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Chapitre 33

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Evening Cicada

Life continued in this gloomy and dreary manner. Pang Di gradually grew accustomed to confining himself to the Star-Asking Tower, never descending unless absolutely necessary.

“Sister-in-law, you’re not even as good as a swallow in this building. At least a swallow will fly out and wander around from time to time, but you’ve locked yourself up here all your life,” said her aunt Wen’er. Wen’er often came upstairs to keep her company. She didn’t understand the sudden discord between Pang Di and her brother, and often tried to find out the reason indirectly, but Pang Di would never tell her. Every time Wen’er brought up the topic, she would just smile bitterly and remain silent.

Recently, Wen'er has been frequently asking her questions about marital relationships or love poems. Pang Di sometimes finds it strange, but then she thinks that Wen'er is starting to grow up, so it's understandable that she asks these questions, and she always answers seriously. But one day, when Wen'er presented her with a couplet and asked her to match it, she couldn't help but ask a follow-up question.

The first line of the couplet Wen'er gave was "Two people sit on the earth." Pang Di casually offered a couple of lines, but Wen'er felt they weren't good enough, repeatedly emphasizing that "it must have artistic conception." Pang Di then said, "This is just a simple wordplay couplet, not difficult to match. The artistic conception required varies from person to person; different people will have different preferences. So you need to tell me the identity of the person who gave the couplet so I can come up with a suitable second line." She knew that Wen'er never liked playing such word games, so someone must have asked her to match this couplet.

So Wen'er told her, "This couplet was created by the Emperor. One day, he was sitting on the terrace with a concubine, admiring the moon. On a whim, he casually recited this first line, but the concubine was too dull and couldn't think of a matching line for a long time. The Emperor was greatly disappointed and ordered all the concubines in the palace to come up with a matching line, and those who came up with a good one would be rewarded. Many people responded, but the Emperor shook his head when he saw them, saying that the meaning was not good. When I heard about it after it got out of the palace, I thought that you, sister-in-law, are so talented, you can definitely do it, so I asked you to come up with a matching line."

Pang Di laughed at her: "You still say you don't want to enter the palace! This is a couplet that the Emperor gave to his concubines, why are you trying to join in!"

“I’ve said I won’t marry the Emperor, and that will never change.” Wen’er’s face held a world-weary look beyond her years. “I just want to help a friend in the palace. Sister-in-law, please help us this time!”

"Your Majesty, let's admire the moon..." Pang Di pondered for a moment, then added, "The moon shines brightly beside the sun."

Wen'er repeated the sentence several times, then exclaimed with delight, "What a wonderful sentence! It is both timely and fitting for the occasion. Isn't it just like the moon shining brightly beside the sun when the concubine leans against the emperor? I'll write it down and tell her right away!"

“Then who is ‘she’?” Pang Di asked.

“Consort Zhu,” Wen’er replied.

Pang Di asked in surprise, "Consort Zhu? I've never heard of her before."

Wen'er smiled smugly and said, "If it weren't for me, she wouldn't even be a talented woman."

On a certain evening in September of the fifth year of the Xining era, Zhao Xu sat alone by the Yaojin Pond, admiring the lotus flowers.

The lotus flowers in Yaojin Pond are extraordinary. Not only are their large, beautiful, and fragrant flowers different from ordinary varieties, but their flowering period is also exceptionally long. They bloom earlier than those outside the palace every year and wither later than those elsewhere. Even in September, many flowers still emerge from the water, as if they are specially favored by the goddess of flowers.

The appearance of these flowers was strange. They suddenly "grew" out the second night after Wanji drowned. Some said it was a manifestation of the Flower Goddess, while others, not believing in superstition, thought they were planted overnight. Many suspected it was Xu, such as the Grand Empress Dowager and the Empress Dowager. They hinted at it to him several times.

Actually, Xu didn't do this. But he didn't want to explain.

Let them think what they want. Xu looked at the half-pond of lotus flowers and thought that if it weren't for the sudden appearance of these flowers, he would have filled in Yaojin Pond long ago.

Yaojin Pond wasn't originally this large; its area was less than a third of what it is today. It was painstakingly designed and excavated over several years by Song Yongchen, the eunuch in charge of palace engineering. After its completion, the pond was spacious enough for dragon boats to sail on. He was overjoyed and generously rewarded Song Yongchen.

However, the pool has become wider and deeper, enough to drown a person.

His beloved Wanji drowned in it.

