"Um."
After hanging up the phone, Shi Nan felt guilty and remorseful. She told herself sternly, "Shi Nan, you're Wang Fan's girlfriend. Don't have any other thoughts, and don't be unfaithful!!!"
overthrow
Why are you giving me this?
"It's easy to find you." Wang Fan gave Shi Nan a Nokia phone. Wang Fan insisted on giving it to her because he hadn't received a call from Shi Nan that night. Shi Nan refused; mobile phones weren't common at the time.
"Do you know what it feels like to be helpless? I'll go crazy next time. Shi Nan, don't argue with me. Who do you take me for? Just take it when I tell you to."
"There won't be a next time." Shi Nan lowered his head, seemingly talking to himself.
Ms. Shi insisted on not taking it. She had already regretted having one dress for a month; she didn't want another one.
"Then I'll buy them all. It would be such a waste to leave them unused."
"Let's cancel it."
Wang Fan wasn't one to dawdle. If he didn't get it after two attempts, he gave up and took it home, leaving it aside.
As August drew to a close, the two were eating ice cream and watching a movie at Wang Fan's house. Shi Nan complained that the air was not circulating and asked him to turn off the air conditioner and open the French windows.
The air was ventilated, but it was all hot air blowing in, still making people sweat profusely.
The two of them simply took off their clothes. Wang Fan was only wearing shorts and was shirtless; Shi Nan changed into one of Wang Fan's T-shirts, which was just the right length to her upper thigh.
Back on the sofa, they leaned against each other. Before long, Shi Nan felt that Wang Fan's body temperature, which was next to her, was rising.
She turned her head to touch his arm, but met Wang Fan's burning gaze.
He began kissing her as usual, but this time, he added some hand gestures.
His fingers lightly touched Shi Nan's smooth and delicate legs, then turned to caressing them. She struggled a little, but ultimately did not push him away.
She tried to enjoy the kiss as usual, but found herself unable to become engrossed in it. Wang Fan's angular yet gentle face was so close, so familiar, yet the scene in the stairwell kept flashing through her mind: the way he looked with his eyes closed, his hand trembling slightly as he cradled her face, and her own heart pounding.
Wang Fan's hand began to move upwards, grasped her slender waist, hesitated before continuing upwards, stopping at her chest.
She was wearing his T-shirt, a cotton one that was neither too thin nor too thick, so that he could just make out the protrusions and pinch them.
Shi Nan winced in pain and woke up with a start. Realizing what was about to happen, she pushed him away abruptly, stepped aside, panting, and looked at him.
Wang Fan, who had been pushed away, was also panting heavily, but he wasn't too surprised. "Shi Nan, we're... old enough."
Is it okay? Shi Nan had never even considered such a thing. Although she was already 18, she still only had a vague understanding of that kind of thing. The sex education classes at school covered almost nothing substantial, and she had no interest in researching it herself. She wasn't against it because of any moral sense, she just hadn't expected it to happen so soon.
"Wang Fan, I...I don't...I'm not ready yet."
Shi Nan huddled in the corner of the sofa. The girl's face was unadorned, her jet-black hair falling loosely over her forehead and temples. Her body was still wrapped in his T-shirt, her slender arms wrapped around her long, smooth legs. Wang Fan stared at her, somewhat mesmerized, completely unaware of how alluring her current posture was.
After a long while, he finally calmed down and said, "Shi Nan, I'm sorry. It's just... I don't think any boy could resist seeing you like this." He then gave a wry smile.
"Wang Fan, I... We have a long future ahead of us, no rush." Just like her excuse for not seeing his mother, Shi Nan also used the same excuse to avoid her "first time" with Wang Fan.
After that, Shi Nan didn't go to Wang Fan's house again, but the two didn't become estranged. However, Shi Nan found that when she kissed Wang Fan, she no longer felt the joy she used to. Lately, every time he kissed her, she couldn't connect with him at all, and was just going through the motions. The image that popped into her mind was Lan Di's passionate face in the stairwell.
August is so annoying, I wish it would just pass by, Shi Nan cursed.
Fortunately, with the start of the new semester in mid-September fast approaching, everyone quickly became immersed in the excitement and joy of entering the university campus.
Many students in Beijing pay for dormitory accommodation but don't live on campus, but Shi Nan's home is not close to the school, so he still moved his luggage to the school. The girls in the dormitory come from all over the country, and they all get along well at first glance.
The first two weeks of school consisted of military training. Shi Nan, with his slender build, fainted three times in the first two days. He thought this would finally give him some relief, but the instructor said that it was precisely because of this that he had to participate in the training! For the first time in his life, Shi Nan knew what true suffering meant. In September in Beijing, although the mornings and evenings were cool, the daytime sun was just as scorching as in the sweltering summer. After finally enduring the two weeks, Shi Nan, who already seemed malnourished, had lost even more weight. Not only was he thin, but he was also dark and thin. He looked like a little monkey.
The new students were busy with two things: finding clubs and finding boyfriends/girlfriends. Within days, several couples had formed in the department. Shi Nan, reflecting on his three years with Wang Fan, couldn't help but smile. Was he too conservative, or were everyone else just too open? As for clubs, Shi Nan attended a few recruitment events that interested him, but he wasn't particularly enthusiastic, adopting an attitude of "take it or leave it." Finally, he received a notification from the dance troupe. Shi Nan thought to himself, "With someone like me, they'd probably hire me to be the monkey at a monkey show!"
