"I'm sorry, brother, I'm sorry." Le Xi sniffed, feeling empty inside, but also much lighter, as if all the burdens on her shoulders had been lifted. She said nonchalantly, "It's nothing. I... I had a dream that everyone disappeared, they all left."
Was it a dream? The dream has come true. Thank you, God.
"Baby, don't overthink it. I've been really busy lately and haven't had time to take care of you. But I love you and miss you so much, please believe me, okay? I've been so busy lately, but once I'm done with this and clean up this mess, I can come back. Baby, you have to hang in there!"
Should I persist? Yes, I should. Ha! You said you wouldn't leave, yet you leave time and time again. You said there would be a bright future, but where is that future? In this life, you can only rely on yourself, and you can only trust yourself. When you said you loved me, someone beside you said, "You were up so much last night, do you even want to live?" That person's voice has appeared on the other end of the phone more than once, morning and evening, always there, like a cruel irony. Do you even want to live? Do you even want me to live? Should I believe you? Whom should I believe?
"I'm sorry, brother. I disturbed you. You should rest, don't disturb the person next to you." Le Xi said to Qi Hui with a faint smile, speaking fluent English.
She smiled faintly, tears streaming down her face.
Lexi walked out of the phone booth, wandering aimlessly, the flashing signs appearing and disappearing. When he entered the empty bar, someone was singing a sad song on the stage. He asked the person next to him what the song was called. The person replied with a strange, profound meaning, "When Love Comes to an End." Lexi smiled to himself, saying, "Lele, don't cry. So what if love has come to an end? All roads have come to an end, haven't they? What's the big deal?"
The song goes:
When memories have become so light they seem to float like dust.
But I long to stop at your door.
When sighs have deepened enough to bury the day
You can follow your feelings while it's dark.
The sparks withered completely by daybreak.
Yet, I long to preserve beauty.
Too many dreams make loneliness a constant companion.
What I'm embracing right now is nothing but myself.
From then on I discovered
Loneliness has some roots
I had no choice but to wander around in circles in the crowd.
I hope to swim to your side.
So close yet so far
The meteor has fallen.
Even the lights were turned off, leaving no light at all.
I was left wandering in the dark night.
Searching back and forth for my shadow
This is the last pillar
Come and help me fall asleep.
Later, the person next to him said to him, "I'll buy you, for 100,000."
It's just because Lexi's smile resembles that person's beloved. That person said, "He and I were in love for ten years, but he abandoned me without even saying goodbye and ran off to marry a woman he'd only known for a few months."
Everyone is lonely. And everyone's loneliness has a root cause.
Love never ends
Lexi twitched his fingers, his body feeling like it was filled with lead, swaying back and forth in a huge container filled with liquid, unable to find a foothold. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt as if they were sewn shut, dry and painful. Although he couldn't open his eyes, his consciousness had returned. He could smell the faint scent of disinfectant, and even the feeling of the cool liquid flowing into his veins from the IV needle was so clear. There was a soft snoring sound beside him, the familiar snoring of the person who had called him "Go for it, baby" in his ear. He wanted to laugh but couldn't, and the two little voices inside him jumped out again. One said, "Lele, look, he cares about you so much. He's so good to you. God didn't block all the roads, did he?" The other shouted, "It's no use, don't believe it, you can't believe it. What love is there? To hell with it."
Suddenly, I heard in my ears verses from the Bible that my mother used to read to me before I went to sleep when I was little; her voice was devout and sweet.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere. Back then, my brother said he loved him, but he guessed, doubted, didn't protect, didn't believe, didn't hope, and didn't persevere. So he was punished? Even though my mother followed these teachings—being tolerant and patient—she still couldn't win back my father's true heart. So, what should I do?
However, he destroyed his own love with his own hands. He indirectly caused Aunt Lan's death. His sins are heinous. If he had chosen to believe his brother, would things be different today?
"She's awake! Hua Hua, quickly call the doctor." Mother Shi's relieved voice made Le Xi want to smile again.
"Mom! Go back and rest. Where did you wake up? Are you hallucinating because you're too tired?" Shi Lu complained groggily.
"You brat!" Shi's mother slapped her son, Shi Lu, who screamed as he was pushed away. The stool scraped against the floor with a creak. "Let Little Salt come and see. Look, his eyes aren't open, but his eyeballs are moving. Little Salt, don't you think so?"
"Yes, yes. He even seems to be frowning! Xiaoxiao, Xiaoxiao, come look, is your brother frowning?"
"..."
"My brother looks so handsome when he's asleep... Oh dear! Little Salt, Grandma, why are you hitting me?"
"You brat, you're so young but you already look like a lecher! You deserve a beating!" Little Salt's suppressed laughter was quite funny. Le Xi tried hard to open her eyes. If she didn't open them soon, these three women would take advantage of her completely.
