Le charme d'une femme puissante se répand à travers le monde

Chapitre 26

Clouds Drunk, Moon Slightly Asleep (Revised Edition) Volume Two: Where is the Vast Sky and Water? In Dreams, I Know Not I Am a Guest (Part Two)

Chapter word count: 4346 Update time: 08-12-21 16:19

Unaware of being a guest in a dream (Part Two)

"Hong'er! Hong'er!" I screamed, waking up in a cold sweat from my dream. In the dream, Hong'er lay in my arms, covered in blood, crying to me through her tears: "Young master, Hong'er can no longer serve you. Please take care of yourself. If there is an afterlife, Hong'er will definitely still..."

When I opened my eyes, I saw Yun Bai standing by my bedside, looking at me with bloodshot eyes and a hint of worry and sympathy in them.

"Where's Hong'er? Xiaobai, where's Hong'er?" I looked around for Hong'er. It seemed like it was already getting light outside. Why wasn't Hong'er by my side at this time?

"She's gone." The voice was very faint and soft.

"Gone? Where did she go? I am her master. Where does she think she can run off to if she's not by my side taking care of her? Did I, her master, bully her or make her feel wronged? Why didn't she tell me she was leaving?" I was getting anxious. Not being able to see Hong'er made me feel panicked.

"She's dead." The voice was even softer and fainter.

"What?" I jumped out of bed, my legs went weak, and I plopped down on the floor. My heart pounded with fear, and I couldn't get up for a moment. All I could do was point at Yun Bai and scream, tears streaming down my face: "You're insane! Why did you have to curse Hong'er to death? She didn't offend you! You bastard, you heartless scoundrel! I hate you! Get out of here!"

“You remember, she was hit by two arrows and died on the spot.”

I was both anxious and angry. I stood up and slapped the man in front of me across the face. "Slap!" A crisp slap rang out. I was stunned. He didn't flinch at all, but just stared straight at me, as if to prove that he wasn't lying. I quickly avoided his gaze and pushed him away, saying, "I don't want to see you. Go away. I want Hong'er."

No matter how much I pushed him, he wouldn't budge. When I got tired of pushing, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard, saying, "Wake up." Then he let go.

I lost my balance and fell heavily to the ground. I felt a sharp pain in my heart, covered my ears, and burst into tears: "I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it, you're lying to me, you're lying to me!"

I cried louder and louder, and he remained silent beside me. Footsteps approached the door, followed by knocking. I continued to cry until I heard the door creak open.

"Young Master?" It was Yun Yao's hesitant voice.

Like a drowning person grasping at a straw, I wiped away the tears that kept flowing with my sleeve, looked up and searched for Yun Yao's figure, wanting to ask him where Hong'er was, wanting to confirm from him that Yun Bai's words just now were all lies to me.

Yun Yao hesitated as he entered from outside the door. Behind him was Yun Hui, who was still dressed in gray. However, his right arm was empty, and his right shoulder was wrapped in layers of white gauze. His face was deathly pale, and the thick gauze even made one feel that blood was constantly seeping out.

"Yunhui!" I felt a suffocating pain, as if someone was choking me. My throat ached terribly, and my heart turned to ice. I trembled uncontrollably, tears streaming down my face, utterly desperate. The scene from last night, so swift yet so bloody and terrifying, flashed vividly in my mind. Hong'er, Hong'er, you left without even a word? And Yunhui, was the arrow that was supposed to be in my body poisoned? Was the poison on that arrow incurable? Did you have to cut off your arm to save yourself the moment you realized the poison? When you swung your sword and chopped off your right arm, did you hesitate, feel pain, despair, or regret?

Why? Why? I desperately told myself it was just a nightmare, just a dream, but it was all real? Why? Hong'er was only eighteen, and Yunhui was only twenty. They shouldn't have suffered like this, but because of me, one died in the prime of her life, and the other will spend the next few decades with only his left hand. I bit my lip hard, smelling the thick, dizzying scent of blood. I dug my fingernails into my palm, letting the piercing pain stimulate me to stay conscious. When they went numb, I released my grip and dug in another spot. I reminded myself not to faint, to stay awake. After a long while, I lowered my head and choked out, "I want to see Hong'er."

