her resentment and anger returned. She struggled to leave his embrace and said coldly, "What we have to do is none of your business."
Lan Di's voice was colder and harder than hers, "Shi Nan, it's impossible for you to have nothing to do with me in this lifetime."
She shuddered, glaring at him, almost screaming, "What else do we have to say? You've already been ruthless enough. What do you want now? Do you want to finish me off?"
This time, he couldn't understand her. "What are you saying?"
She shook her head, trying her best to keep her tone calm, "Never mind, we have nothing to say, you can go back."
He wouldn't have it, grabbing her forearm tightly, "No, Shi Nan, you need to explain yourself."
"Let me go, I'm tired, all I want to do is sleep." She was exhausted from the whole day. He wanted to reopen the wounds he had inflicted on her, fine, but not now.
Her voice was indeed tinged with exhaustion, and her expression was one of utter despair. After a moment's thought, he said, "Okay, you go to sleep first."
She was about to say goodbye and turn to go home when he pulled her in the opposite direction. "What are you doing?"
Not far away, a dark blue Jaguar was parked. He opened the door, shoved her inside, fastened her seatbelt, and then got into the car. "You wanted to sleep? Fine. Go to my place and sleep as much as you want. But I want you to explain yourself to me as soon as you wake up." With that, he started the car, not giving her a chance to refuse. The car was very steady, but the speed was astonishing.
Anger flashed in Shi Nan's eyes. She didn't want to go to his house. She never wanted to go to that place again! She unbuckled her seatbelt and said to him, "Get out of the car. I want to get out. I'm not going." As she spoke, she opened the car door.
The car sped along the wide road, with the wind rushing in.
"What's wrong with you?! Close the door!! Sit down properly!!" he roared.
“I never want to go to your room again, I hate it there!” she cried out.
He seemed to understand something in an instant; his brow furrowed, but his voice softened. "We're not going there. Close the door and sit down."
Hearing this, Shi hesitated for a moment before finally closing the car door.
"Fasten your seatbelt." The voice remained calm and composed.
She tied it on.
Just as he fastened the buckle, he suddenly slammed on the brakes, and Shi Nan instinctively closed his eyes tightly.
It was very quiet, and she didn't feel any pain, as if nothing had happened... She slowly opened her eyes and saw the car parked on the side of the road, everything was fine, except... a gaze full of anger.
She realized that the delaying tactic was only just beginning; the real storm was about to break.
She simply turned her head away from him, pressed herself against the car window, and, with a do-or-die attitude, repeated, "I never want to go to that place again in my life."
“You know I’m not angry about this,” he said, pulling her head back abruptly, each word harsher than the last. “I’m telling you, never do anything like that again, no matter whose car you’re in! Want to die? You can take me with you, I’m glad I met you.” He paused, and she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. “But what grudge do you have against others? Do you know the consequences of doing this? There could be a chain reaction of car crashes, with countless deaths and injuries. Even if you don’t die, you’ll still have to go to jail and pay with your life.”
Shi Nan remained silent, lowered her head, and felt genuine regret. She hadn't thought that much about it; at that moment, all she knew was that she never wanted to go back to his room, the room where those passionate moments had taken place, but which had later ravaged her self-esteem.
“But I didn’t expect we’d have at least one thing in common—neither of us wants to go back there,” Lan Di said sarcastically after a long silence. “However, I don’t live there now, so you can relax.” With that, he started the engine.
The car moved slowly; he was no longer driving so fast, and Shi Nan actually felt more comfortable, even a little drowsy. She shook her head, looking out the window at Beijing at night—vibrant and beautiful. Eight years ago, on the night he first kissed her, they walked home under a similar night sky. Lan Di gripped the steering wheel with one hand, and with the other, he took a soft pillow from behind him and handed it to her. She silently took it, placed it on her shoulder, and leaned back. In this position, her gaze fell directly on him as he drove. He stared straight ahead, his thin lips pursed. He knew she was looking at him, but he remained focused, his face serene, the storm of two minutes earlier completely gone. It was that same night that he said, "Don't learn to drive; let a man drive for you." Although Wang Fan was her boyfriend then, the image that flashed through her mind was this one before her—the person in the car was Lan Di.
As expected, the car wasn't heading towards Dongdan. Soon, it pulled into the underground parking lot of a high-end apartment building near Jianguomen. Lan Di opened the door for Shi Nan, locked the car, and led her upstairs in the elevator. She looked around; everyone entering and leaving the apartment was impeccably polite and courteous, but to her, it all seemed hypocritical. Just like him, no matter how polite and attentive he was to her, he still did something as sordid as using and discarding her.
The elevator dinged and stopped on the fourth floor. Shi Nan followed it, 411, 412, 413... No, no, Shi Nan thought. But when they stopped, the three numbers she looked up at were clearly her birthday.
Lan Di saw her staring blankly at room 416 and said coldly as she opened the door, "Are you smug? The person you heartlessly abandoned still can't forget you."
The two of us
The small apartment has two bedrooms and one living room, and is fully equipped. Despite its cozy design, why did Shi Nan feel a sense of desolation when he walked in?
Landi took out a new quilt for her, then moved the one she had been using on the bed to the sofa and said to her, "You should get some rest."
She nodded and went to the bathroom. As soon as she entered, he heard her scream "Ah!" from inside. He quickly asked from outside, "What's wrong, Shi Nan?"
"Nothing's wrong, it's nothing," Shi Nan replied, looking dejectedly at herself in the mirror. She saw her face in the mirror; it was smudged terribly, with black streaks crisscrossing her entire face. She wanted to complain. Wasn't this supposed to be super waterproof mascara? How could it smudge like this? Had he been staring at her face like this the whole time? God, no matter how much she hated him, she didn't want him to see her in such a ridiculous and ugly state.