On the day Wanji died, Xu was devastated. When he saw Yaojin Pond again at dawn, he was furious and summoned Song Yongchen, ordering him to fill in Yaojin Pond within one day, before dawn the next day, or else be killed without mercy.

Song Yongchen looked troubled, but finally reluctantly accepted the imperial decree and left. Emperor Xu knew he was deeply saddened; after all, it was the culmination of years of his life's work, and he couldn't bear to watch it be destroyed. However, the pond's mistake lay in drowning the person Emperor Xu loved most in his life, which was tantamount to extinguishing the love he cherished most. Such a pond, like a murderer, deserved to be executed by slow slicing.

A night passed. The next morning, Xu got up early to see the filled-in Yaojin Pond, only to find that the scene was different from what he had imagined.

Ten thousand lotuses cover the water. Red and white lotuses bloom in half the pond, their graceful branches and leaves covering the water's surface. The flowers tremble gently in the breeze, like delicate beauties, exuding a faint fragrance.

The ripples on the water touched his heart, and in that instant, he thought of Wanji.

Song Yongchen walked tremblingly to his side and knelt down, saying, "Your Majesty, please forgive me. Last night, I went out of the palace to bring mud and stones to fill the pond. I did not expect to find so many lotus flowers growing in the pond when I returned. I dare to guess that it is probably the Flower Goddess who appeared and could not bear to see Yaojin Pond destroyed by mud and stones, so she filled it with lotus flowers."

Fill it with lotus flowers? Xu suddenly laughed: "That's right. I said I wanted to fill Yaojin Pond, but I didn't say what to use to fill it. Filling it with lotus flowers must be the will of Heaven."

Thus, he spared Yaojinchi and Song Yongchen. Xu knew this idea must have come from Song Yongchen; even if not, he certainly knew who planted the flowers, but Xu also knew he would refuse to say and would only pin the blame on the Flower Goddess. Fine, no need to ask further; let's just consider it a manifestation of the Flower Goddess. Wasn't Wanji the Flower Goddess in his heart? He was willing to believe that the lotus flowers that bloomed after her death carried her soul.

From then on, he developed the habit of admiring the flowers by the pond. Looking at the graceful lotus flowers in the pond, he would vaguely feel as if he had reunited with Wanji.

"Your Majesty, the wind is picking up. Why don't we return to the palace and come to admire the flowers again tomorrow?" A gentle voice sounded in his ear. It was so careful, as if holding some fragile porcelain, afraid of slipping from his hands.

He didn't turn to look at her, but calmly replied, "I would like to sit for a while longer. Your Majesty, please return to your palace first."

He remained silent, burying his sigh in his heart, and slowly departed after bowing and taking his leave. A moment later, someone brought him a cloak.

Xu felt a slight pang of guilt. He truly respected the Empress, knowing her to be virtuous and kind, possessing the bearing of a regal mother. A bond akin to familial affection had developed between them, but he still lacked romantic feelings for her. The flutter of emotion he felt when looking at lotus flowers was absent in her presence. Even when admiring flowers, he didn't particularly enjoy inviting her to join him.

This is like his private time with Wanji; which woman could possibly join in and share it?

Wan-hime. Wan-hime. Wan-hime.

Sometimes, experiencing that excruciating pain again and again by recalling the past can also be a kind of pleasure.

Just then, a wisp of singing drifted from a corner of the pond. The voice was melodious and captivating, so much so that Xu found himself listening intently.

The song being sung is an old poem, "Yu Lou Chun," by Yan Shu, a high-ranking official during the Qingli era of this dynasty: "After the swallows and wild geese have flown past and the orioles have returned, I carefully count the myriad threads of fleeting life. How long does a spring dream last? It scatters like autumn clouds, nowhere to be found. Hearing the zither, the immortal couple unfastens their jade pendants, but even tearing their silk robes cannot hold them back. I advise you not to be the only one awake, for there is a certain number of times one can be thoroughly drunk among the flowers..."

"A divine couple, having heard the zither and unfastened their jade pendants, could not be held back even as their silken robes were torn." Xu pondered these two lines of poetry repeatedly, lost in thought.

I had seen these words before, but hearing them in this context felt perfectly aligned with my mood, resonating deeply with me. So Xu looked up at the surface of the pond, trying to find the source of the sound.

A woman gently rowed her orchid boat, gradually emerging from the depths of the lotus blossoms.

At the tender age of seventeen or eighteen, with distant green hills and bright, expressive eyes.

Zhao Xu gestured for her to come over. She rowed to him and gracefully jumped off the small boat, her movements as she bowed to him were elegant and graceful.

