Chapter 142 Three Heroes Battle Lü Bu
I had heard a little about how Lü Bu was called a "slave of three surnames," but I later learned that it was Zhang Fei's original creation—I never imagined that the big, dark guy could be so cunning in his insults.
Because Lü Bu was originally Ding Yuan's adopted son, but was later bribed by Dong Zhuo to kill Ding Yuan and then recognized Dong Zhuo as his father, plus his original surname, he had three surnames. Even if he had his reasons, let alone being a fickle and treacherous person, this was still a very shameful thing. Coupled with the nickname "slave of three surnames," it struck right at the spine. How could Lü Bu not go crazy?
However, judging from the reactions of both armies on the battlefield and Lü Bu, Luo Cheng was probably the first person to call him that. This isn't surprising; insults require a certain mood. For example, if someone borrows 20 yuan from you and doesn't repay it, it's a small matter, but you're still angry, so you rack your brains to come up with some sarcastic remarks to insult them. Generally, this kind of mentality makes it easier to create classic lines that become widely circulated. Zhang Fei's previous battle against Lü Bu at Hulao Pass with Liu Bei and Guan Yu was a case in point; the phrase "slave of three surnames" was truly a stroke of genius. But this time, before he even had the leisure to mock Lü Bu, Liu Bei had already been captured, so it was actually Luo Cheng who used that phrase on Lü Bu…
Luo Cheng led Lü Bu down the pass, clasped his hands in greeting to Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, and said, "Brothers, please go back and watch me make fun of this traitor who has served three masters."
Zhang Fei curled his lip and said, "Pretty boy, don't talk big."
Guan Yu tugged at him, clasped his hands in a fist salute to Luo Cheng, and said, "Brother Luo, be careful." He could see that Luo Cheng was arrogant and overbearing, but he didn't know his background, so he pulled Zhang Fei back to his own team.
Luo Cheng leisurely gazed at the city gate, spear in hand. Then, a drum sounded, and Lü Bu, his face ashen, charged out of the city on horseback, halberd in hand. We all laughed: the guy was so angry his hair was practically curled up like springs.
Guan Yu stared blankly at Lü Bu's mount and said, "That's my Red Hare..."
I said, "Then call it, maybe it will recognize you." I know that horses are very intelligent animals; for example, the lame rabbit that Xiang Yu rode recognized Xiang Yu for three lifetimes.
Guan Yu shook his head and said, "Forcing it is pointless. Let it choose."
Lu Bu was furious when Luo Cheng called him a traitor who had served three masters. Without saying a word, he pointed his halberd at Luo Cheng and said, "Who are you? Name yourself and prepare to die!"
Luo Cheng said, "I am Luo Cheng, the seventh hero of the Sui and Tang Dynasties."
Soldiers and officers from both armies were busy discussing: "It's the seventh article, the seventh article. I wonder if the first article has arrived yet."
As soon as Luo Cheng announced his name, Lü Bu's halberd came crashing down on him. Luo Cheng raised his spear to parry, seemingly struggling, but then flicked his wrist, sending a volley of spear shadows flying back. Lü Bu casually dodged, sneering, "What eighteen heroes? I see they're nothing special."
Lu Bu's words probably struck a nerve with Luo Cheng. Although Luo Cheng only ranked seventh in the top eighteen, he had very few defeats, far fewer than Yuwen Cheng, who ranked second. Yuwen Cheng was thoroughly beaten by Li Yuanba, and he was also repeatedly defeated by Pei Yuanqing, who ranked third. Moreover, in terms of spear alone, apart from the hidden boss, his half-brother Luo Chun, no one could compare to Luo Cheng. Add to that his illustrious family background and handsome appearance—I don't understand what's so great about being handsome, can that put food on the table… oh yes, it can, it can make you a kept man—so Luo Cheng was used to being arrogant. Today, he encountered someone even more arrogant than himself, who included all eighteen points in one sentence. Luo Cheng felt humiliated in front of Qin Qiong and Shan Xiongxin, and having boasted to Guan Yu and Zhang Fei, he was determined to win. He focused all his energy, his spear lashing out like a monstrous dragon emerging from the water. Lu Bu hated his malicious words, and his halberd attacked relentlessly.
These two, one a fierce tiger descending the mountain, the other... another fierce tiger descending the mountain, were poking and prodding each other on the field. We sat back and watched the tigers fight, the soldiers of both armies dizzy from the spectacle. At that time, Zhao Yun had not yet been born, and only Luo Cheng could challenge Lü Bu with a spear. As the fighting on one side created a sandstorm, the curiosity of the people on the other side grew even stronger. They had heard Qin Qiong and others talking about eighteen heroes, and only three of them had already caused such a dramatic change in the situation. They wondered if the other fifteen had arrived yet, and their eyes couldn't help but sweep towards us. Many even speculated that I was the leader of these eighteen. I wore a smug smile, holding the bag containing bricks in my hand and shaking it slightly—anyway, Zhuge Liang hadn't been born yet, so I could get a feel for it first. Besides, although I wasn't in the same order as the eighteen heroes, I was still the 109th brother of Liangshan, no doubt about it!
