I was frustrated, I was going crazy, and I started plucking my "beard" strand by strand...
Chapter 125 The Unspeakable
After my victory, people, especially those 54 men, looked at me differently. Ever since I came up the mountain, I'd been so carefree and irresponsible; they mostly thought I wasn't very capable—and they were right.
But I have a cheat code, I have cookies, I'm the male lead! Copying Guan Yu is already considered angst; let me catch a wild Ultraman first…
The previous times I used biscuits were mostly for self-defense, but this time I took the initiative and achieved good results. Not only were the 54s on the mountain impressed with me, but even the 54s at Yucai didn't know what was going on with me. They could only tell from my disheveled dismount that my victory over Shi Bao wasn't due to superior strength. With this victory, the soldier carrying my flag also became arrogant, raising my white flag so high it could be seen even in the Southern Song Dynasty.
Fang La's face was gloomy. He waved his hand, and the army slowly retreated, with Fang Jie and the others taking the lead.
My legs are sore and weak right now, especially my hands; they're so trembling I can't even press the lighter. And this is after I've been exercising regularly lately; before, my paws would have been ruined. I recently learned a really interesting way to do push-ups from Garfield—do a push-up one day, a full push-up the next.
The Liangshan army also prepared to return to their camp. I looked around and suddenly remembered something and said, "Oh right, where is the person I captured?"
Zhang Shun smiled and gestured towards me with his chin. I looked and laughed too: it was Li Tianrun.
This poor man, who'd only get three yuan a day for pocket money in his next life, was suddenly full of bravado, still cursing loudly even though he was tied up with a thick rope. I kicked him and laughed, "It's you?"
Li Tianrun was taken aback: "You know me?" Then he cursed, "If you have the guts, let me go, and we'll fight to the death!" He must have been very resentful that I had grabbed him. Indeed, if he hadn't been so focused on protecting Shi Bao, he wouldn't have been left wide open and let me slap him across.
Did all generals in ancient times act so unreasonably after being captured? I glared at him: "Pah! Have you no shame? You're like a dumpling, why should I fight you to the death?"
Li Tianrun raised his chin and said, "If you want to kill me, then do it quickly!"
I sighed, "Stop spouting nonsense. Would you be satisfied if I killed you? Besides, it's been thousands of years. Can't you come up with some fresh lines after you get captured?"
Wu Yong said, "Men, take the enemy general away and keep a close watch on him." Then he whispered to the two henchmen, "Don't make things too difficult for him."
At this moment, Grand Commandant Wang suddenly appeared mysteriously and said to Song Jiang, "Now that we have captured the leader of the rebels, we should kill him as a sacrifice to the flag, so as to boost the morale of the army."
Before Song Jiang could say anything, Hu Sanniang shouted, "Bullshit! What will happen to my man if you kill him?"
Song Jiang hurriedly said, "Third Sister, you mustn't be rude." Then he said to Grand Commandant Wang with difficulty, "This... is indeed quite difficult. Keeping this person alive can still be used to coerce Fang La, or the two sides can exchange hostages. But Lord Wang, rest assured, we will eventually behead all the rebels to uphold the law of the court."
Seeing the hostile looks from the crowd, Grand Commandant Wang could only leave sullenly, muttering, "What's the point of exchanging them? There are only eight of them; killing one means one less. You have a hundred and eight..." Tsk tsk, what a calculation.
Hu Sanniang angrily said, "Once the Fang La matter is over, I will tear that old bastard to pieces no matter what!"
I looked up at Fang La's army. Their main force had already withdrawn, and Fang Jie, holding his halberd, sat on his horse, coldly guarding us. From their military bearing and Fang La's attitude, I couldn't see any sign of weakness or discouragement on their part. They seemed well-prepared for the arduousness of this battle, and this situation gave me a headache.
Thus, both armies lost a general on the first day of fighting and had to temporarily cease hostilities and observe the situation. Wu Yong and I held a meeting, but we couldn't come up with any brilliant ideas. Everyone just waited in the main tent.
As dusk fell, a dazzling light suddenly flashed across the Liangshan camp. My van had returned.
Everyone rushed outside to see what was happening. The driver's cab door opened, and Wang Yin stepped out. A commotion erupted, and Huyan Zhuo instinctively gripped his double whips. He had already exchanged hundreds of blows with Wang Yin that morning, so seeing the enemy suddenly appear outside his central command tent was bound to surprise him. Wang Yin looked at everyone, smiled, and waved his hand: "We meet again!"