The weekend before classes officially started, Shi Nan was at home when he received a call from Lan Di. He was leaving.
"Okay. I understand. I'm not worried about your life over there. Just focus all your energy on your studies." Despite having an education attaché as her father, Landi's Japanese language skills were practically nonexistent.
"Yes, I know." He replied casually, as if he didn't care. "Shi Nan, is it possible to meet again?"
Shi Nan was afraid he would say that, so he did.
She still can't face him. She can't tell him that on those exhausting nights of two weeks of military training, she would still dream of him standing in the moonlight.
"I'm afraid I don't have time, Landy. I start formal classes next week." My heart started to ache again, for the second time.
"..." He remained silent for a long time.
"..." She didn't move for a long time.
The tension of silence is transmitted between the two ends through the telephone line.
Finally, almost at the same second, they both spoke at the same time, "What time is the flight?" she asked; "Tuesday morning at 10 a.m.," he replied.
That night, Shi Nan suffered from insomnia again. In the pitch-black night, that beautiful face kept appearing before his eyes—the model for the cartoonist.
She got up, picked up the water on the table, and gulped it down. Wiping her mouth, she told herself, "So what? I, Shi Nan, have never been a fan of those comics for dreamy little girls. Besides, he's leaving, and I don't even know if he'll ever come back."
Thinking about it repeatedly, I finally fell asleep.
On Monday, Shi Nan asked her class monitor for leave. After thinking of a reason for a long time, she finally told him that her cousin was going to Japan the next day and she had to see him off.
"Isn't that unnecessary? That's not a valid reason." Not only was the class monitor inflexible, but even Shi Nan himself thought the reason was poor.
Shi Nan lowered his head and pouted, about to give up.
"Shi Nan, isn't he your cousin?" the class monitor suddenly teased. "Is he going to see his boyfriend off?"
Shi Nan was momentarily stunned, unsure how to respond, completely unexpected that the class monitor would make that connection.
"Look at you, not telling the truth. Oh well, go ahead. I just dropped my girlfriend off last week, oh well, I understand how you feel."
By sheer coincidence, Shi thanked him and left, feeling inexplicably strange.
The next morning, Shi Nan had calculated the time carefully; he didn't want to arrive early. He spotted Lan Di from afar, still standing out amidst the bustling international departure hall filled with foreigners. Beside him was probably his mother; her beauty wasn't exceptional, but her demeanor was remarkably dignified. There were a few other people who appeared to be relatives, but Lan Di seemed distracted, looking around nervously.
Shi Nan hesitated to go over, trying to drag it out until the last minute.
Several times he saw his aunt urging him to go inside, but he insisted on waiting and just stared at her.
Shi Nan watched him from afar, and suddenly realized that he was about to leave.
"Leaving" means that you will not come back for a long time, or even forever.
For some reason, I started to feel sad and aching.
But she still refused to go over. She was afraid. Afraid that her unvented frustration would lead her to do something drastic.
Unable to resist her aunt's repeated urging, Lan Di turned and walked inside, looking dejected.
Shi Nan's heart clenched, but she finally took a step. She only dared to go at the last moment, dared to say goodbye hastily, and could not linger for even a moment longer.
He turned back one last time before the sideline.
She's here.
She had gotten even thinner and darker, her skeletal frame stubbornly supporting a white dress that was already a size too big, as she stood there staring at herself.
She gave him a smile, the same smile he had in his private photographs, a rare, unpretentious smile from a little leopard.
His furrowed brows finally relaxed, his tightly pursed lips curved into a smile for her, and a spring breeze swept through his gloomy eyes before he disappeared around the corner behind the edge of the road.
After returning to the city from the airport, Shi Nan didn't go straight back to Beijing Foreign Studies University; instead, she went to Peking University to find Wang Fan.
Wang Fan was surprised to see her downstairs at the dormitory and asked her what was wrong.
Without saying a word, Shi Nan wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. The passing boys all gasped, but she ignored them and kissed him with all her might.
After Wang Fan came to his senses, he kissed her back; she had never been so passionate before!
But suddenly she stopped, her eyes filled with confusion. She looked at Wang Fan, yet seemed not to be looking at him at all, muttering to herself, "No... why not..." Then she ran away.
Wang Fan was completely stunned. If the laughter from the others hadn't grown louder, he wouldn't have been able to react.
But when he ran after her again, she was nowhere to be seen.
The flowers have faded.
"Satisfy the boredom of being stuck between your fingers"
It becomes a support that makes your pulse beat.
Kissing you makes me forget my troubles, and you become my troubles.
I never imagined I couldn't quit.
I can't give up kissing you, but what's more important than that?
I can't quit, I'm so proud and arrogant, I get restless if I don't have it.
If I can't give it up, I'll just kill my sense of taste. But my heart isn't that high.
Put down your feigned smile. The problem is...
How can I calm my heartbeat?
The song we randomly picked at the party that day, looking back now, seems so fitting.