He opened his eyes to see three cracks on the white ceiling above him, overlapping and overlapping until they finally merged into one. He heard Shi Lu rushing out of the ward shouting, "Doctor! Doctor, come quick! The patient's awake!" Then a "thud," followed by a "crash," and then a nurse's angry roar: "Family member of bed 232, what are you doing running down the corridor?! Silence! Silence!" Le Xi tried to smile, but his lips were cracked, and he took a deep breath.
"Xiao Le." His mother's face loomed large before him, close to his eyes. She had age spots and crow's feet, but her gaze was kind and gentle. He could imagine her beautiful and elegant appearance in her youth, just like the three women he had once deeply loved, possessing a motherly warmth. Would Aunt Lan and his mother be like this in their old age?
The doctor arrived; it was the same doctor who had examined and diagnosed him a few days ago. His face was expressionless and rigid. After fiddling with the doctor for a while, he said in the same monotone voice, "Alright, there's no danger. Stay in the hospital for a few more days for observation." Then, looking at Lexi, he patted his shoulder, "Make a decision about the surgery as soon as possible. Don't delay any longer, child."
He called him "child." The doctor's gaze softened as he said those two words.
"Xiao Le, come here. Auntie will put some water on your lips, so you can sip it if you're thirsty. I was going to make you some delicious soup, but the doctor said you can't drink water, so please bear with it! Be good! Auntie will make it for you when you feel a little better." Auntie Shi gently applied honey water to Le Xi's chapped lips with a cotton swab. Le Xi sipped it; it tasted sweet and delicious, and her eyes crinkled into a smile.
"Brother is smiling, look! His eyes are sparkling when he smiles!" Xiaoxiao stood on tiptoe by the headboard, watching Lexi, and then carefully tugged at Lexi's finger. Lexi's smile deepened, and he responded by moving his finger. The little girl looked up at him happily and giggled.
"Mom, let me do it." Shi Lu walked over, followed by the nurse who had been scolding him all the way. He bowed and apologized as he took the cup from his mother's hand. "You must be tired too. Take Xiaoxiao home to rest. And Yan Shuang, aren't you supposed to be working overtime today?"
"Keep a close eye on Xiao Le, he just woke up and is still weak. Don't be so clumsy, you hear me?" Shi's mother scolded her son as she dressed. Yan Shuang chimed in, "Yes! Be gentle! Don't do anything bad!" She smiled meaningfully as she said the last sentence.
Shi Lu glanced at her, then lowered his head somewhat embarrassed. He then subconsciously glanced at his mother. Shi's mother was leaning close to Le Xi and whispering, "Le Xi, Auntie's going back now. You get some rest. If Shi Lu doesn't take good care of you, wait for me to come back and teach him a lesson!"
Lexi nodded and said with a smile, "Goodbye, Auntie." Her voice was so hoarse it sounded like a broken gong, which startled even herself.
"What time is it now?" Le Xi watched as Shi Lu pulled the curtain to separate the space in front of the hospital bed from the outside. After he finished everything and sat down in front of the bed, she asked him in a low voice, her voice weak and intermittent.
"9:22," Shi Lu said, glancing at his watch. "What's wrong?"
"It's already past nine o'clock?"
"Hmm." Shi Lu took a towel, dampened it, and gently wiped his face, her movements light and slow, like a collector polishing a treasured artifact. "But it's already the third night; you've slept for three days and three nights."
"So long?" Lexi's eyes widened.
"Yes! When they were first brought here, they had almost no breathing or heartbeat. They spent the night in the ICU before being transferred here. I forgot to call my mom that night. She heard from people in the compound that an ambulance had come, so she and Yan Shuang asked around and came here. They were both terrified."
"sorry……"
"Why are you apologizing?" Shi Lu smiled, looked down and held his hand, looking at the purplish marks left on the back of his hand from the IV drip. Because the veins were so thin, the nurse had to try countless times to get it in. Then countless tubes were inserted into his body and mouth... Such a frail person, lying motionless on the bed, undergoing CPR, defibrillation, injections, tubes, and various fluids being introduced into his body. Various instruments were flashing his meager life index beside the bed... Shi Lu had thought he wouldn't make it, and had experienced the despair of facing death. "You are very strong, very remarkable. Really. Don't say sorry, you haven't wronged anyone."
Lexi watched him silently, her gaze fixed on him. He spoke so casually, but his haggard face, the stubble on his chin, and the dark shadows under his eyes spoke volumes about his mood these past few days. Lexi sighed, and the two little ones chimed in, "He really cares about you, Lele. Love him, love him, love him! He'll reciprocate with so much love. So much that it overflows."
You idiot, you fool! He doesn't love you; he just pities you. That child who craved love is dead, long dead, only this filthy body remains. Who else do you expect to love you?
