She thought that perhaps memories were like drinking poison to quench thirst; knowing there was no going back, she still couldn't resist them.
When chatting with Zhuang Yuewei, she would always gaze greedily at the confident and cheerful smile on Zhuang Yuewei's face, staring intently, as if she could see the person she wanted to see just by looking at her.
However, every time I hear Zhuang Yuewei speak, I can't help but recall that voice saying: "I know that besides family, you are the best to him in this world, but I still came to beg you. Because only you are willing to give up for his sake."
I know perfectly well that only you would be willing to give up.
But Aunt Xu, do you know how much I paid to give up this relationship?
To this day, I still rely on sleeping pills called "Valium" to fall asleep. I can't bear to look at any delicate, sparkling 18k gold rings. I can no longer listen to that song, no longer hear the lyrics, "Your happiness is my happiness, no matter how much I give for you, it's all worth it"...
At this moment, Yu Lele finally realized: perhaps, this was why she liked Zhuang Yuewei. Because she came from the place Xu Chen was going to, because her smile was warm as she sat by the window in the sunlight, and because she made Yu Lele feel that there was still a little bit of an inseparable connection between herself and Xu Chen.
17-2
Besides Zhuang Yuewei, another boy that Teacher Li Jing emphasized to Yu Lele was named Meng Xiaoyu.
This 16-year-old boy seems to have no idea what it looks like to wear a school uniform properly: his shirt is always unbuttoned with two or three buttons undone, his tie is always loose, his school badge is often missing, and his hair is only slightly dyed.
On Yu Lele's first day taking over the class, Teacher Li Jing warned her during their conversation: "The most difficult student to manage in this class is Meng Xiaoyu. If you can persuade him to dye his hair back to black and wear his school uniform properly, you will have done a great service to our school."
At that moment, Yu Lele was dumbfounded.
It was only later that Yu Lele believed that what Teacher Li Jing said was absolutely true.
Meng Xiaoyu sat next to the back door. Because of the heat, the back door was often left open. As a result, many teachers would suddenly realize that Meng Xiaoyu was gone halfway through class—no one knew when he had slipped out through the back door.
At first, Yu Lele was very angry. When she returned to the office, she told Cheng Kai about it, but he didn't take it seriously: "Meng Xiaoyu's father is in Australia. He will go abroad sooner or later. He probably won't have many opportunities to use Chinese in his life. You don't need to be strict with him. Just make sure he's passable. Actually, everyone knows that he's just here to get a high school diploma to go back and hand in his work."
Seeing that Yu Lele didn't understand, he lowered his voice: "Meng Xiaoyu's parents are divorced, and his mother has remarried and has a new family now, which seems to be doing well. At the last parent-teacher conference, his mother specifically talked to me, saying that she had decided to send him abroad to study, as his father wished. Of course, his mother is reluctant to let him go, but Meng Xiaoyu himself really wants to go abroad, so she still decided to send him off. She hopes that our teachers will give him more help with his English."
Yu Lele nodded subconsciously, but she still felt a tiny fishbone stuck in her throat, a vague and uncomfortable sensation.
Actually, she knew that she couldn't stand the words "going abroad"—or perhaps that was all.
As a result, I found myself paying more attention to Meng Xiaoyu.
He rode a brightly colored mountain bike, his clothes billowing in the wind as he sped along the road, exuding a dynamic energy. He was habitually late, often sleeping in his seat during class, or causing trouble and embarrassing the teachers. He was very tall, and once he got into a fight with Tong Zheng, a young math teacher. Tong Zheng kicked Meng Xiaoyu's desk hard, and Meng Xiaoyu immediately flipped it over, shouting, "Let's see who's tougher!"
Later, Tong Zheng was given a demerit for slapping Meng Xiaoyu and had to make a self-criticism at a school-wide teachers' assembly. Yu Lele would remember Tong Zheng's expression that day for the rest of her life: embarrassment, humiliation, anger, and resentment...
However, Meng Xiaoyu, the instigator of all this, only received a severe scolding from Li Jing. When he walked out of the Academic Affairs Office, Meng Xiaoyu was singing a song triumphantly: "The sun sets in the west, the red clouds fly, the soldiers should return to their targets..." It really makes people want to punch him.
Meng Xiaoyu was at odds with almost all the teachers. His attitude towards Yu Lele was already quite good—at least in her class he was very respectful and didn't cause any trouble—but he still couldn't get close to her. After her initial curiosity, Yu Lele gradually accepted this situation—after all, she was just a student teacher and would be leaving soon, so why get too close?
Yu Lele had no idea that Zhuang Yuewei and Meng Xiaoyu would grow closer and closer.
Perhaps because they would both be living abroad in the future, Meng Xiaoyu and Zhuang Yuewei maintained a very close relationship. Zhuang Yuewei was beautiful, and Meng Xiaoyu was handsome; when they walked together, they looked like a pair of people who had stepped out of a poster. By the time Yu Lele discovered this, Zhuang Yuewei had already started riding to and from school on Meng Xiaoyu's bicycle, and Meng Xiaoyu had openly declared his "guardianship" over Zhuang Yuewei. They didn't hide it; their behavior was open and flamboyant, and they quickly became "thorns in the side" of the teachers. Yu Lele heard that Cheng Kai had arranged a meeting with Zhuang Yuewei and Meng Xiaoyu's mothers, and the two mothers promised to discipline their children properly. However, weeks passed, and they remained unchanged. The promises ultimately became empty words, yielding no results.
