“Baby, do you remember when you were little, in the summer Mom would always ask you to go to the street corner to buy popsicles for the ladies in the shop? Every time, you would carry a big porcelain bowl, grab a handful of small bills, and run out happily, but you would always fall down at the street corner. Every time you fell down, you would cry, and the grandpa who sold popsicles would feel sorry for you and often give you one for free.”
"Yes, I remember." Le Xi turned her gaze from the window back to Qi Hui, smiled faintly, and said, "I always hoarded two popsicles, and my sisters and godmother always laughed at me. And I always got diarrhea after eating two popsicles."
“Yeah. I told you not to eat it and you wouldn’t listen. You cried and complained to Mom that I was mistreating you.” Qi Hui laughed too.
"You're always threatening me. Every time you see me eating an ice cream, you try to snatch it away menacingly. What is that if not abuse?"
"Isn't that because I care about you? You're always so stubborn, so I have to play the stern judge." Qi Hui smiled wryly.
"Yes... she used to care about me a lot..." Le Xi murmured to herself.
But you have many more important things to do. How big can a person's heart be? Can it encompass work, emotions, responsibilities, faith—everything, all still intact, all as it was before?
In October, City C, though already in autumn, remained scorching hot. Sexy and beautiful women from City C strode past, their high heels gleaming with an air of superiority, the familiar sounds of their hometown dialect filling the air, a flood of familiar feelings washing over them. Standing in this stone forest where skyscrapers block out the sky, one felt a sense of bewilderment.
Although she had taken motion sickness medication, Le Xi still felt unwell. She vomited once in the airport restroom after getting off the plane and felt somewhat listless. Sitting in the Toyota Previa sent by the company to pick her up, Qi Hui had the urge to call and scold his subordinates again—he had clearly instructed them to send a more comfortable car so that Le Xi could rest properly, but instead, this beat-up car had arrived.
He let Lexi lean on his shoulder, instructing the driver to drive slowly and steadily. An hour later, they entered the city. The car crossed the Yangtze River Bridge, the whistling wind and mist hitting their faces, the melodious horns of passing ships echoing across the river. Qi Hui recalled many years ago, when the two of them ran to the Yangtze River Bridge in the rain to look at the river. On that bridge, they held hands, leaning against the railing, the bridge surface trembling slightly with the passing vehicles. Lexi's hair was ruffled by the river wind, her voice muffled. On the bridge, Lexi gently tiptoed and kissed his lips. Soft lips, with a faint, unmistakable scent that Qi Hui could recognize even with his eyes closed. His heart warmed, even with the rain and the slightly chilly air. On the way back, they laughed heartily in the rain and mist; that laughter seemed to still echo in his ears.
“Baby, do you remember what you said to me on this bridge? It was when I came back for my first spring break after going abroad.” Qi Hui said as he held Le Xi’s hand and pressed his Neiguan acupoint with his fingers to relieve his symptoms.
"Hmm..." Le Xi responded softly with her eyes closed and then fell silent.
Le Xi once said, "Brother, I love you." That was the first time he said those three words to Qi Hui. But after so many years, everything has changed beyond recognition, hasn't it?
The author has something to say: 除服, 成服: to take off/put on mourning clothes.
[Bonus Chapter] The Past of City C (Part 2)
October 3rd, clashes with the Rat (Jiazi), unfavorable direction is North. Lunar August 23rd, Gengwu day. Auspicious for sacrifices, tailoring, capping ceremonies, marriage, and accepting a son-in-law; inauspicious for moving, moving into a new house, and building a stove.
My mother's grave is nestled against the mountain and beside the water; on a clear day, one can see the Yangtze River – the feng shui is excellent. The photo on the tombstone shows a beautiful and elegant woman, possessing a forbearing and tolerant nature. She had constant disagreements with my father, yet remained composed and dignified. However, this composure and dignified demeanor did not bring her redemption.
For a long time, Qi Hui didn't understand why his mother could endure it all, only to choose such an extreme way to end it all. But the past is the past, and looking back now, Qi Hui feels that his mother was actually just a pitiful woman. She used pride and reserve to face his father's coldness, and in the end, they were both wrong, both left battered and bruised.
"Mom, Lele and I have come to see you." Qi Hui lit three incense sticks, placed the white carnations that Lexi had personally chosen in front of the grave, and said softly while burning paper money.
Rest in peace, Lele. I will definitely protect him.
I will definitely make him happy.