"What's your name? Are you a palace servant?" Xu asked.

She smiled and replied, "My name is Xi Chan, Zhu Xi Chan. I am Your Majesty's attendant."

Her attire was exquisite, and her eyebrows and eyes were meticulously drawn. She seemed unsurprised by his summons. Xu immediately understood: this "chance encounter" was probably carefully orchestrated by her. Palace women vying for favor were always full of elaborate schemes, and he had long heard of and witnessed many of them. However, this time it didn't offend him. It was quite remarkable that she would appear before him at this time singing such lyrics; she was either extremely clever or incredibly lucky.

Xu decided to play along with her.

"Evening cicada." He looked down at her and smiled gently. "So the sound of cicadas at dusk is so beautiful."

That night, Zhao Xu favored the imperial attendant Zhu Xichan. The next day, he promoted her to the rank of Cairen (a low-ranking concubine).

Suicide

Zhu Xichan was overjoyed by this unexpected stroke of good fortune. The little girl Wen'er, whom she had met by chance in the palace, said she could help her see the emperor. She had taken it as a blessing and hadn't taken it to heart. Unexpectedly, a letter from Wen'er later pointed her to a direct path to Zhaoyang Palace, which indeed led her to see the emperor, gain his favor, and thus elevate her status and bid farewell to her previous life as a palace maid.

After Zhu Xichan presented the second line of the couplet, "The sun shines brightly on the edge of the moon," sent by Wen'er, to Zhao Xu, the emperor was indeed delighted, praising her intelligence and talent, and even promoting her to the rank of Jieyu, a third-grade concubine. Therefore, Zhu Xichan felt even more grateful to Wen'er and greatly admired her, finding it truly rare for someone so young to be so intelligent. Zhu Xichan continued to correspond secretly with Wen'er. She also learned that Wen'er was the daughter of a prime minister, thinking that, indeed, like father, like daughter. Her father was a powerful and influential figure, assisting the emperor in governing the country, while she possessed extraordinary talent in palace intrigue and had successfully "assisted" her in rising through the ranks.

Sometimes Zhu Xichan would ask herself why she was helping Wen'er so wholeheartedly when they had only met once. But after thinking about it, she felt that there was no need to overthink it. Perhaps they were kindred spirits. Even if Wen'er helped her with an ulterior motive, wanting to get the benefits and help she needed from her in the future, it was understandable. Wen'er had completely changed her fate, which was very important. So if Wen'er needed her help in the future, she would help her and repay her.

Wen'er was very satisfied with Zhu Xichan's promotion, feeling as if she had won a brilliant battle, and even more confident that everything was under control. Sure enough, with her intelligence, vying for the emperor's favor in the harem was a simple matter. She didn't even need to do it herself; she only gave the mediocre Zhu Xichan a couple of pointers, and she rose from the second-to-last rank of Imperial Attendant to the third-rank Consort. And this wouldn't be the end; as long as she was willing to continue helping her, even the Empress's position should not be difficult to seize.

Empress. What a pity, Wen'er felt regretful: if she hadn't been born too late, and if the ten-year gap hadn't caused her to miss the best opportunity to meet Zhao Xu, how could someone else have become empress? Although it's not too late to compete for the empress's position, the kind of absolutely complete affection that her brother had for his sister-in-law is no longer something that Zhao Xu can give her now.

However, her brother's current attitude towards her sister-in-law puzzled her greatly. Why such a drastic change in such a short time? What exactly went wrong between them? Had her brother fallen for someone else? She didn't think so. Perhaps there was some misunderstanding, and her brother's personality dictated that he wouldn't easily back down or offer a polite explanation, leading to the current situation. Like their father, her brother was a very stubborn and headstrong person at heart.

Wen'er decided to find a way to reconcile them. Since she could help Zhu Xichan, who had been living in seclusion for many years, gain the emperor's favor, how could she not find a way to restore her brother and sister-in-law's relationship? They probably only lacked the opportunity to be alone and explain things to each other. If the two of them could calm down and talk things out, what problem couldn't be solved?

She deliberately chose a clear, breezy night with a full moon and blooming flowers, and then sent her maid to invite Pang Di downstairs for tea. Pang Di initially refused, making excuses to decline, but Wen'er didn't care and repeatedly sent people upstairs to invite him. After the maids had said all the nice things, Pang Di felt bad and finally gracefully descended the stairs.

The maid led her to the door of Wang Pang's study. Pang Di was surprised and hesitated to go in. Wen'er ran out from inside, saw her, and immediately smiled and pulled her into the room.