I pressed Huyan Zhuo down, puzzled, and asked, "Where's Zhenjiang?"
Wang Yin said, "Zhenjiang was afraid of driving the car all the way to the Tang Dynasty, so they switched to me, the experienced driver."
With a whoosh, the back door swung open, and Fang Zhenjiang jumped out, then pulled out a stunningly beautiful woman with long, flowing hair. I yelled in exasperation, "Why did you bring Tong Yuan along?"
Fang Zhenjiang spread his hands and said, "Who told her to see me? She insisted on coming with me when she heard I was going to Liangshan."
As soon as Tong Yuan got out of the car, Wu Song walked up to Fang Zhenjiang, patted him on the shoulder, and asked, "Is this your sister-in-law? Haha, she's really beautiful. You're quite the lucky guy."
Upon seeing Wu Song, Tong Yuan exclaimed in surprise, "You..."
Fang Zhenjiang put his arm around her waist and said, "Just call him Big Brother. I'll explain it to you slowly when we have time. There's a war going on right now." He then said to me somewhat awkwardly, "Anyway, I'll have to tell her sooner or later, so I brought her along."
Hu Sanniang stepped forward and grabbed Tong Yuan affectionately, saying, "Sister, welcome to Liangshan. Do you want to be a family member or officially join the group? If you want to join, you'll carry a flag with me..."
Several more men scrambled off the vehicle, led by Old Wang—Fang La. The man with the buzz cut was Deng Yuanjue Baojin, and the one carrying a travel bag was a fatter version of Pang Wanchun. When the last man got off, many exclaimed: "Isn't that Li Tianrun, who's already been captured?"
As soon as Li Tianrun got out of the car, he said with a worried look, "We have something to do quickly. My wife only gave me two days off."
Old Wang spotted Lu Junyi at a glance, went over and grabbed his hand, laughing heartily, "Brother Lu, we meet again. It really is just as you said when you left, we can have some fun together again."
Lu Junyi laughed and said, "That's right, I didn't expect our next life to come so soon."
Lu Zhishen had been staring at Bao Jin ever since the Four Heavenly Kings got off the carriage. Suddenly, he rushed forward and glared at him, asking, "Who exactly are you?"
Bao Jin said with mixed emotions, "Brother, I'm your older brother."
Lu Zhishen angrily retorted, "I am your grandfather!"
Everyone hurriedly laughed and tried to comfort him, saying, "Don't be angry, don't be angry, he really is your brother..."
Pang Wanchun stared blankly at the two Hua Rongs for a moment, but he recognized them when he saw Hua 2's handlebars. He walked straight up to Hua 1 and said, "I've already competed with your brother, but we still have to have another match."
Hua 1 laughed and said, "Didn't we fight to a draw? I'm Ran Dongye—I was taking turns using the bow with Hua Rong."
Pang Wanchun: "..."
The bandits' meeting with the Four Heavenly Kings caused quite a stir. The others, still dumbfounded, finally realized that everything I had said beforehand was true. Song Jiang, standing to the side, wrung his hands and stamped his feet, unable to utter a single word.
Seeing that things were about right, I waved my hand vigorously and said, "Brothers, there's plenty of time after we catch up. Right now, we have to deal with Fang La... uh, I mean, persuade Fang La to withdraw his troops."
Old Wang said, "Yes, that's right. Then let's hurry up and try to get this done for him before tomorrow."
Everyone was speechless. Fang La's army of over ten thousand, wiped out in one night? That carpenter was ruthless. Old Wang asked me, "I heard you arrested Li Tianrun during the day?"
I said, "Yeah, this kid's a real piece of work. He won't stop until I'm dead or alive."
Old Wang laughed and said, "It's alright, take me to see him. Tonight's matter might still depend on him."
I took Lao Wang and the others to see Li Tianrun. Tong Yuan supposedly fell asleep as soon as she got on the bus, so she didn't see the scene when she entered the timeline and thought they were really going on a trip to Liangshan. But after getting off the bus, she felt something was off; she was now half-drunk, like she was drunk. Hu Sanniang pulled her aside to chat with Sun Erniang, Gu Dasao, and a few other women. Then Sun Erniang exclaimed, "Wow, Xiao Yuan's bag is so pretty! Bring me one next time you come..."