During meetings, when assigning tasks, or chatting with classmates, he often thought he could laugh, but halfway through, the smile would automatically fade and disappear. He wasn't unaware of this, but he was powerless to stop it.
After the May Day holiday, the second arts festival kicked off ahead of schedule. He led a group of students from the student association to prepare for the festival with all their heart and soul, working day and night. It was a very hard job. But in his spare time, he would still think of her: at this time last year, when the arts festival opened, she came to his side, and the fragrance of happiness, like the lilacs in the campus, filled the air.
Therefore, Ouyang Xiu's poem "Sheng Chazi" is so concise and to the point: Last year on the Lantern Festival, the flower market was as bright as day. The moon rose above the willow tips, and we made our rendezvous after dusk. This year on the Lantern Festival, the moon and lanterns are still the same. But the person from last year is gone, and tears wet my spring robe!
The feeling was too helpless, too desolate; he couldn't describe it. The only thing he could grasp was a sense of emptiness, like a kite with a broken string—one second, the string was still in your hand, but the next second, it suddenly snapped.
As I plummeted, a gust of wind blew by, and I set off again, but I didn't know where to fly, so I could only follow the wind and drift with the current.
I have no idea what I should or shouldn't do. Every step I take follows a path that my elders like to follow, but on this path, you are no longer there.
The Student Union's Clubs Department held a meeting to plan matters related to the Arts Festival.
Ye Fei was used to sitting in the corner, gazing into the distance in the direction where Xu Chen was standing. Sunlight streamed in along the window frame, casting a handsome profile on his face, and she suddenly felt a pang of sadness—she hadn't seen him smile in so long.
She lowered her head and sighed softly, but the moment she looked up again, she met Lu Yuanyang's meaningful gaze. Startled, she looked out the window.
She looked at the leaves and sky outside the window, but her ears were filled with his voice. She didn't dare turn her head to look—she didn't dare look at that haggard, tired, and smileless face. It was almost not the Xu Chen she knew anymore.
Finally, the meeting ended, and as she watched him leave with the crowd, the office gradually emptied. Ye Fei slowly stood up, tidied up the desk and chairs, closed the windows, turned off the lights, and prepared to leave as well.
But Lu Yuanyang remained motionless in the corner.
"The meeting's over, aren't you leaving?" Ye Fei raised an eyebrow at him.
He looked at her and said clearly, "Actually, it's good to be able to forget him."
Ye Fei was stunned for a moment, and after a few seconds of reaction, her face turned pale.
“Really, this is really good,” Lu Yuanyang walked over from the corner. “People always have to move on from the past. We’re all old classmates, and we all hope you can be happier.”
"I'm fine, thank you." Ye Fei lowered her head, something shining in her eyes.
“But anyone can do it, except for Xu Chen, which I’m afraid is very difficult,” he said.
"Why?" Ye Fei asked, her eyes wide with surprise as she looked at Lu Yuanyang.
"Haven't you heard about what happened to Xu Chen's family?" He asked with a slight hesitation.
Ye Fei shook her head. Lu Yuanyang saw this and mumbled, "Actually, I only heard about it from others."
Ye Fei nodded: "I promise I won't tell anyone."
Lu Yuanyang sighed: "Xu Chen's father is named Xu Jianguo. Have you ever heard of that name?"
Ye Fei felt the name sounded familiar, but couldn't quite place where she'd heard it before. Lu Yuanyang sighed again: "Xu Jianguo's corruption case, haven't you heard of it? When the Provincial Commission for Discipline Inspection investigated him, your father knew absolutely nothing about it?"
Suddenly, Ye Fei's face drained of color—Xu Jianguo?
I seem to still remember that sensational case that shocked the entire province that year: Xu Jianguo, abusing his position, repeatedly accepted bribes from individuals and related entities, totaling 1.48 million yuan, and had another 2 million yuan in assets for which he could not provide a legitimate source. After the case was uncovered, due to his good attitude in admitting his guilt, his confession, and the full recovery of all the illicit gains, he was given a lenient sentence of 12 years imprisonment.
Ye Fei even remembered that during dinner that day, her mother asked her father, who worked at the Provincial Commission for Discipline Inspection, while watching the news, "Did you handle Xu Jianguo's case?"
After a moment of silence, the father replied, "In terms of ability, Xu Jianguo's abilities are obvious to all, it's just a pity he chose the wrong path."
The mother sighed, "What about his wife and children?"
The father said, "Many people commit crimes saying it's to create better conditions for their children, but they never think that once the truth comes out, the children will be the biggest victims."
