They practically burst into the room, stripping off their clothes in a race, rolling around together like wolves. There was no distance, no misunderstanding, no barrier, no inhibition, no more hesitation. Never before had they merged so freely; the harmony of their souls allowed their bodies to intertwine even more perfectly. From raindrops to the ocean, the madness and love that had accumulated day by day erupted completely in this moment.
"Qiqi, I love you." Chen Yuanxing repeated these words over and over, as if he had no other words to say. Finally, as if he had come to a realization, he changed his words, "Qiqi, say you love me."
Xiao Qiqi buried her face in the crook of his neck, but bit his broad shoulder. Chen Yuanxing groaned, rolled over and pinned her down again, his lingering kisses enveloping her, slowly consuming all her senses. The flame that had just been extinguished was rekindled, and his low, seductive voice said, "Say you love me!"
Biting her lip and turning her head to the side, breathing heavily, Xiao Qiqi still couldn't escape the torment in her heart. The words she spoke with Xia Xuan tonight were nothing more than a heartfelt expression of what had been going on for many days, intended to remain hidden until the night, never intending to be exposed. However, Chen Yuanxing overheard them by chance, and she was already uneasy, not knowing how things would end tomorrow. How could she, who was always rational, easily admit "I love you"? Even in front of Xia Xuan, she could frankly say "I have fallen in love with him," but when facing this man who had been entangled with her for so many years, she still dared not easily say "I love you."
It was still a seductive teasing, and Xiao Qiqi couldn't help but moan. Her pair of fair and firm thighs clung tightly to this damned man, but he still kissed and caressed her slowly, lingering over that already messy patch of grass, refusing to enter. "Say you love me, Qiqi."
Chen Yuanxing was also having a hard time holding back, but he just wanted to hear this woman earnestly tell him "I love you," instead of having to stand aside like a thief and eavesdrop on her telling another man "I've fallen in love with him."
Xiao Qiqi's moans grew louder, her eyes, hazy with desire, gazing at Chen Yuanxing. Her luscious lips were slightly bitten, and she finally uttered a few words, "I don't love you!" Chen Yuanxing groaned, unable to bear it any longer, and once again plunged into that longed-for warm world.
They spent the night in passion, seemingly without a tomorrow. It wasn't until almost dawn that they finally fell asleep in each other's arms.
The morning sunlight peeked through the curtains, illuminating the two people embracing, casting a tender glow. Xiao Qiqi wrapped his shirt, which had fallen to the floor, around her neck, her long, straight legs bare, and quietly opened her laptop. Without hesitation, she typed in the email address she hadn't used in almost five years, then entered the password without further ado. Over a thousand unread emails—she had only hastily opened the last few last night. The final day was October 21st. Every word of their conversation on Yiran Road was there, the last sentence that had pierced her heart the previous night: "I've decided to marry Xia Rui, so sister, please be happy. This time, I finally realize we really have to break up. Although it still hurts, I'm numb now. I think I'll get used to life without you."
Break up? Leave? Get married? But why did you come back, why did you have to intrude into my world again? Taking advantage of my weakest moment? Xiao Qiqi turned off the computer, looking at the man on the bed, still sleeping in a bad position. Should she continue to back down or seize happiness?
"Sister, what are you looking at?" A warm feeling enveloped him, surrounded by a familiar scent. Chen Yuanxing, wrapped in a blanket and holding Xiao Qiqi, followed her gaze to the computer screen. His playful expression vanished. "...Qiqi?"
Xiao Qiqi hurriedly closed her laptop. "No, nothing."
Chen Yuanxing turned his head to look at her flustered eyes and chuckled, "Qiqi, you finally figured it out, didn't you?"
"I didn't find anything!" Damn it, Xiao Qiqi cursed herself inwardly. Was she acting like a clueless little girl in her first love? She had no skill in lying at all.
Chen Yuanxing pried her fingers apart, turned on the computer, and the webpage slowly appeared again. "1053 letters, all the letters I wrote to you over five years. I thought back then, Xiao Qiqi is so stupid, when will she find out?"
