Perhaps Shi Nan was too bad at hiding her feelings, as everything she thought was written on her face. Saito's first words after sitting down were, "Miss Shi Nan, are you wondering why I'm so different today compared to yesterday? There's a Chinese idiom, 'as different as two different people,' right?"
Feeling a little embarrassed that her thoughts had been seen through, Shi Nan nodded.
"I dressed like that entirely to please Lord Lan Di."
Saito's direct answer left her speechless. After a long pause, she managed to come up with a reply: "Ms. Saito's Chinese is really good."
"Thank you. For Lan Dijun's sake, I started studying Chinese very hard." Shi Nan was completely speechless.
Saito glanced at Shi Nan briefly before continuing, "Before yesterday, it was a mystery to me, but after I saw you, I understood. Miss Shi Nan, I don't need to hide it from you, and I think you know that I really like Lan Lan Di Jun. He's outstanding at the company, and of course, more importantly, he's very handsome. I don't think there are many girls who wouldn't be attracted to him."
"What you see today is my true self. You want to ask me why I dressed like that yesterday, right? In Chinese, you call that 'pretending to be young,' right? Once, for some reason, I dressed very girlishly, uh... like yesterday's shirt and skirt, and went to dinner with friends. I ran into Lan Dijun. Before that, he rarely spoke to me, but that day, he took the initiative to come over and greet me. My friend said it must be because he likes slender girls who look like young girls. So after that, I changed my style to this, and Lan Dijun was indeed much friendlier to me than before."
"Of course I was very happy, but I gradually realized that although we were getting closer, he didn't seem to have the same feelings for me. But I didn't lose heart. I thought that as long as I kept trying, I believed that one day I would win him over."
“But yesterday, Miss Shi Nan, when I saw and learned that your name was Shi Nan, everything made sense.”
Shi Nan sat quietly, not interrupting, as if listening to a story. Seeing this, Saito took a breath and continued.
“We made love once,” as she expected, Shi Nan finally raised his eyes slightly upon hearing this. “That day, my colleagues and I were having dinner and drinks at a bar after work. I pretended to be drunk, and my colleagues asked Lan Dijun to take me home. I pretended to be incoherent and couldn’t say where I lived. I thought he would take me to his place, but he actually took me to a hotel, carried me to the bed, and turned to leave. I grabbed him and wouldn’t let him go, and then…”
Shi Nan finally couldn't listen anymore and interrupted her, "Ms. Saito, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I really have no interest in knowing about what's going on between you two."
“Miss Shi, I waited until Lan Dijun left before coming to talk to you about this, and there’s a reason for that. Please let me finish, okay?” Saito smiled at her, his smile completely genuine, and Shi Nan nodded again.
“When you have sex with someone, you kiss, hug, and caress, right? But that day was the first time I realized what it feels like for a woman to be treated like a tool by a man. He was very rough, and the condoms sold in the hotel were the cheap kind. It hurt me a lot, but he didn't care at all. He didn't even take off his clothes, he didn't even touch me, hug me, or kiss me. After he was done… he left. I'm even worse off than a girl doing compensated dating.” She turned her gaze from the potted plants on the balcony to Shi Nan. “Miss Shi Nan, he was definitely not like this when he was with you, was he?”
Shi Nan's face flushed; of course, he wasn't like that. He kissed every part of her, caressed her deeply, held her tightly, and would even slow down or stop his movements because of her pain. When he was in a frenzy, he was like a little wild beast, but definitely not a reckless and rude one. Most importantly, he had said, "Shi Nan, I will never use that uncomfortable rubber membrane again. I want to be intimately close to you."
"That day, in his final moments, he uttered a word I couldn't understand in a very low voice. I asked my Chinese teacher what the word meant, but she didn't know either. But I really wanted to know, so one day I asked Lan Dijun. When he heard it, his face suddenly softened. I had never seen such an expression on his face before. You know, ever since I've known him, he has always been very cold and hard. He said, 'That means I hate you.' I was still very confused as to why he would say such a thing at that moment, but yesterday, I suddenly understood. Miss Shi Nan, that word is your name."
Saito looked at her, but Shi Nan remained calm and showed no surprise. She just stared at the flowers on the coffee table, which she hadn't noticed last night. They were a bunch of wild chrysanthemums.
“I feel so pathetic. Even after that incident, I still didn’t want to distance myself from him. However, I didn’t pretend to be drunk anymore. I’d rather not do that kind of love. But I still believed that I could wait until the day he was moved by me, until yesterday. Miss Shi, if I hadn’t met you yesterday, I would have continued my unrequited love. I would have cheered myself up and not given up. But yesterday I realized that it would be a long way off… Lan Di Jun must have really liked you when you were a girl, right? That’s why he became so friendly to me back then.”
“Yesterday, after leaving the movie theater, I saw Lan Dijun so panicked and helpless for the first time. Miss Shi Nan, no matter what unpleasant things you two had in the past, in Lan Dijun’s heart, Miss Shi Nan must be very, very important. Only you can make him happy, so please,” Saito actually knelt down, “please make sure Lan Dijun is happy.”
