I nodded, turned around and got into the driveway: "I still need to go back to Yucai to bring Baozi some daily necessities."
Li Shishi said, "Bring Zhang Zeduan back on the way, and leave Li Bai and the others to you as well. You only need to take care of one of these calligraphers, and the rest will be easy."
I poked my head out and asked, "Can you help me think of anything else we need to bring?"
Li Shishi reminded me, "Remember to bring plenty of baby bottles, clothes, and diapers."
I chuckled and said, "What, is your cousin's belly moving too?"
Li Shishi rolled her eyes at me and said, "I prepared this for Sister Yu Ji."
I suddenly realized, "Oh right, your sister-in-law doesn't have many days left either."
Yu Ji pulled Xiang Yu aside and whispered, "What are diapers? Are they really diapers?"
On the bus, I started receiving frequent phone calls. First, there were congratulatory telegrams from Zhao Kuangyin and his ilk; several emperors strongly insisted on holding the baby's one-month celebration on their own territories. I had already considered this. I couldn't go to the Tang Dynasty or Genghis Khan's territory, and if I went to the Tang Dynasty, Qin Qiong and the others staying at Yucai couldn't attend; the wind on the grasslands was too strong. It was winter in Zhao Kuangyin and Zhu Yuanzhang's territories, which wouldn't be good for Baozi's postpartum recovery. Next came congratulatory telegrams from the Yucai faculty and staff, including later figures like Gu Ye, Tiger, and Jiang Menshen. The most troublesome call came from my father. Upon hearing that Baozi had given birth to a big, healthy boy, the old man was overjoyed for a while, then suddenly asked, "By the way, where did your son go? Your mother and I have gone several times, but he's not home."
I could only stammer, "We...are out of town."
The old man immediately retorted angrily, "Bring my grandson back! How can this be? The grandfather can't even see his grandson."
"...But we'll have to wait until Baozi finishes her postpartum confinement, right?"
The old man said, "Then tell me where you are, and your mother and I will come to see you!"
"We...are abroad."
The old man persisted, asking, "Which country?" The old man's tone had become quite assertive; he was no longer the old man who could be easily intimidated by foreign powers.
I broke out in a sweat and, after a long pause, finally said, "The British Territory of Nilenier and Lebriao—you need a title to come here, money alone isn't enough."
The old man was finally dumbfounded and asked me in a low voice, "Then where did you get your title?"
I could only lie to him and say, "I bought it with money—"
The old man was stunned for a long time, then angrily said, "Isn't it true that anyone with money can go?"
Fortunately, after this interruption, the old man stopped pressuring me and said fiercely, "Get back here right now after Baozi finishes her postpartum confinement!" Finally, he cursed at me, "You're just being difficult, you little beast!"
I can understand the old man's resentment and helplessness, but I just don't understand what good it does him to call me a little beast? Isn't that the same as a beast begetting a beast?
I had just hung up the phone when another call came in. As soon as I answered, I heard someone yelling, "Xiao Qiang, you bastard!"
I said dejectedly, "Who is it this time?" I've completely lost all sense of humanity today!
The man said menacingly, "I am Zhang Qing!"
Oh, this is a congratulatory telegram from the Liangshan army. I said with a forced smile, "Brother Zhang Qing, how are you all doing?"
Zhang Qing cursed, "Good my ass! You think you're so great, kid? Last time you came to the Northern Song Dynasty to look for Jin Wuzhu, you didn't even go up the mountain to take a look? You passed by your own home three times without going in!" There was a commotion on the other end of the phone, "Let me talk, let me talk..." It seemed that the heroes were extremely dissatisfied with me.
I quickly said, "I'll go apologize to my brothers right away. We'll talk about it later."
...
When I arrived at the entrance of Zhu Gui's hotel, a large group of heroes had already gathered there, including Fang La and his men. As soon as I got out of the car, I was plunged into a sea of people. Some kicked me, some slapped me, and some even tucked my head under their armpits and pinched my scalp hard with their fists... The enthusiasm of the heroes was always hard to understand.
After I finally managed to squeeze through the crowd, disheveled and filthy, I realized that only about half of the heroes remained. I asked curiously, "Where are the other brothers?"
Wu Yong laughed and said, "Everyone else has gone to travel to various countries along the military route. Our Liangshan asked Jin Wuzhu for 2,000 spots."
I'm speechless. Opening the road has certainly created a fantastic opportunity for these bandits to have their fun.
When the heroes heard that Baozi had given birth to a big, healthy son, they all congratulated me. I said, "Brothers, I plan to have a big gathering on the day my son turns one month old. I'll invite everyone from Yucai High School. The only one we haven't found yet is Zhang Zeduan from the Northern Song Dynasty."
Zhang Qing, Dong Ping, Li Kui, Duan Jingzhu, and a few others who love to join in the fun all climbed into my car and said, "We'll help you find him. Speaking of which, this old man doesn't live far from Liangshan."
I glanced into the crowd and asked Wu Yong, "Where are Brother Song and Brother Junyi?"
Wu Yong said, "The two of them went to the Tang Dynasty to investigate on behalf of Liangshan."
I said disdainfully, "Isn't he just using this as an excuse to dine and drink at public expense?"
Wu Yong laughed and said, "It won't cost much. The most luxurious hotels in the Tang Dynasty are all owned by Liangshan."
Fang La brought the Eight Heavenly Kings over to greet me and said, "Xiao Qiang, are Old Wang and the others doing well with you?"
I laughed and said, "Everything is fine. Even Li Tianrun's allowance has increased to 8 yuan a day."
...
After Zhang Zeduan came to power in the Jin Dynasty, he simply stopped getting involved in politics altogether, even though Jin Wuzhu didn't do anything to him. That's what you call the integrity of a scholar. Zhang Qing was directing from the front. Not far from Liangshan, we asked a few people, and our car stopped in front of a house with a small courtyard.
I turned around and said, "How do you suggest we feed him?"
Dong Ping said, "If Shi Qian were here, we could secretly put it in his tea or wine or something."
Duan Jingzhu said, "That's not safe either; we have to watch him drink it all."
Zhang Qing rubbed his hands and said, "I think we should just kick the door open, go in, pinch their mouths, and pour the liquid down their throats."
The group looked at each other, and Dong Ping was the first to speak: "I agree!"
"I'll kick the door down." Li Kui opened the car door, got out, and kicked the door open. We followed him into the main room, where we saw a refined scholar painting at his desk, with an inkstone, seals, and other items on the table. When he saw us rushing in like demons, he exclaimed in surprise, "What are you doing?" It was none other than Zhang Zeduan, a genius-level painting master of the Northern Song Dynasty.
Zhang Qing wanted to play a joke on him, so he suppressed a laugh and said fiercely, "Robbery!"
Zhang Zeduan, holding a pen in one hand, said, "I don't have much money."