Wu Sangui, with his slicked-back hair, said, "Baozi, actually my name is Sangui." Baozi knew his surname was Wu, and if someone had some historical knowledge, they would immediately recognize him as the old traitor. But Baozi laughed and said, "What's so strange about that? I know several people named Sangui. My dad's workplace is hilarious; there are two people with the surname Wang, one named Wang Qidi and the other Wang Jiuge."
Liu Bang muttered, "Wang Qi's brother and Wang Jiu's brother—aren't they all turtles?"
Baozi slapped his thigh and said, "That's why it's funny!"
Wu Sangui was speechless...
I pointed to the kitchen and said, "Hurry up, the food is burnt."
After Baozi left, I said to Wu Sangui, "Third Brother, why tell her? Isn't it better to stay ignorant?"
Li Shishi said, "I also disagree with telling her now."
Wu Sangui said, "I just feel that firstly, Xiaoqiang can't go on like this, and secondly, I, Wu, am an honest and trustworthy person, and we are all friends, so she should know who I am."
I know Wu Sangui has developed a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder; he always makes sure you know the name of anyone he approves of, lest you feel deceived after getting to know them. Ultimately, the old traitor is still somewhat insecure.
I told Wu Sangui, "It's alright. Just tell her your name is Wu Sangui in a bit, and see if she can tell you apart from Kim Sam-soon."
Seeing that his suggestion had received a poor response, Wu Sangui said to Baozi's ancestor sitting next to him, "Brother Xiang, don't you want to enjoy family life? Baozi is practically your granddaughter, isn't she?"
Xiang Yu said, "I am thirty and she is twenty-seven. Do we have such family happiness?"
So the topic was dropped.
Li Shishi said to Hua Mulan, "Sister Mulan, there's a beauty pageant going on recently. Would you like to participate?" Li Shishi knew Hua Mulan's regrets and longings, and wanted to use this method to let her fully experience being a woman.
Hua Mulan waved her hand and laughed, "You mean showing off your thighs for people to see? I can't do that." Li Shishi nodded in understanding. Although they came from different eras and had different identities, conservative ideas were deeply ingrained, and it was really hard to accept that they would wear swimsuits and walk the runway—although I really like watching them.
Li Shishi said, "Then you should become a judge."
"Who do you think I am, a judge?"
Li Shishi laughed and said, "Isn't it easy to write your identity? The subtitles will say you're a world-famous model or fashion designer."
That's when I realized that this beauty pageant was most likely organized by Jin Shaoyan's company. I quickly said, "Let's bring my cousin too. You can make up any identity you want, even say I'm a released convict, as long as I can be a judge." I'll just hang the hotel room key on the door, and in the middle of the night, there will inevitably be tall, long-legged models crawling into my bed. Haha, just thinking about it is wonderful.
Li Shishi glared at me and said, "We only want female judges."
I said, "What good is that? Don't you have male models?"
Hua Mulan laughed and said, "Then I'll go and see what's going on."
I reminded her, "Remember, you have to be scathing with your words. No matter what, start with something like, 'You're just torturing our eyes,' or say something like, 'With a figure like yours, you'd barely look normal standing in a funhouse mirror.'"
Chapter Forty-Five: Changing Faces
People say that men have more pressure after marriage, but I haven't felt that way yet. Since moving to my new home, I rarely get more than 12 hours of sleep a night.
Compared to me, everyone else was busy. Li Shishi's movie had already entered the post-production stage. Mulan actually went to watch the beauty pageant, but she did the exact opposite of what I had advised her. She was such a nice guy, praising everyone she met. Each judge had a light that would illuminate a contestant's name to indicate their approval and advance to the next round, and Mulan's light never went out.
Xiang Yu, needless to say, spent every day with Zhang Bing, sometimes even bringing her to his home. However, from our observation, there wasn't much passion between them; they seemed more like an ordinary couple. But that's probably normal; life wears people down, especially after they leave their original environment. After Yang Guo and Xiaolongnu left the martial arts world, didn't they just live a mundane life? After a prince and princess marry, the prince gradually becomes a bald old man, and the princess becomes a jealous queen, until they accidentally offend a female cultivator and are cursed. Then their lively and adorable little princess can only wait for a prince from another country to overcome obstacles and awaken her with a kiss. The story goes on like this, and Western writers make a living by delaying their work.
Just as unremarkable as I am is Qin Shi Huang, who maintained his original life trajectory. For most people, changing environments and doing something new is quite interesting, but being an emperor is different; once you've seen the ocean, you can't be satisfied with a river. Moreover, he was different from Liu Bang, who rose to power through his own efforts, so Liu Bang was very interested in dominating the pirate market, while Qin Shi Huang had no enthusiasm for such things as buying off a few peasant uprisings.