"I'm not stupid, you're the one who's cunning!" Xiao Qiqi retorted weakly, her voice already tinged with barely concealed coquettishness. "You secretly changed the passwords for my email, alumni directory, and QQ. When I asked you, what did you say? You said you didn't know!"
"Of course I didn't know, Qiqi. It wasn't me who changed your password, it was you who changed it, wasn't it?" Chen Yuanxing picked up Xiao Qiqi and wrapped her in the blanket, but his hands moved restlessly up from her waist. "QQLXX, to QQLCYX, isn't that right?"
"You...you bastard!" Xiao Qiqi didn't know what to say, but tears welled up involuntarily. "You bullied me." Last night, she had unintentionally remembered, sitting in front of the computer, the password she had accidentally lost years ago, and the fleeting, inscrutable expression on Chen Yuanxing's face afterward. So she tentatively entered the email address registered with her name in pinyin. The original password still said it was wrong. A thought struck her, and she typed the secret message hidden in her heart: "Qiqi loves Chen Yuanxing." The email opened! It was that simple, nothing more!
Surprised, moved, and at a loss, she hurriedly opened the last few letters, especially the last one, which plunged her joy into despair. What good did it do to know? What good did it do to understand? They were still destined to miss each other. Xia Xuan's arrival completely drained her strength, and she easily uttered the words she had kept hidden so deeply. For the first time, she was so honest in saying, "I've fallen in love with Chen Yuanxing." Yes, love had already accumulated into an ocean little by little, but she was still afraid, guarding her own harbor and refusing to admit that she had returned to the sea.
She felt too tired, truly unable to cope with Xia Xuan's entanglement, because she no longer loved him. Yet, it was also because of love that she was exhausted, yearning for his embrace, longing for his scent, but daring not to speak out. She could only sink deeper and deeper into those occasional entanglements, then, upon regaining her senses, she would dress, put on a cold face, and watch him leave.
She thought it was all over—over her love with Chen Yuanxing, over her entanglement with Xia Xuan. And so she continued to walk the city indifferently, burying that love, like a first love, in the deepest, most secret corner, hoping one day she could face it with peace. But life returned, and he returned to her side. Should she continue to run away?
"Qiqi, why are you crying?" Chen Yuanxing hurriedly kissed away her tears. "Don't cry, Qiqi, it's all my fault. I'm sorry, it will never happen again, really."
"Then go, go, and I won't cry anymore."
"No, you'll only cry if I leave. I won't be that stupid again. I'll never leave again."
Xiao Qiqi stopped crying. "I told you I don't love you. I... I said that last night on purpose to anger Xia Xuan."
"Then let's just pretend we don't like each other." Chen Yuanxing chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Silly girl, can't we solve things together? Why do you have to bear it all alone?"
"What?"
"If it weren't for your stubborn and dense brain, would we have gone through all this trouble?" Chen Yuanxing could imagine what had happened to you back then just by thinking about that check. "Qiqi, if... if my mother hadn't contacted you more than two years ago, would you have broken up with me?"
"You knew all along?"
"Hmm, I thought about it for a long time and asked Auntie before I remembered. So I searched the house for many days and actually found the check with your name on it. Silly boy, why didn't you tell me?"
Xiao Qiqi lowered her head, "What your mother said is true..."
"What utter nonsense!" Chen Yuanxing scoffed. "I'm not some old fogey. All this talk about having children or having a son to support us in our old age is just drivel. At worst, I'll work hard to earn money and buy us several retirement insurance policies. Or, as you said, we can live in a nursing home, grow old together, and die hand in hand. Isn't that better? Why should I compromise myself?"
“It’s not that I feel wronged. I’m a woman, and I can understand how your mother feels.” Xiao Qiqi said sadly, “I also want a child, I want a complete family. If I can’t have one, I would rather grow old alone.”
"That would be difficult." Chen Yuanxing sighed, seeing Xiao Qiqi's puzzled expression, "Because I've already decided to grow old alone like you. You know, we're so lucky to be together, since we're both going to be alone, why not grow old together?" He then chuckled playfully.
"Nonsense!" Xiao Qiqi couldn't help but laugh. "...But I'm still scared. I'm not joking with you. I've decided that I don't want either of you."
