I said, "By the way, there's something I need to ask you. You'll have to start another class."
"What kind of class, English training?"
“No,” I said in a low voice, “whenever new people come here in the future, you should open a life skills training class to teach them how to use our modern gadgets. I’ve been thinking about it, and you’re the most suitable person for this job.”
Xiuxiu said, "No problem." Then she nudged Hua Rong, "Did you learn how to identify cosmetics yesterday?"
Hua Rong pulled me aside and said, "By the way, Brother Qiang, I was just about to ask you, is this common sense?"
I looked at him sympathetically and said, "For a man about to get married, yes!" Finally, I held his hand and said, "Every man has to go through this sooner or later." Hua Rong was stunned for a moment, then immediately shook my hand and said, "Then you're not getting married tomorrow... Sigh, take it easy." I got slapped hard by Xiu Xiu.
Hua Rong said, "There's another matter. What should I do in the future? My brothers all have their strengths. My strength is archery, but it seems like I won't be able to use it much."
I pointed to the new campus and said, "See that? That will be a shooting range. You and Brother Pang will be in charge of teaching the kids archery. Pay special attention to a few promising talents. This skill isn't very useful in the real world, so we need to cultivate them specifically. In the future, all the archery gold medalists at the Olympics will be from our Yucai School."
Around 1 a.m., I couldn't stay awake any longer, so I just found a room to sleep in. I woke up twice during the night because I needed to pee, and when I looked outside, the lights were still on. These guys had been drinking all night long!
The next day, before dawn, someone knocked on my door. When I went out, I saw Ersha, dressed neatly, with Li Shishi, Wu Sangui, and Qin Shi Huang all there. I rubbed my eyes and said, "Isn't it a bit early?"
Li Shishi said, "Stop talking nonsense! Do you want to marry your sister-in-law with dark circles under your eyes?" After saying that, she stepped aside, and Jin Shaoyan rushed over with a smile to shake my hand: "Brother Qiang, congratulations."
I said, "Same to you, same to you. Wake me up when it's light."
Jin Shaoyan, carrying the door, barged in with a wave of his hand, and without a word, forced me in front of the mirror to start applying makeup. The leader was supposedly Jin Ting's top makeup artist, who had done makeup for all four Heavenly Kings—Hong Kong's Four Heavenly Kings.
After the makeup was done, wow, our Brother Qiang looked exactly like Andy Lau! Even Miss Lijuan couldn't tell the difference. Then someone helped me put on the groom's red robe and black boots, with a floral sash draped across my chest, and a group of people escorted me out.
A group of people on the playground, whether they had gotten up early to eat breakfast or had been drinking all day, surrounded me with smiles as soon as they saw me come out. The big white rabbit was also dressed up in its finest attire, its bright red bangs seeming to be making it very uncomfortable, as it kept shaking its head and wagging its tail. I was on horseback when Xu Delong gave the order: "Li Jingshui, blow the reveille!"
Li Jingshui snapped to attention: "Yes, sir!" She grabbed a large trumpet from a pile of instruments and began to blow it. Everyone was astonished: "This is the reveille of Yue Fei's army?"
Xu Delong scratched his head and laughed, "Let's change the way we call it. When in Rome, do as the Romans do."
However, Li Jingshui's trumpet-blowing skills were truly impressive. Before long, everyone was startled awake—it sounded terrible! So, in an instant, heroes, the Four Heavenly Kings, 300 soldiers, and a group of scholars gathered on the parade ground, followed by a bunch of onlookers. They set off in a grand procession, carrying an eight-person sedan chair.
To my left is Wu Sangui, to my right is Xiang Yu, and behind me are Xu Delong and the heroes. Everyone is on horseback, the horses brought by Jin Shaoyan from the film crew. What surprised me even more was that this guy had managed to get over a dozen bronze chariots for the women and the elderly. Normally, it would look incongruous for the groom to be on horseback followed by dozens of Mercedes-Benz cars. Now, our procession looks like an expeditionary force. Fatty, usually all smiles, looked rather solemn sitting in the chariot. He was probably recalling the days when he led a massive army to conquer the six kingdoms. He had successively bestowed upon me the titles of King of Qi and King of Wei, and Baozi was also personally appointed King of Zheng and Grand Marshal by him. This expedition was a campaign to quell a rebellion.
The band was cobbled together from a few individuals among the 300 warriors and heroes. They mainly played trumpets and suonas, and not everyone knew how to play them. Anyway, they just puffed out their cheeks and put on a great show.
As soon as we left the school, we attracted a crowd. That's normal; who's ever seen anything like this before? Besides, there were so many weddings today, and all those luxury cars leading the way paled in comparison to our procession. Quite a few grooms stuck their heads out and asked me, "Dude, which wedding planning company did you hire?" That's ridiculous! Are you planning to get married again?