After leaving the cemetery, Qi Hui drove Le Xi to the city for dinner. There was a vegetarian restaurant in the city that served delicious food, and since Le Xi had been very quiet since arriving in City C, Qi Hui was trying his best to cheer him up.
The restaurant was crowded. The two sat silently at a table near the glass wall, gazing out the window. Outside, on the bustling street, a slightly weary-looking man was slowly sweeping the street with a broom. Le Xi paused, staring intently at the man's back, before finally turning to Qi Hui and saying, "Brother, I'm going to the restroom."
"Okay." Qi Hui nodded. "Come back quickly."
“Zhao…Brother Zhao…” Le Xi stood behind the tree, softly calling that nightmarish name. The owner of the name froze, and after a long while, turned around and stared at Le Xi.
"You...you're back? I heard you went to study in another city," Zhao Junwei said calmly.
Lexi looked at his plain, somewhat shabby clothes and thought about how spirited he used to be. She felt a lump in her throat. "Yes, I'm in university."
"That's great. You finally made it through." Zhao Junwei smiled, the wrinkles at the corners of his mouth making him look at least ten years older than his actual age.
"I'm sorry... my brother..." Le Xi lowered his head. Even now, that man's smile still frightened him. However, seeing his disheveled state filled him with guilt. This guilt almost suffocated him.
"Sorry? Why?" Zhao Junwei asked in surprise.
"It shouldn't have been like this. My brother... he..."
“It’s none of his business,” Zhao Junwei interrupted Le Xi, saying calmly, “This is just a game of wits in the business world. The winner takes all, it’s only natural. You don’t need to apologize for him.”
"I, I have here..." Le Xi rummaged through her bag, took out a bank card from her wallet, and handed it to Zhao Junwei, saying urgently, "I used the money you gave me before to have surgery and open a shop. I have some left, although it's not much, please accept it."
“No need, Lexi.” Zhao Junwei pushed the bank card back. “Lexi, you’re a good girl. I was so wrong back then, I almost ruined you. It’s all karma. Karma made me lose my career, my status, and my lover… But now I feel pretty good. I eat vegetarian food and chant Buddhist scriptures every day, and my work is easy. I often read scriptures when I think of him. The scriptures say, ‘All conditioned phenomena are impermanent. Those who are loving and united will inevitably part. Such is the nature of all things, and we should not feel sorrow or distress.’ What’s the point of what we’re so attached to now when we look back?”
"I, I just..." Le Xi awkwardly held the card, stammering and unsure of what to say.
"Le Xi, thank you." Zhao Junwei smiled, his gaze passing over Le Xi's shoulder to Qi Hui, who was standing not far away, and said calmly, "Thank you for forgiving everything I did before. Thank you for giving me the chance to apologize."
After returning home from dinner, Lexi received a call from Shilu. She went to the bathroom to answer it; the wind was very strong on the other end, howling loudly through the receiver. Shilu said he was sitting alone on the steps of Labrang Monastery, basking in the sun, surrounded by people coming and going, yet still feeling lonely.
"Lexi, I miss you so much," Shi Lu suddenly said just as she was about to hang up the phone.
“Me...me too…” Le Xi took a deep breath and smiled at herself in the mirror.
Those who are loving and harmonious will inevitably part ways.
Brother, is our fate over? I long to start a new life. The past was so painful and hurtful. I'm just a coward, wanting only to escape, and you always remind me how unbearable the past was. Brother, what should I do? Can you tell me?
Le Xi opened the bathroom door and quietly walked into her room. Before she even entered, Qi Hui called out to her, "Baby, it's still so early. Can you chat with me for a bit?"
Le Xi nodded and obediently sat down on the sofa opposite Qi Hui. Her upright posture amused Qi Hui: "You used to have bad posture, always leaning to one side or the other. Now you've learned your lesson."
"Mm," Le Xi replied respectfully, her head bowed.
"Come, sit down here." Qi Hui patted the seat next to him and said, "Do you remember how you used to like to rest your head on my lap while reading? Mom scolded you many times, and that's how you got nearsightedness."
Le Xi walked over and sat down, feeling a little awkward as Qi Hui pulled her into his arms. Qi Hui smelled her hair; the faint, pleasant fragrance made one's thoughts drift away.
"You used to like taking showers with me, and you'd even let me wash your hair. Do you remember?"
"Um."