Wang Pang sat inside.

Pang Di turned to leave, but Wen'er stopped her, smiling, "I'm going to make tea, it might take a while, you two chat first." Then she closed the door and left with her maid.

An awkward silence immediately filled the study. Pang Di didn't know whether to stand or sit, so she stood by the door with her head bowed, and only after a long while did she manage to look up at her husband.

He was looking at her. And he didn't look away when their eyes met. This discovery surprised her slightly, as he had long been deliberately avoiding eye contact with her.

So she smiled slightly, as shy as a young girl meeting a strange man for the first time.

Seeing that she smiled, he smiled back.

Although his smile was limited to his lips and there was no hint of amusement in his eyes, she felt it was already good enough; at least he was no longer that cold and aloof person who kept people at arm's length.

She mustered her courage and gently touched him with her gaze. He sat calmly in a chair by the desk, dressed in a casual, loose robe. The robe was soft and exuded a fresh, incense-scented fragrance. His hand, loosely holding a folding fan, was visible beneath the right sleeve. His fingers were long and clean as always, but the knuckles seemed more prominent than before.

He's lost a bit of weight. Pang Di thought to herself. This made her heart ache again.

"You..." Wang Pang finally spoke first, hesitated for a moment, and then asked, "Are you alright?"

Pang Di remained silent for a long while before slowly biting her lip and answering, "It's alright."

He nodded and said, "That's good." Then he turned to look at the bookshelf, as if preparing to find a book to read.

"No! I'm not okay!" Pang Di suddenly cried out. She finally abandoned her reserve, ran over, knelt beside Wang Pang, reached out and took his hand in hers, looked up at him, and her eyes reddened: "I'm not doing well! Pang, are you the same?"

The folding fan slipped to the ground. He looked at her indifferently, seemingly unmoved, and simply said, "What's the use of saying all this?"

“Pang,” Pang Di sadly stretched out his cold right hand and gently pressed it against his tear-streaked face, saying, “Why can’t we live like before? I’ll comb your hair and dress you, read and write with you, you’ll draw my eyebrows and apply lipstick, compose poems and paint pictures for me, we’ll play the zither and flute together on moonlit nights, and go for walks hand in hand on sunny mornings. We’ll forget our unhappy things and rediscover our former happiness, okay?”

Wang Pang stared at her for a long time, then asked her, "But how can we pretend that some things never happened?"

“Yes, that’s fine.” Pang Di nodded to him repeatedly. “As long as we’re willing, we can pretend it never happened.”

“What if I say I can’t do it?” Wang Pang suddenly laughed, a bitter laugh. His hand began to move on its own, gently stroking Pang Di’s cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb: “I can’t guarantee that I will treat you the same way I used to.”

"Why?" she asked, looking at him with confusion.

He didn't answer, but suddenly pulled her up and into his arms, kissing her lips without a word. Before she could react, he forcefully thrust his tongue into her mouth and kissed her deeply. His left hand tightly gripped her shoulder, while his right hand reached inside her clothes and roughly caressed her body, from her waist to her breasts.

She felt a suffocating dizziness. The force he used was completely unfamiliar to her, so rough and wild; she was very uncomfortable and even felt pain. She began to shake her head and struggle, but he ignored her and continued his actions. She could hardly breathe, and with her hands, she pushed him away and barely managed to turn her head to escape his forceful kiss.

He paused briefly, panting as he looked at her, a smug smile, like a child caught doing something wrong, flickering in his eyes. His dark eyes were deep and unfathomable, yet they gleamed with a sharp, destructive light, even hinting at revenge.

He continued to lean down and nibble at the skin on her neck and chest through her already pulled-open collar, soon leaving red marks. She was in pain and struggled anxiously, begging him to stop.

He ignored her and instead quickened his pace, then slid his right hand down and slipped it inside her skirt.

She was shocked and screamed as she struggled with all her might to break free from his embrace. She got up, covered her half-exposed chest, and fled to a corner far away from Wang Pang.

Wang Pang did not stand up to chase after her, but slowly raised his sleeve to wipe the sweat from his forehead, and then quietly watched her.

"No, that's not how it is!" Pang Di asked him sadly, "Why would you do this?"

A cold, sarcastic smile appeared on his lips. He retorted, "That's exactly what I wanted, didn't you know?"

Pang Di was speechless and choked with sobs. A moment later, she suddenly turned around, opened the door, and ran out, a string of tears falling.

Seeing her figure disappear, Wang Pang slumped back in his chair, tilted his head back, and painfully closed his eyes.

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