It wasn't far from Yucai to Baozi's house; we'd covered half the distance in no time. Wu Sangui said solemnly, "That little Mulan has probably laid some kind of trap ahead; we must be careful." Xiang Yu laughed, "Brother Wu, don't let the enemy's arrogance dampen our own spirits. Our elite troops are all on our side; what tricks could a mere girl like her possibly have?"
Xu Delong said, "We must not underestimate our enemy."
Just then, a scout came to report: "A large number of enemy troops have been spotted gathering at the village entrance."
Xiang Yu asked, "Can we break through?"
The young soldier acting as a scout said with a smile, "It might be difficult to charge in; the enemy is a group of children."
Xu Delong said, "Investigate further and report back!"
The young soldier's expression tightened: "Understood!" and he sped away.
Wu Sangui said in grief and indignation, "I never imagined that this little girl would be so wicked, deploying these dozens of child soldiers who are impossible to fight or charge into..."
Lin Chong said, "Indeed, we cannot underestimate the enemy. If the enemy did not have Hua Mulan and did not know the strength of our army, they would not have gone to such lengths to mobilize our troops."
Wu Sangui took out a diagram with circles and crosses. After a brief discussion, the group said, "The only solution now is to walk an extra two miles and go around to the back of the village."
Fang La said, "I'm afraid there are other ambushes behind the village."
Wu Sangui said, "That can't be said. Speed is of the essence in war, so we can only proceed one step at a time."
Before the two armies even clashed, we had already suffered a setback, which dampened our morale. Just as we were about to change course, a man stood up from the bronze chariot and shouted, "Wait!"
Looking at this man again, his face was like jade, his demeanor dignified, and he was grading a student's homework in one hand, exuding an air of scholarly elegance. It was Yan Jingsheng. Everyone frowned slightly upon seeing that he was just a pale-faced scholar. Yan Jingsheng instructed, "Jingshui, go and open the last box of betrothal gifts. I have a secret weapon to deal with Boy Scouts."
Li Jingshui moved the last box closer, opened it, and was immediately greeted by a wonderful aroma. It turned out to be a box full of liqueur-filled chocolates and milk candies...
Everyone was overjoyed upon seeing this. Xiang Yu bowed and said, "Master Yan is a diviner."
Yan Jingsheng glanced at us and said disdainfully, "Even if I've gone stupid from reading too much, I still know that you have to bring some sweets to appease the children when you get married." Everyone was ashamed.
At this moment, Wei Tiezhu stepped forward from the crowd, his face resolute, and said, "I want to lead a ten-man suicide squad to break through the enemy's defenses!"
Xu Delong said, "Go. Remember, this battle is one of victory only, defeat is not an option, or you will be subject to military law!"
"Understood!" Wei Tiezhu led several young soldiers, each carrying several kilograms of sugar, and charged towards the enemy troops ahead. They were like tigers among sheep, giving sugar to anyone they saw...
Shortly after, the scouts reported again: "The enemy has suffered a large-scale rout."
The generals waved their hands in unison and shouted, "My men, press on while the enemy is winning, charge!"
After our sedan chair entered the village, we encountered some sporadic resistance, which was easily dealt with by Chocolate. Soon we arrived safely at a low wall. There was a gap in the wall, just large enough for our sedan chair to pass through.
After reading for a while, I suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone asked in unison, "Xiao Qiang, why are you laughing?"
I pointed to the low wall and said, "I've always heard that Mulan is skilled in warfare, but seeing her today, she seems quite ordinary. If she only needs to set up an ambush here, wouldn't we all be wiped out?"
Before the words were finished, a sudden burst of shouts and screams erupted from the wall. On the left, atop the wall, stood none other than Baozi's second uncle, wielding a string of ten-thousand-shot Liuyang firecrackers. On the right, another man was recognized—Baozi's third uncle, holding a string of three-thousand-shot "Earth Blossoms" firecrackers. As soon as these two appeared, the two long strings of firecrackers immediately blocked the road.
Everyone cursed me, calling me a "jinx"!
Finally, we encountered direct resistance from their elite troops. Hua Rong and Pang Wanchun rode out separately, and with two swift arrows, the firecrackers were snapped in two. Baozi's third uncle was taken aback, but her second uncle, possessing the fierce and warlike blood of the Xiang family, didn't hesitate to light another string and set it off, arrogantly declaring, "Shoot all you want, we have plenty of firecrackers!"
Hua Rong was about to shoot again, but I quickly stopped him and stuck a large red envelope into each of their arrows. The arrows reached the top of the wall, and Baozi's second and third uncles took the envelopes, looked at them, nodded in satisfaction, stepped aside, and said with smiles, "Go ahead."