"Oh, I don't need anyone else, as long as it's me."
Xiao Qiang's indomitable spirit has returned, and this time he's even more righteous in his conviction. Xiao Qiqi impatiently twists her body and says, "Yuanxing, stop messing around! You have a family, parents, and a career. You can't give up so many things that belong to you just because of me."
"Without you, what do I have left? Without you, I have no family. My parents will leave one day. What is a career? It's just something I do when I'm happy. Do I really think I can't do anything without my family?"
“Yuanxing, you’re all grown up now, why are you still so childish? Isn’t Huayuan facing a crisis? What if problems arise if you don’t form a marriage alliance with the Xia family?”
"It won't go bankrupt, don't worry. Huayuan has a deep foundation. Uncle is just getting old and doesn't want to spend too much energy dealing with the crisis. If I don't help him, he has his own way. Besides, I'll go talk to Uncle in a bit, and he'll understand us."
"This is not a matter of understanding..."
Whether they understand or not is their business. Anyway, I've made up my mind. Xiao Qiqi, you can't drive me away. Even if we're at opposite ends of the earth, I will never let you go.
Xiao Qiqi felt her eyes welling up again and quickly wiped them away. "Yuanxing, is it really okay? Your parents will never forgive me."
“We’re not living for our parents, are we?” Chen Yuanxing continued to comfort her. “Qiqi, please stop worrying. It hurts me to see you so tired. Don’t you know that?”
"Is this what they call coming full circle?" Xiao Qiqi still hesitated. "I always feel that happiness comes too easily."
"Yes, we've wasted too much time, more than two years. Isn't that stupid?"
"You're the one who's stupid." Xiao Qiqi pouted. "You've made me stupid."
“Okay, we’re just as silly.” Chen Yuanxing kissed her. “Qiqi, never leave me again. Promise me, even if… someone offers you fifty million, you won’t leave me.”
Xiao Qiqi chuckled, "Fifty million, huh? Think about it. If your mother had been willing to add an extra zero to the check back then, I would be traveling the world with that money by now. Why would I be here struggling to make money?"
"Bad woman!"
...
Xiao Qiqi watched Chen Yuanxing leave, smiling and waving. But Chen Yuanxing didn't return that day. Xiao Qiqi received a call from him and felt relieved. He said that his uncle had agreed to cancel the marriage, but wanted him to go to Europe to make one last effort for Huayuan. If this cooperation could be successful, Huayuan would completely get rid of the real estate crisis, which would be his final reward to his uncle.
He said, "I'll be back soon, wait for me."
Xiao Qiqi was still hesitant, yet surrounded by a fulfilling happiness. Was love, which had come full circle, really that simple? Had it really come full circle?
Twenty-three, Xia Xuan extra
The magnificent house was nothing more than a hypocritical and filthy cage. Xia Xuan stood at the window, watching the endless expanse of green grass stretch across the spacious courtyard. Servants in white overalls turned on the rotating sprinkler system, watering the vast expanse of green, but to Xia Xuan, it appeared as a gray patch.
Xu Chun didn't return to her room last night. He didn't need to listen or think about it. Although he hesitated for a moment, he didn't stop her. The repeated hysterical arguments left Xia Xuan exhausted. Was bringing Xu Chun along the right or wrong thing to do? He didn't love her, yet he enjoyed looking at her. In her, he always saw so many memories, as if behind her wasn't that gaudy, garish world, but the clean, clear lake and sky of H City, a smiling face amidst the green trees and water, innocent yet stubborn. Was it longing? But why did it hurt? Looking at Xu Chun's beautiful face, he felt no desire, only a tearing urge, as if it wasn't the person being torn apart, but his own numb heart.
Without love, yet trapped in this lavish cage, where should he go? His second brother, Xia An, smiled smugly, his disdainful middle finger constantly waving in front of him. Xia Yexin, his emotionally distant father, cried and begged for compensation while abandoning him to fend for himself in America. He'd been back in the Xia family for a year, yet hadn't even seen the patriarch, his so-called grandfather, Xia Haolin. Perhaps Xia An's sarcasm was right: "You're just an outsider with no background or connections!" Xia Haolin had five brothers, four sons, and dozens of grandchildren raised in the Xia family. Where did Xia Xuan, a powerless nobody from the mainland, rank?
