I said in frustration, "I haven't figured out how to approach them yet."
Liu Laoliu said, "It's better to set off earlier. The sooner we go, the sooner we'll have the initiative." He patted my shoulder and walked out.
He Tiandou said, "You can pull out the temptation grass yourself; you recognize what it looks like."
Left with no other choice, I went to He Tiandou's lawn, lifted the surface turf, and underneath were rows of thick leaves—these were the allure grasses. I carefully pulled up two, and thinking there were so many, I grabbed another one. He Tiandou said with concern, "Why did you get so many? This grass loses its medicinal properties if you don't eat it for three days."
Damn, I've accidentally learned another piece of bad news: I only have three days left.
Liu Laoliu grumbled and pretended to walk around in front of my car before saying, "Alright, the sealing is done for you too."
I checked my belongings, then thought for a moment and went home to bring Jing Ke's dagger with me. Whether it's useful or not, in the Qin Dynasty it would just be a piece of trash, a mere knife. Having it with me would be a huge problem.
At this moment, the two old charlatans were already standing together at the door, smiling and watching me leave, like they were sending away a jinx.
I had just climbed into the car when I immediately ran back out and shouted at Liu Laoliu, "What about the Divine Wind Technique you promised me?"
What's going on? Dealing with these gods is even more dangerous than doing business with those who sell pirated DVDs. You can easily get scammed if you're not careful.
Liu Laoliu quickly smiled apologetically, "I'm sorry, I had forgotten about it if you hadn't mentioned it—Old He, go and get the Divine Wind Technique that I developed."
Take it out? This spell is being mass-produced now?
He Tiandou was also completely confused: "What is that?"
Liu Laoliu kept winking at him: "Oh, it's the Divine Wind Technique—"
The two celestial swindlers somehow exchanged a few words—ventriloquism and telepathy must be child's play for them, right? He Tiandou hurriedly ran into the house and came out a moment later with a small electric fan. Liu Laoliu took it and quickly put it in my car, slamming the door shut from the outside, saying, "Alright, you can go now."
After a long silence, I finally said, "...This is the Divine Wind Technique you were talking about?"
Liu Laoliu chuckled and said, "It burns electricity from the battery. Just open the hood and let it blow on the engine after you start driving. There won't be any problems!"
...What a kind of approach, like a ruthless special forces soldier seeing his comrade burn his wound with white powder—back when we played Red Alert on a 286, we often left the fan on the back of the computer case.
Chapter Eighty-Nine: The Elixir of Immortality
To test whether the old swindler had sealed me, I brought a lot of bread and drinks, and a few apples. Then I got into the car, turned on the small fan, and poked my head out to ask Liu Laoliu, "If the things are okay, can I bring myself over too?"
Liu Laoliu said, "Theoretically it's possible, but I advise you not to take the risk. Even sealed canned goods can spoil. Besides, once the car is sealed, the oxygen supply is limited. I don't know how many people this car full of oxygen can sustain for a long time."
He Tiandou said, "Besides, I think you'd better not cause yourself trouble. Although after the human realm's axis reversed, the inhabitants of each dynasty are the same, it doesn't seem appropriate for them to visit each other. Your current responsibility is to ensure that all these inhabitants live in peace. If you bring Zhang San to Li Si's house and a dispute arises, who will be held responsible?"
I suddenly realized: "If the human realm axis is like a neighborhood, then the Heavenly Dao is the police chief, you two are the police station chiefs, and I am the local police officer. If the residents of the neighborhood get through 2007 peacefully, everyone will be rewarded according to their merits. If any problems occur during this period, even your station chiefs and me, this little local police officer, will be dismissed from our posts."
Liu Laoliu, He Tiandou, and Qi Qi laughed and said, "Xiao Qiang is a really sensible person."
I said dejectedly, "But 2007 is already over, isn't it? When will this ever end?"
He Tiandou said, "In the short term, we have to wait until the Heavenly Way is completely restored to peace. If that doesn't work, we can only wait until you die of old age. At that time, you will take office as the new Heavenly Official, and the Heavenly Way will automatically calm down."
I was speechless for a while, then asked, "How many years will I live? I need to calculate how old my son will be when I die."
Liu Laoliu said, "That's not necessarily true. If your mistake triggers a great calamity, you and we might all be wiped out tomorrow. The Heavenly Dao is currently in chaos, and we, who were once omniscient and omnipotent, can no longer predict many things. Everything is full of variables."
I rolled my eyes and said, "So, if I want to avoid driving this beat-up car on long trips, I have to wait until the old bureau chief's anger subsides or he just kicks the bucket?"
Liu Laoliu said with his hands behind his back, "Let's go quickly. Don't think about how to please the higher-ups. We need to be responsible to the residents of the community. We need to not only resolve the conflict, but also make sure they have a good life in the future."
I had an apple in my mouth, watching the two old charlatans waving behind my car, and I really wanted to back up and drive over. The moment that thought crossed my mind, the two old guys darted out from either side...
I started to concentrate on driving, quickly entering the timeline, and thinking about things while driving.