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13 (New Testament)
Lift your head and look ahead.
“Shilu.” Lexi began, then was surprised to find that his voice was not under his control, but involuntarily came out of his mouth. He asked him, “You care about me… right?”
Shi Lu stared blankly at him, seemingly a little nervous, and subconsciously tightened his grip on Le Xi's hand. He only let go when he heard Le Xi gasp softly, and then lowered his head to apologize in a flustered manner.
“Actually, I’m a very selfish person. I long for someone to give me lots and lots of love.” Le Xi stared into the other person’s eyes and said with a sigh, “I’m not strong, nor am I as remarkable as you say. I just humbly long for someone to love me…”
“There’s nothing wrong with this, and it’s not something to be ashamed of, Lexi.” Shi Lu gently wiped away the tears welling up in Lexi’s eyes and comforted her softly, “Everyone longs to be loved, and this isn’t your fault. The reason I care about you is because…because…”
He hesitated for a long time, until Lexi began to wonder if she was going crazy, before slowly saying, "I care about you because... I... I've fallen in love with you..."
Lexi closed her eyes, like a prisoner finally awaiting his sentence, and murmured in a dreamlike voice, "You may not know how depraved I once was..."
"Hmm." Shi Lu answered calmly, his fingers hesitantly but gently stroking Le Xi's cheek, carefully outlining his features.
"I once attempted suicide."
"Mmm." She pinched his small, cool earlobe to encourage him, and listened quietly.
"I've also used drugs."
"Mmm." Her fingers lingered, like a magnet drawn to the ground, gently wiping away the tears streaming down his face.
"I was once kept by someone..."
My fingertips traced his thin, cool lips, once pale pink, now dry, cracked, and bluish-white. Hearing the last sentence, my finger lingered at the corner of his mouth, which twitched slightly from his constant sobbing, making him look pitiful.
"Sigh." Shi Lu sighed, not expecting this little thing to have so many worries, so melancholy and sorrow.
"I am a shameful homosexual."
"Alright, alright, stop talking. You've already said too much. Don't tire yourself out, baby." Shi Lu bent down and carefully hugged Le Xi, his movements stiff and awkward, making him look more like he was lying on top of him, afraid of touching the various tubes that hadn't been removed yet. He gently embraced him, letting his head rest against his chest. Soon, he felt hot liquid flowing down, wetting his front. He held his thin, frail shoulders and said gently, like singing a lullaby, "It's all over, Le Xi, it's all over, don't think about it anymore. Promise me you'll be alright. Lift your head, look forward, okay?"
At first, Lexi cried intermittently, but her voice gradually subsided. Shi Lu looked down and saw that her head was drooping limply; she had lost consciousness. Shi Lu immediately called a doctor. After examination and emergency treatment, the doctor said that the patient had fainted due to excessive emotional distress and exhaustion. Then, the doctor brought up Shi Lu's earlier shouting in the corridor and gave him a stern lecture.
For the next two days, Le Xi remained listless, drifting into a light coma. He would occasionally open his eyes, looking around if he didn't see Shi Lu, until Shi Lu came over, took his hand, and gently spoke to him, at which point he would close his eyes again and fall back asleep. Shi Lu was nearly scolded to death by his mother for this, who blamed him for not taking good care of Le Xi and worsening his condition. In fact, the doctor had already said that this condition was caused by the patient's poor heart function. But Shi's mother refused to listen to the doctor's explanation, insisting on blaming Shi Lu, while Yan Shuang watched the spectacle with a mischievous grin.
Two days later, Lexi fully regained consciousness and accepted the doctor's advice regarding surgery. The surgery was scheduled for five days later.
When Lexi was being taken by the nurse for a full-body checkup, his phone rang. Shi Lu glanced at it and saw it was an unfamiliar number.
"Hello?" Shi Lu answered.
The other party didn't speak. Shi Lu said "hello" twice more, and the other party said "huh" and hung up. A moment later, the phone rang again. It was the same number. This time, Shi Lu answered without saying anything. The other party, however, spoke up. It was a young boy's voice: "Le Xi, I think I dialed the wrong number when I called you just now. It was an old man's voice when I answered! Haha, it startled me. I thought your taste had changed and you liked older men! Hahahaha... I didn't dial the wrong number this time, did I?"
Shi Lu felt like the veins on his forehead were about to pop out. "Auntie, has anyone ever seen a handsome, youthful 26-year-old man?!"
"You didn't dial the wrong number!" Shi Luqiang's voice, though suppressing his anger, sounded fierce.
"Huh? What's going on? Did the phone line get crossed? Lexi Lexi? Is that Lexi?" the other party asked, oblivious to the danger.
"Lexi has gone for a check-up and will be back later," Shi Lu said, frowning.