(Novel//t//xt|//Heaven)
A lifetime of regret
A beautiful woman once said that beauty is a burden. Maintaining beauty at all times is certainly a burden, but many women wish they could have this burden.
An ex-lover can be a burden. Most women experience this burden. Why is it a burden? You have to constantly maintain your beauty, preparing to one day run into your ex-lover on the street.
A girl wrote to me saying that she happened to be wearing an old set of clothes and a pair of worn-out leather shoes that day, and her stockings had just been torn. She had also just run out of face cream in her purse, and her face was shiny with oil. And just at that moment, she brushed past her ex-lover. She tried to pretend she didn't see him, but he saw her.
She no longer loved him, and precisely because she didn't love him, she couldn't let him see her in this wretched state. She kept blaming herself, saying, "Shouldn't I show my ex-lover how much prettier I've become, so he'll miss me?"
Yes, she's absolutely right. Every woman hopes her ex will regret his actions. Every woman fantasizes about reuniting with her ex, seeing him look at her with newfound respect, rekindling her desire, and then proudly rejecting him.
For the sake of our ex-lover, we must maintain our best selves. We absolutely cannot allow ourselves to become ugly or fat. Even as we age, we cannot grow older than him. You may not have two chances to meet him. If we're not prepared the first time, we might regret it for the rest of our lives. We must strive to make ourselves beautiful, so that he will regret it. And stay with ourselves forever.
Marriages used to last longer. There weren't as many divorces. Could it be because people's lifespans were shorter in the past?
The so-called "lifelong marriage" may only last for thirty to forty years. The term "lifelong" comes to an end quickly. Even if one is dissatisfied with their partner, they will endure it; thirty years will pass in the blink of an eye. By the time they reach fifty, even if they have many grievances about the marriage, they will endure it, thinking that they are almost at the end of their lives.
With today's advanced medicine, it's not uncommon for someone to live to eighty or ninety. The so-called "lifelong marriage" is no longer thirty or forty years, but fifty or sixty. And how can one willingly endure fifty or sixty years? At fifty, one is still quite young. Fifty-year-old men and women can still seek love; they still have thirty or forty years of life ahead of them. Since that's the case, why not end an unhappy marriage and start afresh?
When our previous generation reached fifty years old, how could they have imagined that they could start all over again?
Our generation is relatively fortunate, after all. However, we also have our sorrows. In the past, "staying together forever" meant at most thirty or forty years; now, "staying together forever" means fifty or sixty years. A promise to keep for fifty or sixty years, loving someone for fifty or sixty years—who dares to guarantee they can do that?
Our lifelong commitment today is simply the result of our best efforts.
The safest and most appropriate way is to stay with yourself. Everything has its time, and so does love.
Everything has its time. The seasons change, the sun and moon wax and wane—all follow a natural order. Birds, beasts, insects, and fish all possess the ability to sense time. Flowers bloom and wither, each with its own clock. The ancient Egyptians discovered that the appearance of Sirius in the summer night sky was a harbinger of the Nile's flooding. When euphorbia trees sprout new buds, the Baniyankole people of Uganda know that heavy rains are imminent. The indigenous people living along the Orinoco River in Venezuela know that the rainy season is coming when they hear howler monkeys screaming at midnight or dawn, or when certain trees suddenly burst into bloom.
Humans can also sense the passage of time through their physiological rhythms. The elderly know it will rain tomorrow because their rheumatism is flaring up. Ancient philosophers could foresee their impending death. As for how they knew, only heaven knows.
Everything has its time, and so does embracing; love too has its season.
A cycle of beginnings, developments, climaxes, and resolutions, from zero to zero, is also a sequence of time. Wise people can sense how long their love will last, while foolish people remain oblivious. If a relationship is destined to end, there will always be many signs beforehand, just as Sirius appears on the horizon before the Nile floods.
Love has its birth, aging, sickness, and death. When love grows old and sick, and cannot be cured, it will die. Love is dying because its time has come; why cling to it so desperately? Everything has its order; you can't be completely unaware of this, you just hope to postpone its end a little longer. But even if you postpone it a little, it will still end. Flowers bloom and wither; everything has its time. Why can't you accept that this is a law of nature? Were we ever similar?
When we're deeply in love, we try to find common ground with each other.
We have the same blood type. Our names have the same number of strokes. We were both born in autumn. We both love seafood. We both love reading *The Little Prince*. We both have very stiff hair. Our fingernails are the same shape. Our laughter is similar. We both hate dirt.
We have so many similarities; it's a match made in heaven.
However, to others, these so-called similarities are not particularly special. There are many people with blood type O. Many people are born in autumn because their parents usually sow seeds in winter. Many people in Hong Kong love seafood. *The Little Prince* has tens of millions of readers worldwide.
Who cares what others think! I love you because we have so much in common.
But one day, when we no longer love each other, we will try to find the differences between us.