This time, I'm not going back to Xiang Yu's place. I'm going to see an emperor, a tyrant. Although he's just a harmless fat guy who plays video games all day, people change. Even a section chief is completely different when he's in power and when he's not. And frankly, I don't know if Qin Shi Huang would still acknowledge our friendship even if the drug's effects were stable. He's the emperor of the Qin Dynasty; he needs decisive action and ambition to rule the world. In other words, my only bargaining chip in going to him is our friendship. If that fat guy turns on me, not only will Ersha be unable to save me, but I'll be in trouble too. Actually, I'm also quite accepting of it. If I go back to these people, they probably won't have much energy to spend with me or make me their focus. They all have their own careers, and they're all more important than me…
Another crucial and practical question is how do I get close to them? When I was looking for Xiang Yu, I had Liu Bang, who was his ally at the time. But getting close to Qin Shi Huang wasn't so lucky. The "face-changing gum" wouldn't work, and the "copying biscuit" was also a long shot. I don't think anyone could really break through the Qin royal court, which was protected by the most powerful Qin army among the seven kingdoms at the time, all by themselves.
As I racked my brains, I picked up the apple I'd just taken a bite of and ate it again, only to find it getting increasingly sour. Looking down, I saw that in just over three hours, the apple had completely changed. When I got in the car, it was bright red, but now it was an unripe, greenish color. It seemed Liu Laoliu's sealing technique really worked. Before, it would have disappeared long ago. However, while it was sealed, it wasn't very airtight, and the items in the car were still slightly affected.
As time went by, I got closer and closer to the Qin Dynasty, but I was still at a loss. I thought about it, and even finding Jing Ke would be very difficult. First of all, he wouldn't come to Qin alone, and I didn't know where he lived. If I went to Yan to find him, I would have to see Prince Dan first, which would be just as complicated as seeing Qin Shi Huang. Besides, I didn't have enough gasoline to waste.
Seeing that the pointer was slowly aligning with the mark He Tiandou had made for me, I decided that I wouldn't leave the car for even a moment until I came up with a better idea.
After the car stopped, my vision cleared. Ahead lay a magnificent, deep black palace. In my rearview mirror, I could clearly see the surrounding walls. My car was directly opposite two massive city gates, beyond which stretched a wide stone plaza and endless city walls. I glanced left and right, puzzled, and saw two rows of fully armed Qin soldiers marching past, long spears in hand. I was less than 20 meters away, and in this open space with no obstructions, perhaps out of habit, they still didn't see me. I was like a decoration before the palace, ignored by them. The situation only changed when the last patrol, led by a young man at the back, glanced in my direction. He cried out in surprise, jumping up from his perfectly aligned ranks as if he'd seen a ghost, simultaneously crouching low and raising his spear diagonally towards my car. The captain of the guard at the head of the procession was about to reprimand him when he suddenly saw me. Startled, he drew his iron sword and roared, "What is this?" But after a moment of surprise, he immediately shouted again, "Protect the King!"
The entire square erupted in uproar. Both squads of guards pointed their spears at me, and some even ran to the back of the hall and struck the bronze bell. In an instant, like a hornet's nest being stirred up, thousands of Qin soldiers came charging out from all directions—their uniforms were familiar; I had seen them when I fought alongside Xiang Yu, only these men seemed to be of higher rank.
Just then, a man with a helmet plume and a cloak emerged from the crowd. He stared at my car for a moment, then shouted, "Close the city gates! Don't let the monster escape!"
Even without his shout, the city gate behind me was already slowly closing. Correspondingly, the outer city gate also shut, and countless well-equipped Qin soldiers stood in large, square formations, facing outwards, ready to defend against an enemy attack from the outside. Inside the inner city, about 5,000 men surrounded me within five minutes. I saw clearly that they were carrying the Qin crossbows that terrified the Xiongnu. They looked incredibly frightening, each one taut and creaking as it was aimed at my cart. It was said that these things were only slightly less powerful than pistols…
Alright, after watching for a while, I'm finally relieved. I don't need to worry about how to meet Qin Shi Huang anymore. Judging from this situation, if I'm not mistaken, I'll just park the car in Fatty's yard—the Qin Palace is right in front of me.
The guy with the tassels on his head—usually officials—raised his sword and shouted at me, "What kind of monster are you? Get out of here!"
I waved frantically from inside the car, but perhaps due to the reflection from the glass, or perhaps because the car's shape was too distracting, the general didn't see me. After several guard captains requested permission, the general suddenly swung his sword downwards: "Kill!"
With a "whoosh," thousands of crossbow bolts shot towards me. All I could see were gleaming arrowheads and blackened shafts. A rapid, crackling sound filled the air, and I couldn't see anyone for a moment. I turned on the windshield wipers and continued waving my hands frantically...
But now the other side can't see me at all. I heard a junior officer angrily say to the general, "General, look, the monster is winking at us!"
The general angrily said, "This is blatant contempt!"
The squad leader said, "I suggest that our Jia Chou squad take the lead and engage the monster in hand-to-hand combat!"
The general nodded approvingly and said, "I will remember your loyalty to the King. Go!"
Then the leader led his first ugly squad of a dozen men, armed with spears and iron swords, charging towards me. After the previous round of shooting, I was confident in the sturdiness of my car, so I let them poke and slash at it from the outside. I went about my business, removing the small fan, testing the engine's heat, and then trying to start it. The car immediately groaned. This startled the men of the first ugly squad. They jumped back a few steps, shouting, "There's someone inside! There's another person inside the monster!" Someone else yelled, "Not a person, but a monster!"