Just like when she first married Yun Shu, she spent her days trying to find Yun Shu a "true love" so that he would be less disgusted with her.
Xiao Jin slowly smiled, but the bitterness within was impossible to conceal. All of this was just an excuse for her selfishness. If she could use the excuse that Yun Shu would change her mind, she probably wouldn't feel so guilty if she left!
"Please don't tell the Emperor about this." Xiao Jin sighed deeply. She tilted her head, her eyes glistening with tears, and gave a strange smile. "Actually, it might be better if I weren't here. The Emperor would have a full harem, and he could have a virtuous empress to manage the entire harem for him. He would have many children and grandchildren, and he would have been able to keep the court in check. He wouldn't be in such a predicament because of me like he is today."
How could she not know how much pressure Yun Shu had shouldered for her? But the more she thought about it, the more rational she felt that the two of them should separate.
Tan Lang didn't dare to answer. The Emperor was standing right behind him, and he didn't know what the Emperor was thinking.
"Please give my regards to Yunniang." Xiao Jin straightened up, wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief, and said with composure and grace, "If she has time, she can come to the palace."
"Yes," Tan Lang replied, forcing himself to agree.
Xiao Jin nodded slightly, turned and went out the door. Her long, bright red dress trailed on the ground, making her figure appear somewhat frail.
Just as Xiao Jin's figure disappeared, Tan Lang suddenly heard the sound of shattering glass. He turned around and saw that the stained glass on the partition was broken into pieces. Yun Shu's face was grim, as if she was brewing a storm.
******
Tonight, Yun Shu went to Fengqi Palace unusually late. In the past, no matter how busy he was, he would not want to disturb Xiao Jin's rest. At most, he would have someone take the memorials there, and he would continue to review them after watching her fall asleep.
It's past midnight today, and Yun Shu is still nowhere to be seen. Xiao Jin sent people to inquire twice, but they were only told that the Emperor was busy with state affairs and asked her to rest first.
Xiao Jin went to see her son. He had already passed his 100th day and was gradually growing into a pink and tender little dumpling. His soft little body smelled sweet and warm, making one want to cherish him. He woke up crying, and after the wet nurse fed him, she handed him to Xiao Jin.
Whether he sensed that it was his own flesh and blood holding him or not, he nestled obediently in Xiao Jin's arms without crying or fussing, his large, beautiful eyes like black agate. Xiao Jin couldn't resist reaching out to tease him, and he giggled obligingly.
"It's true what they say, a mother's heart is connected to her child's; the eldest prince knows it's you holding him," the wet nurse chimed in. "Look how happy the eldest prince is!"
Xiao Jin's heart softened instantly.
She loved children, believing that these innocent and tender creatures possessed the purest emotions, making one want to cherish and protect them. She had showered Xiao Ye and Chu Muyan with genuine affection; how could she not feel love for the child before her, a flesh of her own flesh?
Moreover, this child had been through so much with her, almost losing his life several times, and was born weak, which added to Xiao Jin's guilt.
Thinking of this, and seeing that he was willing to be held by her, Xiao Jin was even more reluctant to let go. To make him happy, she carried him and walked back and forth in the side hall. Although he couldn't speak yet, his babbling made it clear that he was happy.
A satisfied smile also appeared on Xiao Jin's face.
That pure and innocent smile caught Yun Shu's eye as he stepped into the side hall, and he stopped in his tracks. Looking at Xiao Jin's tender expression as she held their son, he suddenly felt his eyes well up with tears. With his beloved wife and child by his side, wasn't this the life he had always longed for?
"Your Majesty!" It was Xiao Jin who noticed Yun Shu had entered when she turned around. She quickly hugged her son and bowed to him.
Xiao Jin was weak, and carrying the child for a long time inevitably made her a little weak. When she bent her knee, she staggered two steps and almost fell. Yun Shu immediately stepped forward to support her waist and said with concern, "Be careful. I told you before, you don't need to care about these formalities in your palace."
Xiao Jin smiled a little embarrassedly and looked down at her son in her arms. She thought the commotion had startled him, but instead he was laughing heartily, waving his chubby little arms, as if he thought Xiao Jin was playing with him.
