Der Himmel über den Flüssen und Seen ist sehr klar

Kapitel 36

“I am Xiaobao’s father. I didn’t know you were here before. Now that I do, you will naturally live with me.”

Xu Jinrong answered without hesitation.

Xiao Bao was stunned for a moment, then suddenly turned to look at Danmei and asked cautiously, "Mother, is what he said true? Is he really my father?"

Danmei's hands were tightly clasped together. Looking into Xiaobao's bright, hopeful eyes, she forced a smile and nodded stiffly.

"I have a daddy now! I have a daddy too!" Xiao Bao hugged Xu Jinrong's neck tightly and kissed his face hard, just like he usually kissed Danmei. He said happily, "You'll pick me up high and take me to play, right?"

Xu Jinrong felt a surge of warmth in her chest, hugged him tightly, and nodded vigorously.

His son, the son who shared his and her blood.

For the first time in four years, he suddenly felt all the pent-up anger in his chest subside and all the resentment disappear without a trace.

Even if she didn't have him in her heart, from this moment on, she would never be able to escape him like this again for the rest of her life.

Author's Note: Rushing to publish is truly agonizing~ Although I know everyone feels the same way waiting for the story to unfold~~~

But I still need to ask for leave tomorrow, and I'll update again the day after tomorrow morning~

Ball approved.

Chapter 81

Danmei sat alone on the couch in her room. It was quite late, but the faint sounds of Xiaobao's shouts could still be heard from the next room. From the moment she entered the inn, Xu Jinrong had been with her, never appearing before her again.

Xiao Bao was very happy. From the moment he got into the carriage and sat on his lap, he kept excitedly talking and laughing. He had called out "Dad" countless times throughout the night, completely ignoring his mother sitting opposite him.

Xu Jinrong did something, and Xiao Bao suddenly let out a scream, followed by the two of them giggling softly. The childish voices and his deep voice mingled and entered her ears.

Xiao Bao had always longed to have someone he could call "Dad," like other children, something she had known for a long time. But only now, with the seemingly endless enthusiasm and joy he had unleashed overnight, had she truly realized for the first time that the love from her alone as his mother might not be enough for him. Besides her, he needed a father as strong and reliable as a mountain.

Just as Xiqing had said, he finally... came looking for him.

This sudden encounter left her, who had been completely unprepared, utterly bewildered. It was as if all her thoughts had been ripped away; the only remaining feeling was to escape, to flee from his sight and presence. But now, listening to his laughter from next door in the darkness, many memories she had deliberately avoided now seemed to have been triggered, slowly surfacing from the deepest recesses of her heart, pressing down on her chest, leaving her with only emptiness, an emptiness that left her bewildered and helpless.

...The raging fire that illuminated half the night sky, the mournful cry of a woman echoing through the flames, the hysterical Aunt Zhou, the cold, hateful gaze from that dying child directed at her, the princess, that tranquil night bathed in moonlight, and the words he spoke to her: From now on, you must always wear this smile, and from now on, we two must live happily like this...

She knew all that was in the past. He had found her and was taking her and the child away; she could no longer hide. But could the two of them truly live happily ever after, as he had once said?

That really doesn't matter anymore, after seeing Xiao Bao's natural personality when he's with him.

She left him behind, stealing a few years of leisure in her life, but now it's time for that to come to an end.

He had always been good to her, so good that she once thought she couldn't survive without him. But now, after experiencing such immense humiliation that she herself had inflicted on him—a humiliation that no man could bear—even if some feelings remained in his heart, were they only because of Xiao Bao? If they went back like this, with two hearts already clouded, what would be left when they faced each other again? Perhaps all that would remain was the "respectful but distant relationship" she had once so desperately sought.

Do you know how I've gotten through all these years?

His accusatory voice still echoed in her ears.

She's doing quite well. But what about him? How exactly has he managed?

Her chest felt tight, making it hard to breathe, and her throat was so dry it even hurt. Danmei didn't want to think about it anymore. She simply got out of bed, slipped on her shoes, and headed towards the table. There was a teapot there with water inside; it would ease her pain.

The room was dark, with only a little light coming in from the lanterns hanging in the hallway outside through the window. Just as she was about to reach the table, she kicked the edge of a stool leg, and a sharp pain shot up from her toes and spread throughout her body.

She squatted down, rubbing her feet. The pain gradually subsided, but tears slowly welled up in her eyes.

She couldn't remember the last time she cried like this. All she needed to do now was cry; it seemed that only in this way could she find an outlet for the tightness in her chest that felt like it was about to explode, and the pain in her leg was just a convenient trigger.

Tears streamed down her face until she sat on the floor beside the table, knees drawn up, burying her face in her knees, weeping silently. She didn't know how much time had passed until she heard a voice in front of her: "Are you crying?"