Shi Nan quickly helped her up, but said, "Miss Saito, since you already understand that love cannot be forced, why make things difficult for me?"
"Could it be... that you don't like Lan Dijun?"
Shi Nan shook her head. "Some things, once they happen, can't be undone." She was referring to his physical infidelity.
Saito, unaware of her inner turmoil, assumed that something else had happened between them and rose to take his leave, saying, "Please tell Lan Di-kun that I am returning to Tokyo."
Shi Nan saw her to the door, and Saito said, "I wish you both well."
Shi Nan said "thank you" with difficulty.
She didn't dislike Saito. This girl was sunny and sweet, brave in pursuing her love, and also knew how to let go.
The mistake was that she inadvertently gave Shi Nan a betrayal, a betrayal by Lan Di. How could she sincerely thank this person?
Saito's words lessened her disgust for the betrayal to some extent, but what's done is done, and that's a fact she couldn't deny to herself.
I didn't want it to be like this either.
Lan Di pushed open the door and saw Shi Nan sitting on the sofa, and breathed a sigh of relief. He took the duck to the kitchen, arranged the scallions, stacked the pancakes, sprinkled the sauce, plated it, and served it to Shi Nan on a large tray.
She didn't say a single polite word and started eating. He sat quietly to the side watching.
She ate with great relish, but it was also quite an eyesore. Her mouth was covered in sauce, scallions were stuck to her teeth, and duck fat was dripping down her chin...
He finally couldn't stand it anymore and handed her a tissue to wipe her mouth. She pushed his hand away, saying, "This is how I eat. If you don't like it, fine."
Ignoring her anger, he snatched the burrito from her hand, put it down, and pressed her down to wipe her mouth and hands. Finally, his lips covered hers.
“##￥%…§$%&/§$%—**§%&！！！” she protested.
He wasn't kissing her; he used his tongue to lick the green stains off her teeth, then pressed his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes, close and focused, as if he could see what she was thinking.
After a long while, he murmured softly, "Shi Nan, don't do this to me, it hurts here." As he spoke, he placed her hand on his chest.
She tried to pull her hand away, but he gripped it tightly. She retorted, "Do you think I'm not in pain? Knowing you did that with other women, how could I not be in pain? How can I accept you doing that to other women!" Unable to break free, she simply pounded his chest with her hand.
He didn't dodge, letting her vent her anger, his eyes filled with helplessness. "What do you want me to do?"
She shook her head, crying, and wiped her nose with his clothes. "I also want to know what I should do. Why... why did you... do that with her?"
His fingers ran through her hair, pulling at the curls. "I regret it too...it felt awful..." Then he bit her neck and inhaled her scent deeply.
Shi Nan's phone rang, and she nudged him to sit up. "Hello? Mom, I'm outside. Okay, I'll be back tonight. Fine, you can decide what to do."
She pressed the button on the phone, glanced at Landy, and said, "I have to go home soon."
He picked her up and placed her on his lap. Before she could react to what he was about to do, he had already grasped her breasts and caressed them through the silk fabric. Soon, her nipples became erect. She tried to remove his teasing hands, but he rolled her over and restrained her. This position caused her body to arch involuntarily into an S-shape, as if she were offering her fullness willingly. Stimulated by her, he increased the pressure of his kneading fingers, and she immediately trembled, her hips swaying slightly against his waist. He looked at her, bewildered, and murmured, "Shi Nan, Shi Nan, do you know how much I miss you? Every night I miss you, I miss the way you are beneath me, I miss your eyes, the way you look at me during orgasm, I miss this part of you," he lowered his head and bit her nipple, "I miss every bone in your body, I miss your tightness, I miss your nectar, I miss you calling my name over and over again, Shi Nan, oh, my Shi Nan, I thought I would never see you like this again." As he spoke, he tore open her clothes and couldn't help but gasp at the sight before him, stopping in his tracks: her breasts, rounder than before, undulating and erect, with a honey-like sheen, the tips of which were the red cherries he had aroused. He stared, mesmerized.
His increasingly hardened lower body suddenly brought her back to her senses. Knowing that he was at a disadvantage in terms of strength, Shi Nan bluntly said, "Let's stop here. I can't do anything more."
Landy shifted his gaze from her chest upwards, his eyes filled with desire and confusion as he looked at her, panting.
"What are you pretending to be stupid for? Let me tell you, Lan, there's no such thing as a free lunch. You've touched other people and you want to touch me again? No way! I find it disgusting!" she shouted, thinking that this would cover up the physical reaction of her body being aroused by him.
But she was wrong; he hadn't overlooked anything. He didn't speak, still staring intently into her eyes, but his hand slipped inside her skirt. She couldn't struggle against him and watched helplessly as a glistening drop of honey appeared on his fingers.
Her face flushed and her heart pounded. "So what?"
He lowered his eyes, wiped the juice off his finger with his lips, and said in a low voice, "Shi Nan, what do you want from me?"
What does she want? She doesn't want to say goodbye to him because of this, but she only knows that he can't touch her now, and she can't get rid of the shadow of his past with other people in her mind.
