"You're the one who didn't say anything! How long has it been since you called me before my birthday? I thought you were busy, but what happened? All I got was your casual remark that you're staying in Japan and not coming back!" She cried even harder.
Seeing her crying so hard, Lan Di frowned, but continued, "Then I called you once, and he answered. I could tell you were indoors... Humph," he sneered, "with that flirtatious music... He said you were in the bathroom... Shi Nan, what do you think I should think? That you were working overtime or in a meeting?"
She and Cheng Bin were indoors, playing flirtatious music, and she was in the bathroom? Shi Nan thought carefully, what was going on this time? Oh right, it must have been that time on his birthday, when she excused herself to go to the bathroom, actually going to ask someone to turn off that inappropriate music. Did he call during that time? Did Cheng Bin answer? But Cheng Bin didn't tell her.
“That year on my birthday, I waited all day for your call, but you didn’t even remember my birthday. Even so, I told myself I had to go back, I had to see and hear with my own eyes that she no longer had me in her heart, only then could I believe it. But what did I see?” Lan Di took a deep breath and said, “Shi Nan, I saw him hugging you in the office. Your colleagues said you two were together, and I didn’t believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes then, how could I lie to myself anymore? The next day I told you I was going to stay in Japan, I thought that was my last chance, but that day at Da Dong, while you were watching the ducks…” He spent more time with me than he did with me, barely saying a word, as if he didn't want to spend a single second longer with me. What else could I do? My parents wouldn't allow me to return to work in China. Before that, I insisted on coming back, but later I realized how ridiculous I was. It turned out I had been naively believing I would definitely return to Beijing and be with you. Shi Nan, were your promises just empty words? I hate you. You promised to wait for me to come back, but you got together with someone else so quickly. I treated you like my precious darling, but in your heart," he asked almost through gritted teeth, "do you even have me in your heart?"
Shi Nan seemed to have grasped a bit of the situation, and a question she had never considered before surfaced—could this be a huge misunderstanding?
"My colleague told you that I'm with Cheng Bin?" Lan Di nodded.
I see.
Shi Nan quickly sorted through the cause and effect in her mind, and in a flash, she understood everything. Suddenly, tears streamed down her face again. They were truly two fools.
“Even though you treated me like that, dumped me like that, I still can’t forget you, you little vixen,” he called her resentfully, then blushed and said in a low voice, “I went to the Netherlands to look for you, but I found out you had a new boyfriend.”
Sure enough, she wasn't mistaken; it really was him. He saw her and Heeta; had he misunderstood again? Good heavens.
“Shi Nan, you’ve never lacked male companions. I once thought I would be the one to stay with you until death. I was so foolish. In the end, I realized that I was just one of these people.”
Had she heard him correctly? What did he say? "To stay together until death!" How could he utter such shocking words in such a calm tone? Heavens, how foolish she had been—no, how foolish they had both been! They clearly loved each other, they had missed so many years, all because of those misunderstandings and unfortunate events! "If you truly love me, why haven't you said those words again except for that one time?" she blurted out, her face flushed.
"Shi Nan, love isn't just about words, it's about actions." He conveyed this heartfelt message, yet he didn't look at her, his tone indifferent.
"After you kissed me that year, why did it seem like nothing had happened?" she forced herself to finish the question.
"You said you were happy with Wang Fan back then. Since you were happy, why should I make you unhappy? Later you broke up, and you fell for someone else. You didn't tell me then. Do you know how disappointed I was when I found out? You fell for someone else, but that person still wasn't me." His brows furrowed again. "Shi Nan, you've always made me feel inferior, ever since high school. But no matter how much I like you, I can't throw away the last bit of self-respect I have left."
"Landy, my Landy," Shi Nan could no longer control herself. She jumped onto him, who was curled up deeply on the sofa, and hugged him. She cupped his face, which looked so desperate, in her hands and kissed him, one kiss after another. Her face was covered in tears, which soaked his as well. "Fool, you fool, that person was you, it was you! How could you not have thought of that?" she cried and complained. "Who messed things up for me back then? Who else could it be but you! You were the culprit who made me break up with Wang Fan, and you still don't know... You fool, you idiot... You kissed me, kissed me until I was dizzy, so I broke up with him... You fool, you fool..." She kept repeating, kept crying, kept kissing him.
He slowly looked up at her, as if trying to freeze time, as if to make sure he hadn't misheard.
“Fool, let me tell you, Cheng Bin and I have nothing going on. That time he said I was in the bathroom, we were eating at Maxim's. He always pays for lunch, so I insisted on treating him to his birthday. He booked the place; I didn't know beforehand. I don't like the music, so when I said I was going to the bathroom, I was actually going to ask them to turn it off. I didn't know you called; he didn't tell me. And that time you saw him hug me, it was because I was crying really hard then, even harder than today. Do you know why I cried? Because on your birthday, I called your house, and your mother said you'd stay in Japan after graduation, something you'd never mentioned before! I thought you just…” She finally paused, gritted her teeth, and continued, “I thought you just wanted my body, nothing more. I thought you didn't see me as your other half, so you felt there was no need to tell me about your plans.” "I was heartbroken, you know? I felt like I gave you my whole self, but you just played around and that was it. The guy you saw in the Netherlands was my roommate's brother. I didn't have those feelings for him. Like all your so-called 'male companions,' he was just a friend, you fool. I saw you for a second, just a second. You know how surprised I was. I told myself, it wasn't you, how could it be you? I never expected... Landi, Landi... I never expected it really was you. Also, Wang Fan is getting married, but it's not me, you fool, you've got it wrong. Nobody said I was marrying him, you idiot... Di, Di," she said, her voice thick with sobs, as she kissed him again, "I missed you, I missed you so much. Three years. I thought I could hate you and forget you, but when I saw you today, I knew I was finished..."
