It seemed he had hit a nerve, but Shi Nan didn't have time to reminisce with him about his past. "Commander, I'm leaving now."
"Wait, the name."
Oh right, "Shi Nan from the European Languages Department".
Back in the dorm, no one was there, that's good.
At the school gate, Wang Fan said, "Shi Nan, I won't say anything like 'I'll wait for you,' you know I'm not that kind of person."
She nodded.
"But we'll still be good friends. I know it's cliché, but I don't want to lose touch with you."
"Wang Fan, you don't lack friends anymore. I've already pulled you out of the shadows, haven't I?"
Wang Fan hailed a car, leaving behind the words, "But now you've thrown me back."
Zhang Fan returned sometime later. Seeing Shi Nan lying on the bed in a daze, he asked her, "Are you in a bad mood?"
Shi Nan gave a wry smile, "Can it get better?"
"Was it him who broke up with me?"
"no."
"That's you?"
"Hmm." When Zhang Fan asked her in the afternoon, she didn't intend to tell her, but when he asked again, Shi Nan felt that there was nothing to hide.
"You were the one who broke up with me, and you're still so heartbroken? ...Why did you break up with me?"
"Zhang Fan, have you ever been in a relationship?" Shi Nan asked her in return.
“Uh…” Zhang Fan was speechless for a moment, then thought for a moment, “I guess so.”
"You've kissed before, haven't you?"
Unexpectedly, she asked such a straightforward question. While Zhang Fan was still shy, Shi Nan spoke first, "What does it feel like to kiss your lover?"
"The novels always describe dizziness, intoxication, weakness, and shortness of breath..."
"I'm asking you."
"It wasn't that profound. My friend and I just skimmed the surface; we didn't even stick our tongues out." They both laughed after saying that.
"What about you and Wang Fan? How do you feel about it?" Zhang Fan asked cautiously.
Shi Nan answered readily, "I feel neither dizzy nor intoxicated, my whole body is strong, and my breathing is smooth."
“......” Zhang Fan gave him a look that said, “Don’t joke around.”
"So we broke up," Shi said seriously.
"It sounds like you don't love him. But why did you get together in the first place?"
"I had a crush on him for almost three years. Later, I found out he liked me too, so we got together." Although she said it casually, Shi Nan knew she wasn't without lingering feelings; the memories of those three years couldn't be easily erased. But years later, when Shi Nan recalled it again, she couldn't help but wonder if she had fallen in love with Wang Fan, or just with that heart-pounding feeling of unrequited love?
"But you didn't feel anything when you kissed?"
"Hmm." The man actually wanted to say that if it weren't for another person giving her that feeling, she might never have known that her feelings for Wang Fan were off. But in the end, she didn't say it.
"Shi Nan, you really..."
"What?"
"Authentic and brave. No wonder he likes you."
Shi Nan recalled Wang Fan saying that she was like a wild chrysanthemum by the roadside. Perhaps so, wildflowers are all genuine and brave. "I'm just being true to myself."
Shi Nan chose Dutch as his major. There were no fancy or romantic reasons for it; it was simply because it was said to be the language closest to English, and he figured it would be easier to learn than other less common languages.
But now he regrets it. Dutch is a Germanic language, and all languages in this category have the 'r' sound. Some people are born with it, while others can't pronounce it even after a lifetime of practice. After practicing for several weeks without making any progress, Shi Nan finally realized that he had chosen the wrong major.
During class that day, the teacher introduced the general situation of the Netherlands and mentioned that the national gemstone of the Netherlands is the diamond.
Shi Nan's heart skipped a beat, and she suddenly remembered what Lan Di had once said: "Shi Nan, you are as hard as a diamond."
She said, "Can't you put it nicely? Don't use 'diamond' or anything like that. Besides, the birthstone for April is diamond, so it's not surprising that I'm hard."
At that time, she didn't know that Lan Di was also born in April. Now that she thinks about it, no wonder Lan Di didn't say anything.
Thinking of him again stirred a feeling in my heart.
After class, a classmate said there was a letter for her. Shi Nan was puzzled. Who would write her a letter? Several of her good friends from high school were in Beijing, and she could just call them if needed.