"We didn't bring her with us."

"What?" I looked up abruptly, only to be met with Yunhui's deathly pale face, reddened eyes, and beads of sweat on his forehead. His body swayed slightly, clearly unsteady on his feet as if he might collapse at any moment, yet the resolute expression on his face gave the impression that he would never fall if needed. A wave of overwhelming sorrow washed over me, tears blurring my vision. I tried to get up to support him, but my legs went numb, and I fell back to the ground. I could only choke out, "Yunhui, Yunhui, are you alright? Are you okay?"

Suddenly remembering something, my hands trembled as I rummaged through my clothes, finally pulling out several bottles with a clattering sound. Two of them almost fell to the ground. I blinked hard to wipe away the tears in my eyes, took out the small red bottle with my left hand, and held it out in front of Yunhui: "This is the Nine-Turn Rejuvenation Pill. It will be good for your injuries. Quickly take it with water."

"Young Master, you mustn't!" Yun Hui suddenly knelt on the ground, his face growing paler and sweat pouring down his forehead.

"You can't use it?" I suddenly found it ridiculous, and tears streamed down my face again. "You're willing to risk your lives? How come you can't use even one of my medicines?"

Hong'er, Hong'er... I sat curled up in the carriage, my arms tightly wrapped around my shoulders, my mind filled with thoughts of Hong'er. I thought of her lying alone in that cold, unfamiliar place, of her meticulous care for me, of her often nervous and timid eyes, of her curling up under my bed every night with her blanket and mat, while I, busy escaping for my own life, left her alone there. Was she afraid? She must be afraid. She's always been timid. If she turns around and doesn't see me, she starts worrying that she hasn't taken good care of me... No, I can't leave her there alone. At least, at least let me find her a good place to settle down, so she can be reborn into a better life and not be a servant to be manipulated again.

"Go back, go back, go back right now, go find Hong'er, we can't leave her there alone!" I shouted, my voice filled with panic, as I got up and rushed out of the carriage curtain.

A pair of hands tightly stopped me and roughly pulled me back onto the soft couch. It was Yun Bai!

"Let me go, let me go!" I glared at Yun Bai with hatred, tears streaming down my face again, my eyes stinging. "Xiao Bai, tell them to turn back. Let's go find Hong'er. I can't leave her alone in that place. At least, at least we should give her a proper burial, Xiao Bai, please."

He didn't speak, just gripped me tightly, preventing me from moving. I tried to pry his hands off my shoulders, grabbing, pinching, and squeezing, but they remained motionless, seemingly oblivious. I lowered my head and bit down hard, until my mouth was filled with the strong taste of blood, but his hands still didn't move. Dizziness and unprecedented despair made me hysterically pound on the person holding me, crying and screaming, my heart filled with sorrow, pain, and a deep sense of despair and fear.

Seeing that I was tired from crying and hitting, he loosened his grip on my hands. Then I felt a cold warmth in his palms. His hands were still tightly holding mine, and his voice was still indifferent: "Calm down. Do you want more people to die there? Or do you want Yunhui to lose his other hand too?"

I looked at him, my eyes dry of tears, but my heart was breaking. Calm down? I knew I should calm down, but how could I? When I watched Hong'er die before my eyes, when I saw Yunhui cut off his own arm, how could I possibly remain calm? From childhood to adulthood, my loved ones had never left me, and I had never seen a dead person before. So how could he possibly understand or empathize with the pain and fear in my heart?

What kind of world is this? Why did I so ridiculously believe I could live a carefree life in this alternate dimension? From the very first day I arrived, when I learned that Hong'er had been punished according to family rules—beaten and locked in the woodshed—I should have realized that the seemingly peaceful life was merely an illusion. A single pebble could shatter the tranquil mirror, blowing away the self-deception and self-numbing peace I had created. Ultimately, I will clash with this world; my soul, my thoughts, my consciousness do not belong here.