He was so lonely. Even though he faced the hustle and bustle every night, he felt a chill in his bones, a lifeless chill. He had to find something to do so that he wouldn't go crazy.
He tacitly allowed Xu Chun to stay by his side, greedily searching for every trace of that woman in her. Although he knew Xu Chun wasn't innocent, perhaps even cunning, he didn't want to delve into what role she played in that loss. He was too tired to think about it; he feared the unbearable regret and dread behind the answer. Yes, the longer the days passed, the stronger his fear grew, the deeper his regret deepened. He feared… the pallor behind the truth, his own pitiful and pathetic state, so he stubbornly blinded himself.
Xia Yexin, he saw him again, and there was no woman beside him! Strange, isn't it? When Xia Xuan saw Xia Yexin's hand "accidentally" touch Xu Chun again, he understood.
He watched Xu Chun carry the coffee into Xia Yexin's study, then leaned casually against the door, watching it close gently. There was no heartache or anger, only a slight sense of pleasure. Perhaps he had done a good thing. Aside from that one time at school, he hadn't touched Xu Chun again. Her crying, tantrums, and whining—he paid them no heed. Perhaps this was another way out for a woman as ambitious as her?
Is it cruel? Xia Xuan didn't know. He knew Xu Chun loved him, but he didn't love her, that was all.
Looking at Xu Chun's beautiful back, which seemed somewhat lonely, her curvaceous figure almost spilling out of her thin nightgown, Xia Xuan remained motionless. He simply pointed to the study door and mouthed a simple word, "Coffee." Coffee is a poison; it's addictive if you drink it too much. He hoped that Xu Chun was like that midnight cup of coffee, able to melt into Xia Yexin's fluttering heart.
Everything happened so naturally. Xia Xuan showed no anger, and Xu Chun seemed quite composed. However, Xia Yexin, seeing Xia Xuan and Xu Chun's apparent affection, revealed a hint of guilt. Xia Xuan turned away, smiling faintly. Perhaps this was for the best. Naturally, Xia Yexin began to bring Xia Xuan into the old man's sights, even taking over overseas businesses during her studies abroad. Xia Xuan was intelligent and willing to work tirelessly, so she quickly integrated into this world. It was, after all, a glamorous cage. Entering the cage was easy; learning how to live within it was the real art.
Xia Xuan adapted day by day. Perhaps, forgetting himself and his emotions was the best way to survive. He got engaged to Xu Chun, and coldly watched Xia Yexin's increasingly guilty eyes. The sneer in his heart grew stronger. Why not do something that's a win-win situation? He, Xu Chun, and Xia Yexin were all like that, weren't they?
He thrived in both his career and family life, but the outside world was a whirlwind of women—women of all kinds—who would play with him, then discard him. The heartache and loss that followed such absurdity were known only to him. Could he still not forget? Perhaps the wound to his pride had tainted his self-esteem, making it impossible to forget the woman who had toyed with him? He didn't know, yet he couldn't let go. So, for the first time, he stepped outside his heart. Perhaps seeing her, hearing her explanation, perhaps witnessing the truth, would offer some solace to his confusion and resentment about the future.
Finding Xiao Qiqi wasn't difficult; the real challenge was seeing her again. He had prepared a thousand excuses, waiting for that moment of reunion. He imagined her crying, regretting, apologizing, admitting to deceiving him, saying, "I still love you..." But it was all just imagination. He watched from afar, watching the woman—her still bright smile, her still slender figure, her short, ear-length hair, her clear eyes. She climbed onto his back, laughing playfully, her tenderness overflowing. The truth was still so cruel! Xiao Qiqi really did have an unresolved, ambiguous relationship with the boy she'd shared a hotel room with. Was it pain? Was it hatred?
Xia Xuan watched Xu Chun organize the documents, then tossed them aside, unwilling to look. Xu Chun's mocking voice pierced his nerves like a venomous snake. He really, really wanted to strangle this woman who still only knew how to be sarcastic! But Xia Yexin wouldn't allow it. She was Xia Yexin's plaything, and also a surveillance device sent to monitor him. In this power struggle with Xia Yexin, Xu Chun couldn't be absent. So he endured it, letting Xu Chun do things that seemed unrelated to him.