Over here, the battle between the iron spear and the halberd quickly reached 30 rounds. A spear is essentially a staff with a pointed end; although it has a blade, its primary purpose is thrusting and parrying, making it quick to strike. The halberd, on the other hand, is more like a combination of a spear, a battle axe, and a broadsword; it can be used for slashing, thrusting, and stabbing, demanding higher overall skill from the warrior. Therefore, generals who wield halberds have historically been formidable. Lü Bu's halberd usage was even more pronounced, showcasing the speed of a spear and the ferocity of a sword. Not only was he as fast as Luo Cheng, but he also possessed considerable strength. Luo Cheng couldn't gain the upper hand; after 50 rounds, he was clearly at a disadvantage, his cheeks flushed and his breathing rapid, struggling to keep up. Seeing this, Qin Qiong shouted, "Lü Bu is formidable! Cousin, return quickly!"
Luo Cheng had been holding back his energy, but when his cousin told him to back down, he was both ashamed and angry. He mustered his courage again and swung his spear at Lü Bu, ignoring Qin Qiong's shouts.
After fighting Luo Cheng for a while, Lü Bu realized that the young man was no match for him. At this moment, he calmly deflected Luo Cheng's attacks with one hand holding his halberd, and said with a smile, "Pretty boy, weren't you quite arrogant? How come you're exhausted so quickly? Did you not get enough milk in your mother's arms?"
The garrison at Hulao Pass and the troops Lü Bu led out of the pass burst into laughter upon hearing this—I don't think it's funny at all; their sense of humor is too low.
Qin Qiong said worriedly, "Oh no, my cousin is going to risk his life."
Sure enough, Luo Cheng, a perfectly handsome young man, suddenly started imitating Zhang Fei, yelling and clinging to Lü Bu. He had never suffered such a loss since he started out. Back then, generals valued losing face even in defeat. It was not kind of Lü Bu to be so sarcastic, but he deserved it, since he called him a "three-surname slave"—which, combined with Erpang's current surname, made him a "four-surname slave."
While Lu Bu made sarcastic remarks, he kept a close eye on the situation. Although Luo Cheng was no match for him, it wouldn't be easy for Lu Bu to strike him in one move. After a few more rounds, Luo Cheng, feeling agitated, opened up his left shoulder. Lu Bu thrust his halberd at him, and Luo Cheng frantically tried to parry. However, he only managed to deflect the attack. Lu Bu twisted his hand, and as he pulled back his halberd, it sliced through Luo Cheng's hair, leaving his once neatly styled long hair disheveled. Luo Cheng looked extremely disheveled.
Upon seeing this, Qin Qiong disregarded everything else and spurred his horse forward, spear in hand, to rescue Luo Cheng. At the same time, Shan Xiongxin charged out with him. Despite their past conflicts, they were sworn brothers, and in this life-or-death situation, Shan Xiongxin, the elder brother, still showed great affection for his younger brother. Qin Qiong had no time to say much; sitting on his horse, he nodded slightly to Shan Xiongxin. Shan Xiongxin, without looking at him, said, "You on the left, I'll on the right, take Luo Cheng."
The two men split up and charged at Lü Bu from the left and right, their spears and lances striking at each other simultaneously. Lü Bu remained calm, using the tip of his halberd to block Qin Qiong's spear, and then using the end of the halberd to deflect Shan Xiongxin's lance. This move was executed flawlessly and skillfully, drawing cheers from both sides, friend and foe alike.
Luo Cheng, sliced in half by Lü Bu's halberd, froze on his horse for a moment, seemingly unable to believe it was real, before charging at Lü Bu again like a madman. Having witnessed many fierce battles, I knew Luo Cheng was on the verge of exhaustion, and coupled with the blow, he was likely no longer quite lucid. Meanwhile, Qin Qiong's spear was still entangled in Lü Bu's crescent-shaped shaft, unable to be pulled out. In a struggle, Qin Qiong was pulled and stumbled, but Shan Xiongxin's spear pushed him aside, freeing him. The three generals then surrounded Lü Bu in a fierce melee. Four weapons danced in a dazzling display, four warhorses crisscrossed and clashed, like metal being struck.