Upon closer inspection, the envelope was red and blue-bordered, with Japanese-printed floral stamps—the words were "Landy's."
He wrote a letter.
Shi Nan remembered his words and decided to write her a letter, which he actually did.
My heart started pounding.
The scene in the stairwell comes back again, as does his meaningful smile as he left at the airport.
What will he write? Will he confess his feelings to her?
Without that kiss, she would have simply opened it as a greeting from an old classmate.
However, the events that occurred forced Shi Nan to make this assumption.
She carefully opened the envelope. The letter was pure white, without any patterns, with blue lettering on a white background:
"Shi Nan,
Are you alright?
Do you enjoy your university life?
I've been in Tokyo for almost a month now, and I'm busy adapting to life here, taking language classes, and visiting many people I don't know with my parents.
Actually, I've been to Japan several times before, always to Tokyo. Back then, I found it novel and interesting, but now I'm not excited at all.
I'm unhappy, I can't muster the energy to do anything, and I feel tired.
If only I could have chosen not to study here.
...
...
...
"Landi"
The letter was short, simply reporting his recent situation without any other words.
Shi Nan's initial expectations turned into disappointment.
His letters treated her as a friend, nothing more.
Shi Nan replied to Lan Di a few days later.
The reason was that she spent several days considering whether or not to tell Lan Di about her breakup with Wang Fan.
After much deliberation, I decided to remain silent.
Because if I said that, it would feel like I was forcibly selling myself to him.
No way.
Although Shi Nan broke up with Wang Fan because of him, she didn't break up with him because she had ever thought about being with him.
She just remembers that kiss too clearly; she was stunned, captivated, and can't forget it.
Besides, the fact is, he was in Japan, he only kissed her, and nothing more. The letter was so bland, as if they had never kissed.
Maybe he wasn't serious; he was just using me as a practice subject.
Thinking this way, Shi Nan replied, also choosing plain-colored stationery, light blue with black lettering, pouring out her heart in the tone of a complete friend, except for the breakup.
It felt like I was back on my own one-way street; Landy and his kiss were like fleeting meteors.
Blooming to the end
Half a semester flew by, and before we knew it, our first winter break in college was upon us.
Prior to this, Shi Nan had been struggling with the "r" sound and the notoriously difficult word order in Dutch, but her final exam results were still satisfactory. Shi Nan has always had a good sense of language since childhood. In middle school, she almost never spent time on English outside of class, yet she consistently achieved the highest scores in her grade, which is why she applied to Beijing Foreign Studies University.
Except for the first time, Shi Nan never missed a dance troupe activity. Many members of the troupe had a background in dance or sports, but Shi Nan had neither. He often felt that everyone else was flexible and agile, while he was stiff and unable to stretch.
Once, when stretching her legs, Shi Nan cried out in pain. Shen Yue came over and helped her stretch little by little until she barely reached a satisfactory level.
Choosing the dance troupe as her major was something Shi Nan regretted, but she could only grit her teeth and continue.
At the year-end inter-school New Year's Eve party, the dance troupe had two performances: a folk dance led by the troupe leader and a tap dance led by Shen Yue. Shi Nan couldn't dance the folk dance at all, so she was assigned to the tap dance.
Shi Nan is really not suited for dancing, and Shen Yue said so too.
He said, "During your first audition, I saw your long arms and legs, and your slender figure, and I thought you'd definitely be suited for dancing. I never expected this..."
"Didn't expect anything?" Shi Nan asked, his eyes wide.
Shen Yue wasn't intimidated by her and continued, "I didn't expect your bones to be less flexible than Old Lady Zhang downstairs. She's almost 70, and she can squat lower than you when she does Tai Chi."
Shi Nan wasn't angry. What the other person said was right, so what was there to refute? He recalled the physical fitness test before graduating from high school. In the forward bend test, only two people in the whole class had negative scores. One was the fattest student in the class, and the other was Shi Nan.
The PE teacher said, "I never expected this, Shi Nan! It's understandable that XXX (the chubby student) is a negative number, but how could someone as agile as you be a negative number...?"
Shi Nan didn't know why, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't reach his ankles. Back in the classroom, she complained to Lan Di, and what did he say? A nonchalant, "His legs are too long."