Yu Lele felt a little regretful: why did Zhuang Yuewei, whom she favored, get so close to a guy like Meng Xiaoyu?
She finally admitted, subconsciously, that she did indeed have a prejudice against students with poor grades and unruly personalities.
This discovery left her with an unexpected sense of disappointment—she had assumed she would treat all students equally, but in the end, there were still differences in their levels and backgrounds. Moreover, these prejudices were so deeply ingrained that she had no way to eradicate them.
Over the weekend, Tie Xin called Yu Lele: "How about we go sing karaoke together tomorrow?"
Yu Lele thought about the practice papers she hadn't finished yet and instinctively wanted to decline. But Xu Yin suddenly came up with a very strong reason: "Lian Haiping passed the preliminary exam for postgraduate studies and will be going to the provincial university for an interview next month. He's your mentor after all, aren't you going to celebrate?"
Yu Lele was speechless: "He passed the preliminary test?"
Xu Yin pouted: "Didn't your master tell you? Looks like he's going to give you a surprise. The Chinese Department of the Provincial University is so famous, it's a top-tier 211 university! Your master is about to rise to prominence, and if he succeeds, it's the same as you succeeding, so you should be happy."
Yu Lele was both amused and exasperated, and could only nod in agreement.
So, on the weekend, Yu Lele, Xu Yin, Yang Luning, Tie Xin, and Lian Haiping sat together in a small private room at "Haoleidi" karaoke, making quite a racket. Xu Yin, a fan of Cai Chun Jia, sang one song after another, from "Little Hand Holding Big Hand" to "Accompany Me to Watch the Sunrise," a typical karaoke hog. Yang Luning and Tie Xin, one a fan of S.H.E. and the other of Wang Zheng, sang with great enthusiasm. Yu Lele, on the other hand, always sang quiet songs, prompting Lian Haiping to scoff, "Yu Lele, are you here to put on a nostalgic album?"
As he spoke, Yu Lele was singing "The Second Rainbow," the lyrics of which were incredibly melancholic: "You and I stand at opposite ends of the rainbow, one in the west, one in the east..."
Seeing Yu Lele's completely absorbed expression, Xu Yin could no longer bear it and pressed "CUT." Yu Lele protested loudly, "Xu Yin, you're so immoral!"
Xu Yin looked at Lian Haiping with a mischievous grin: "Lian Haiping, I've requested 'You'll Be With Me All My Life' for you."
Lian Haiping glared at Xu Yin: "At least you have a conscience, you still remember me."
He took the microphone from Yu Lele and began to sing. His voice was clean and clear, which immediately reminded Yu Lele of Xu Chen.
In the dimly lit private room, Yu Lele subconsciously pressed the bag next to her. In the corner of the bottom of the bag, a small red brocade pouch had always been by her side, inseparable from her.
On the day of the breakup, she took the ring off her middle finger. Looking at the faint white mark on her finger, she felt an unbearable pain in her heart. She raised her hand to throw it away, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. In the end, she put the ring back into the small brocade pouch she had always kept, and then tucked it into the bottom of her bag, seemingly a compromise: We broke up, but you're still here.
"Self-deception," she told herself in her heart.
As the music reached its climax, she looked up and saw the lyrics on the big screen: "How many people have admired your youthful beauty, but who can withstand the relentless changes of time? How many people have come and gone in your life, but know that with you by my side all my life..."
"I'll be by your side for life"—that's what we all promised, right? But what happened later? When the unbearable weight of life collapses, what's more important than the reality of survival than the promises of ideals?
Lian Haiping sang intently, his eyes glued to the screen, as if he were reading the lyrics. But Yu Lele didn't know that he simply lacked the courage to look at her expression. Even with Xu Yin's egging and Yang Luning constantly poking him with a pen, he still wouldn't turn around.
It's because I don't dare. I don't dare see the desolate look in Yu Lele's eyes, and I don't dare face an unbearable truth: you are so desolate, so lonely, yet you refuse to come to my side and let me share some of your desolation and loneliness.
As the song ended, Yang Luning and Tie Xin screamed and shouted, "Lip-sync! Lip-sync!" before bursting into laughter. Yu Lele also laughed, watching as Lian Haiping grabbed Yang Luning and Tie Xin by the neck as if to strangle them, while Xu Yin happily took the microphone and began singing Cai Chun Jia's songs again.
She sang with deep emotion, while a few people on the other side made a ruckus. Yu Lele stared at the screen, studying the lyrics with great interest: "I long to hold your hand, to paint the sky I desire. Life is winding and empty, but with you by my side, I can understand. But in this bustling world, there are occasional insurmountable dunes. You are trapped in black and white, seeing only rainbows. Dream, with him, can we possibly understand? Letting go is the most beautiful possession..."