At that time, Ye Fei was still young and didn't understand: "Does the son have to pay for the father's debts? At most, I'll be discriminated against. Can't I just find a school where no one knows me?"
Her father glanced at her and shook his head: "In China, once something like this happens, this child's political career is over."
Ye Fei laughed: "Political life? Dad, you're exaggerating."
Is this an exaggeration?
Today, perhaps after witnessing so many things, Ye Fei has finally understood her father's meaning.
Lu Yuanyang looked at Ye Fei and continued, "Back then, the traffic offender that Xu Chen's father protected was the one who killed Yu Lele's father. You tell me, they went through family feuds and national hatred and were still able to stay together. Wouldn't you call them a couple who went through thick and thin together? So you can probably guess that Xu Chen will never forget Yu Lele for the rest of his life."
Ye Fei stared wide-eyed, as if she were listening to something incomprehensible.
Lu Yuanyang stared intently at Ye Fei: "Xu Chen's aunt wants to arrange for him to go abroad, which I think is a very feasible method. As for whether Yu Lele should go abroad with him, that's their family's business, and outsiders shouldn't interfere. Think about it carefully, do you think your dad would agree to having a boyfriend like Xu Chen? There are plenty of people better than Xu Chen, you can choose however you want."
Ye Fei was stunned. She sat blankly in the office for a long time, not even noticing when Lu Yuanyang left.
She kept thinking: Xu Jianguo, Xu Chen, how can they be a family?
13-2
At dinner, Ye Fei's mother noticed her blank expression and became a little worried. She glanced at her husband, pointed at her daughter, and said nothing.
After thinking for a moment, the father asked, "Xiaofei, are you able to get a recommendation for graduate school next year?"
Ye Fei lowered her head and used her chopsticks to pick at the rice grains, her tone unenthusiastic: "I don't know, we'll see."
The father nodded. He was never a talkative person, and simply advised, "It's your own business, so you have to handle it yourself. Your mother and I can't be with you for your whole life, so whatever path you choose, you have to rely on your own strength. But you must know that no matter what you choose, it won't be smooth sailing."
Ye Fei nodded subconsciously, looking at her father: "Dad, do you still remember Xu Jianguo?"
"Xu Jianguo?" The father asked, puzzled. "Why did you think of him?"
“Xu Jianguo’s son is at our school,” Ye Fei bit her lip. “Do you think he has to go abroad to make a living?”
The father glanced at his daughter's expression and seemed to understand something: "Actually, it's fine if he doesn't go abroad, but if his family has this idea, it's not a bad option."
"This is not fair!" Ye Fei said angrily. "Children have no idea about the mistakes their parents made, so why should they bear the responsibility?"
“Perhaps we can avoid other responsibilities, but this kind of political mistake will be passed down from generation to generation,” the father sighed. “At this Party Congress, the Xu Jianguo case was specially brought up as one of the more influential major cases in the province in recent years, in order to warn our Party members and cadres not to repeat the same mistakes.”
"You're still bringing this up? It's been so many years!" Ye Fei said incredulously.
“This has nothing to do with time. Xu Jianguo is the assistant mayor and the director of the Public Security Bureau. This unit is too sensitive. It receives more public attention than many government departments because they bear the responsibility for the safety of people's lives and property. In this society, ordinary people may be able to endure poverty, but they may not be able to endure fear. If you put someone who is derelict in their duties, accepts bribes, and is corrupt in a position that is supposed to provide safety for the people, can the people accept it?” My father spoke seriously and calmly, as if he were giving a meeting to his subordinates.
The mother couldn't stand it anymore and banged on the table: "Eat, eat! This isn't your office, why are you chatting like you're in a meeting?"
The father smiled and buried his head in his food, but Ye Fei was clearly lost in thought.
After the "Focus Interview" program ended, the father peeked at Ye Fei from the living room and saw her sitting listlessly on her bed, lost in thought. He hesitated for a moment, then strolled into his daughter's bedroom.
He sat down beside his daughter's bed, his tone gentle: "The classmate you mentioned, is his name Xu Chen?"
"Dad, how did you know?" Ye Fei was extremely surprised.
“We met once before Xu Jianguo got into trouble,” the father said thoughtfully. “Later, he was placed under investigation, and I heard many comrades mention his son. At that time, everyone said that it was one thing for Xu Jianguo to be corrupt and break the law, but how could he ruin such an outstanding child as well?”
“Yes, he still hasn’t joined the Party. He’s the activist every year, and he gets the most votes every year, but he just can’t pass the political review,” Ye Fei said with a wry smile. “The political review for joining the Party goes down to his grandparents and maternal grandparents. Xu Chen’s next generation is all being ruined.”