Danmei suddenly looked up, her eyes blurry with tears, and saw Xu Jinrong holding a candle in his hand. He was squatting in front of her, a step away, looking at her. Compared to the daytime, in the quiet candlelight, the sharp features of his face looked much softer.

Danmei hurriedly wiped her face, trying to dry the tears on her cheeks. But before she could dry them, new tears welled up again.

Why are you crying?

He looked at her and continued to ask.

Danmei knew she shouldn't continue crying; she wasn't the one who should be feeling wronged. But under his gaze and questions, her throat tightened even more, and instead of stopping the tears, she began to sob uncontrollably. She tried to stand up and avoid his gaze, but she saw that he had already placed the candlestick on the ground, reached out to her, and wiped the tears from her cheek.

“You’ve been with me for so long, and the only time I’ve ever seen you cry was on the third day of our marriage, when I took you back to your parents’ home. Your eyes reddened when you saw your mother in front of the screen wall. At that time, I knew that I must have mistreated you. I’ve never seen you cry again, at least never in front of me. Even just now in Meijia Village, you didn’t cry. I thought you would never cry in front of me again in your life…” He spoke slowly, continuing to wipe the tears from her face with his sleeve, “Now that I see you cry, I feel a little better. At least it lets me know that you are also somewhat sad, and not entirely heartless…”

Danmei shook her head, tears falling in torrents.

Xu Jinrong reached out and hugged her tightly.

"If you want to cry, then cry. You'll feel better after you've cried. Even when I first met Xiaobao, he was the one who reached out to wipe my face, just like I did to you just now..."

Danmei couldn't hold back any longer. She buried her head in his chest, clutched his sleeve tightly, and burst into tears. She cried until she was breathless and didn't know how long it lasted. When she finally ran out of tears, she was shocked to find that his clothes were stained with a large patch of her snot and tears.

"Are you feeling any better? I only told you to cry for a little while, not for this long. Look, your eyes are all swollen like peaches..." He reached out and lifted her face, gently brushing the strands of hair from her forehead back onto her face, speaking with a touch of tenderness.

Danmei's eyes welled up with tears, but none came. She only sobbed briefly before choking out, "You're not angry with me anymore?..."

Xu Jinrong gazed at her face for a moment, then finally sighed, "If I were only angry with you for leaving me like this, I wouldn't have searched the whole world for you like this. In these past few years, besides being angry with you, I've also missed you and worried about you day and night. I worry about how you, a woman, can live alone out there, what if you're bullied, and I'm even more afraid that I'll never see you again in this lifetime..." As he spoke, he stood up from the ground, carried her to the bed, and gently laid her down. He then removed her shoes and sat on the edge of the bed beside her, continuing to whisper, "How could I have imagined that you had a son without my knowledge? And I never imagined that you'd be more comfortable without me all these years, while I..."

He stopped abruptly, and in the darkness, both of them fell silent.

"Danmei, in your heart, have you ever cared about me, even just a little?"

After a long while, he finally asked the same question again.

The candle on the ground had been kicked out when he got up. Now he was sitting beside her. She couldn't see his face clearly, but she could vaguely hear the suppressed frustration in his last words.

Did she ever care about him?

Saying "yes"—such a simple word, yet it weighed heavily on her, making her unable to utter it. If so, why would she have abandoned him so cruelly? Saying "no"—she knew that wasn't her true feeling either. As she wavered, she heard him say again in the darkness, "I know you love the idyllic life in Meijia Village. Forcibly taking you away like this has already put you in a difficult position. If it weren't for Xiaobao, you might not have been so obedient. Now I'm putting you in a difficult position again. Forget it, you don't need to think about how to respond to me anymore. Just come back with me and live a peaceful life. Don't worry, there won't be any more of those troublesome things from before. I feel bored and want to go for a walk. You should rest first." His voice was filled with desolation as he finished speaking.

Danmei saw him stand up from the edge of the bed and turn towards the door. His back was lonely, and her heart ached again. She tried to open her eyes wide and saw that he had already walked to the door. The door creaked slightly and opened a crack. She didn't know where the impulse came from, but she suddenly sat up from the bed. She didn't even bother to put on her shoes and ran barefoot towards his back. She pounced on him and hugged him from behind, pressing herself tightly against his back.

Xu Jinrong was stunned, almost unable to believe it, and stood stiffly in place. It wasn't until he felt the warmth of her cheek against his back and the hands entwined around his waist that he was convinced that it was really her who had run over and hugged him.

He took her hand, turned around, and hesitated before saying, "You..."

"Stay with me... I can't sleep..."

Danmei leaned against him, closed her eyes, and whispered.