He looked at her and listened as she finished speaking all at once.
She spoke through her tears, her breathing uneven and labored, but he remained unmoved, showing no surprise, astonishment, or joy whatsoever. He simply looked at her, into her eyes. She began to fear: Did he... not believe her?
After a long pause, he finally spoke, "Shi Nan..."
"Hmm?" She looked at him eagerly, waiting for him to say something.
"Have you said enough? Aren't you tired?"
On the edge of love and pain
So he... didn't want to hear this? Shi Nan was speechless for a moment, looking at him awkwardly.
"You've finished talking, it's my turn."
What do you want to say?
His expressionless face suddenly curved into a slight smile as he pulled her into his arms and sealed her lips with his still-curved lips. They kissed passionately, occasionally biting each other's lips, their tongues intertwined, all their discontent, clarification, explanation, realization, longing, and love poured out on their lips. She touched his face, and when she reached the corner of his eye, her hand was wet.
She moved her curled-up legs, and he asked her, "Are they numb?"
"Um."
He carried her to the bed, and then, as before, wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and held her close.
"Fool," she called him.
"You're the fool." He raised his hand to touch the outline of her ear while gently scolding, "How could you think that I took you and then lost you? You're such a fool, Shi Nan. Do you really not know how much you mean to me, or are you testing me?"
Before she could speak, he muttered to himself, "It's not fair. I wasn't your first love, but you're mine... Do you know how jealous I am of him?"
"Fine, we're all fools then."
"From now on, you can only have me in your heart." Did these childish words really come from his mouth? Shi Nan turned her head in disbelief and actually saw a serious face.
The next moment, a person suddenly flashed into her mind, and her face became clouded again.
He noticed something was wrong with her and asked, "What's wrong?"
Who is that girl?
He was taken aback at first, then he realized who she was referring to: "Saito Megumi."
“I know her name is Saito Megumi. That’s not what I’m asking you. You know what I’m asking.”
Lan Di fell silent.
Shi Nan's heart began to pound. She knew that what she hoped to hear, such as "we're just colleagues" or "just friends," was impossible.
She was on edge.
His hand on her waist suddenly tightened, and he said, "Shi Nan, I don't want to hide it from you, I... had a relationship with her once."
He had predicted it perfectly. After a three-second mental blank, her first reaction upon hearing this was to try and break free from his embrace. But he held her tightly, refusing to let her escape no matter what.
She simply stopped resisting and bluntly said, "I want to sleep. Either you leave, or I'll go home."
He hesitated for a long time before finally letting go of her, covering her with a blanket, turning off the light, and opening the door.
After a while, she didn't hear the door close, but she heard his almost mournful voice in the darkness, "Shi Nan, do you know how many sleeping pills I've taken in the past three years?"
After saying that, he closed the door, leaving her with a room full of echoing silence.
Shi Nan's mind was in turmoil, and her body was exhausted. Her emotions had fluctuated wildly throughout the day, peaking and plunging repeatedly. She had thought it would end happily, but instead, this dramatic turn of events unfolded. She understood that back then, after their breakup, neither of them had any obligation to remain celibate; whatever he did was reasonable. But she just couldn't accept it. The thought of it made her want to break down. How could he do the same intimate things to another woman that he had done to her! She couldn't bear to imagine that scene; she would go insane.
Perhaps she was so exhausted, both physically and mentally, that she fell asleep very quickly.
Lan Di, outside, wasn't as lucky as her, able to escape reality through sleep. He sat motionless on the sofa, his mind a battleground of joy and sorrow. The truth was out, and he regretted his past misjudgment, which had needlessly severed his relationship with her for three years. Yet, the truth also filled him with joy: it was all a fabrication. His Shi Nan hadn't fallen in love with anyone else; ever since he kissed her, she had always been his alone. How could he have been so foolish, not knowing that she loved him? Thinking of this, a smile unconsciously curved his lips, but before it reached his eyes, worry quickly settled in. He knew her reaction; she minded, deeply minded that he had done that with someone else—even though to him it was merely a physical release. How could she understand that when he thought he had been completely dumped by her, that one act of infidelity was the best result of his desperate celibacy, suppressing his desires for her.
The next morning, Lan Di finally felt sleepy. In another room, Shi Nan woke up.
She looked at the ceiling, the bedding, and the bed, confirming that yesterday's experience wasn't a dream. She'd slept, but she still had to face it. She got out of bed and went to the door, opening it a crack. He was curled up there, seemingly not sleeping well; his brows were furrowed, and his lips were pursed in displeasure.