"This is the price we pay," the father sighed softly.
Seeing the regretful expression on her father's face, Ye Fei felt like she had so many words stuck in her throat, but she couldn't bring herself to say them.
I really want to ask: Dad, can you accept a boy like this as your daughter's boyfriend? If your daughter wants to go abroad with him, would you agree?
However, when she looked up at her father's graying temples, those words stuck in her heart, and she could no longer ask them.
That night, Ye Fei couldn't sleep. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and all she could see was Xu Chen's unhappy expression and increasingly lonely figure. The way he lay in the hospital bed, forcing a smile, made her heart ache whenever she thought about it.
She couldn't help but feel a hidden resentment towards the girl named Yu Lele: "The things you don't want, the things you discard so easily, do you know that they are another person's soul and heart? I watched him silently for so long with all my might, but it still couldn't compare to the back of your back as you turned away. What fairness is there in this world?"
—God gave you all the good fortune, but you left misfortune to him and to me.
In fact, Ye Fei didn't know that for Yu Lele herself, this abruptly ended relationship also brought a feeling that seemed good on the surface but was actually chilling deep down.
After the new semester started, news of Yu Lele's poor English performance and the heartbreak of her first love spread simultaneously, making her the object of everyone's sympathy and concern in a very short time. Kind people always sympathize with the weak—the strong girl, the girl who got whatever she wanted, seemed to be forgotten in the blink of an eye. In her place, there was the image of a slender, quiet, and pitiful girl, making people want to feel sorry for her.
It was also because of the excuse of passing the "CET-4" (College English Test Band 4) that Yu Lele boldly turned down many activities arranged by Ren Yuan. Ren Yuan was unhappy, but had no reason to object. Yu Lele gradually faded from the center of the school's spotlight. Her younger classmates felt it was a pity, but they also sincerely hoped she could pass the CET-4 in the next exam, so they gave her many blessings. Furthermore, because she often didn't go home on weekends to study English, she had many opportunities to spend time with her classmates. On weekends, a group of young men and women would go to karaoke, play ball at the beach, or fly kites in the nearby square. Amidst the bustling crowd, Yu Lele gradually numbed her memory, preventing her from recalling those sad people and events. Her smiles became more frequent, and everything seemed to be progressing along the path she had once hoped for.
However, no one knew that she often woke up in the middle of the night, looking at the quiet darkness around her and listening to the even breathing around her, and tears would well up in her eyes and she couldn't stop them.
She habitually pulled up the blanket gently, then curled up into a small ball under the blanket and cried silently.
She missed him so much, so much that her heart ached, but she had to endure it all.
Because she missed him, she went to Chinaren almost every day to look at the yearbook, hoping to find a few words about him, but he rarely left messages, and it was hard to find any trace of him. She also tried to subtly inquire about Xu Chen from Yang Qian, but she always got the same few things: he was studying English to take the TOEFL, he still wasn't going home for summer vacation, he was still alone, and he seemed to be doing very well.
Actually, she seemed fine, but only she knew that in her heart, the name "Xu Chen," along with those old times, was a wound that could not be touched—a hidden wound that disappeared on ordinary days but throbbed faintly on rainy days.
She forced herself to stay busy, studying English and reading professional books every day, and writing even more intensively. Sample copies and payment slips kept coming in, and she was like a spinning top, constantly turning. She used this method to numb herself, as if when she was busy, she would not miss, worry about, or think about anything.
Fortunately, there was Lian Haiping.
Like a dutiful teacher, he supervised her self-study, her practice, and even her meals and fruit. When she was tired from studying, he would accompany her for walks and to the movies. He never said anything like "I like you," only offering silent care and support. His large, warm hands held her tightly every time she was about to slip, refusing to let go.
She was very grateful to him.
But is gratitude the same as love? She herself didn't know.
She often secretly condemned her own selfishness: if you love, you should make a promise; if you don't love, you should let go. But she lacked the courage to make a promise, and she couldn't let go. She felt incredibly greedy; she almost despised herself. But she truly dared not think: if he wasn't by her side either, how long could she endure it?
With just over a year left until graduation, she didn't know what path to take in the future, let alone who would accompany her on that journey.
On the long journey, she suddenly realized that warmth was such a luxury, and it was always so difficult to have it.
14-1
In early April, the school held a sports meet, and Lian Haiping signed up for the 3000-meter race.
Yu Lele frowned at him: "Are you crazy?"
He rolled his eyes at her: "What's wrong? It's just 3000 meters."