I am only slightly luckier than Hong'er. This body has an owner, and I am not only served by others in normal times, but also protected by others at the risk of their lives in times of danger. But is there really a difference? As a woman, with the status of the Yun family, and with my nominal father's ambition that he can't hide, I am afraid that I will eventually be unable to escape the fate of a marriage of convenience, not to mention the crime of deceiving the emperor by taking my brother's place in office!

My emotions plummeted to an unprecedented low, as if I had fallen into an abyss, trapped in a desperate situation, yet powerless to do anything. It was as if an invisible net had tightly bound me; I struggled, I resisted, but it was all in vain. The feeling was so oppressive. Suddenly, I felt a little ridiculous. What sustained these people's loyalty to me, or rather, their loyalty to the Yun family? A contract of servitude? Or a chance act of kindness? What was it that made them follow me so devotedly and silently, without asking my purpose, without asking why I encountered assassins? I only told them to reach Tianzhou as quickly as possible, and they would follow me to the death. No, not to the death. If I died, they would surely follow; but if I lived, they might already be gone.

Having no appetite whatsoever, the carriage didn't stop and hurried towards Tianzhou. They heard they would arrive before nightfall.

I huddled in a corner of the carriage, feeling the day growing colder. A long, slender, pale hand with distinct knuckles appeared before me, holding a plate of pastries. Following the hand upwards, I saw Yun Bai, the one who always wore a cold and silent expression. I shook my head slightly; I had absolutely no appetite.

"Do you know? If I hadn't inexplicably come here, Hong'er wouldn't have died. Although she was just a maid, she could have lived happily for decades more." The person before me seemed born with this cold expression; even his rare words were icy, as if nothing in this world could stir his emotions. Yet, facing him now, I felt a urge to confide in him. Or perhaps I didn't want to confide in him; I just wanted to talk to myself. I needed an outlet to vent my emotions, otherwise I might go crazy. At this moment, I would rather face this cold face than see the concerned and worried expressions of others, because I didn't deserve their kindness. I was afraid that facing people who cared about me like this would cause me to completely break down.

"Then why are you in such a hurry to go to Tianzhou?" He clearly misunderstood me. But that's how it should be, that's how misunderstandings should be. Who could possibly understand the true meaning behind my words?

"You're the first person to ask me why on this journey?" A bitter smile appeared on my lips. "Cui'er just cried and begged me to take her with me, and Hong'er was overjoyed to be with me. I told Yun Yao and Yun Hui that we needed to get to Tianzhou as soon as possible. I wanted to see the first snow of winter in Tianshan, to see the wildflowers blooming by Tianhu Lake, and to witness the beautiful scenery that is so close yet so far, a world apart from winter and spring. They traveled without stopping, even getting attacked, losing an arm, even losing their lives. They never asked a single question, not even a questioning look. Why do you think they did that?"

"Because you are their master."

"Master? What have I done to deserve this? I'm just luckier than them." I smiled bitterly and looked up at Yun Bai. "And what about you? Am I your master? Would you be like them?"

"Yes. I will." He uttered those two words after only a slight hesitation.

"So you only saved me, letting Hong'er be shot to death by a hail of arrows?" My voice suddenly rose, becoming somewhat shrill. Judging from his skills at the time, he must have been quite capable. If he had intended to save Hong'er, perhaps she wouldn't have died. I know I have no right to blame him, but I can't stop the sorrow welling up in my heart as I think about these things. Hong'er, she might not have died.

He remained silent, his face still calm and expressionless. He neither admitted nor denied anything.

I tried desperately to hold back my tears, but one still spilled out, quickly sliding down my cheek, landing on my lips, and then disappearing, leaving only a bitter aftertaste: "From now on, don't easily lose your life for me, your master. If you don't even cherish your own life, who will? Nothing is more precious than your own life."

I closed my eyes and stopped looking at him.

After a long while, he opened his eyes and said to Yunhui, who had been silent all along, "Yunhui, have you informed Steward Zhang of my itinerary?"

"No." Yun Hui hesitated for a moment, then said, "Young Master, even if we don't say it, Steward Zhang should know. You are the master, and Steward Zhang would not leave only Yun Yao and me to protect you when you go on this long journey."