Yun Shu led the mother and son to sit down on the soft couch and waved for the servants to leave.
"It's time to give him a name." Yun Shu had many things to say since returning from the Imperial Study, but seeing the heartwarming scene before him, he suddenly uttered these words.
Xiao Jin didn't notice anything amiss and nodded. "What do you think is good?"
“His generation still uses a single character.” Yun Shu spoke slowly, her tone suddenly becoming solemn, “Liu.”
Xiao Jin's eyebrows twitched suddenly; she almost thought Yun Shu had figured out her secret! Stay? Impossible, Xiao Jin comforted herself, it's just the profound and complex Chinese language, just a homonym!
"Yun Liu?" Xiao Jin's smile became somewhat forced. She smiled at her son in her arms as if trying to avoid him, "Liu'er, your father has given you a name."
"I intend to make Liu'er the crown prince," Yun Shu said calmly. "I will issue the decree after the New Year."
Xiao Jin trembled violently; she felt her teeth chattering uncontrollably. Panic surged within her, and she instantly lost her usual composure. She hugged Yun Liu tightly in her arms, forcing a smile, and said, "Liu'er is still too young; perhaps it's not appropriate?"
"I only have this one son, and the position of Crown Prince will be his sooner or later." Yun Shu's expression was slightly cold as he calmly said, "I have said that I only want you in this life."
If Xiao Jin still couldn't understand the meaning of these two sentences when put together, then she had lived in vain. She froze, staring blankly at Yun Shu. Yun Liu, held tighter and tighter, squirmed uncomfortably in her arms, and seeing that Xiao Jin still wouldn't let go, she started crying loudly.
Yun Shu took Yun Liu from Xiao Jin's arms, holding her gracefully in her embrace. She softened her voice, soothingly saying, "Liu'er, be good. Even if your mother doesn't love you anymore, your father will always be there for you. He'll watch you grow up, teach you to read and write, practice martial arts, and watch you marry and start a family—"
These were the words Xiao Jin had whispered to Yun Shu while they were nestled in each other's arms. Now, hearing them, every word sounded sarcastic, like a sharp knife tearing her heart apart.
Xiao Jin's lips instantly lost all color and trembled uncontrollably. Large tears rolled down her face, but Xiao Jin stubbornly pursed her lips tightly, refusing to make a sound. She sat even straighter, seemingly trying to maintain some kind of composure.
When Yun Shu looked up, she saw the pain and vulnerability in Xiao Jin's eyes.
He didn't want to force her, but he couldn't bear to let her go! In fact, this was his last gamble. If she still didn't want to stay, he would let her go. Saying that he would make Yun Liu the crown prince was not just empty talk. He only believed in one person in this life. If she was gone, he would rather raise Yun Liu alone.
In the end, Yun Shu couldn't bear it any longer, and he gently kissed Xiao Jin's bloodless lips. "Jinniang, don't cry. I won't force you anymore, okay?"
"Hold Liu'er one more time," Yun Shu sighed helplessly, his voice filled with powerlessness and despair. "If he asks me about his mother later, I can tell him that you loved him and that you held him in your arms."
"Third Master!" Xiao Jin could no longer hold back and threw herself into Yun Shu's arms, crying bitterly.
Yun Shu held two people in his arms, his gaze filled with tenderness and pity, causing his dark eyes to glisten with a hint of tears. He was guarding the two most important people in his life, yet a hidden despair lingered in his heart.
He was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep her.
******
Xiao Jin still went to Huguo Temple to admire the plum blossoms, but apart from the palace maids and guards, she didn't let anyone accompany her.
Yun Shu did not stop her, but silently ordered people to prepare everything for her trip. She also specially ordered someone to make a thick fox fur coat, which she personally tied on for Xiao Jin before she left.
"Go, be careful on your journey." A gentle smile appeared on Yun Shu's handsome face. He swallowed his last words: Go and come back soon. He didn't know if Xiao Jin would ever return.
Xiao Jin nodded obediently.
The plum blossoms in the plum grove were in full bloom, their red petals contrasting beautifully with the unmelted snow.