"I don't care what you do, just don't touch me."
"How could this be!" Platonic love? With her? A single glance, a single gesture, a single moan from her could get him hard? How could this be!
"Impossible? Fine, there's another way—I'll go find another man and we'll be even." She said defiantly, but didn't dare look up at him.
He nearly crushed her jaw. "How dare you!!!"
She was initially unsure of herself, but Shi Nan was the type to take a hard line when confronted, and she got really into it. "Don't give me that! Whether I dare or not is not up to you! Why can you do that, but I can't? Since you can't control yourself, you have no right to control me! Since we can't bring ourselves to break up, and you can't stop touching me, isn't this the best solution—find a man to do with me what you've done with other men!" She was very good at saying harsh words—as long as she didn't actually do them.
He was furious, absolutely furious. His shoulders were trembling as he spoke with difficulty, “You heartless bastard, Shi Nan, you bastard! I’m a normal man, but I’ve been doing abnormal things: after we broke up, I still indulged my desires in fantasies about you for three years! Back then, I thought you dumped me, I thought you would never come back. What lay ahead of me? Endless darkness of despair! In that situation, to vent my desires on someone whose name I barely even remember, without taking off clothes, without kissing or touching, ask yourself honestly, was it truly unforgivable? If that was called love, then what did I do for you? I worshipped you!!” Angry, angry, angry.
Was this him? The one as deep as the sea, the one who was always calm and collected, the one who always spoke to her in a soft voice? It wasn't his words, but his anger. Shi Nan was completely stunned by his rage. For the first time, after someone yelled at her, she obediently shut her mouth and never argued back.
She knelt down, knelt beside him, looked up, and worshipped him, didn't she? Then she would worship him back.
Her clothes, which he had torn, were still wide open at the collar, revealing most of her smooth and beautiful skin. Her hair was disheveled, and her face, which had been without makeup, was filled with his gaze. He was momentarily stunned. What was she doing?
Lan Di turned his head to the side, not looking at her, and slowly calmed his breathing, returning to his usual slow and deep voice, but with a touch of sorrow, "Shi Nan, do you know that you have never actually said those three words to me?"
She was taken aback. No? It seemed...no. But she loved him, loved him so much, loved him so frantically, so painfully, so exhaustingly, for so...so long.
She looked up at him and whispered, "Di, I love you."
He hadn't expected a reply so quickly. One second she was so angry she wanted to kill him, the next she was humbly confessing her feelings.
He pulled her up, lowered his flushed face, and muttered, "Crazy."
After a long pause, he raised his head again, his face still flushed. He gently kissed her cheek and said, "I'll wait. Until you don't mind anymore. Okay?" The last sentence sounded disheartening.
Shi Nan didn't answer that question, but only said, "I should go home."
Lan Di gave it to her.
When they parted, he said he would call her tomorrow. Shi shook his head, "My parents dragged me back this time. I need to spend more time with them. Besides, you should be at work tomorrow, Monday."
He hung his head and remained silent, while she stood still.
"Shi Nan, come back."
"I still have two years left on my contract."
He frowned. "How can this be? I can't wait."
Shi Nan shrugged, as if to say, "Just accept the facts."
A week later, Shi Nan returned to the Netherlands. The day before she left, she called Lan Di, wanting to see him, but no one answered. She felt an emptiness in her heart. Was she really going to leave like this?
At the airport, Shi Nan lingered for a long time before saying goodbye to her parents. Her mother asked her, "Are you waiting for someone? It's getting late, why aren't you going in?"
"I'm reluctant to say goodbye to you."
"Come on, you and I don't know. These past few days, I've been nagging you so much that you've been covering your ears. Actually, you can't wait to go back to the Netherlands."
Having been exposed, Shi went inside dejectedly.
He didn't even bother to see her off! Ms. Shi sat sullenly in the waiting area. Someone sat down right next to her, and she looked up, about to say, "Could you please move over a bit?", when she met the eyes of the person she'd been wondering about who hadn't come to see her off.
Lan Di smiled, his expression clearly showing he saw through her little scheme. "So forlorn?"
She didn't have time to retort, only stammering in astonishment, "You...you...you...."
He put his large bag on the ground and took her luggage. "What? I took leave, but only for 5 days."
The Wandering Red Shoes
Shi Nan returned to China alone, but brought back a man with black hair and black eyes just like her.
Madeline and Sheeta greeted her at home, and the moment they saw Landy, the siblings simultaneously asked Shi Nan, "Who is he?"
Shi Nan looked at Lan Di. Although he didn't understand Dutch, he could guess what they were asking. He mouthed "husband" to her, and she stared at him, replying, "He's my boyfriend."
Hita's gaze immediately dimmed, and Landi, seeing this, smirked smugly. Of course he recognized him; two years ago in the city center, the boy who wiped her mouth, causing him to misunderstand and turn away.
Shi Nan explained the situation to the siblings briefly, then went back to her room to find Lan Di. He insisted on staying at a hotel, and Shi Nan thought it would be more convenient, so she went with him.