They finally broke up, didn't they? Xia Xuan laughed heartily, but why was there still pain behind the smile? Xia Xuan tried hard to calm himself down, trying not to think about the loneliness after the loss. He busied himself with his business, surrounded by all sorts of beautiful women, he didn't go to BeiX City, and he didn't think about anything related to that woman.
Two years later, he returned to Beijing, this time to acquire that man's company. Xia Xuan was quite satisfied with this arrangement. He was jealous of that man—yes, jealous of Chen Yuanxing, the man who made Xiao Qiqi smile with happiness! So he was unhappy that they were together, unhappy that they were living happily together.
He thought that by not seeing him, he could forget him, but Li Yue's appearance shattered all balance. He still firmly believed that just one glance was enough to let go. But that one glance—those same clear eyes, yet wearing a mask-like smile—made his heart instantly unable to falter. Returning home that night, he comforted himself, telling himself that the meeting was for revenge, to reclaim his trampled dignity, convincing himself again and again. In truth, in the end, he felt terribly hollow.
The phrase "starting over" was, in fact, his own inner voice. Seeing the occasional exchange of glances between Chen Yuanxing and her, he was so unhappy; he still cared. So, his negotiation with Chen Yijian—such a simple alliance—was a win-win situation for both families, right? After all, such marriages were commonplace. The more he imagined Chen Yuanxing and Xiao Qiqi drifting further apart, the more comforted he felt. Perhaps, he was still afraid, which was why he had resorted to such ruthless methods.
The entanglement began anew, slowly but surely. Looking at her mask-like smile, her occasional dazed eyes, a mix of regret and resentment welled up within him. He didn't want her to wander aimlessly anymore; he wanted to find her once bright and happy smile, he wanted to regain that kind and cheerful heart… Yes, he wanted everything he had left behind. Even though six years had passed, six years they had missed each other.
Xu Chun finally spoke the truth, and the result was much as expected. The outcome she had avoided for so many years was laid bare. She smiled bitterly to herself. Xia Xuan, you're finally not afraid anymore, right? All these years of running away and dodging around, you were afraid of this truth, weren't you? Actually, everything was your fault, and you are the one who should be blamed and hated, isn't that right? After all, it was your own hesitation and pride that led to all these misunderstandings, wasn't it? If you hadn't been so strong-willed back then, if you hadn't lacked confidence in your love, none of this would have happened, right? If you were willing to admit the misunderstanding about sleeping with Xu Chun back then, her soft heart would surely have forgiven you, wouldn't it? Qi Qi, what kind of suffering did she endure back then? How did she hide her sadness and hatred in her heart all these years?
He was going crazy, he was really going crazy. Xia Xuan couldn't sleep for nights on end, unable to face this result, unable to forgive himself. Was everything wrong? He forced himself to calm down, perhaps it wasn't too late, he could make it up to Qi Qi, to the woman who had suffered so much for him, couldn't he?
Looking at Xu Chun's even more repulsive face, Xia Xuan finally felt exhausted. Perhaps it was time to end it. Playing this game with a woman like Xu Chun was simply too pointless. He had intended to just let her go. But then he discovered she was pregnant. She could be pregnant too? She could be afraid too? With Xia Yexin's child? Xia Xuan smiled coldly. Perhaps he shouldn't just let go of this woman who had toyed with him for ten years? Even if he was more at fault for being blinded by love, he simply couldn't forgive Xu Chun. Wasn't she the one who caused Qi Qi to lose her fertility? She was the one who suggested treating Qi Qi to dinner before leaving, and he had easily agreed just to see her one more time. How could he have known that a seemingly innocent woman like Xu Chun would have such a vicious heart, repeatedly framing Qi Qi? If he had known, he certainly wouldn't have done it. Even if he mistakenly believed the child wasn't his, how could he have hurt the woman who was once etched in his heart like this?