However, I still took a step forward: launching the tea beverage developed by Lu Yu. I never expected the initiator to be Mao Sui, who had only been there a few days prior. On the very day of his arrival, Mao diligently analyzed the broader context of the era, positioning himself as a retainer. Once he understood that conquering territories and maneuvering were no longer necessary, he began devising ways to make money for me. Mao summarized his own experiences, knowing that fame must come early, and that he didn't have another three years to stand out. So, he quickly seized the opportunity to launch the medicinal tea developed by Lu Yu and Hua Tuo. Mao Sui, who couldn't even open a car door, went off to negotiate with people everywhere. The feedback was quite positive. Many entrepreneurs described Mao Sui as straightforward yet cunning, a master of rhetoric who knew he would suffer losses dealing with him but still couldn't resist cooperating with him. He sometimes liked to speak in a threatening tone—something I could understand; strategists and advisors before the Qin Dynasty were adept at this tactic, from Lin Xiangru to Cao Mo to Mao Sui. Especially for retainers like Mao Sui, they loved long-winded speeches. Of course, even the most astute persuaders sometimes failed. When this happened, the persuaders would become enraged, some drawing their swords, others grabbing ashtrays from the table, and saying to the opposing ruler: "I've been talking for so long, and you still won't listen to a word! I'm so angry I'll just have to fight you to the bitter end!" (equivalent to the original phrase "blood splattered five steps away"). The opposing ruler's bodyguards, being too far away to approach, would then have no choice but to sign a contract (a blood oath), and the deal would be done.
Our herbal tea received a great response after its launch, and the profits were just as good as those of Five Star Juniper. After all, even the best wine has its limitations, but beverages are different. Before putting it on the production line, Mao Sui researched a Japanese-owned mineral water company and suggested that I also print "Selected High-Quality Water Source." However, I felt that doing so was dishonest, mainly because it wouldn't be verifiable. Besides, wasn't the original intention of adding herbs to water to improve the taste of tap water? So I directly printed "Using Public Water Supply." Mao Sui said that since it was already printed that way, there was no need to try to cover it up. He suggested adding parentheses and stating inside: "Using tap water." This move made consumers feel much more at ease, and the sales of the herbal tea reached new highs every day.
That day, Liu Laoliu came to me, handed me a pack of chewing gum, and said, "This is your salary for this month."
This chewing gum is exactly the same as the ones sold in stores, also a pack of 5. Having learned my lesson with the cookies, I dared not put it in my mouth carelessly, and cautiously asked, "What's this for?"
Liu Laoliu said, "When you chew it, you can transform your face into whatever you imagine it to be."
I asked, puzzled, "Wha...what do you mean?"
"That means, before you chew it, imagine someone's face in your mind, and then your face will become that person. For example, if you want to look like me..."
I quickly replied, "Wanting to become like you is easy, just crash into a board of nails at 80 miles per hour."
Ignoring my sarcasm, Liu Laoliu said, "Note that only your face will change. Your height, weight, and build will remain the same. So, let me remind you, if you want to become Xiang Yu, you might be exposed because your physique doesn't match."
I asked, "Are there any other precautions? Will I be able to change my face forever as long as I keep chewing it?"
Liu Laoliu said, "Of course not. This stuff only works when it still tastes sweet. And the pack I gave you only allows you to change one face per piece. We also have a lemon-flavored one that allows you to keep changing faces after eating it. It's much more powerful than those face-changing masters in Sichuan."
"Then why didn't you get me the lemon flavor?"
Liu Laoliu said, "You're too shameless. Changing your face once is enough. Changing it too often will cause your facial features to smudge together due to the buffering effect."
I said, "Damn, being thick-skinned affects internet speed?" I was originally planning to chew a piece of food and turn myself into various celebrities to take photos in front of the house.
I was holding the chewing gum when a question suddenly occurred to me. I asked Liu Laoliu, "Um... I just remembered, what's the use of having this thing?" I've noticed that the things Liu Laoliu gives me are getting increasingly bizarre. The mind-reading ability is somewhat useful; it can even be used to pass the time. But the cookies are more limited. Even if I had countless of them, what use would they be? Except in extremely special circumstances, what would it mean if I transformed into someone else? This time it's even worse; he gave me a whole pack of tools for being shameless. These things have no practical value other than turning a steamed bun into Lin Chi-ling.
Liu Laoliu seemed hesitant, stammering, "Maybe...maybe you'll need it later, don't waste it." Had he already figured out I was planning to use this as an aphrodisiac? Right, he probably can read minds too, right? I secretly took out my phone and used it on the old swindler. A quick glance at the screen revealed: "You used skill number 7474748 on a high-level user. Warning issued. This action will be recorded as a stain on your record. We reserve the right to revoke this skill, as well as the right of Heaven to prosecute and the right of final interpretation..."
I stared in disbelief and exclaimed, "Damn, is this really necessary?"
Liu Laoliu laughed and said, "Little punk, you think you can outsmart me with your little tricks?"
I said, "Will this cause any problems? You didn't even provide any rules for use, and now you're suing me for violating the rules. This is an unfair contract."
Liu Laoliu chuckled and said, "It's alright. They usually don't bother with you unless I sue you. I'll treat the people in the archives to a meal another day and wipe the stain off for you."
I glanced at him sideways: "When did you start treating me so well? Are you up to something again?"
Liu Laoliu looked up at the sky with unusual seriousness and sighed, "It seems that there will be a period of chaos soon."