"I didn't pay attention in math class and the teacher called my parents in. I was afraid my mom would scold me, so I begged her to go see the teacher. In the end, the teacher gave me a severe scolding. Remember that?"
"Remember."
“In winter, you would get sick whenever you were exposed to a cold wind, and your brother would always carry you to the hospital.”
"Yes."
Qi Hui gently rubbed the little head, planted a light kiss on it, and pulled Le Xi closer. He spoke haltingly, like a chattering old lady, until Le Xi kept dozing off. Looking at his sleepy eyes, Qi Hui couldn't help but lower his head and kiss his lips, lingering and arousing his desire.
"Brother..." Le Xi, her face flushed, gently pushed Qi Hui away, "Don't...don't do this..."
“Baby, don’t reject your brother. I love you, I love you, baby, Lele. I love you.” Qi Hui said emotionally, his hands not stopping, even pushing Lexi down onto the sofa and reaching out to undo Lexi’s belt.
"No, don't do this..." Lexi squirmed uneasily, shaking her head repeatedly, "I told you, don't do this..."
"You're mine, baby, you're mine." Qi Hui ignored Le Xi's squirming and relentlessly explored, "After all these years, I know everything about you. Didn't you say you love me? Baby, let me prove that our love isn't good?"
"Brother...please, don't do this..." Le Xi pushed him away forcefully, sat up and wrapped her clothes tightly around herself, not daring to look at Qi Hui's incredulous expression.
"Why?" Qi Hui narrowed his eyes, his tone full of confusion and anger.
“It’s all in the past…we are not the same people we used to be.” Lexi said softly, “You just still love the time when we were in love, but you’ve forgotten that we can’t stand still. Everything has changed.”
"Changed...you mean, you've changed too?" Qi Hui's voice trembled involuntarily, but he himself was completely unaware of it.
"We've all changed."
"Then tell your brother what I should do?" Qi Hui wiped his face, sat up, and stared at Le Xi.
“Godmother and Uncle Qi are both gone, all because of me… We’ll be shrouded in this shadow for the rest of our lives, we can’t escape it…” Le Xi closed her eyes and said with a bitter smile, “What I did over the past year is also a disgrace to you, which is why you tried so hard to deal with Zhao Junwei. You think you don’t care, but in fact, we’re all just deceiving ourselves. It’s useless…”
"Then tell me, what should I do?"
"Brother, I hope we can be like we were in the beginning, where we have no other family in this world besides each other. I hope you can love me like a brother would. Love is too extravagant, too painful. I don't want that kind of love anymore."
Like family. But, Lexi, do you know that your feelings have already shifted towards that guy named Shilu, while your brother has to watch like a fool as he becomes so close to you? Is that fair to your brother? You and I, thirteen years, our feelings are so, so deep, so deep that we can't hide them. And yet, you make me love you like family.
Why is this happening? What should we do?
“Alright, baby. I won’t… I won’t force you anymore. As you wish… but, can your brother ask you for a chance to start over?” Qi Hui said, pretending to be relaxed.
I beg you, please, give me a chance to start over, a chance to pursue you again. That would be enough, enough. Lexi, if my past actions have caused you pain, please give me a chance to atone. Even if you say you only see me as a brother, as family, I would be content.
All conditioned phenomena are impermanent. Even those united by love and affection will inevitably separate. Such is the nature of all phenomena; therefore, there should be no cause for sorrow or distress. — *Mahaparinirvana Sutra*
Ordinary life
Le Xi refused to give up her rented, shabby apartment and gave Qi Hui a long lecture about how she needed to learn to live independently and be self-reliant. After much deliberation, Qi Hui finally agreed to let her move back in, but on the condition that she call him every day to report on her studies and life. He also insisted that she tell him immediately if anything happened.
With permission granted, Lexi happily returned to school to continue her ordinary life. She attended classes, audited lectures, taught sewing to the children, helped Zijie with the shop's business, and hung the finished clothes for sale. Overall, life was pretty good.
Qi Hui visits Le Xi in "Twin Cities" every other day, bringing him delicious food. Le Xi has been in L City for so long, but for various reasons he hasn't been able to taste all kinds of delicacies. Thanks to Qi Hui, he can now often enjoy good food and has gradually gained some weight.