Suddenly, I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my heart.
Lian Haiping turned around and saw her. He didn't know what to say. After thinking for a moment, he put a bottle of mineral water next to her and didn't say anything.
After Xu Yin finished singing, it was Tie Xin's turn. She sang "We Are All Good Children" and then "I'm Getting Married Tomorrow," switching between emotions smoothly and naturally, handling the highs and lows with ease. Yu Lele initially found it funny, but broke down the moment she saw the lyrics. The song went: "If only you were here with me, I want to hold you tight, okay? It won't be me in your arms anymore, I'm going to marry someone else. From now on, I won't look back. Someone else will always be my roof over my head. Wasn't all of this what you promised to give me? I'm waiting for you, but I'm going to marry someone else. Will you feel at ease if you think of me one day? Love isn't something I can get just by trying, really..."
Overwhelming sorrow roared and engulfed her. She felt that coming to sing today was a mistake: there were so many love songs, perhaps she should have known that each song was a scar, and her heart, riddled with holes, had never truly healed.
She stood up, suppressing the tears that were about to well up in her eyes, and walked quickly towards the restroom. Lian Haiping followed closely behind, and only stopped and leaned against the wall in the corridor to wait after watching her go in.
A faint melody still echoed in the corridor: "The most romantic thing I can imagine is growing old with you, collecting every bit of laughter along the way, to reminisce about later while sitting in rocking chairs..."
Lian Haiping glared at the ceiling, thinking that it would be best if Yu Lele couldn't hear him, and then sighed helplessly.
18-1
Yu Lele never expected that her original intention to hide in the bathroom and have a good cry would be so futile the moment she saw Zhuang Yuewei that all her desire to cry vanished.
Standing in front of the sink, Zhuang Yuewei was a little surprised, but her face quickly lit up with joy: "Teacher!"
Yu Lele smiled and nodded: "Want to sing?"
Zhuang Yuewei didn't shy away from the topic: "I was with Meng Xiaoyu in room 2105."
Yu Lele was taken aback: "I live next door to you."
"Really?" Zhuang Yuewei exclaimed excitedly, "Come over here!"
"What songs are you all singing?" Yu Lele laughed. "Not English songs, right? I can't sing those."
“He sings Chinese songs,” Zhuang Yuewei said with a smile, “but there are many of them that I don’t know how to sing.”
Then she pleaded, "Teacher, come play with us."
Yu Lele thought about it and agreed.
As they went out together, they bumped into Lian Haiping. Yu Lele was taken aback for a moment, vaguely understanding why he had followed her. She could only express her gratitude with her eyes before introducing him: "My student, Zhuang Yuewei."
Before Lian Haiping could even be introduced, Zhuang Yuewei asked excitedly, "You're the teacher's boyfriend?"
Yu Lele's face turned bright red all the way to her ears.
Lian Haiping, however, remained calm and smiled at Zhuang Yuewei, saying, "It's true that I'm a man, but I'm also her friend."
Seeing Zhuang Yuewei's excited and curious face, Yu Lele smiled and said to Lian Haiping, "I'll go sit with them for a while, and I'll come back to find you later."
Lian Haiping shrugged and looked at Zhuang Yuewei: "If you're not afraid of being swayed by the cacophony of voices, then go listen to your teacher sing."
Zhuang Yuewei knew nothing about idioms and asked in bewilderment, "A magic jar? What's that? Is it for magic tricks?"
Lian Haiping stared at Zhuang Yuewei, while Yu Lele burst into laughter.
When Yu Lele entered the room, she startled Meng Xiaoyu. His legs were dangling on the coffee table, and he nearly kicked over a can of beer when he saw Yu Lele: "You—"
“You should say ‘Hello, teacher,’” Yu Lele slapped Meng Xiaoyu on the head: “A child shouldn’t be drinking alcohol.”
“Teacher, I’m 16 years old, okay? Legally, that means I have ‘full civil capacity’,” Meng Xiaoyu boasted.
“Oh, I almost forgot, your mom is a lawyer,” Yu Lele sat down next to her, took the microphone, and instructed Meng Xiaoyu, “Serve the person who requests a song.”
Meng Xiaoyu resignedly sat down in front of the computer, turned her head and asked, "What should I sing?"
“Sing whatever is festive,” Yu Lele insisted, defiantly telling herself, “Sing something lively, cheerful, and emotionally cathartic.”
While selecting a song, Meng Xiaoyu wore a gloating expression: "Heartbroken, huh?"
Yu Lele grabbed a pistachio and threw it at Meng Xiaoyu, hitting her right on the head: "Be kind!"
Zhuang Yuewei excitedly revealed, "I saw the teacher's boyfriend next door."
She stretched out her arm to show her height: "So tall, so handsome."
Meng Xiaoyu looked at Yu Lele in disbelief: "Really?"
As they were talking, music started, and Yu Lele looked at the song title and didn't know whether to laugh or cry: "Xi Shuashua"!
Noticing Yu Lele's strange expression, Meng Xiaoyu quickly explained, "It's festive!"
Yu Lele gritted her teeth and said, "Fine! You sing with me!"