I like coffee, you like alcohol. I like taking walks, you hate exercise. I like listening to classical music, you love pop music. I like eating meat, you like eating vegetables. I like shopping, you hate going to the office. I don't believe in marriage, you long for it. I like adventure, you crave a stable life. The things we pursue are becoming increasingly different. It turns out, we're not alike at all. Why did we once think we were so alike? We've already reached the end of the road.
When love begins, it always makes people excited. You think that Yoko Ono found John Lennon, or Tom Cruise found Nicole Kidman. You are a match made in heaven and will stay together for life. You love with hope and passion. However, after going a while, you begin to doubt: Are you Yoko Ono, but he is John Lennon?
You find that your love for him isn't as fervent as it once was, your curiosity about him isn't as strong, and the chemistry between you two doesn't seem to have the same intensity. His allure seems to have reached its limit; you no longer blindly believe what he says, and everything about him no longer feels so perfect.
But you can't bear to leave him now, and you've walked a long way together. However, the further you go, the more problems you realize. He's not perfect; he's only worth 70%. He has many flaws you can't tolerate. He doesn't love you enough to be willing to give everything for you. Your values and perspectives on life are very different…
What should we do in this situation?
You have feelings for each other, but not love.
Do you want to continue this relationship with him? Are you willing to live like this for the rest of your life?
Your love has unknowingly reached a point where the lights are dim and sparse. In an era where people leave without saying goodbye...
The girl wrote to say that her boyfriend had suddenly disappeared without a word. He moved, changed his phone number, and even quit his job. She was furious, feeling he was incredibly irresponsible. If he didn't love her, he should have told her clearly instead of vanishing without a trace.
Not everyone has the courage to clearly express their feelings. We live in an era where people leave without saying goodbye. Many young people nowadays quit their jobs after two or three days. They don't resign, nor do they give any explanation. Even just calling back to say they're no longer working shows a lot of responsibility.
Everyone's used to not giving explanations. They treat their work the same way they treat their relationships. "I don't love you anymore, I find you annoying, so I'm just leaving." That's how breakups happen; there's no need for both of us to sit down and negotiate.
A relationship of one or two months doesn't need explanation, and even a relationship of one or two years doesn't require explanation. If one day you come home from get off work and find your boyfriend or girlfriend has moved out, don't be surprised, and don't go looking for them. If one day you agree to meet somewhere, and you wait for them for ages but they don't show up, then? You don't need to look for them anymore. Breakups in this era no longer require saying: "I want to break up with you," "I don't love you anymore," "I'm sorry, I can't make you happy," "You'll find someone better than me," "I have no feelings for you anymore."... All of these are nonsense. If I don't love you, I won't see you again. I'll sing you a farewell song.
In the second volume of his book *The Rise and Fall of the British and Chinese*, titled "Hong Kong Chinese is Not Wine," Mr. Dong Qiao mentions that a farewell song he sang when he graduated from primary school had lyrics written by Master Hongyi:
"Outside the long pavilion, along the ancient road, fragrant grasses stretch to the horizon. I ask you, my friend, when will you return? When you do, do not hesitate. At the ends of the earth, at the corners of the world, half of my close friends have passed away. Life is short, and joyful gatherings are rare, while partings are many..."
He said that even decades later, reading these sentences still makes him want to cry.
I love this farewell song so much, but I've never sung it. I asked around among my friends, but surprisingly, no one had ever sung it. It turns out everyone sings different farewell songs. Most people sing "Long Live Friendship," some in English, some in Chinese. What surprised me most was that someone sang "Light of Friendship." Isn't "Light of Friendship" the theme song from the movie "Prison on Fire"? It's become a farewell song for high school graduates! A friend who studied in Taiwan said he sang Xu Zhimo's "By Chance" back then. Younger friends sang pop songs.
Although no one I know has sung Master Hongyi's farewell song, and we're from different eras, I still used it in my novel: The male protagonist arranged to meet the female protagonist at their usual restaurant. A group of high school graduates were having a teacher appreciation banquet there. The male protagonist waited all night, but the female protagonist didn't come. He had caused her too much pain; she didn't want to see him again. The students were singing a farewell song: "Outside the long pavilion, along the ancient road, the fragrant grass stretches to the horizon..." He knew she wouldn't come. The song she sang for him was also a farewell song.
She arrived outside the restaurant, but she didn't go in. They never saw each other again, separated forever. That farewell song was sung until the very end. Let's sing one more farewell song.
A reader named A-Wang wrote in saying that he sang this farewell song with lyrics written by Master Hongyi fifty years ago, but the lyrics differed slightly from what we remember. The lyrics he remembered were as follows:
Outside the long pavilion, along the ancient road, fragrant grasses stretch to the horizon.
The evening breeze caresses the willows, the flute's melody fades, the setting sun shines beyond the mountains.
At the ends of the earth, my close friends have mostly passed away.
A ladle of wine exhausts the remaining joy; tonight, parting dreams are cold.
Ah Wang said that these were remnants of memories from half a century ago. In the past twenty years, his friends have passed away one by one, and he himself is now over sixty. When he sang "half of my close friends have passed away," he couldn't help but shed tears.