In the pale hospital, watching Xu Chun shrink back in fear, he felt no pang of revenge. How could hatred bring back love? He was willing to do anything, but it was all too late to undo the damage.
He abruptly ended his games with all the women, including Jiang Yilan. If he had known that Jiang Yilan was the "basket" Qi Qi had mentioned as her best friend, he wouldn't have played along. But it was all too late, wasn't it? Life is always full of drama; in the end, everyone seems to have come together in a dramatic way. Perhaps, this was Xia Xuan's fate.
He hung up Jiang Yilan's call in frustration. He had never known she would be so engrossed in this game. Thinking of Xiao Qiqi, a wave of guilt washed over him. He hoped she would never know how despicable he had become. Wasn't he despicable? Was he truly no longer worthy of her? Yes, just as she said, she didn't need compensation. So let her be happy. The night he learned her true feelings, he had already seen Chen Yuanxing's shadow, but he suppressed the dull pain in his heart and forced himself to ask those questions. Looking at Chen Yuanxing's smiling face, he felt no jealousy at that moment. So he quietly left, leaving time for them. Perhaps six years was indeed too long. From the moment he left Qiqi six years ago, he had lost the right to love her. He hoped they could be happy.
Xia Xuan parked his car downstairs at Jiang Yilan's building, hesitating. Jiang Yilan bluntly said, "Xia Xuan, I know the person you love most is Xiao Qiqi, and I'm Lanzi, Xiao Qiqi's best friend of over ten years. I have letters she wrote to me during our four years of university, many describing a 'tadpole' (a child). If you're interested, come to my house one last time." He hesitated, though he had decided to give up, but he couldn't resist the memories he had cherished over those four years, so he opened the car door and walked towards Jiang Yilan's house.
24. Accident
On the third day after Chen Yuanxing left, Xiao Qiqi was awakened from her dream by her cell phone ringing. She answered the phone with great joy, but as soon as she said "hello," she heard a man's heavy breathing. Xiao Qiqi's heart almost jumped out of her chest. "...Who is it?"
"Qiqi, sob sob...it's me." Zhao Xi's voice made Xiao Qiqi breathe a sigh of relief. Is it still the same? Another entanglement that can't be resolved.
"Old Zhao, what happened? Didn't you make up with Lanzi?"
"What bullshit about making up! That bitch lied to me again!" Zhao Xi was already in a frenzied state, and his impulsiveness made him speak incoherently.
"Old Zhao, don't get agitated, speak slowly." Xiao Qiqi covered her forehead.
"Qiqi, I'm downstairs at your place. Come down and I'll tell you something."
"Old Zhao..."
"You old nag, if you don't come down, I'll come up here to find you!" Old Zhao's voice was obviously not good, but it quickly softened again. "Qiqi, please, I really have no one to talk to except you now."
Xiao Qiqi hesitated for a moment, then said, "Okay, Lao Zhao, wait for me."
She hesitated for a moment before leaving, then grabbed her car keys. It was so cold outside; perhaps she could sit in the car and listen to him ramble on for a while. She was already dealing with her own complicated relationship, and she really didn't have the energy to interfere in Jiang Yilan and Zhao Xi's affairs. Lately, Jiang Yilan had been avoiding her, and she knew it was because she was embarrassed by her on-again, off-again relationship with Zhao Xi. Therefore, Xiao Qiqi hadn't seen Jiang Yilan for two months.
Xiao Qiqi went downstairs, and Zhao Xi, dressed in all black and carrying a heavy coat, stood downstairs. The burly man from Northeast China made Xiao Qiqi feel somewhat intimidated and even a little unsafe. Zhao Xi now gave off a bloody vibe.
"Qiqi, please, please go to Lanzi's house and see if she has another man."
Xiao Qiqi shook her head. "Zhao Xi, your request is too much. You should talk to Lanzi about these things face to face."
"Qiqi, I really have no other choice." Zhao Xi almost cried again, his eyes red, and he felt a pang of sympathy as he looked at Xiao Qiqi. "Qiqi, if you don't help me, I really don't know how I'm going to go on living. What am I going to do? I... I have a key to her house, and I've sneaked in twice. I saw... men's underwear on her balcony!"