Le Xi refused to accept the shop Qi Hui bought in the city, so Qi Hui had no choice but to rent it out, transferring all the income to Le Xi's name. This increased Le Xi's income. Although he repeatedly said he didn't need the money, he didn't dare refuse Qi Hui's offer, so he donated the proceeds to the special education school, purchasing teaching equipment. He also used Qi Hui's connections to secure several sponsorships for the school. As a result, the school's conditions improved significantly by winter.
On Shi Lu's side, because Le Xi had a weak foundation and was struggling with his studies, Shi Lu took the initiative to tutor him, patiently explaining everything he didn't understand, which led to a rapid improvement in his grades. After meeting Le Xi's "promising older brother," Shi Lu's mother treated Le Xi even better, frequently cooking delicious meals for him to take to Qi Hui, saying, "Look at your brother, he doesn't even have a girlfriend, let alone anyone to cook him a home-cooked meal. So when you visit him, be sure to tell Auntie that Auntie will cook something delicious for you." This made Shi Lu very jealous, feeling that his mother "didn't even care about her own son anymore."
In contrast, Yan Shuang has been having a rough time lately. Her boss, Qi Hui, a returnee from overseas, has been using American management methods, which has made it difficult for the usually free-spirited employees to adapt. While Yan Shuang's company was already considered to have relatively advanced management practices in the Northwest region, Qi Hui still felt it wasn't efficient enough. So, he fully utilized the characteristics of primitive capitalist accumulation, making Yan Shuang and her colleagues truly experience what it means for "capitalism to be bloody from head to toe."
Another striking characteristic of the "Sea Turtle" is that you can never tell if he's angry or not. He can tell you a corny joke with a straight face, or say something funny that makes everyone burst out laughing while he still manages to smile. His criticism is also terrifying, because he seems completely calm, just looking at you with a straight face, but when he finally gets serious, it catches you completely off guard.
Although the new boss was a bit of a freak, he was incredibly handsome, leading to various speculations and longings among the female fans, led by Yan Shuang. However, this eventually backfired, leaving everyone thoroughly disappointed: he was undeniably handsome, even the executive vice president next to him was stunningly good-looking. But when it came to intimidating everyone, he showed absolutely no mercy. And when making these bizarre demands, he would even wear a gentle smile. Yan Shuang was immediately captivated by that gentle smile, even though she had initially insisted on her own opinions, she was completely swayed. Only after leaving the meeting room did she realize: Wait a minute, I was supposed to assert my rights and argue my case, how could I have forgotten? She prepared to go back and confront him, but when she turned around, she saw him leaning against the office door, arms crossed, assigning tasks to his assistant, looking incredibly dashing. At this point, Yan Shuang's mind went blank again, her thoughts wandering to Java, single-mindedly pondering: How can they be so handsome? Why are they so handsome?
So after get off work, I started to despise myself again. And so the cycle continued.
The topic of the boss's top/bottom dynamic is endless. The most popular topic, of course, concerns the boss and his executive vice president, Yang Jingyu. Whenever the two appear together in the office, the female colleagues unanimously feel: spring is in the air, and everything is peaceful and prosperous. So, everyone starts discussing the age-old question of who's the top and who's the bottom. The conclusion is: the boss is absolutely a 120% sunny, handsome, gentle, considerate, dashing, and wealthy top. The assistant, on the other hand, is a proud, sexy, and arrogant queen bottom. Although Yan Shuang had some understanding of Qi Hui from the last dinner party, given his twisted methods, she decided to remain silent and not comment.
Early in the morning, Xiao Liu from the finance department mysteriously told Yan Shuang that the boss had ordered a Smart car. "Is it a love token for Mr. Yang? A perfect match of a beautiful car and a beautiful woman!" Yan Shuang chuckled and said, "Then we'll be in for a treat! Two handsome guys!" She quickly went to eavesdrop and verify the top/bottom dynamic between the two. But in her heart, she thought: "Hmph, how could that be? The big boss is already taken..." Before she could finish speaking, she saw Xiao Liu's face twist as she looked behind Yan Shuang.
Turning around, she saw Yang Jingyu, the queen, giving her a charming smile: "Susan, since you're so energetic so early in the morning, why don't you help me organize all these documents and do some data analysis? Remember to make tables of the data for each year, okay? President Qi needs them for the meeting on Wednesday."
After saying that, he handed Yan Shuang a cardboard box. The box was so heavy that Yan Shuang almost collapsed.
"Do you know what the employees are saying about you?" Yang Jingyu walked into Qi Hui's office and saw Qi Hui playing with a Zippo lighter as soon as he entered, looking absent-minded.