The water flowed freely, and she wiped herself countless times before she felt completely clean. Just as she was about to leave, Lan Di knocked on the door. She opened it and was met with his face.
When he saw her, his eyes instantly filled with tenderness. She knew it was because her face was finally clean. She lowered her head and murmured, "I just noticed. My face was so messy from crying. I'm so sorry for hurting your sight for so long." She thought her words were humorous, but he didn't laugh at all.
After a long pause, his voice was low and soft, almost imperceptible, "Didn't I tell you before, I like you no matter what?" He then handed her a set of pajamas, his tone returning to normal, "I don't have any new ones, do you mind?"
She shook her head. He went out.
She wore a white Japanese-style yukata-like nightgown. There was no tag on the collar, but a strip of cloth with the word "Men's" written on it. She knew this was just how some Japanese clothes indicated men's and women's styles, but her heart still skipped a beat. She changed, went out, got into his bed, pulled the covers over herself, and closed her eyes to sleep.
She hadn't been lying down long when she realized something was wrong: although she was using a new quilt, the pillow and sheets were still covered in his scent. Perhaps he couldn't smell it himself, but Shi Nan was too sensitive to it; it felt as if he were lying right next to her.
She got up and went to the living room.
Lan Di was already curled up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, with his eyes closed, seemingly unaware of her arrival. She didn't speak immediately, but stood there watching him, unsure whether he was asleep or awake.
He should be happy, with a high position at such a young age, a beautiful woman, and a good life, but why does his face still clearly show that he is unhappy? This man, in Ye Feng's words, this man who "ruined you and then threw you away," yet she still wants to help him smooth his furrowed brows.
She knelt down gently, and just as she reached out her hand, the starry eyes on the handsome face in front of her opened at the same time, staring at her without blinking.
So he wasn't asleep. So he knew I was here. So he had been waiting for her to make a move.
She pretended to be nonchalant and said, "I came here to say that I'll sleep here, and you can go to your bed."
"The bed is more comfortable than here." He rubbed his eyes, not bothering to investigate what she had been trying to do.
"Your scent lingers on the bed. I don't want to smell it." She cut to the chase.
He paused for a moment, then stood up. "Then I'll change the sheets and pillowcases."
She pulled him back, "No need for all that trouble, I'll just sleep here."
He stopped moving and stared at her. She felt uneasy under his gaze.
After a long pause, he said, "Shi Nan, do you hate me that much?"
She never expected him to ask such a question, but it struck a chord deep within her heart. She cried out, "Yes, I hate you, I despise you, I hate you so much, I wish you would never appear again."
Okay, the negotiations have started ahead of schedule, so let's all stay awake.
"You hate me? What do you hate me for? Shi Nan, don't turn the tables on me!" Lan Di's voice also became angry.
"You're crazy! I'm accusing you back? You're the one who's playing the victim!" The words that had been suppressed for so long finally burst out uncontrollably. "Who kissed me when I had a boyfriend? And then acted like nothing happened; who came all the way back to take me? I foolishly treated him as my other half from then on, but he only said he loved me once, when we slept together; who kept telling me to wait for him? But I even had to hear his decision not to return to China after graduation from his mother! Lan Di, this is you! What are you looking at? Why are you looking at me like that? I'm talking about you, and you're still trying to play dumb and deny it?!"
"What nonsense are you talking about?! You're the one who's despicable, it's clearly you! You promised to wait for me, but you turned to someone else! If you hadn't dumped me, why would I have decided to stay in Japan? Do you think I wanted to break up with you? And now you're questioning me? From beginning to end, you've only ever treated me as someone who's completely unimportant. I'm the one who's been head over heels for you!"
"Nonsense! You're still trying to deny it, you bastard!"
"I was prepared to be abandoned by everyone and go back to Beijing after graduation, Shi Nan, but you actually betrayed me at that time! You're the real bastard!"
"You're getting more and more outrageous! Keep making things up, keep making things up, keep making things up. You're even trying to accuse me of having an affair!"
"You still won't admit it?" Lan Di grabbed her, his strength almost out of control. "Fine, tell me now, tell me, what's your relationship with that guy surnamed Cheng, your minister?"
"What is my relationship with him? It's a superior-subordinate relationship, a good friend relationship."
"Good friends? So good that they throw themselves into each other's arms? So good that they book hotel rooms together?"
"Landy, don't talk nonsense!"
He suddenly released her, shook his head, sat down, and said wearily, "Shi Nan, I don't know why you don't want to admit it. It's been so long, and I thought these things could be laid out openly and admitted bravely. What's the point of denying it? Is it meaningful?"
She stopped screaming, lowered her voice, but her tone remained firm: "Why should I admit to something I didn't do?"
He looked up at her, his eyes fixed on her, as if interrogating her. She didn't look away, returning his gaze directly. In their eye contact, they both seemed to see that the other's anger was genuine. But why? The truth was clearly different.
“On your birthday that year, I actually went to your office to find you, but I saw you outside the door…” Landi didn’t want to recall that scene, but he had to say it now, “I saw you in his arms.”
Shi Nan was startled. He had come that day? But why hadn't he come in, hadn't he looked for her? She was in Cheng Bin's arms? Oh right, she was crying that day, and Cheng Bin was comforting her. This... he saw it? So he was angry? What was going on? "Why didn't you come and ask me why I was in his arms? Based on what you saw, you've made such a quick conclusion, given up on me so easily?"
"How can I ask you? At that time, you were already unwilling to talk to me at all."