This time, however, the Sui and Tang Dynasty version of the Three Heroes fighting Lü Bu still couldn't gain any advantage. Compared to the last time, the three heroes were even weaker this time. Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were naturally no match for Qin Dan, and Liu Bei, whose martial prowess has been overlooked, was actually quite good—at least that's my opinion. Among the commanders of the various warlords, only Liu Bei had ever personally led an army wielding a double-edged sword. Moreover, he once lamented at Liu Biao's place that his thigh muscles had grown back, which shows that Liu Bei was also a veteran of many battles. The most compelling evidence is in the game "Romance of the Three Kingdoms," where his martial prowess is higher than Cao Cao and Sun Quan…
So, in no time, all three were in grave danger. Qin Qiong and Shan Xiongxin had only intended to escort Luo Cheng back to his lines, with no intention of engaging in a prolonged fight. However, Luo Cheng had lost his temper, and the two had no choice but to endure the beating. Taking advantage of a brief encounter, Qin Qiong shouted, "Cousin, would you rather lose your life than let me and Brother Shan go?" This shows that Qin Qiong was very skilled in speaking. If he had said, "Would you rather lose your life than let me go?" Luo Cheng would likely have been even more provoked. By saying it this way, he was being extremely tactful, making Luo Cheng feel more guilty.
Sure enough, Luo Cheng was startled, his face turning ashen as he spurred his horse back to the ranks. Qin Qiong and Shan Xiongxin covered each other as they ran towards us, their movements becoming even more loose as they only managed to escape unscathed. Lü Bu chased them for more than ten meters before they finally broke free.
Seeing their commander victorious, the guards raised their weapons and cheered. Lü Bu was overjoyed, brandishing his halberd and laughing loudly. He then spurred his horse and galloped back and forth between the two armies, boasting, "I still have plenty of courage to spare!" Several times, his horse came within meters of us, frightening the allied forces into retreating repeatedly.
I asked the person next to me, "What did he mean?"
Guan Yu said with a stern face, "It means he hasn't had enough yet, and he hasn't used up much of his strength."
I cursed angrily, "You son of a bitch, Fatty! How dare you say that while your wife is on the belly?"
When Luo Cheng returned, he didn't even bother to tidy his hair. He took a long time to catch his breath, his face terribly gloomy. He didn't say a word, just stared blankly at Lü Bu. Zhang Fei comforted him, saying, "Young brother, you've already done very well."
Looking at the arrogant Lü Bu, I suddenly remembered: Where is Li Yuanba? We didn't come here to have Lü Bu shave Luo Cheng's head!
I turned my head sharply, only to find nothing behind me. The silly kid was there just moments before, but now there was only a puddle of warhorse urine. I asked anxiously, "Has anyone seen Yuanba?"
Zhang Fei asked, "Are you talking about a child carrying a strange thing?"
I quickly replied, "Yes!" Zhang Fei said, "Oh, this child is naughty; I don't know how he managed to make the horse pee."
I slapped my thigh and exclaimed, "What kind of talk is this?!"
Zhang Fei said with dissatisfaction, "What are you doing here leading a child when you're here to help us fight?"
Guan Yu didn't know that the child was Li Yuanba, and even if he did, he probably wouldn't know that he was the number one hero of the Sui and Tang Dynasties—he only knew about Brother Qin from the story of "Guan Gong Fighting Qin Qiong"—and he reassured me, "Don't worry, I'll have someone help look for him in a bit, he definitely won't get lost. Is that your nephew?"
Qin Qiong whispered to me, "Yuanba has probably gone to find a horse. With that stone hammer and himself, he weighs at least 500 jin (250 kg), which would make an ordinary horse pee."
Just as we were getting anxious, we suddenly heard a deep, resonant voice from the army behind us say, "Your horse is quite nice. Let me ride it."
I straightened up on my horse and looked around. Sure enough, I saw Li Yuanba standing in front of a middle-aged man with a flowing beard, carrying a large hammer. Seeing that the man's horse was nice, he reached out and pulled him off. The man seemed to be of high status, and immediately guards drew their weapons and stopped Li Yuanba. The middle-aged man smiled slightly and said, "It's alright. This child is exceptionally strong and will surely become a great warrior. Since he likes this horse, let's give it to him."
Li Yuanba, without even offering thanks, rode his horse recklessly to our side. Seeing Lu Bu acting like a madman, showing off to someone, he pointed and asked me, "Is that Lu Bu, kid?"
I said happily, "That's the kid. Yuanba, give him a good beating—but remember to catch him alive."
Before I could finish speaking, Li Yuanba spurred his horse and charged forward, his excited appearance like a pheasant seeing a rogue—it would have been better to say it the other way around, but that wouldn't rhyme.
Chapter 143: A Deductive Report on the Connection between the Great Leap Forward in Steel Production and the Debate over the Greatest Warrior in History
Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, and the others heard my conversation with Li Yuanba very clearly, but no one paid any attention. They probably thought it was just an uncle playing a joke on his nephew out of helplessness...