So what? What if you can't bear it? You keep saying you're always in my heart, but you can still be intimate with someone else in bed. Actions speak louder than words.
She went to wash up, preparing to leave. Turning on the water and toothpaste, she realized she didn't have a toothbrush. She'd already forgotten once last night, and she couldn't afford to go without brushing again. So she squeezed the toothpaste onto her teeth and spread it with her fingers.
Lan Di was awakened by the sound of running water in the bathroom. She's up? He got up and walked towards the bathroom, calling to her from outside the door, "Shi Nan."
He heard a sobbing reply from inside, which confused him. What was she doing? Without thinking further, he opened the door.
Then he saw her standing in front of the sink, facing the mirror, her index finger in her mouth like a toothbrush, poking around randomly.
When she saw him, she was embarrassed for a moment, but then she didn't care and continued wiping her teeth as if he didn't exist. She thought he would laugh at her, but he just handed her a new toothbrush and said, "I don't remember this last night, why didn't you tell me?"
She didn't take his toothbrush. She rinsed her mouth, washed her hands, and dried them. She said, "We've explained everything that needed explaining. I'm going home now. Please close the door so I can change my clothes." Her voice was impatient.
He didn't move. She looked up and saw his eyes fixed on her, his gaze unwavering, clearly stating two words: No.
"Hey, Lan Di, there's no point in lying. We had a good talk last night. You gave me a good night's sleep, and I gave you an explanation. Let's not even talk about how we cleared things up last night. We've talked it out and slept, so what reason do you have not to let me go back?"
He didn't say anything, just stared at her with his eyes, making her, who was pretending to be righteous, lower her head and think about her next move.
"Okay, you want to use the bathroom, right? Then go ahead and use it. I'll go out and change, okay? I don't believe it." As she spoke, she took a step, but as she passed the door, he pulled her into his arms.
She struggled free, but he held her even tighter. She fought back with all her might, but in the end, he grabbed her hands behind her back, picked her up, and put her on the bed.
As soon as she landed, she started punching and kicking him.
"Shi Nan, calm down! Listen to me." His tone was pleading, though it was meant to be an order.
She didn't say anything, but kicked and punched with all her might, her eyes full of resentment.
He rolled over on top of her, pinned her down, grabbed her arm, and forced her to face him. "Listen to me! I don't like her, not at all. The only person I like, the only person I love, has always been one. Did you hear me! You heartless little bastard."
"Heartless? Who's heartless? We were both in the same desperate situation, so why can't I tolerate anyone else just because I have you in my heart? Don't keep saying you only have me in your heart. If you really did, how could you do that with someone else! You don't like her? Ha, you don't like her but you still did it," she saw that he was clearly stronger, so she stopped wasting her time and resorted to hurtful words, "Hey, Lan, take your hand off me, don't touch me, I find it dirty."
She succeeded. His eyes were filled with anger, and the force in his hand lessened considerably as his attention shifted. She seized the opportunity to escape his grasp, leaning against the headboard and the window, tears streaming down her face. Seeing her tears, he stopped pressuring her, but he still trembled at her hurtful words.
After a long pause, she wiped away her tears and said, "I'm hungry. I want to eat roast duck, the kind we ate on the day we broke up that year."
"They don't deliver food."
"Then go buy it."
"no."
She knew he was afraid she would take the opportunity to run away. "I promise you'll see me again when you come back."
"Let me tell you, Shi Nan, if you dare to run away, I'll drag you back to the ends of the earth, no matter who you're with or whether you're married or not."
"I'm starving! Go now!!!"
He, of course, had no idea that she had actually eaten at Da Dong with Tang Bei, Wang Fan, and others just two days prior. She wasn't trying to deliberately torment him; it was just that the thought of that day and year filled her with sadness and resentment. She hated that if it weren't for those unforeseen circumstances, he would never have had a relationship with another woman! She sent him away; she needed some time to process herself.
postman
Shortly after he left, the doorbell rang. It was Saito Megumi.
Before Shi Nan could even express her surprise upon seeing her, she blurted out, "He's not here."
Saito smiled. "I know he's not here. I'm not here to see him. I'm here to see you, Miss Shi Nan."
Shi Nan thought to himself, "Is this a classic TV drama plot unfolding? The old flame comes looking for the new? No, it's the new love looking for the old flame."
But Saito, standing before her, was all smiles, his eyes looking at her sincerely, completely unlike the fiery faces of women in TV dramas.
Shi Nan invited her in and said, "Miss Saito, would you like something to drink?" Actually, she hoped she would say no, firstly because she didn't want the conversation to go on for too long, and secondly because she had no idea where his food and drinks were kept.
“No need for that, Miss Shi, we can just sit down and talk.” For the first time, Shi was exceptionally grateful for the Japanese people’s courtesy.
She led Saito to the sofa and invited her to sit down before taking a closer look at her. Saito's demeanor today was completely different from yesterday. Yesterday she was dressed like a complete young girl, while today she exuded a quiet and professional woman's style. She instinctively felt that this was the real Saito.